Dear Queen: An Open Letter To The “Strong Friend”
Dear Queen,
For as long as you can remember, you have always been the shoulder to cry on for your friends, one call away at all times.
Your responsibilities as the strong friend are held to a higher degree than casual associates. You are there to provide style tips for blind dates. There to listen to your girlfriend complain about not getting the promotion she deserves. You are the listening ear when your bestie breaks up with her boyfriend for the third time this month, and also there when she invites you to his house a week later for game night. For every life scenario, it has always been your responsibility to be the rock and stay solid through the good, bad, and sometimes ugly.
You are there, reliable, trustworthy, loyal and also EXHAUSTED.
In recent years, there has been a rise in the awareness of mental health issues and how common they are amongst millennials. With many celebrities coming forward with their own personal battles or unfortunate suicides and deaths, it has made the cliché "check on your strong friend" quote popular. But why does it take something happening to a celebrity for your friends to realize that there may be someone battling anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, drug and alcohol addictions in their inner circle?
Queen, you have always had the exterior reputation of having it all together.
Your friends commend you on getting over obstacles in life and being able to show no weakness. The truth is, you don't look like what you are going through and behind those smiles between mimosas at brunch, or random selfies before work, is pain and vulnerability that you are afraid to show. Afraid that if suddenly you do not answer those calls/texts or take a break for yourself and some self-care, that your friends will assume you are being moody or disloyal. Afraid that if one day you vent about your life or break down, that you will be judged because it is not like you to show weak emotions.
With the weight of your friends' worlds on your shoulders, there's no option but to be strong so you continue to do so..until now.
From one strong friend to another, it's okay to simply be selfish with yourself and realize that boundaries can be set with friends. It is okay for you to seek your own happiness and take care of yourself before you take care of others. I had to learn that when you put others first, you have taught them that you come second. Realize that friendships cannot be one-sided and while you are building up this façade of being "strong," you may be blocking the opportunity for others to be there for you when needed.
Know that it is okay to cancel plans, leave calls/texts unanswered, or simply want some time alone. It is okay to not be okay and to exercise the art of saying "no." Don't feel bad for making life choices and decisions that bring you peace.
Even when it upsets other people, you are not responsible for their happiness, you are responsible for yours.
Dear Queen is a series dedicated to letters from women written for themselves and other women. Have a "Dear Queen" letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to submissions@xonecole.com with the subject: Dear Queen.
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Dear Queen: An Open Letter to Women With Broken Spirits And Unanswered Prayers - Read More
Dear Queen: An Open Letter to Women Who Have Given Up on Love - Read More
Dear Queen: An Open Letter to Women Dealing with Heartbreak - Read More
Featured image by Getty Images
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- I'm The Strong Friend, Being The Strong Friend - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Sierra Davis, a twenty something Louisiana native who describes her personality like her music choice, Jhene Aiko to Lil Boosie. A self-proclaimed introvert, you can catch her on the journey of self-discovery and motherhood via Instagram @truly.si
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage
