

How the hell did this happen to me, is the first thought that came to my mind as I stared at the ceiling from my hospital bed with an in IV in each arm being wheeled off to surgery.
This was not what I had signed up for.
When people hear the words "international travel", they often conjure up images of beautiful people smiling and sauntering through sun-drenched locales, wearing white bikinis while nursing an exotic primary-colored drink in their hand. What people don't consider is that sometimes things go horribly wrong and instead of languorously lounging on a beautiful beach, you find yourself like me.
Sick and confused.
Don't get me wrong. I'm no international travel rookie. I've lived and/or worked in over 30 countries and traveled for fun to even more. As part of my job in international development and relations, I'm overly familiar with all of the precautions that one must take for their health, as I've certainly had my share of shots.
Through all of this, there is nothing that could have prepared me for what I was now experiencing as so many questions flooded my mind (unless you count the time I had food poisoning so bad in the Caribbean, I begged to die. Luckily, my request was denied). As the questions flooded my mind, I began to evaluate the decisions I had made over the last several weeks.
You see, a few weeks earlier my job sent me to Indonesia for a series of meetings and presentations. After just a few days, I started to feel strange (you know the feeling where you know something is off but you're not willing to pay the co-pay to go because you can't quite describe how you feel? Yes, that feeling).
I should have just went to the doctor when I first started feeling bad.
After much contemplation and fear that I was going to die in a country where the only people I knew were my co-workers, I ended up in an emergency clinic in Bali where I had to very nicely remind my doctor to put on gloves before removing my contact lenses. Major red flag, right? Well, when you're in another country, you don't have the option of being picky. I just needed to make sure that I wasn't going to die.
As a result, I was relegated to wearing my glasses in a humid tropical climate and could barely see because my glasses were almost constantly fogged because of the humidity. Eat, Pray, Love this was not.
Soon, it was time to go back home. Midway through my second flight (out of a total of four), my lower back started to feel strained. I chalked it up to having to sit in a tiny seat for a long period of time. By the time I arrived back in NYC, my back was hosting its own small internal bonfire. I got a heating pad and went to sleep and made an appointment with a doctor for the next day who gave me antibiotics and casually misdiagnosed me in a five-minutes-or-less examination. #Goingtothedoctorwhileblack.
The next morning, I woke up and could not move without excruciating pain and my pain tolerance is actually extremely high, given that I survive violent menstrual cramps every month. If I can survive that, I should be able to survive anything, right?
Boy, was I wrong.
I looked in the mirror and saw swelling that was so bad, it looked like I was hosting a tiny alien in the small of my lower back. The pain was so intense that it took me about 45 minutes of tears and biting pillows just to get out of bed. It was at this point that I decided I had to go to the emergency room. There was no way in hell that first or second doctor had gotten my diagnosis right and I needed a third or even fourth opinion because I knew something wasn't right.
After realizing that both my blood pressure and temperature were abnormally high, I was sent straight to the surgical unit. This was bad. Very bad. Before I knew it, I had an IV in each arm and a woman standing over me whilst I writhed in pain.
Pain meds are not my thing so when I'm asking for meds, you know it's real.
The nurse practitioner, a Black woman like myself, told me that because I was a "strong Black woman," I didn't need all those pain meds. If I had the strength, I would have drop kicked her right there. Even in my pain-induced fugue state, I did have the wherewithal to tell her that what she said was tantamount to medical racism, and if I was blonde and blue eyes and 5'3'' instead of Black and 5'10'' with braids, she would have never questioned how much pain I was in, which spoke to her own self-hating issues. I had a morphine drip and another doctor shortly thereafter.
Thank God, I'm vocal. If I hadn't been, I would have never known I had contracted a serious illness in Indonesia that might have killed me if I waited a few days longer.
So here I am now and, although I survived this ordeal of #travelingwhileblack, I hope I can educate other women to not ignore the warning signs of being ill. Especially when traveling internationally. I've also learned a lot about going to the doctor while black:
If something hurts, go see about it immediately.
I was lucky in that I had medical insurance and travel insurance that allowed me to be seen, both in Indonesia and at home in NYC. Do not travel without it. Your life literally depends on it.
It's not enough to just have travel insurance.
You've got to be bold about advocating for yourself. After all, it's YOUR body and you know it best. Every medical professional failed me to varying degrees in some way. From the Indonesian doctor who forgot to put on gloves, to the doctor in New York that initially saw me and casually misdiagnosed me, to the nurse practitioner in the ER who essentially said that because of my race I should feign imperviousness to pain. And had I not spoken up, I likely would have been sicker or dead.
Advocate for yourself.
Your health matters and it is up to you to advocate for it. Ask questions, demand the basic standard of care and comfort, and if you are not satisfied, say why. Additionally, when you know something is amiss, call it out. Too often as women, we try not to rock the boat and, as a result, end up drowning under it. Don't let it happen to you.
The most important part of your recovery process is you.
Would I travel to Indonesia again? In a heartbeat. This could have happened anywhere. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. And I'll make sure I have great health insurance and my spirit of self-advocacy when I do return, just in case.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com
Featured image by KAL VISUALS on Unsplash
Tricia Callender, PHD is a sociologist that writes about all things pop culture, sports, and politics. In her free time, she enjoys obsessing over all things politics, tennis, and pro wrestling.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
My personal relationship with birth control pills is a bit of an odd one. Back when I first became sexually active (I started having sex with my first boyfriend a couple of months shy of 19), I took them for a couple of months, didn’t like how they made me feel, and so I quit using them altogether (and got pregnant almost immediately after). The rest of my adult life, I stayed off of the pill and pretty much only used condoms (and even then, not consistently — SMDH).
And yet here I am, now, all these years later, back on them again: surprise, surprise.
These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
Okay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
____
Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Unsplash