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Sitting in the theater getting ready to watch Nopefor the third time, I was excited, like a good film nerd, to see my friend's first-time reactions to the fun UFO horror-comedy. My heart sank immediately when a trailer for the film Till, which follows the life and legacy of Emmett Till's mother, Mamie, started playing first.
My knee-jerk reaction, of course, comes from years of watching film and TV that have exploited Black trauma onscreen and were created with little (if any) consideration for what could emotionally trigger the Black audience. The 1955 murder of Emmett Till is so heartbreaking and inherently violent; would this film make us live through that violence on screen?
Fortunately, no!
This week, before watching Gina Prince-Bythewood's incredible The Woman King, a featurette for Till played in place of a trailer and it soothed my fears.
"There will be no physical violence against Black people on screen," the film's award-winning director and co-writer Chinonye Chukwu says in the featurette. "I'm not interested in relishing in that kind of physical trauma. We're going to begin and end in a place of joy," she says.
Starring Danielle Deadwyler (whose heartfelt performance on HBO's Station Eleven stole the show) as Mamie, Till is a celebration of Mamie's tireless activism which sparked the civil rights movement that continues today and ultimately culminated in President Biden signing the Emmett Till Anti-Lynching Act into law just a few months ago in March 2022. "Mamie Till Mobley is a hero," says Alana Mayo, president of Orion Pictures, the production company behind the film. "I'm really, really committed to making movies not just by us, but for us," Mayo says in the featurette.
After a private screening of Till, this week, Trayvon Martin's mother, Sybrina Fulton, tweeted that the film was "#Powerful" and "a must see."
A must see✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾
I attended the private screening of the Emmett Till Movie TILL Movie
Hosted by @WhoopiGoldberg
Directed by @ChinonyeChukwa
CoWritten by @KeithABeauchamp
🎥 🍿 Coming to a theater near you this October #Powerful#TillMovie#MamieTillpic.twitter.com/QP4BTkavuk
— Sybrina Fulton (@SybrinaFulton) September 21, 2022
Mamie's story of courage in the face of unspeakable tragedy deserves to be told--especially as we continue the fight for civil rights today. Knowing that the Black filmmakers behind the film are centering Black joy and aiming for our empowerment through the film makes a world of difference.
TILLis in theaters October 14.
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This is a safe space: You spend hours watching videos on Tik Tok when you should be doing something else, don’t you? You swear that it’ll just be a few minutes and then a few minutes becomes thirty minutes and before you know it, you’ve been laying in your bed for over an hour watching dozens and dozens of videos of precocious babies and people doing the latest dance challenge. No judgment here – we’ve all been there. To feed your addiction to the ever enticing scroll of the Tik Tok “For You” page, xoNecole has compiled a list of some of our favorite accounts on the app.
The Cognitive Corner
If you’ve ever come across the account of this professional therapist your first thoughts might have been, “Now why is Kelly Rowland in my business?” Despite the striking similarities, Simone Saunders is not one of the members of Destiny’s Child – but that’s not stopping the Canadian-based trauma therapist from helping you learn how to be a Survivor. With her advice on how to heal from abusive and toxic relationships learned through her years of training, Saunders, or “Dr. Rowland,” as she playfully calls herself, will definitely be your Motivation to get your life right.
@thecognitivecorner 🫡 #therapytiktok#healingtok#parentifiedchild#traumatok♬ gford._ gets no maidens - $avøry-$adisticpai
Aliyahs Interlude1
“Everybody saying they need love, they need peace, they need happiness – b-tch I need 30 bands right f-cking now!” is one of the many viral sounds that TikToker Aliyahs Interlude1 has spawned. The self-described “It Girl” has over a million followers who look to her for her bold fashion looks and her off-the-cuff style of humor.
@aliyahsinterlude1 litterally stop guys 🙄🙄✋🏿 #fyp♬ original sound - aliyahsinterlude
Homo Honey0
If you are looking for a funny Black lesbian’s perspective into pop culture who will explain why Megan thee Stallion is a queer icon or why Rihanna and A$AP Rocky are a lesbian couple, look no further than the pop culture breakdowns of Homo Honey0. With her witty perspective, you’ll find yourself going down a queer and glorious rabbit hole of her page.
