Your Skin Is BEGGING You To Do This Right About Now
OK so, every season, without fail, our skin needs a little tweaking when it comes to our skincare routine. And now that things are finally at the point where we wake up and there is frost on our car windows and we need to put an extra blanket on our bed at night, I thought I would share a list of 10 things that your skin is really needing you to take note of right now, so that it remains looking fresh, soft and beautiful all fall and winter long.
All of these tips are affordable. All of them are easy to implement. And all of these are proven to be highly effective as well. So, definitely make sure to treat your skin to them, OK? Cool (no pun intended).
1. Beeswax
With inclement winter weather comes cold temps, brisk winds, and all kinds of other stuff that can take your skin all the way through there. Something that can help to protect it is beeswax (a kind of wax that is literally created by honeybees). That's because it contains properties that can help to provide a protective layer on your skin. Plus, it acts as a humectant which means that beeswax is capable of pulling moisture out of the air so that your skin doesn't become too dry. This is especially good to know if you're someone who struggles with chapped lips during this time of the year or you have a skin condition like psoriasis. If you want to learn how to make your own face cream out of beeswax, go here. For a lip balm recipe, go here.
2. Sunscreen
Until I went to college, when it came to my education, I was around white folks most of the time. And chile, if there's one thing that they literally lived to do, it was going snow skiing in their swimsuits. It might sound crazy but whenever they came to school that following Monday, they always had a really deep tan.
My biggest takeaway from that was UV rays don't stop doing their thing just because there may be a drop in temperature. This is why it's important to still wear sunscreen; especially if you know that you're going to be outdoors for more than 30 minutes or so. In fact, whether you realize it or not, the sun reflecting on the snow can actually intensify the rays. So, if you don't have a fresh bottle or tube of sunscreen in your house, now is a good of a time as any to get yourself one (check out "Here Are 10 Black Girl-Friendly Sunscreens That Will Keep You Glowing This Spring").
3. Rosemary Oil
Two of the best things that have ever happened to my skin are sulfur soap (it's a really great skin exfoliant and a way to even out your skin tone) and rosemary oil. As far as beauty goes, rosemary oil is really good for your hair because it can stimulate growth, kill fungi and bacteria that may irritate your scalp, and help to prevent hair loss. Skin-wise, it's bomb because it helps to increase blood circulation, reduce stress, hydrate your skin, balance out how much sebum your skin produces and, because of the antibacterial properties that it contains, rosemary oil can also help to fight and even prevent breakouts from occurring. Plus, it gives your skin a natural radiant glow. I'm telling you, if you're looking for an oil that will help to keep your skin looking and feeling super smooth, rosemary oil never disappoints.
4. DIY Hyaluronic Acid Serum
A couple of years ago, when I wrote the article "All-Natural Ways To Keep Your Skin Super Soft This Fall & Winter" for the platform, something that I mentioned was the importance of making your own hyaluronic acid serum. Today, I'm circling back to that because it can't be stressed enough, just how much this kind of acid can help to boost collagen production (which can help to keep your skin looking fresh and youthful) and how essential putting some type of serum on your skin is too. As far as serums go, because they are lighter than standard moisturizers, they aren't as likely to clog up your pores. Plus, they tend to be filled with concentrated ingredients that are able to penetrate your skin a lot faster. So, if you're looking for a way to reduce dullness and discoloration, especially as your face and neck are concerned, serums are awesome — whether you go the DIY route (there's a recipe for it here) or choose to pick one up from a drugstore or cosmetics counter.
5. A Jojoba and Grapeseed Oil Blend
If you're someone who wants to "spoil" your skin by either pouring some oil into your bathwater or putting some on before heading to bed, you really can't go wrong with a jojoba and grapeseed oil combo. Jojoba oil is good for your skin because it contains antibacterial properties, antioxidants and it's hypoallergenic; plus, it's the kind of oil that controls sebum production, promotes collagen synthesis, and deeply nourishes dry skin. Grapeseed oil pampers your skin because it's packed with linoleic acid and vitamin E that will deeply condition your skin and protect it from environmental damage. Also, grapeseed oil helps to fight acne, reduce inflammation and minimize fine lines and wrinkles too. So, I'm sure you can see why/how blending these two together creates an unstoppable beauty blend.
6. Cream-Based Cleansers and Cosmetics
If there's one word that you need to hold near and dear to your heart as far as skincare goes right through here, it's "cream." Creams are a thicker version of cleansers and cosmetics which can be a good thing when it comes to caring for your skin when it's colder outside. A cream-based cleanser will help to hydrate your skin. A cream-based moisturizer at night time can help to replace the moisture that your skin may have lost throughout the day. And, as far as make-up goes, a cream-based concealer or foundation (for example) can help to keep your skin looking dewy (which is always attractive) instead of dull and dry.
7. Herbal Tea Rinse
I grew up with a mother who drank quite a bit of herbal tea, so it's always something that's been a part of my health routine on some level (check out "10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)" and "8 Teas That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health"). As far as your skin goes, treating it to an herbal tea rinse once a week can be great because a lot of herbs contain nutrients, amino acids, and catechins that are beneficial when it comes to slowing down the aging process. If you're new to the whole herbal tea rinse thing, some teas to start out with include white tea (it helps to rejuvenate your skin); spearmint tea (it's great at combating hormonal acne); chamomile tea (it protects skin from sun damage); rooibos (it helps to fight off free radicals) and dandelion (it's a top-tier detoxifier).
Just put a couple of tea bags into a pot of water, let the bags steep for an hour, cool, and then apply to your skin as you would a toner. You should notice results within a couple of weeks.
8. Satin Liners
Wool is a popular fabric around this time of year. It's also one that can totally dry your skin out. So, whether it's in your mittens, a sweater, or vintage wool pants, make sure there is a satin lining inside of them. That way, your skin will not dry out or become irritated. Also, make sure to thoroughly moisturize your skin before putting any wool on. Shea butter is a good move because it's rich in nutrients, contains anti-inflammatory properties and it's literally able to boost your skin's moisture levels.
9. Shorter Showers
If nothing brings you more joy than putting on some slow jams and standing in a hot shower until at least half of an album plays out, believe you me, I totally get it. Still, if you want your skin to remain soft and smooth, that is not the route for you. The reality is that hot water zaps moisture. That's why it's best to spend no more than 10 minutes in the shower and, when you do, that the temp is lukewarm at best (sorry). Also, make sure that you "seal your skin" once you get out. Basically, that consists of putting some type of carrier oil (like jojoba, sweet almond, avocado, coconut, black seed, argan, or rosehip), so that it can "lock in" the water, so that your skin remains hydrated longer.
10. A Lower Thermostat
Something else that I grew up being used to is a house that was on the cooler side, even during the fall and winter seasons. While sometimes it irked me to constantly need socks and a blanket, I get that 1) lower temperatures help to keep energy bills from getting totally out of control and 2) cold is what helps to keep germs from multiplying and getting totally out of hand. Know what else? When you keep the rooms of your house somewhere between 65-72 degrees, that keeps the dry heat from your HVAC from drying out your skin and lips; especially if you turn on a humidifier at night. All good reasons to make sure that your thermostat gets nowhere close to 80. Make sure that you do. Your skin is literally begging you to.
Featured image by Getty Images
- These Foods Will Give Your Skin & Hair The Moisture They Crave ›
- 10 Hot Drinks To Keep You Warm This Fall & Winter ›
- 7 Herbs To Get You Through The Winter Season ›
- 7 Things You Didn't Know Were Keeping Your Lips Dry - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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These 11 Married Couples Share Their Keys To Long-Term Marital Success
The late actor Audrey Hepburn once said something that I think a lot of married couples who have at least 10 years under their belt will agree with: “If I get married, I want to be very married.” In my mind, this means very committed, very complementary, and very willing to go the distance — otherwise, what’s the point?
Really, what’s the point?
Thing is, with the divorce rate still being higher than it ever should be (for the record, a husband is not a boyfriend, and a wife is not a girlfriend; a marriage is serious business, y’all) and acting married being praised (or at least acknowledged) more than actually being married seems to be — folks who 1) are married and are looking for some hacks that will help with relational longevity or 2) want to be married someday and want insight on how to make their future marriage last are constantly seeking truly beneficial material.
Can you Google articles with random bullet points? Sure. And I’m not discouraging it. Every little bit of wisdom that you can pull, I fully support. However, the reason why I like to do articles like this one from time to time is there is something to be said from hearing real talk from multiple sources on the same topic who have some solid wisdom and knowledge on a particular topic.
Today? 11 married couples who were willing to talk about how they’ve been able to make it to several wedding anniversaries with a smile on their face and no regrets for choosing who they chose. Let’s all sit at their feet for just a moment.
*Middle names are always used in my content that’s like this so that people can speak freely*
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1. Kyle and Adrienne. Married 12 Years.
