For the last few years, and since day one, my husband and I have watched and admired OWN'S Black Love series (#BlackLoveDoc). I even have a "black love" cut-out plastered on my vision board. Hence, it was exhilarating and exciting to attend the Black Love Summit (presented by BlackLove.com), and we are even more excited about season three, which will premiere Saturday, August 10 on OWN.
The creators of Black Love – Tommy and Codie Oliver – and their team hosted the summit in Atlanta, Georgia on July 20 at the Mason Fine Arts Gallery (the first one was held in LA last year). The atmosphere was so optimistic, enthusiastic, and supportive. It was as if everybody in the room was not only "rooting for everybody black," but for love as well.
Just like the hit series, the Black Love Summit painted a beautiful picture of love, dating, and marriage, directly from the eyes of the artists, and without any filters…raw and uncut. From sex to submission, faith and finances, to dating, parenting, marriage, and money…no topic was off limits.
Men and women -- single, married, dating, and divorced -- filled the gallery, wall to wall. Attendees anxiously and enthusiastically collected nuggets of wisdom from a variety of couples (and singles) including: LeToya Luckett and Tommicus Walker, Erica and Warryn Campbell, Dondre Whitfield (Queen Sugar), Devale Ellis, Egypt Sherrod and DJ Fadelf, Terrence J, Kevin (Kevonstage) and Melissa Fredericks, Karli and Ben Raymond, and many more.
Why Black Love?
Like many of us, Tommy and Codie didn't have a lot of examples of marriage to look to. Not to mention, the fact that society and the media often create false and negative images about love, especially black love. Nevertheless, they were determined to help change the story by allowing others to share their stories. Through these stories and experiences, they (and many of us alike) have learned, and are learning, how to navigate and make marriage work.
Despite the overwhelming response and success of the series, Tommy and Codie couldn't have imagined seeing Black Love go from the screen to the Summit:
"We needed the advice. We knew we weren't the only ones. So, we were like 'someone's going to appreciate this. We couldn't have envisioned it, but at the same time we were like 'oh, we were right. People wanted to see it.' So, it feels amazing and I'm really grateful that it has resonated."
Here are a few reasons why you don't want to miss the next Black Love Summit (and season three of the series)*:
1. It’s real.
On social media, most of the time we only see the positive marriage highlights. However, the show and the summit pulls back the curtain on marriage. You're able to hear and bear witness to candid conversations about what it really takes to make love and marriage work.
Erica and Warryn
"You come to marriage with a lot of preconceived notions. When you first get married, you don't know really know how to be married when you get married. You have to figure some things out, and we were committed to figuring it out."
2. It's relatable.
Celebrity or not, it was easy to connect and relate to many of the experiences and lessons that were shared by the couples. There was always at least one or a few couples that reminded my husband and I of our relationship.
Dondre
"It's very difficult to be what you don't see. If you're not around husbands who are good husbands, then being a husband is going to be a struggle for you. So what you want to do is find a community of men who are dedicated to being husbands and talk to them about what that entails."
3. It's relevant.
By hearing different perspectives and experiences from a variety of couples, you quickly realize that everyone does what works best for them, and you, too, have to do the same.
Karli and Ben
"It takes time to become one. It's a learning of someone day to day. Set your own boundaries and figure out what works for you."
4. It's revealing.
Although at times uncomfortable, the necessary truths revealed by the couples in turn help reveal a lot of truths within ourselves…both as a couple as well as individuals.
Egypt and DJ
"As women, we can manifest the lives that we want. We can talk the destiny into our lives. But how are you going to be with the man that God designed for you if you're not even the woman that you need to be? I went to therapy to better myself and to work on myself."
5. It’s restorative.
It's the therapy session you didn't know you needed, because one person's triumph over a difficult situation can initiate the healing process for someone else. A perfect example was when after LeToya explained how her parent's divorce influenced her relationships with men, Terrence J was enlightened and he shared:
"It's incredible how deep that cuts. As you're talking about that, I'm thinking about my dad and how I only know three things about my biological dad. I realize it is an emotional thing and a vicious cycle, but I don't want to damage a woman like my dad did."
6. It’s reassuring.
The mere fact that we were surrounded by a community of black couples -- the creators, the panelists, and the attendees -- was powerful, encouraging, and inspiring alone. It's a testament to the fact that black love isn't a trend; it's a commitment built to last.
Tommy and Letoya
"With us being married, being a young black couple, we felt it was necessary to put our story out there to give people hope. So many people may feel like 'I don't know if it's going to work, or I don't know if I'm good enough for this man or woman.' But to see the struggles that we went through before we met, before we got together, then how we got to this place now, it was necessary to tell it."
*Responses edited and condensed for clarity.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
GiphyQuestion: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
GiphyBefore we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
GiphyAs a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
GiphyNow that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
_____
At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy
