Why do we continually hurt ourselves by choosing people who only make us feel small?

We go back to the ones who wrecked our hearts and caused us pain.

We confuse history with chemistry falling in love with a concept of time.

It’s a way of thinking that traps you in mediocrity.

We replay a highlight reel of moments of bliss to justify the pain.

We sell ourselves short.

What happened to our 5-year-old confidence?

We believed we were superheroes and princesses, and we dreamed of being grand when we grew up.

Now that we’ve grown, how much have we settled for?

We go to school to get a degree in something we don’t care for because society tells us what good majors will give us jobs that pay a livable wage.

We lose passion because we are influenced to think we can’t find the balance between loving life and living it.

We lose our innocence, and we lose that childlike quality of wanting to be grand.

What happened to the idea of romance and true love?

What about the grand romances we saw in Disney movies?

Why has love become something we settle for among all the other things?

In relationships, there’s always one who molds the other.

The other person will start even thinking like the other, and a total imbalance occurs.

In this imbalance, you have one who controls the thoughts and actions of both, while the other person just quietly lets his or her partner shine.

That is not love.

We believe the length of a relationship and of history equals the amount of true love we have for someone.

x years of memories + x years of knowing each other = love.

I don’t believe in that equation.

A person who believes in true love chases the feelings dreams are made of.

There is no perception of time, there are no broken hearts with the right one and no one is outshining the other.

The chaser of love values connection, not the idea true love equals the most amount of time you spend with someone.

True love is more than time spent.

This generation loves the person who can be shown off on Instagram.

Man Crush Mondays and Women Crush Wednesdays are a part of the highlight reel of fictitious images that portray something grand.

But, this superficial love is one I see often.

Why are we so obsessed with the portrayal of a relationship rather than the actual relationship?

I get it; being happy is scary, and being comfortable is easy.

You fall into a pattern of life, and you realize you’re only with someone because you feel like so much time was invested.

You won’t get hurt, and you don’t have to try very hard.

That person is always just there.

The chase is done, or maybe it never even happened.

Love is when your heart has been broken before, and someone gives you part of his or her own heart to fix yours.

Love is communication, love is a constant work each and every day.

We confuse history with chemistry.

People don’t change, so we romanticize the one we adore,

In reality, you are only fooling yourself.

We say we are “fine” instead of “happy”…

It’s a cycle that will only leave you heartbroken.

If history is the only thing that binds you two together, soon the time spent together will feel like an obligation.

Choose the one who makes a positive impact on your heart and soul, whom you can talk out the bad, the good, the ugly — together.

Choose the one who grows with you and doesn’t extinguish your fire.

Choose someone who is your best friend.

Find someone who compliments you and doesn’t complete you:

you are whole on your own.

You will not find yourself in another person. Fill yourself up with your own dreams, goals, success, and self-love.

True love will find you.

We put so much pressure on finding someone, relax and enjoy life for yourself first.

Some love stories aren’t amazing novels. Some are short stories, that doesn’t make them any less filled with love, and that doesn’t mean the short time spent together wasn’t real.

Keep your view of the world through the eyes of a child. They have an innocence about them that is unpretentious and very real.

It seems as you grow into adulthood, we lose that innocent way of thinking that anything is possible. Once you lose it, you start talking through past tenses of memories.

Keep that spirit alive, and keep that mindset when discovering love.

There is no equation for true love, but don’t fall into mediocrity and comfort with the concept of time.

What have you settled for?


Demetra Demi Gregorakis is a writer, dedicated to sharing her soul with the universe. Her debut book of poetry “Love Letters In The Wall: Agapé Edition” is coming soon! For more adventures on love and life follow her at medium and twitter!

Dear Queen,

“Sometimes the beauty is in the attempt, you tried everything, you fought and it still didn’t work..”


Celebrate the love that hurt you.

celebrate the person who couldn’t love you right.

The one who kept you guessing and lead you on,

who would kiss you and under the same breath say, “we are just friends”,

Who would say “I love you” and disappear,

Who made you feel like a desperate version of yourself.

Celebrate that you recognize and see now what inconsistent, unbalanced love does to a person and remember to never give it yourself.

Celebrate in knowing you are better off without that kind of love,

celebrate to know that love changes and shifts, just like life.

So sometimes “the one” isn’t really “the one” and just a lesson needed in that moment of your journey.

Celebrate that love had power to move you and that’s how you know it was real — it changed you.

[Tweet "Celebrate that you know how to hold a heart without breaking it."]

Instead of crying tears of hurt

pop a bottle, put on your beautiful smile

and celebrate what you gained, not lost —

you lose nothing, they do.

Celebrate that this insane, crazy, miraculous life is much more than just one unbalanced love -

celebrate that you deserve more.

______________________________________________________________

 Demetra Demi Gregorakis is a writer, dedicated to sharing her soul with the universe. Her debut book of poetry "Love Letters In The Wall: Agapé Edition" is coming soon!  For more adventures on love and life follow her at medium and twitter!

Dear Queen is a weekly series dedicated to letters and poems from women written for themselves and other women. Have a “Dear Queen” letter? We want to read it! E-mail your letters to editor@xonecole.com.  Subject: ‘Dear Queen’

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