5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar
This is one of those things I really wish I could take the credit for, but I can't. One day, while doing some research for a wedding article, I saw a "sex jar" on Pinterest.
I read the fine print and the gist is this—every time a couple has sex, they agree to put some money into a big jar (or vase, jug or piggybank). It can be a quarter or $10, but something must go in there. Then, after six months to a year, the couple empties out the jar and uses the money to do something romantic. (Dope, right?)
Ever since I got hip to the sex jar concept, it's something that I incorporate into my marriage life coaching sessions. Now that I've got a few years of recommending sex jars under my belt, I've discovered a few other bonafide reasons for couples to invest in one.
It's A Great "Sex Gauge".
Every couple is unique. This means that each one's sex life is going to be different. But if you're wondering how much sex is considered to be "healthy", there are plenty of articles that say if you're having sex once a week, you're actually doing pretty good.
So, what's the sign that you need a lil' more nookie in your life? I'll put it to you this way—20 million Americans are only having sex 10 times a year. Technically, that's what a "sexless marriage" is.
Since sex is great for your health (sperm included; I'm just sayin') and it's also one of the absolute best ways to bond with your partner, it's a good idea to not deprive yourself. A sex jar can help you to (literally) see if you are—or aren't.
It's One Of The Coolest Ways To Save Money.
I recently read that the average household has about $134,000 worth of debt (I also read 74 percent of engaged couples will take on debt in order to get married). Sometimes that's because couples don't have emergency funds or savings accounts that are strictly for vacations and second honeymoons.
If you and yours haven't gotten away in a while because funds are tight, peep this: Americans toss as much as—count it—$62 million in loose change every year. Every. Single. Year. By putting some of yours into your sex jar, not only is it a great way to tell how much sex you are having, it's also a fun way to hold onto your coins and save a little cash in the process too.
It Reminds Couples To Make Sex A (Top) Priority.
If you're someone who has a to-do list, tell me something. Is sex on it? If what you're about to say is you don't want to schedule sex because that doesn't seem very sexy, I hear you. I'll say two things about that, though.
One, I promise you that scheduling it is better than not having it at all. And two, putting sex on your schedule can make the activity something that you look forward to during the week. Again, I am a marriage life coach but you don't have to take my word for it. There's a great read on this very topic here.
Just think. If you have a big ole sex jar in your bedroom and you walk past it every day, it's going to at least remind you to think of sex. And, the more we tend to think of something, the greater chance it has of becoming a priority (and for all of the reasons I've already shared, sex should always be a priority!).
It Reminds Couples To Make Romance A Top Priority Too
Question. How much romance is in your marriage? If that's too complex of a question, how about this one? When's the last time you and yours went on an actual date? (Picking up takeout or watching a movie on the couch does not qualify!)
If you know that romance is lacking but you haven't been able to make it happen because funds are tight, this is just one more reason to get yourself a sex jar. Just think—if you have sex three times a week and you each put $5 in the jar for every time that you do, you'll have $30 a week/$120 a month to spend on going on a real date. (This sex jar thing is just getting better and better isn't it?)
It's An Awesome Gift To Give To Your Other Married Friends
As long as you have friends, there are going to be occasions when you'll need to get them a present. A sex jar is the kind of gift that keeps on giving!
All you've got to do is go to a local arts and crafts store, get a big jar and (if you want) decorate it. Then attach a note that explains what it's for—maybe something along the lines of "Here's a piggy bank for all of the times you and yours are intimate. All you've got to do is put some money in it and watch the cash stack up!"
I'm telling you, out of all of the books I've read and tips I've given to married couples, this one right here is in the Top Five and continues to be a winner.
Reward yourself—and your spouse—with a sex jar. You definitely won't regret it!
Related Stories:
What I've Learned About My Vagina Since Getting Married - Read More
Is Scheduled Sex Really Better Than No Sex At All? - Read More
I Saved My Virginity For My Husband And Ended Up With Bad Sex - Read More
We Gave Up Sex After Having Our First Child - Read More
Featured image by Shutterstock
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- 10 Sex Resolutions To Make This Year - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What GROWN Women Consider Great Sex To Be - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Grown Woman Keys To Great Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Americans Are Having Less Sex. Here's How To Avoid Being A Statistic. - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy