5 Things That Are Okay To Require On A First Date

Chivalry

I remember once reading a meme that said, "Chivalry isn't dead. It's wherever being ladylike went." Ouch. I will say this — chivalry doesn't work (well) if we as women don't allow men to be gentlemen. That said, I can't tell you how many times a male friend of mine has sighed as I opened the door for myself. Unfortunately, sometimes we are so busy trying to prove that "we've got this" that a man can't show us how gracious, protective, and caring he can be.

If you want to find out how good a man is at being a man, chivalry is a great starting point.

Whether it's calling rather than texting to confirm date plans; actually having plans before seeing you; picking you up (if you know him well enough, that is), and not honking the horn but walking up to your door to get you; opening your car door (and every other door you walk through); introducing you to anyone he knows that you both might run into; walking on the side closest to the street when you're on the sidewalk and/or walking you to the door at the end of a date — a man reveals a lot about his home training, intent, and the kind of respect he has for women in general whenever he's chivalrous on a date.

Direct Answers to Questions

Dating with intention. I like that phrase a lot. I'm not saying that everyone has to do it but if you're not trying to get to know someone better and/or determine if you have a future together, y'all can just talk on the phone.

While it might take some of the romance out of it to think this way, a date really is a lot like a job interview. You're both trying to see if there is some sort of connection; one that goes beyond initial attraction. You're trying to see if there's a future.

A guy who's just trying to get some? When you ask him a direct question, he's gonna stutter, deflect, or answer a question with a question (which is sooooo annoying). A man who is looking for something more is going to be candid and sincere; the kind of foundation to build trust on.

(By the way, if you're not sure what kind of questions can help get a first date conversation going, check out "36 Questions to Ask a Date Instead of Playing Mind Games".)

Him to Cover the Check

If you ask your dad or grandad if a man should cover the check on a date, they are gonna say "yes". It's actually another rule that is filed under chivalry. It shows that a man has the intention to provide; that he's not presuming his date should.

As I said earlier, once a relationship progresses, I'm not saying this always has to be the case. At the same time, there is not one man in my life — family, friend or otherwise — who's ever had me pay when we go out.

Remember how a part of what it means to be chivalrous is to plan a date? A plan typically comes with a budget. To me, when a man expects a woman to go Dutch (you know, to pay half) or worse, to pick up the tab — not only does it show that he didn't properly prepare for the date, it also reflects that he's leaning on the side of stingy and selfish too.

No one said he had to take you to a five-star restaurant (or that you should expect that). But whatever it is that he comes up with, since it was his idea, he needs to be able to financially back it up.

No Physical Interaction

I personally know a couple of people who ended up marrying their one-night stand. My point here is, if you don't want to get physical — in any way, shape, or form — it is OK to firmly set that boundary. No matter how attracted you are to someone or how well a date goes, a gentleman is not going to expect affection or intimacy in return.

Keeping all of this in mind, if 30 minutes into a date, the guy you're with is making slick statements about your body or during the Q&A portion of it, sex questions keep coming up — I'm not your mama and you're grown, but if you want to know what his intentions are, his actions are telling you. #yuck

A 24-Hour Response from Him Afterwards

When I go out with my friends, we call or text each other to make sure we got home safely. Why should we expect any less from a guy with whom we went on a date?!

If you met him at your date destination, most definitely he should check to make sure you made it home alright. A text is cool. A phone call is far more impressive. If he picked you up, him reaching out within the next 24 hours to let you know he had a good time is also a nice and well-played thing to do.

If he doesn't follow up within a day, is it big enough to be a deal breaker? I'll put it this way — oftentimes the way a relationship starts is how it will continue.

If he's taking initiative, being proactive, and communicating well from Day One, that sends the message that he's at least worth a second date.

A guy you don't hear from or you've got to chase down from the jump? Don't be surprised if that's how it will always be because you've given the impression that you don't mind it being like that.