@homohoney0 Reply to @winteranddsummer #greenscreen#zendaya#zendayaandtomholland#euphoria#spidermanfarfromhome♬ original sound - PEYTON DIX
Cami Fro Babe
All it takes is watching one video from the precocious toddler Cami Fro Babe and her mother before your baby fever activates. This sweet North Carolina mama and daughter duo will have you smiling and laughing as they go shopping, vacationing, and getting into all the cuddles and sweetness that one could barely handle.
@camifrobabe Someone is excited about the new Little Mermaid 🧜🏾♀️ , she said they have the same hair 😩🥹😩 @halle ♬ original sound - CamiandFamily💕
Tea With Britt
Who doesn’t love hearing the messiness that celebrities were getting into decades ago? Tea with Britt gives you that good chamomile about what stars of yore were getting themselves into, including the sordid details of the many loves of Julia Roberts’ life or about Jerry Seinfield’s past creepy behavior, you’re going to want to keep your notifications on for
the hot cup of what Britt is serving next.
@teawithbritt#greenscreen#derekjeter#mariahcarey#music#celebs#messytea☕️#popculture#fyp♬ Always Be My Baby - Mariah Carey
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Ari Lennox is one of R&B’s most talented songbirds but she’s also one of the most relatable celebrities. While she entranced us with her debut album Shea Butter Baby, her down-to-earth personality has made her everyone’s homegirl. But she has had many human moments that have played out on social media. From her modest response to LaKeith Stanfield seemingly shooting his shot at the “Pressure” songstress to some of the backlash she has received for tweeting her feelings on topics and experiences, Ari has endured it all on social media, which caused her to sometimes go on a deleting spree.
In an interview with The Breakfast Club, Ari explained how therapy has helped her deal with the trauma she experienced as a child that has played into her anxiety and her actions as well as her strained relationship with her father.
The Grammy-nominated artist shared that her father always told her that she was going to be a star. Unfortunately, they are not speaking at the moment. “I do feel like when you instill certain things like that, it really does go a long way,” she said before breaking into tears. “It goes a long way for sure cuz that is the one area in my life where I feel like I did really good.”
Ari explained that her dad’s trauma has fractured their relationship and while she’s trying to extend him grace, she also has to focus on her healing.
“It’s so much sh-t. I really think it’s important for people to be healed when they’re bringing kids into this world,” she said. “Because I just feel like that alone probably innately helped me in so many ways like always grinding and stuff. But I can see the other side of sh-t that I carry and I’m sure it has to do with the other sh-t that you go through; trauma.”
One of the ways she began her healing journey is by going to therapy. The 31-year-old has been open about her anxiety and going to therapy in the past but during her The Breakfast Club interview, she shared how she made the connection between her childhood trauma with her father and dating.
“I feel like there needs to be a lot of group therapy (with her father) and of course, I want to continue my therapy alone. But I think that would probably be best because I know these are things that I’m even carrying into my dating life and I don’t want to have that weight on me,” she said. “I do want to be more compassionate because he went through a lot with foster care and abandonment issues, all kinds of dark things so I do recognize why he is the way that he is.”
When asked what was the moment that prompted her to begin her therapy journey, she revealed that she finally reached her breaking point.
“This year I was just tired of just being a big ball of trauma like just being unaware of what was going on inside. A lot of times I could be so triggered and it’s like well why? And now I’m realizing now I see why somebody pretending that I don’t exist or not even looking at me or somebody having this arrogant nature can be so triggering,” she explained.
“Like where did I see that? Like earlier in my life or I experienced that,” she said. “I’m starting to realize it never stops. It’s like a cycle. If you don’t realize that you’re carrying all of this weight it comes out in different ways. People be like, ‘why she freak out? It wasn’t even that serious?’ It was a reminder. It was a flashback. A trigger without even realizing where it came from.
