Ghosting: How To Be A Woman About It

Sep 06, 2018 16:11 PM +0000

If you've been single as long as I have, you begin to notice just how repetitious the dating cycle can be. All the swiping and scrolling. Matching and meeting. Dipping and dodging texts. I could do this blindfolded.

Still, nothing quite prepares you for the moment where you must decide that you've come to the end of the road with your old flame and it's time to become strangers once again. But just how do you do it?

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I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to dating and navigating through the "talking phase," if I see that things are going nowhere fast, I'm quick to chuck the deuces up in the privacy of my bedroom and erase his brief existence with a swift swipe-and-delete motion. It may sound harsh, but I'm a part of the legion of millennial women who believe that men should just let us ghost in peace. I mean, why draw things out with a mere stranger? Granted, we all have our personal downfalls because you can only hide behind filters for so long, but a red flag is a red flag no matter where or how it's posted.

Maybe you've been talking to a guy for a week, and before you can even get to the first date, he's sending you unsolicited pictures of his private area from an array of absurd angles. Or, say you all made it to date number two and your conversation was interrupted by a FaceTime from "Baby Mama," and you notice a nervous tick that wasn't there five minutes ago. Warning signs noted, you've come to the decision that, "Yeah, I'm never going to see this guy again."

Thank God for ghosting.

Back when terrestrial modes of communication were the go-to, people actually had to come "face to face" with their insignificant other and "talk things out." Hard pass. Thanks to the internet's ability of making us everywhere and nowhere simultaneously, disappearing off the face of the earth with zero guilt has been made that much easier. You just decide to cease communication with someone and leave it in God's hands.

Still, when it comes to the matters of the heart, one must tread these shallow waters with caution, especially where karma can become involved. Here's how to ghost while keeping it classy:

When it comes to breaking off your communication with someone, one must never renege. It's like playing a heated game of Spades with your cousins and 'nem: once you put your cards on the table, there's no turning back. That means no popping up after four and a half weeks of radio silence when he posted a thirst trap on IG talking about, "Hey, Big Head." No ma'am, you made your decision a month ago, he deserved better than your 2AM mind games. No take-backs.
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As women, we have a way of making up our minds about a man long before we ever act on our thoughts and chances are you knew Boo Boo was a fool the moment you hugged at the restaurant. But let's just say that maybe things got a little hazy in between drinks and consensual frisking and you didn't notice his anger issues until date three. Rule of thumb: your window of opportunity to ghost without the consequence of potential heartbreak closes around date three or month one. Sure, his ego will be bruised, but the sooner you make up your mind, the less likely he'll develop any trauma. Point is, no one deserves to be let on.
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When it comes to going full-out stealth mode with your real-life Left swipes, silence is a vital tool. Save the long, drawn-out paragraphs for your personal blog or for someone you've actually spent more than a night or two with. When we send long messages in lieu of ghosting, the message we're actually sending is: "Hey Joe, you still have a shot!" That, my friends, defeats the whole purpose of ghosting. Be tactful and stick to your guns. Closure isn't guaranteed.
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The universe has a divine way of balancing itself out, you know: reaping and sowing, the spreading of Juju, what goes around comes around or whatever you prefer to call it. That being said, don't get mad if thou who ghosts gets ghosted. I've been the recipient of a ghosting act and all I can say is, "Ouch." This isn't to scare you into committing to someone you couldn't care less about, it's simply a cautionary reminder to be kind about your phantom-like departure on the way out. Refrain from the subtweeting and subliminal attacks. They no longer matter to you, so let them go in peace.
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How do you respectfully bow out during the early stages of dating? Have you ever ghosted or been ghosted? Share your story in the comments down below.

Featured image via Giphy

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