There are two reasons why every human should be thankful for pubic hair. For one thing (and this is especially the case for women), although they say that a little extra weight in the genitalia region provides more “cushion for the pushin,’” that actually applies to pubic hair too; the reason why is it helps to make the friction that comes with intercourse a more comfortable experience. Another reason to appreciate pubic hair? It can decrease the chances of infections being transmitted, including STIs/STDs.
To me, both of these provide enough just cause to want to share additional information on pubic hair, just as much as I possibly can. And while in the past, I’ve tackled things like, “Here Are The Pros And Cons About Different Types Of Pubic Hair Maintenance,” “Pubic Hair Turning White? It Could Mean More Than Just Aging.,” and “Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too.,” today I’m going to get into some things that you may have randomly questioned about your vulva’s hair that you didn’t know who (or how) to ask about.
Are you ready to learn more about pubic hair than you’ve possibly ever known before? Here ya go.
1. Pubic Hair Is Darker than the Hair on Your Head
It’s pretty common for pubic hair to be darker than the hair that is on your head. One reason is because its cuticle layers are thicker. Another is because the melanin that is in the hair follicles that are on your head is less than the melanin that is in the hair follicles that are around your genitalia. Then, once your hair follicles start to die off and less melanin is produced, your pubic hair starts to turn white or gray. It’s pretty common for you to see your first gray pubic hair in your 30s or 40s, by the way.
2. Pubic Hair Can Only Grow but So Long
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if you never trimmed your pubic hair, for most people, not much. And by that, I mean that pubes tend to stop growing somewhere between ½”-1 ½ “; that’s because its growth cycle phase is much shorter than the one on your head.
3. Pubic Hair Makes Sex Feel More Comfortable
Here’s an interesting way to look at pubic hair — some health experts refer to it being a form a dry lubricant because it’s so much easier for hairs to rub against each other than skin. And when you’re having sex with someone, you definitely want the movements to be as effortless and comfortable as possible. So yes, if you’ve heard somewhere that pubic hair reduces friction during intercourse, that’s not a myth; that is absolutely correct.
4. Pubic Hair and Pheromones Work Hand in Hand
Since pubic hair is thicker, that explains why it tends to be a different texture from the hair that is on your head as well. And the curliness of it? That can actually work in your favor…at least as far as bedroom activities are concerned. That’s because some health experts believe that the curls of pubic hair make it easier for them to trap the kind of pheromones that make you more (sexually) appealing to your partner.
And since many men tend to really enjoy the natural scent of a healthy woman’s vagina while a man’s pheromones help to put women in a better mood while making her hornier in the process — well, those both sound like good reasons to keep at least a little curly hair going on down there.
5. A Good Amount of People Remove Hair Before Sex (Especially Oral Sex)
Several years back, while I was in a session with a married couple, the wife mentioned that she was glad that she was finally receiving cunnilingus more often. What the husband immediately said in response, I must admit, it tickled me: “Well, that’s what tends to happen over here when the jungle turns into a golf course.” He’s not alone in feeling that way, either, because studies reveal that most people are likely to receive more oral sex when they groom regularly, down below.
What I find to be interesting is what that actually looks like based on gender. While a whopping 73 percent of men prefer that there is no (pubic) hair on a woman, only 56 percent of women prefer that to be the case (personally, I am not one of them; I just need things to be well-manicured). Something that didn’t surprise me is the fact that young people seem to be more caught up in all of this than older people are. That tracks.
6. Shaving Is Most Preferred. Waxing Isn’t As Popular As You Might Think.
Several years back, a study on pubic hair was conducted at the University of California-San Francisco. A little over 3,300 women between the ages of 18-65 were asked about their pubic hair maintenance practices, and 62 percent said that they either shaved or waxed off all of their pubic hair, while 22 percent trimmed, and only 16 percent did nothing. Their findings also revealed that going completely bald was most popular among white, college-educated women.
Meanwhile, a similar study was conducted at the Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the University of Texas. It featured almost 1,700 women between the ages of 18-40. What they shared is that 77 percent preferred to remove pubic hair by shaving it off, while only 16 percent waxed, which is kind of a trip when you think about how popular the Brazilian wax continues to be. Hmph.
7. Pubic Hair Can Intensify Clitoral Stimulation
If you’ve ever attempted plucking a pubic hair (maybe because one is ingrown or something), you already know how uncomfortable that is. That’s because each pubic hair follicle is attached to a nerve, and that is what makes this point make so much sense.
Yet one more reason why you might want to keep some pubic hair around is if your partner gently pulls or tugs on the ones that are on your pubic mound, that could actually intensify how stimulated your clitoris becomes. Try it. You just might like it.
8. Pubic Hair Needs an Exfoliant and Conditioner
As for me personally, when it comes to self-care and maintenance for my skin, two things that I try to get a few times a year is a back facial and a vajacial (which I agree with one author who said that it should actually be called a vulvacial since the treatment focuses on the outer part of the vagina). The back is because, even though I adore my African Net Sponges, since I can’t actually see all of my back, I like having an esthetician thoroughly tend to it. And my vajacials — well, not only does it pamper my vulvar skin that is waxed, it can also soften my pubic hair and remove/prevent any ingrown hairs and hyperpigmentation that may be going on in that space.
That said, if you want to treat your vulvar skin yourself, use some exfoliating gloves to exfoliate that area and then apply some conditioner to your pubic hair in order to soften it up a bit. As far as the gloves go, apply gentle pressure and rub in circular motions. Also, if you recently had a wax appointment, wait 48 hours before exfoliating, so that you don’t irritate that part of your body. Conditioner-wise, a regular conditioner is fine; just make sure to avoid having it get inside of your labia or into your vagina as much as possible, so that the ingredients of the conditioner don't irritate it.
9. Apparently, a Hot Trend Is Full Bushes in Bikinis Right Now
It’s your hair, so do with it what you will. That said, though, I must admit that I did “pause and ponder” when I recently read that a pubic hair trend right now is rocking full bushes while in a bikini. Honestly, that leaves me with so many questions that I’m just gonna say that if you’re — pardon the pun — big on trends, that’s what’s hot with pubes, so…go with God on this one. LOL.
10. Pubic Hair Thins with Age
A hormone that’s produced at an accelerated rate during puberty is something that is known as androgens. Although males produce them more, we have them as well, and a part of what they do is help our bodies to produce pubic hair. Anyway, as we age (especially once we’re post-menopause), our bodies tend to produce fewer androgens, which can result in thinning pubic hair and even pubic hair loss. After menopause, this will start to become more obvious.
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If you already knew about all of this, I’m impressed. Do me a solid and spread the word to others.
Something that never ceases to amaze me about the human body is that all of its parts serve super relevant and necessary purposes.
As you can see, pubic hair is not exempt. Not at all.
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RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
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One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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