While it may be difficult to work out all her trauma, Ari said the experience has “been really beautiful and eye-opening for sure.”
Ari Lennox Talks "Age/Sex/Location", Former Uber Driver Horror Stories, Dating In 2022 + More
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Three hundred and one days ago, I embarked on a journey to change the trajectory of my life.
Gradually and unknowingly, I exited my permanent fog and discovered I had been residing safely and warmly between the crossroads of dissatisfaction, anxiousness, depression, and self-pity. As a permanent resident, I had grown accustomed to the rollercoaster that was my mental and physical health. I had grown used to endless disappointment and claimed them as an inseparable essence of my being.
I was an anxious person. Therefore, I avoided places where my triggers would be present. I was a depressed person. Therefore, I would stay at home until the feeling passed. I was an insomniac, so I turned my nose to the idea of sleeping through the night. I was a pessimist disguised as a realist, so I planned for the best but knew the worst wasn’t too far behind. In claiming these titles, I had given myself the unlikely chance of finding residency anywhere else.
Instead of discovering how to notice my triggers and work alongside them, my social anxiety got worse in seclusion. Resulting in panic attacks that would sometimes ease me into unconsciousness. In hopes that my depressive episodes would pass, I isolated myself, only prolonging its run. In my negligence to find manageable ways to fall asleep, the fog I existed in only grew thicker. In my disguised pessimistic approach, the thoughts I held always became my worst enemy.
I was stuck in a vicious cycle of noticing the hell I had placed myself in and continued to find redundant ways to get myself out. The process was always the same: (1) I’d find a new therapist, one who was affordable, and encouraged me to rant or unnecessarily relive past trauma, instead of one who was receptive and gave advice; (2) I’d create new goals, goals that would make life somehow much better than it had been now, though unobtainable without effective systems; (3) I’d reach out to my support system, only to listen to advice that was similar to what I wanted to hear; (4) and I would wallow in self-pity when I noticed my fruitless ways brought nothing sweet to fruition.
Like clockwork, three hundred and one days ago, I had prepared to run the same course, see the same scenery, and experience the same damn disappointment. But as I readied myself to bear my monotony, a question bore itself to the forefront of my mind: Don’t you get tired of being in your own way? God yes. I had grown so tired that until that moment, I believed going through the same motions would somehow result in different results.
This time around, for once, I was determined to change my course. So, after days of consideration and prolonging my journey, I created a new plan. This time around, I would do everything within my power to save myself. To move out of this crossroads, and finally find a residence in an environment where happiness, peace, and love can grow.
So, for the next year, I challenged myself to attack the root of the problem: I would learn how to love myself and live wholeheartedly. In this quest, I read various novels and listened to endless audiobooks and podcasts where experts provided tools on how to live happily and sincerely. Now that I’m just a few months shy of a year, I wanted to share some wisdom that has saved me and molded me over the past few months, in case you’re someone who happens to find yourself standing in your own way. I read all of it, so you wouldn’t have to.
In the “I Read It, So You Don’t Have To” series, I will provide you with a collection of self-help and lifestyle novel reflections. This is meant to be a collection of suggestions on how to live a happy, wholehearted life, though it is by no means a “how to guide” on how to live life. Instead, this series will be a toolkit of takeaways, and tips that are meant to assist you in finding the best life one can live. Take what works for you, and leave everything else where it is.
The first novel that accompanied me on my journey is Brene Brown's The Power of Vulnerability. Here are the ten tips and takeaways from the novel on how to wholeheartedly live.
1.Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think
Stephen Zeigler/Getty Images
The first guideline of living wholeheartedly is cultivating authenticity. What keeps us from being our true authentic selves is the fear of shame and embarrassment from our peers. To live authentically, we must let go of what other people think of us, challenge the narratives they choose to bestow and embrace our true selves. In this step, it is important to remember that letting go of what people think is not limited to negative perceptions.
