Forget New Year's Resolutions, Try This Instead.
I can't recall the last time I made a New Year's resolution. It's not that I loathe them. It's just that they kind of remind me of one of my exes who used to constantly make promises, and then reassurances, only to break them.
He wasn't a jerk. He was actually a nice guy who, for the most part, had his heart in the right place (at least relatively speaking). In hindsight, I think our disconnect was the fact that since my top love language is words of affirmation, he thought that so long as he said he was going to do something, following through wasn't that big of a deal. To me, New Year's resolutions and my ex have a lot in common.
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Every year, millions of us think that so long as we put on record what we intend to do, we don't really need to put our words into action. There's data to support my lil' theory too. I recently checked out an article that said as much as 80 percent of people annually break their New Year's resolution — or resolutions — by February. There are a million-and-one theories — ones that are probably more like excuses — behind why.
Some say they break their resolutions because they don't have the time to keep them.
Others say they break their resolutions because they were unrealistic to begin with.
Then there are those who struggle because they don't see immediate results.
I have another theory. I think the reason why a lot of individuals fail at keeping their resolutions is because they should've never made them to begin with; their entire perspective on reaching a certain goal stresses them out before they even start, and that is what dooms them to fail from Day One.
Does that mean I think that we shouldn't have aspirations for the New Year? No. I just believe we'd get a lot more accomplished if we focused on creating a New Year's bucket list instead. Think about it.
Say that you want to lose weight by summer. A resolution would come in the form of "lose 25 pounds". A bucket list entry could be something like go hiking in Colorado or taking yoga at a fabulous spa.
Maybe you want to stop spending so much money on frivolous stuff. A resolution would be to not eat out more than once a month. A bucket list entry would be to plan an international trip for the fall.
What if your resolution is to finally get over your ex? A resolution would be to block him from social media. A bucket list entry would be to try speed dating or to hire a professional matchmaker.
See the difference?
Whenever we focus on making resolutions, already it can put some (sometimes totally unnecessary) pressure on ourselves because all we're really thinking about is what we're going to stop doing and/or how much work is going to be involved in changing our life or breaking a habit.
But when we're more in the mindset of creating a bucket list, it gives us new and exciting things to look forward to — and if they are centered around things that we want to let go of or do differently, that's a mere bonus.
So, sometime this coming weekend, do yourself a big favor. Turn off the tube. Put on some of your favorite music and pull out a piece of paper and a pen. Write down 5-7 things that would normally be a New Year's resolution. Then, instead of framing it as a resolution — something that you need to "resolve" — think of how you can turn it into a bucket list entry instead.
Do you wanna cook more? Put "taking a cooking class" on your bucket list. Wanna conquer fear? Put "Go ziplining at Hunter Mountain" on your bucket list. Tryin' to reconnect with your spouse? Put "Plan the ultimate romantic date" on your bucket list.
It will give you things to look forward to. FUN THINGS that won't stress you but will excite you instead! I guarantee it.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Originally published on December 30, 2018
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage