Here's something many Black folk don’t always see us doing—but we absolutely should: camping. Yeah, I know. Bugs, wild animals, dirt, and no WiFi? That Black camping itinerary might sound like the start of a horror movie, right? But hear me out.
Many of us may have grown up thinking camping was something we just don’t do, and we have good reasons to decline or be apprehensive. I mean, none of us, our parents, nor our ancestors grew up jumping for joy to add a sprinkle of redlining, discrimination, exclusion, cultural disconnection, and access challenges to our outdoor recreation activities, right?
Well, I’ve been on safaris in South Africa, hiked waterfall-lined paths in Jamaica, and enjoyed sunset tequila tastings at high-end Mexican resorts, but camping? It was definitely a surprisingly fun 10-out-of-10 adventure I’d gladly embark on again. When Kampgrounds of America (KOA) invited me to join a Black camper’s retreat hosted by Black People Outside at the Cape Charles Chesapeake Bay KOA Resort in Virginia, I couldn’t say no.
I mean, while camping for some of us might be a hard pass, for me, it was an opportunity to reconnect with a childhood memory, try out glamping in a state-of-the-art camper, and see a part of Virginia that I didn’t grow up visiting as a child in the Hampton Roads communities my maternal family called home back then.
RISE IN INTEREST: Black Folk Camping And Creating Safe Spaces
Kameron Stanton, left, and Chevon Linear, founders of Black People Outside
Courtesy
And my adult curiosity and affinity for the outdoors are shared by a growing number of my peers. Black people made up 14% of campers in 2024, an increase from 11% in 2019, according to a recent KOA report. There’s an emerging trend of Black campers taking on nature-centered adventures like skiing, foraging, hiking, and van dwelling.
We’re definitely not new to this, but certainly true to it—from author and anthropologist Zora Neal Hurston to pioneering park ranger Betty Reid Soskin to Outdoor Afro founder Rue Mapp to the many other women who have boldly advocated for liberation, inclusion, and exploration in outdoor spaces.
And with Black People Outside, founded by Chicago-based couple Kameron Stanton and Chevon “Chev” Linear, the Black camping experience reflected something that happens whenever we show up to the party: cultural connection, unapologetic fun, good vibes, and our own unique flair for soul-stirring memories. I enjoyed a luxe VIP stay in a Platinum Salem RV among the who’s who of media, and it was divine.
So, whether you’re looking for a reset in a world where we’re constantly navigating microaggressions and systemic stress, or you just want something fun and off-the-beaten path for your next travel rendezvous, take a nod from this camping itinerary, perfect to celebrate Black joy and community:
WHERE I STAYED: Glamping In A Luxury RV Rental In Cape Charles, Va.
The beach side of Kampgrounds of America's Cape Charles, Va. property
Courtesy of Kampgrounds of America (KOA)
For this trip, I stayed in a Salem Fsx Platinum RV that was rented via RVShare.com. (Think of it like the Airbnb of camper rentals.) You basically filter for the type, location, and other amenities, and you book the camper.
With KOA, you can visit their website or use their app to find a campsite for parking the RV among one of their more than 500 campgrounds across the U.S.
You can have the RV delivered to the KOA campsite of your choosing (depending on the rental, host policies, and rates). I highly recommend letting the host set it up, especially as a newbie camper. The KOA staff was also very helpful in assisting when I needed anything explained or a small hiccup resolved. (I’m no expert on the ins and outs of outdoor plumbing, electrical hookups, and camper pull-out features, so this comes in handy.)
Cabins at Kampgrounds of America's Cape Charles, Va. site
Courtesy of Kampgrounds of America (KOA)
Let’s get into the top-tier features of this camper: It had a master bedroom with a smart TV, a closet, and shelf space. The bathroom had a vanity, cabinet space, and a shower (with an adjustable shower head and hot water with great pressure). There was digital AC and heating in both the bedroom and the front of the camper, along with a dining nook and a kitchen with lots of cabinet space, a full-sized stove, refrigerator, and microwave.