This includes those moments where we ask others, or "take a survey," on what we should do when the need to make a decision arises. In constantly seeking other viewpoints before making a decision, we can unconsciously value the opinions of others more than our own. This eventually leads to moments of second-guessing and blaming others when something does not work out as planned.
2.Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism
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The second guidepost is cultivating self-compassion. It is known that we are our own worst critics. We punish ourselves for inaccurately predicting the future and ridicule ourselves for decisions made in the past, which ultimately leaves us feeling terrible about our present. Quickly shifting from cheerleaders, we become crueler to ourselves in self-talk than we would ever be to our worst enemies. This is due to our constant need for perfectionism. Despite knowing that perfection is a beautiful seduction, we punish ourselves for not being the 'perfect' version of ourselves in moments where we could have never predicted the outcome.
Instead of being upset that we did not handle everything 'perfectly,' we must allow room to love ourselves in the moments of flaw. To cultivate self-compassion, we must offer compassion, and understanding during self-criticism. Ask yourself, "Would I talk to another person this way?" If the answer is no, remind yourself that you are in fact a person and worthy of speaking to yourself in a warmer light.
3.Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of Not Being Enough
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In his inaugural speech, Franklin D. Roosevelt claimed "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself." In this next guideline, we need to learn--as a culture--how to let go of scarcity and fear in order to cultivate gratitude and joy. In today's day and age, we have cultivated a sense of scarcity. We are so consumed with the idea of lack that there is simply never enough of anything, despite there being plenty of everything. We wake up thinking we could have slept longer, we question every action with the belief that there is more than we can do.
This feeling of 'never enough' only awakens our need to prove that we are more than, which results in more fear of others noticing that we might not be. Instead of trying to be everything and shaming ourselves for falling short, we must accept that we are enough and be grateful for what we have. This means practicing gratitude and embracing joy. Daily, we must actively work to shift our mindsets to one of gratitude, and begin to acknowledge the things that make us enough. This means leaning more into moments of joy, appreciating and acknowledging what you have during times of turmoil, and finding moments where you make decisions separate from fear.
4.Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need for Certainty
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I will be the first to tell you that I could not make a decision without overthinking it one to two thousand times. In the desire to be certain, I would create plans down to the minute, only to spiral the second they derailed from their predetermined track. This mindset inevitably led to constant anxiety, stress, and endless frustration. Therefore, the next guideline is letting go of the need for certainty. Alongside cultivating authenticity, we need to cultivate trusting faith and our intuition.
Unlike how it has been marketed, intuition is more than just a "gut feeling" that arises when "something doesn't feel right or off." Instead, intuition is the feeling we get that we've experienced this situation before and know exactly how it is going to end or can at least predict something similar to it. Instead of ignoring this feeling, we must trust and listen to the warning signs that we provide for ourselves based on past experiences. Then, we must trust--faithfully--that our intuition is right. We cannot be certain that our intuition was 100% right, but we can lean into the fact that we cannot be that certain about anything.
5.Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison
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According to Brene Brown, we feel the need to compare when we notice others are doing things that we would consider to be extraordinary. We believe the person we compare ourselves to is contributing more to the world than we would ever be able to or have. Believing that the grass is always greener, or something would be better than what you have now, only creates an environment where dissatisfaction can fester.
This mindset does not consider the paths you have taken to get to where you are, nor the obstacles you have overcome to achieve what you have. It discredits you and the person you're making comparisons to, and the growth you have made between point A and now. Let comparison go, instead, cultivate creativity. After all, "the only unique contribution that we will ever make in the world will be born out of our creativity." To cultivate creativity, we must find a creative outlet--through trial and error--and make time for it. Simple as that.
6.Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status of Productivity and Self-Worth
The Good Brigade/Getty Images
In addition to American culture creating a population that breeds scarcity, we breed exhaustion. Unlike other cultures, we glorify working 40 hours (at minimum) a week and shame those that rest while off the clock ("quiet quitting" I'm looking at you). If you tell anyone you did nothing with your weekend, there is always a look of pity for the time wasted or astonishment for the time taken. We see productivity as one's self-worth, and if you are considered unproductive you are not worth the consideration. This needs to end.
