Inspiration
When are you going to start loving yourself unconditionally?
Six months from now when you lose that weight and your waist is snatched? After bulking up your slim figure and doing squats for booty gains? After contouring your nose for the gawds? After getting that perfect angle while damn near breaking your neck?
Girl, stop with that nonsense!
If not now, then when?
If not you, then who ?
To my surprise, I ran across an interview from recording artist Tweet revealing that her hit song "Oops" was not about giving herself an orgasm but the gift of self-love:
"It was empowering for me to write the song because I felt like I didn't love myself. I came from a time where my skin — being a dark-skinned woman — it wasn't really 'in'. I would always be teased for my skin color. I would always be called different names for my skin color, so I was empowering myself in writing the song."
The time is now for you to look in the mirror and love what you see. This cannot wait until tomorrow next month or next year! It takes practice, and requires you to (surprise) start to like the not so pretty parts of yourself little by little until you fall in love with yourself.
Read on to check out the 5 steps to loving what you see in the mirror.
1. Tear yourself apart.
Put it all on the table by writing it down. What are some of your perceived physical flaws? You think you have a big nose, a five-head, a fupa? Get it all out of system, be brutally honest as you can, and read that list out loud in the mirror. Start each insecurity on the list with, "I don't love myself because_________."
The most important part of this step is to let these insecurities leave the darkness of your mind's negative self-talk off onto your lips so you can hear how ridiculous you sound. I want you to really grasp how harsh you are towards yourself. You may laugh at many of your insecurities, and cry because of some but it vital to your self care that you release them out of your head where they fester.
▲2. Own your "ugly."
I'm not going to gas you, maybe 2-3 of your perceived flaws are in fact accurate. Maybe your forehead is big, nose is wide, you could stand to lose a few pounds, or your booty is a little flat. But, so what? You are still all of that and a bag of chips honey! Believe me, there are some women who work with way less. You better go and get your life. You want to diet and exercise, kudos to you! You got the money to go to DR and get that fat transfer, I'm not judging you boo. But you have to love what you've got at this moment. You are more than enough.
Disliking yourself is a very expensive habit that you can no longer afford.
Having flaws does not make you less beautiful but in fact more unique. Look at the mirror and say, "I am /I have a _______ and I'm beautiful because it's true. I am the rule, not the exception."
▲3. Own your beauty.
While you are working on step 1 and 2, find at least 3 things you absolutely stan for about yourself. You have pretty skin? Show that off in a cute off shoulder top! Your booty is cute? Put on that dress that hugs it just right. You love yourself in particular colors? Buy three new pieces in your wardrobe to wear out. There is no rush to strut them off outside, wear them and model in the mirror until you have your confidence up. Gain your own approval. Wear some sexy lingerie for yourself! Take some sexy pictures just for yourself. Your tribe's approval always feels good but until you believe that you actually do look cute, no one's reassurance will be enough for you.
▲4. Follow women on social media that reflect your shape/facial features.
Sometimes it is easier to see the beauty in others before you can find it in yourself, and that's okay! Black women already lack representation in the mainstream media, but that doesn't mean you have to subscribe to the standard of beauty fed to us. Look at someone who looks similar to you and how they pull off that outfit you are terrified to buy, that hair color you're terrified to try, and that confidence you're terrified to have!
The beautiful thing about us black women is we mirror each other.
Repeat these three steps as often as you need to. Eventually, you will go from merely accepting yourself to having a full-on girl crush on you. You are the love of your life! For some people, you will never be pretty enough, curvy enough, and slender enough and that's okay! You're going to love yourself unconditionally anyway. Let the world take he cue from you!
▲Featured image by Getty Images
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