I enjoyed a lot of time in the camper's lounge area with a smart TV and fireplace. The RV was decorated like a modern studio apartment on wheels. There was also a guest room with bunk beds, storage, and games. Outside, there was a retractable awning, LED lights, and a sound system (that played music by the fire pit!)
I stocked my fridge with all my dream camp snacks, hosted an impromptu late-night pow-wow (to bring the party inside during the campsite’s “quiet hours”), and used KOA’s inclusive WiFi access, which was strong and reliable my whole time there.
WHAT I DID: Lodging Options, Town Exploration & Recreation
Hiking in Kiptopeke State Park in Cape Charles, Va.
Courtesy
If you don’t want to rent an RV, the Cape Charles KOA campground also offered safari tents (that look just like the ones I saw in South Africa), grass lots to build your own tents and set up, cabins that reminded me of Bermuda cottages, and drive-up options for groups with RVs. There was an on-site pool, private beach access, a beach-side restaurant and bar, and a welcome center that offered souvenirs, information, and snacks.
I also learned how to pitch a tent from scratch (via a completion where my teammate and I won a bottle of sparkling wine), how to start a fire from scratch (a lesson led by Kameron), and the best ways to find a good hiking trail in your community (Kameron and Chev walked us through Kiptopeke State Park, where there are opportunities for bird watching, kayaking, yurt camping, fishing and swimming at the beach.)
And if you want to take things to another level, charter a boat or rent one via a hosting platform or with recommendations from the KOA staff. Go fishing or just enjoy a recreational day out on the Chesapeake Bay.
SAFETY & INCLUSION
The winning tent-building duo at the KOA campground in Cape Charles, Va.
Courtesy
Now, safety: The whole time, I felt loved and welcome, as the KOA campground in Cape Charles was a secure property that required access cards, had staff readily available day and night, enforced rules on speed limits and quiet hours, and had decent lighting around the grounds. I also felt a sense of peace and rest because nobody really bothered me. Either people were super-friendly or just minded their business, and I didn’t mind that.
There was lots of laughter, ish-talking, roasted s'mores, wine, and dancing among a diverse group of Black women creatives, journalists, PR pros, podcast hosts, and authors—and that brought on a profoundly magical sense of security and connection in and of itself.
Also, camping—as any experience for me, due to my worldview—is what you make it. The KOA staff were super-helpful and personable, Chev cooked divine breakfast tacos and a crab boil with locally sourced seafood, our hosts created a Spotify playlist filled with reggae, dancehall, salsa, R&B and hip-hop hits we all loved, and I even met the owner of the camper, a kind, tatted, middle-aged family man who shared his journey into entrepreneurship and his love for customer service.
We spent the final night of the trip with a little party by the fire pit and a viewing of Super High, a clever animated film about fibroids, cannabis, and self-care by a fellow camper on the trip, Bianca Lambert, and celebrated the upcoming birthday of another amazing media entrepreneur, Nneka M. Okona.
Time well spent with amazing Black creatives, journalists, PR pros, and authors in Cape Charles, Va.
Courtesy
We took a drive into “town,” which for any small community near water is where all the action is. There were breakfast diners, seafood spots right by the water, art galleries, and bars. While there may have been a few blank stares here and there, I found most folk to be friendly enough to return a “Hello,” or a smile. (And those who didn't, I really don't regard as worthy of disturbing my peace and openness to fully enjoy a new experience.)
The shops were diverse both in nature, vibe, and offerings. One shop even had items made in Kenya, Mexico, and Guatemala, and, according to the woman behind the counter, advocates for the women creatives and artisans who made the items.
Camping offers revolutionary rest, freedom, and healing—an act of self-care and reconnection. When Black folk show up in nature, for ourselves and for our communities, it’s powerful, reminding everyone that the mountains, the trees, the oceans, the rivers—they all belong to us, too. It’s now a bucket-list travel adventure I'd gladly repeat.
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Featured image courtesy of Janell Hazelwood
RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
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Featured image by Giphy