Amputee Mama Cax On What It's Like To Be A Black Disabled Woman Looking For Love
It already seems difficult for professional, ambitious black women to find love, but you haven't truly known difficult until you add being disabled to the equation.
When it comes to some of the everyday freedoms and liberties some of us able-bodied people take for granted, disabled people can have a much more difficult time. On one hand, disabled people are often silenced or left out of the conversation completely. On the other, they can be made to feel like they are invisible.
I can only imagine that those feelings intensify in the dating and relationships department, making it hard for a disabled person to date or even want to date.
And when you're a black woman with a disability, who is trying to find love in this big sometimes cruel world, things can feel rather bleak.
At least, those are some of the things that I learned from activist/blogger/motivational speaker, Mama Cax's story on Yahoo! Lifestyle.
In celebration of International Day of Persons with Disabilities on December 3, the website published a fantastic story that profiled six people with disabilities telling their truths about power, love, and visibility. Mama Cax was one of those profiles, and her story was the one that stuck with me the most.
Mama said that it took a lot to build enough confidence to date.
After losing her leg to cancer at 14, it seemed to take Mama years to build up enough inner strength to let the world see her glow. Especially since she had to learn how to live with a prosthetic leg.
She told Yahoo!:
It wasn't until after college that, with Instagram and blogging, I connected with other girls who were amputees. I thought, wouldn't life just be easier if I accepted this and didn't have to hide it? At the beginning it was really hard, because it was a lot of stares, and at that point I didn't have the stylish cover [fromAlleles, in Canada]. I would get a lot of stares and rude comments, and so it was a long and painful road to get where I am now. But I think it got to the point where my confidence was just showing, and people were afraid to ask questions that would be perceived as stupid.
Mama finally found the confidence to get out there and mingle, after realizing that life was easier accepting herself as she was. She also discovered one fact of life that most women on the dating scene tend to understand:
...Whether you have a disability or not, you're going to meet s***ty guys and great guys. And you do get weird questions.
During her chat, she got the chance to discuss the lack of black, disabled women being represented in the media, and how that had a bit of an impact on her love life. Mama said that for a while, she was apprehensive about finding love, because she couldn't really picture it as an amputee.
I wasn't willing to put myself out there, because I didn't think anyone would find me attractive. That's also because of the image of people with disabilities we would see out there: I had never seen any romantic relationships in my circle or in the media — none of the characters have a disability, and if they do, they're kind of like the sidekick, the geeky person behind a computer.
She reminded readers that for black women, representation comes in many forms, and black women with disabilities are often left out of the equation. She said:
I think it's very important whenever you're able to see yourself represented, in media in general, and for me the interesting thing is I'm at the intersection of so many marginalized groups: I'm a woman, I'm also a black woman, I'm also a woman with a disability, and a lot of times people will talk about inclusion or diversity and I see women, I see black women, but a lot of times I don't see disability. So in spaces where there are a lot of women, it always feels like there's something missing.
I learned a lot from Mama Cax's story. Thankfully, there will come a day when more black women with disabilities are represented in Hollywood, and beyond. With that representation comes understanding, and with understanding comes less awkward encounters with disabled people, and in the process grant them with the thing all humans want. Love.
Read the rest of Mama's story on Yahoo!, and follow Mama on Instagram.
Featured image by Leigh Vogel/Getty Images for Procter & Gamble
- Mama Cax ›
- We Could All Learn A Thing Or Two From Our Latest Style Crush ... ›
- Amputee Woman Who Was Given 3 Weeks To Live Becomes ... ›
- Mama Cax on Her Amputation, Beauty, and Body Positivity | Glamour ›
- Mama Cax Shares How Losing a Leg Didn't Make Her Feel Any ... ›
- Amputee Mama Cax given 3 weeks to live and now is a blogging ... ›
- Blogger Mama Cax Talks Beauty | Essence.com ›
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images