Have you ever found yourself at happy hour knowing you should be home cooking since you are on your last dollar before you get paid, but whisper "treat yo' self" anyway?

How about knowing damn well you have to be up early the next day for work or an important engagement, but you stay up all night doing God knows what, and are scrambling the next morning to get where you have to go?

You want a Russell Wilson, but you just can't seem to stop texting Mr. Right Now who views you proposing to see a movie coming out next month as "moving too fast"?

Well, I have some news for you. You are self-sabotaging.

Self-sabotage are self-defeating behaviors that result in us interfering with our goals. Whether it's about work or a relationship, we convince ourselves that we are somehow undeserving of the very thing that we may have or want, and create instances where we can lose those things. It can stem from Impostor Syndrome, fear of failure, or a lack of faith in our own capabilities or sense of self-worth.

If you have a tendency to self-sabotage, what you might fail to realize is that you are blocking your own blessings and preventing yourself from reaching your full potential. However, just as you are blocking yourself, you can push yourself to create a life you love. At the end of the day, the only thing that is stopping you is you. Here are 5 ways to stop sabotaging your own happiness and take back control of your life.

1. Stop Running


Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Often times, because of our fears and uncertainties, we find ourselves clinging to the very things that will hold us back in the long run. But you could identify exactly what is scaring you, or what emotion you are running from, by making a shift you will be able to overcome that obstacle.

Sometimes we are afraid to let go of Mr. Unavailable, Mr. Abusive, or plain old Mr. Not The One because we are afraid Mr. Right will not show up. Okay, what if he doesn't right away? Is your life that unbearable without a relationship? Face those fears of abandonment or dying alone head on in therapy instead of acting them out in toxic relationships.

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2. Be Authentic With Yourself


What would it cost you to stay the same? Your sanity? Your health? Your heart? Yes, change is terrifying sometimes but sometimes, we get so caught up in the fear of evolving that we forget the risks of staying the same. Time is the most valuable commodity on the planet, can you really afford to waste it stuck in a situation that you know is not the best for you?

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3. Believe It, Then Achieve It


Start making small changes towards your total transformation because, as you know, Rome was not built in a day. If you believe that you can break that pattern of living paycheck to paycheck, start by researching ways to budget and save money. If you can see yourself starting your day earlier, start looking up bedtime routines and ways to practice better sleep habits. Before you know it, you will be doing exactly what you thought was impossible without much effort, but first you have to ask yourself, "Am I willing to do the work?"

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4. Be Prepared For Detours And Be Able To Redirect Your Route.


Since you have had control over your life way before you've decided to stop self-sabotaging, you must realize there will be some resistance to your positive changes. There are aspects of your life that feed off of your self-defeating behavior and you need to prepare for them to go haywire so that you can continue on to you road of success. You may decide to leave that job and start looking for work elsewhere, and it can take over a year. You could start your weight loss journey and plateau. You could put your foot down in a relationship expecting your partner to understand you better, and realize that you are on two different pages in different books in different libraries. That's okay. Keep going. Progress is progress.

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5. Walk It Like You Talk It.


Speak in kindness and affirmation to yourself as soon as you feel that self-doubt creeping into your conscious. A simple "I am enough" whenever you are in situations where you feel afraid inadequate will do just fine. Tell yourself, "I've got this" and speak your best self into existence. Instead of visualizing how many things could go wrong, imagine how many obstacles you will overcome and how wonderful your life could (and will) turn out.

A goal is a dream with a deadline and it's time to get moving. Surround yourself with hard-working people who have made their dreams come true.

It is time to get out of your own way. Put one foot in front of the other in the right direction and slowly but surely you will get there. You got this and no one, not even you, can stop you from achieving your goals.

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Featured image by Shutterstock

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