Tiffany Haddish Reveals Her Coping Mechanisms After Being Sexual Assaulted At 17
In life, we are often forced to develop coping mechanisms just to get through our daily lives.
When it comes to trauma and difficult situations, it's human nature to find ways to cope with the unbearable. For Tiffany Haddish, laughter is one of the best forms of therapy. The actress and comedian has had to grapple with her own turbulent early life, including her father walking out when she was three, her mother's accident (which caused severe brain damage leading to mental illness and abusive behavior), and having to spend years in the Los Angeles foster care system. She details all of this and more in her memoir The Last Black Unicorn and credits attending the Laugh Factory Comedy Camp for her career in comedy.
The outspoken and unapologetic 38-year-old has never shied away from detailing the traumas she has faced and how she's been able to overcome them. In an interview for the September issue of Glamour Magazine, Haddish reveals that she was raped by a police cadet when she was just 17 years old. Thankfully, she was able to turn to therapy to deal with what she says was a "messed-up place." She says:
"That whole experience put me in such a messed up place for a long time, and I ended up going to counseling,"
According to the CDC, a 2010 study found that around 1 in 5 women and 1 in 71 men had experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. It's safe to say that these number are on the low end, since a large amount of these incidents go unreported. While Haddish reported the incident at the time, she knows that she now has a platform and can become a voice for other rape survivors. The Girls Trip star is thoughtful about her responsibility to have a plan when, and if, she is ready to be that voice and says:
"Me just yelling out people's names with no thought behind it is pointless. I need a plan. I could be a voice, but what's a voice going to do—just keep talking? Or is there action behind it?"
Regardless of how she chooses to take action, by simply revealing such a traumatic experience, she is doing more good than she has acknowledged. The courage it takes to simply state our experiences that have negatively impacted our psyches is incredibly powerful. It also lets other survivors know that they are not alone. Anyone that has undergone this type of violence now has one more person to relate to and will know that it is possible to overcome the trauma and lead thriving, prosperous lives. Thank you, Tiffany.
Another way Haddish deals with her everyday life is by being admittedly "semi-aggressive." She says that this defense mechanism keeps men at bay because she has noticed that this attitude gets men shook. Being that she works in a male-dominated field, it's no wonder she does this. The Uncle Drew star also might be hinting to the domestic violence she says she suffered through in her past marriage (her ex-husband William Stuart denies the claims) when she says:
"I notice that men are afraid of women that are aggressive. So to protect myself I become semi-aggressive. You hear about, 'Tiffany always hitting on somebody,' but that's to keep them from hitting on me."
Whether or not we agree with her ways of coping, we can all relate to having our own defense mechanisms. It is up to us to individually decide whether or not these actions—that can range from aggressiveness to complete withdrawal—are helping or hurting us in the long run.
You're inspiring a lot of us out here, Tiffany!
Read the full feature here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images