For all my ladies looking to indulge in a little more than chocolate and wine this month, xoNecole is here to help. We've rounded up more than your fair share of eye candy and we found out exactly what they're looking for in love and how they personally care for their women. From musicians and models to poets and actors, these amazing men are sure to make your heart skip a beat. Check out these gorgeous MCMs and don't ever say we never did anything nice for you. We always got you, sis.
Meet Anthony Okray Jr..
Anthony Okray Jr. is a talented model hailing from South Central LA. He recently starred alongside J. Lo for her music video "Te Bote 2." And when he's not making women swoon with his good looks, he's wooing them with his words. A true writer at heart and poet, he'll be publishing two books of poetry in the near future. Anthony is definitely one to watch so indulge responsibly ladies...
On the top qualities he looks for in a woman…
"First and foremost, she must in some way, shape, or form resemble the qualities of my mother. Qualities that I look for in a woman would have to be compassion, ambition, confidence, and intelligence."
On his ideal date…
"My ideal date would honestly consist of myself and the person accompanying me simply gaining better insight of each other. It doesn't necessarily have to consist of anything monetary. We could chill on the beach, sip wine, and enjoy each other's company. As long as I'm able to further my understanding of that person, then nothing else matters. The only thing that I'm concerned with is creating memories and vibrations that won't ever be forgotten."
On what he’s learned from his last serious relationship…
"My last relationship taught me multiple lessons, but my main inference would be that no matter how much you love someone--that does not promise they'll be in your life forever. It took me a while to understand that the abundance of love that you emit is all that you can give. How that person receives it and what they choose to do with it is dependent [on] them."
On his major deal-breakers…
"One of the major deal-breakers for me in a relationship would have to be liars. But not just any liars, the compulsive/habitual liars. Another deal breaker for me would be someone who lacks a sense of humor and self-confidence. Also, a person who's unmotivated or not determined to transcend beyond where they currently are. I thrive off passion and people who are driven to become better. Lastly, a person who cannot hold an intellectual conversion. I value mental connections that go beyond your average 'wyd' conversation."
"I love being mentally stimulated, it turns me on more than anything else."
Courtesy of Anthony Okray Jr.
On the toughest part about dating nowadays…
"Man, this is the question! In my eyes the most difficult component of dating in this day in age is the fact that everyone is so damaged and distracted. My concern is that many people have become content with being this way and are not actively seeking ways to heal themselves. We tend to move from relationship to relationship without ever properly assessing our open wounds. We end hurting people who simply want to love us but since we are so hurt, we cannot determine their true intentions. I also feel like social media interferes. It distracts us from reality because so much is at our access.
"Social media has a way of eliminating certain things which we would be intrigued by and people form judgments based on our profiles. This to me ties in with our cellular devices which I feel people spend too much time on. People rarely listen with their undivided attention these days and everything is about how many likes you can obtain as well as validation."
On how he makes his special woman feel loved…
"I think the main thing you want to achieve when making your woman feel special is just making sure that she is aware of how special she truly is. Ensuring that she understands that she is beautiful as a person.
"Reassurance is also important; your lady has to be certain of you and your intentions with her. I like to remind my woman that I am hers and I do not plan on involving myself with anyone else the way I do with her.
"I don't think materialism is important, although I do believe from time to time you should indulge simply because it's deserved. It should not be the focal point. Your woman knows she is special when you give her you time, when you listen to her attentively."
On the first thing he notices about a woman when she walks into a room…
"When a fly woman walks into the room, the first thing that I notice is her energy and confidence. I notice the way that she draws attention and how she can change the entire scenery and shift the focus towards her. I notice the way she carries herself, like if she's capable of standing on her own two feet and accomplishing whatever she sets out to do."
His relationship status…
"I'm definitely single; I'm dating myself actually, trying to get to know myself better. I'm trying to figure out exactly what I like and vice versa."
For more of Anthony, follow him on Instagram. Featured image by Black Coffee Visuals/Instagram.
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Since it’s Stress Awareness Month, we caught up with Keanne Owens, LCSW, founder of Journey To Harmony Therapy Center, to talk about these triggers and what Black women can do to manage and cope.
Owens is an experienced South Florida-based counselor and social worker who offers her services via Grow Therapy, a therapy and medication management platform. She has worked with Black women professionals to unpack issues related to workplace stressors. “One is the pressure to perform–having to meet deadlines and deliverables. And a lot of times, these subtle stressors from performance are put upon ourselves as Black women. We want to make sure we’re doing our best. We don’t want to be critiqued in certain ways.”
Excessive micromanagement leading to fear of overly critical bosses is another subtle trigger that can negatively impact Black women in the workplace.
“Whenever something is done wrong, or we experience some type of injustice and have to report it, it’s the fear of retaliation–[fear that] we won’t be taken seriously or [our words] will be taken out of context because of being deemed as the ‘angry Black woman,’” she said.
Black Women And Workplace Stress Triggers
Her sentiments are backed by research. A recent report by Coqual found that 28% of Black women (compared to 17% of White men) say their supervisor uses “excessive control or attention to detail” when managing them. There’s more: A survey by the National Employment Law Project found that Black workers were “more likely to have concerns (80 percent) and twice as likely as white workers (18 percent) to have unresolved concerns at work, with 39 percent reporting they were “not satisfied with the employer’s response or did not raise concerns for fear of retaliation.”
The survey also found that 14 percent of Black respondents said they “avoided raising concerns to their employer for fear of retaliation—more than twice the average rate of 6 percent for all survey respondents.”
Owens pointed to the fact that these subtle stress triggers can negatively impact our physical health and our career advancement. “A lot of time it’ll affect our productivity,” Owens added. “We start to have negative thoughts of ourselves. The stressors can also cause fatigue. We’re no longer meeting or working up to our desired potential.” Other challenges as a result include insomnia and increased insolation, withdrawal, and lack of motivation to apply for jobs or promotions even when qualified.
valentinrussanov/Getty Images
How To Manage Subtle Stress Triggers
While there are systemic issues at play for Black women at work that has less to do with us and more to do with major overhauls that must be addressed by the powers that be, there are steps we can take for the betterment of ourselves and our mental health. Owens offered the following tips:
Tap into a support system, whether it’s a coworker you trust, a family member, an organization, or an outlet like a hobby.
Create a good work-life balance before burnout even starts. “Having certain boundaries [is the goal] such as, for example, if you get off at 5, you get off at 5. If your job description is this, you don’t go above and beyond because that brings you to a lot of burnout,” Owens said.
Prioritize self-care, whatever that means for you. “If you don’t have a routine, create one. Practice mindfulness and even some meditation,” she added.
Create structure in your life outside of work. “Even if you have a family, applying some structure in your routine helps relieve stress,” she said.
Get into grounding techniques. “Do a real quick square breathing exercise, that’s literally 30 seconds, or you can do a grounding technique that’s less than two minutes, right there where you are. You don’t need any other materials. That’s something you can do with just yourself and your body.”
Ask for help. “As Black women, we don’t ask for help enough,” she said. “Find where you need to ask for help. A lot of times, people think that’s indicative of weakness, but we need to rewrite that narrative. It’s okay to ask for help where you see fit. [If] you’re a mom, [it could be] every Wednesday from 5 to 6, your children are with the dad. You have to carve out that time.”
For more information on Grow Therapy, visit their website. You can also find out more about Keanne Owens, LCSW, via BeginYourJourneyToHarmony.com.
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