I’m a recovering, undercover, over-controller.
And something tells me you just might be too. Now, I certainly don't believe us control enthusiasts are white-knuckled titans addicted to the steering wheel.
But I do know that in this heavy compariholic era of FOMO, instant gratification, and glow or die movements... it's easy to form an unhealthy habit of keeping your ass superglued to the driver's seat of life.
I call it unhealthy because, for one, it convinces anxiety to come over more often, two; it keeps us in a state of urgency and three; it slowly divorces us from faith.
[Tweet "The need to constantly be in control divorces us from faith."]
Which is a shame because faith is a prerequisite of sorts for magic and magic refuses to be micromanaged.
For me, the best practice in loosening that grip on life comes in the form of surrender.
Not the kind of surrender that looks like waving a white flag every second of our lives till the casket drops, but the kind of surrender that grants us strength from a source other than our own.
In my audio workshop, Keep The Lights On: A Guided Affirmation + Meditation For Chilling Our Need To Control, (featuring my dear friend, Chopra Center-certified meditation teacher, Devi Brown) I go deeper into that type of emotional shift.
Right now however, if you’re still wondering how to calm that need to control, know that every answer arrives at the request of a question. And usually the best Q&A happens when we face ourselves. With that said here are five things to ask yourself when the c-word comes around.
HAVE I MUTED MY EGO?
The world has been functioning for a hella long time before we ever contributed and will continue on spinning long after we tap out.
The point? Recognizing that when it comes to this beautifully complex life, other forces will always be in the game, providing space for our ego to warm the bench from time to time.
Taking a needed pause with calming affirmations and a guided meditation can relax the tension that ultimately comes with a tight grip.
HAVE I FACT-CHECKED MY FEELINGS?
Curlbox founder and boss babe podcaster Myleik Teele, has an excellent habit of reminding the world that feelings aren’t facts. Well, not without a little investigation, anyway.
Sometimes our control cravings come from a sneaky limiting mindset that bullies us into rush mode. Maybe we see a dope chick on IG gushing over her trip to Bali and think: Damn, I must not be shit since another passport stamp is out my budget. Must quit my entire life NOW! Is this really true though?
Question AND answer those feelings, remembering that fear is innocent till proven guilty.
[Tweet "Fear is innocent until proven guilty."]
HAVE I HOLLA'D AT GOD?
It’s easier than mumble rap to forget that our life is a collabo with a higher power. If we don’t leave a little wiggle room for serendipity, magic, and faith to flex, then we’re ultimately hogging this group project called our life.
Which always means more stress. Here’s a prayer remix: try writing a short offer letter to God. Ask yourself, where do I need the OG to fully take lead and what am I willing to give in exchange? Then give our creator space to stunt.
HAVE I DELEGATED A DAMN THING?
Minimalism is the absolute wave, but in the case of delegation, sometimes more = less. Think about it, another helping hand—this can range from emotional to technical support—eases the load every damn time.
If money is a (temporary) issue, is there another exchange of value we can bring to the table? If patience with training a mini-me is an issue, can we look at the long-term benefits vs. the short-term burden?
It might feel empowering to howl the lyrics to Drake’s “All Me,” but take that shit super literally and we’ll soon be buried to the chin, choking on to-dos. No help that’s all us, all us for real.
HAVE I EMBRACED ADVENTURE?
Excitement loves the unknown. It’s part of why baby gender reveals, roller coasters, and surprise parties are such a HIT. However, everything has a crawling stage, including the art (and act) of surrender.
So maybe that first babystep is simply passing Friday night planning along to a friend or allowing that waitress to pick what goes on your plate or trying an improv class.
Even bite-size effort can reintroduce us to the importance and thrill of trust. You know, that concept of believing without necessarily seeing… or controlling lol.
But reminder! Trust is more about intention than perfection.
[Tweet "Trust is more intention than perfection."]