Instead of working a certain amount of hours before taking a much-needed break, surprise yourself and just take the break. Contrary to what is sold, rest is not earned, it is deserved; and necessary for anything to get anything done effectively and proficiently. Rest however you'd like, whenever you like, for however needed, and don't feel one ounce of shame about it. In addition to resting, find a moment to play and have fun. Like children, we grow bored and tired of the day-to-day when we are stuck in the same routine. Add moments of play where you can relax and just be completely and joyfully enamored in the freedom child-like play offers.
7.Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle
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From the moment we open our eyes, to the second our feet hit the ground, every moment is go, go, go. There is no wonder 40 million adults have been diagnosed with anxiety disorder and many more suffer from mild forms of anxiety throughout the day. Strangely enough, our anxious lifestyle can even force our bodies to start to crave the anxiety we feel on a given day. So, our next guideline is to let go of anxiety as a lifestyle and cultivate a lifestyle of calm and stillness.
This means meditating more, becoming more aware of ourselves and our emotions, and being less reactive. This means becoming more mindful and choosing to address situations from a standpoint of clarity. Just like the anxious lifestyle developed over time, the calm lifestyle needs to be developed intentionally over time, too. With apps like Headspace, Calm, and The Mindfulness App cultivating calm can become as easy as adding it to your morning schedule.
8.Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt and "Supposed To"
Luis Alvarez/Getty Images
If 'would of' and 'could of' had done as they 'should of,' we'd all be where we're 'supposed' to be. But because they didn't, we blame ourselves and end up where we've always been. There is nothing beneficial in thinking about the ways life should have gone. When we compare where we are to where we want to be or should be, we get nowhere and fast. This feeling of expectation only evolves into self-doubt when we cannot obtain something that might not have been meant for us at all. Or worse, it evolves into anger and later laggardness, when we believe something is owed to us or "supposed to" be for us.
To counter these feelings and to stop furthering our doubts within ourselves, we should focus on creating meaningful work. Instead of looking for a sense of meaning elsewhere, we should focus on finding meaning and purpose within our talents and our gifts. This can be done in the form of creating a side business, or it could be done in pursuing our passion projects. Regardless of what it is, we need to find moments where we reconnect with our sense of self outside the perception of others.
9.Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool and "In Control"
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This guideline speaks for itself. Stop trying to be in control. The only thing we can control is ourselves, and we have only unlocked limited levels of our control of self. And unfortunately, there are plenty of more levels above our mastery and skill sets that we are unable to accomplish. So, instead of trying to be so cool that we are numb or so in control that we are erratic, focus on laughing more, singing more, and dancing more. Notice I didn't say do any of that well, just more. You'll thank yourself for the loosening of the rein and the freedom to embody just being.
10.Speak out Shame and Embrace Empathy
FG Trade/Getty Images
Finally, none of these guidelines to living a wholehearted life can be accomplished without speaking out against shame and embracing empathy. It is easy to say to 'be vulnerable,' but if we do not address the reasons we try not to be, we will continue to live on the outside of our lives. We spend the majority of our time secluded in our own personal hells because we are too filled with shame to allow others to feel just the brunt of our flames.
Nevertheless, if we just spoke our shame into the world, acknowledged it, and confronted it with our support systems, we might just find the empathy we are looking for to fully extinguish the inferno.
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Celebrity News
Ciara Opens Up About Growing Into Her Confidence & Gives Advice On Finding Your Equal
21 September
When you think about positive women in the music industry who can be looked to as role models, Ciara should come to mind. The wife, mother, and businesswoman have leveled up in all areas of her life and her story has served as an inspiration for many women. Fans have witnessed her growth from her “Goodies” days as the princess of Crunk&B to becoming an international superstar. Now, she has ventured into other spaces such as skin care, fashion, education, and more.
The “Better Thangs” singer covered the Sept/ Oct 2022 issue of Ebony and got candid about motherhood, working with husband Russell Wilson, and overcoming challenges she’s faced in the music industry.
Ciara on Growing Into Her Confidence.
“In the beginning, it was challenging living my life in front of the world. It made me way more guarded. Even when you have your ugliest moments that you wish no one else could see, you don’t have a choice. My philosophy is to run towards my fears and the things that make me uncomfortable, so I was running for a while. As a young girl coming up in this industry, I was carrying so much on my shoulders. Eventually, I was like, 'You know what, this is who I am and either you like it or you don’t.' I can’t live my life based off what someone thinks, or someone else’s comments. Then suddenly, I’ll start thinking that in my mind because words are powerful.”
“I’m also spiritual, so I am who God says I am; no one can take that away from me. When you reach higher heights, the hate grows greater—it doesn’t stop. But baby I’m hater-proof. And even when people say negative things, I think to myself, 'God bless you. I understand you could be going through something, but I’m going to love.' And guess what? I’m good. My family loves me. I’m good. God loves me. I’m good. There’s nothing you can say that’s going to alter that or make me feel any different.”
Ciara on Finding the Right Partner for You.
“Don’t ignore the signs. Sometimes we want to make things happen with people who only check off a few boxes. Conversation is everything. The first day my love and I talked, I had never had a conversation like that with any other person. You have to really listen to what people are saying. How do they talk about people? How do they love themselves? How do they love others? Are they spiritual? Do how they think align with your thoughts? All these things tell us a lot.
"When you have that common-ground connection, it’s more than half the battle. It’s less about words—because people will sell you a dream—and more about what they do. You have to see who someone truly is. And time does tell a lot, you know? But at the same time, the truth could be right in front of us and we’re just not opening our eyes. Don’t be afraid to be disappointed. I know I’m not perfect, but things work perfectly right for us. I believe there’s a person that’s perfect for everyone.”
Ciara on Working with Husband Russell Wilson on Their Fashion Brands.
“It’s so much fun because we’re doing it together. The great thing is that when he and I do anything together, we get to have a little bit of work and play. Luckily, we’re equally yoked and our visions are aligned. We have a big vision to create successful businesses. The ultimate goal is to build billion-dollar businesses. For us, this is about creating legacy brands. We have dreams to impact in every way possible. And there’s also a family component to it—we want to afford our kids the opportunity to possibly continue our legacy and work for the House of LR&C one day.”
Ciara on Motherhood.
“Being a mom is my most favorite job of all jobs. It’s work, day in and day out, and it is not easy. But it’s so worth it. My family has given me my why. I look at my husband, and I’m inspired every day. I’m even more driven because of my children; they make me feel like I’m doing something more in life. Life isn’t only about success. I feel very blessed that I’ve been able to win awards and make hit records. But you know, it only lasts but so long. That’s just the truth of it. Don’t get me wrong, legacy is forever, but the bond and love that I have with my family is even greater than anything I can be given.”
Ciara on the Advice She Would Give Herself After Having Her First Child.
“The journey I went on in front of the world was not the most comfortable. I felt so vulnerable in that moment. What I learned is to embrace the vulnerable times head-on. Looking back on [that] moment in my life I would tell myself, 'You’re doing good girl. Everything’s going to be alright. There’s good in what you’re going through, even in our toughest times.' There’s a scripture I love in the Bible, James 1:2-4, ‘Consider it pure joy when you face trials and tribulations because the testing of your faith produces perseverance.’ It’s the reason I named my label Beauty Marks Entertainment. My idea was that all of the scars you get from the obstacles you face in life are your beauty marks. All those moments that didn’t feel so beautiful and felt like a flaw are actually beautiful.”
Ciara on the Challenges She’s Faced with Stardom.
“When I was young, I wore my heart on my sleeve. What I realized is when it comes to business, not everyone’s going to be as sincere as you are. That was a challenge for me along the way because in some rooms not everyone deserves to know everything or for you to give them every part of you—you must be selective. It took me a second to understand that, especially as a businesswoman. I learned to take my emotions out of it because business isn’t personal. The moment I did it was game-changing.”
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