Kyle: “Some of your readers aren’t going to want to hear this but it’s worked for my marriage: people need to lower their expectations sometimes; I mean, men and women. We go into marriage with stuff that movies told us, social media told us, friends who are always single told us about what we should expect from someone, and then want to fault the person when they’re not what we made up in our head. Everyone should have standards but if you’re expecting your spouse to be some living version of a fairy tale character, you’re going to be disappointed almost every day of your life. Drop those expectations some and watch your relationship be a lot less stressful.”
Adrienne: “Talk to people who respect your man about your marriage. I’ve never believed that you shouldn’t ever go to anyone when you need some support. Even the Bible says that there is safety in wise counsel [Proverbs 11:4]. Too many women talk to women who don’t respect men, in general, let alone their husbands, and so that’s where things go left. Sometimes, you need an ‘outside in’ perspective. But if that woman is always taking shots at men, doesn’t respect marriage, or isn’t someone who holds your man in high regard, don’t ask her for advice. Really, you should ask yourself why you’re friends with her at all.”
Shellie here: I’m big on engaged and married couples having a “village” of sorts for their relationship, too. Check out “Why Every Engaged Couple Needs A 'Marriage Registry'” to get a good idea of what I mean.
2. Levi and Paulette. Married for 15 Years.
Levi: “Some of you have probably heard of the 7-7-7 rule. It’s where couples go on a date every seven days, have a weekend getaway every seven weeks, and go on a romantic trip of some sort every seven months. My wife and I do the 2-2-2 rule instead because sometimes our schedule and budget make ‘7’ difficult. It has gotten easier since Shellie told us about the sex jar. Bottom line, if you’re waiting for time to just open up to be with your spouse, that ain’t gonna happen. Schedule intimacy, including sex. Prioritizing it is better than saying you’re gonna be spontaneous and…never are.”
Paulette: “Initiate sex, dammit. When Shellie told us that men initiate sex most of the time, and then I thought about how often I used to push my husband away whenever he did it — I never really thought about how that made him feel until I put myself in his shoes. We’ve got to stop having all of this understanding for why women cheat when it comes to them not feeling desired or not getting attention when we’re the same way to our husbands. Your marriage isn’t ‘Young and the Restless’, where you’re just supposed to wait for your man to make the move. If you want to feel wanted, do the same thing for him.”
Shellie here: What’s a sex jar, you ask? You can read more about it via “5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar.”
3. Matthew and Gaia. Married for 17 Years.
Matthew: “Reenact some of your favorite times together. My wife and I do that semi-often. We’ll go back to where we had our first date, or we’ll go back to the hotel where we had some of the best sex before. Bringing back memories of when you felt the best together can give you the motivation to stay together to create some new memories to ‘play out’ later on.”
Gaia: “If you want to ‘mom your husband,’ you need to have kids — or at least get a dog! I didn’t realize how bossy I was until I got married. It’s because I saw my mom be that way with my dad. In my eyes, I thought that’s what love looked like until I watched how my in-laws were. They don’t try to change each other, and they definitely don’t make any demands. They’re very polite. I think a lot of married people are rude to their partner. Don’t be that.”
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4. Joseph and Carletta. Married for 10 Years.
Joseph: “Go to therapy for your childhood. I’m dead serious. No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways. If you’re at the point where you think therapy is needed, go alone and deal with your childhood first. It did miracles for me and mine.”
"No one is going to show you yourself like your wife will, and I realized that a lot of my hang-ups came from unhealed childhood stuff. It’s hard to be an adult in your marriage when you’re still emotionally a kid in a lot of ways."
Carletta: “Meditate together once a day. Even if it’s just for 5-10 minutes, you need to carve out a moment to be mindful, focus on each other, and slow the world down. [Joseph and I] have been doing it for a couple of years now; it’s totally changed the way we communicate. Meditation reminds us to put each other first; that if we’re focused on each other, we can take on…whatever.”
5. Zeke and Rachelle. Married for 12 Years.
Zeke: “An argument is not a fight and a debate is not an argument. Learn that and you’re home-free. That’s all I got.”
Rachelle: “That advice that you just got? That sums up what it’s like to live with my husband. He’s very cut-and-dry, direct, and not wordy. That used to bug the hell out of me until I realized how wordy I was and then accepted that I wouldn’t want ‘two of me’ in the house [LOL]. He’s right. You can have a difference of opinion, and it be a debate. You can not find a middle ground on something and it turns into an argument. Neither of those is a red flag. It just comes with being with someone who is as much of an individual as you are.”
6. Taurus and Madison. Married for 22 Years.
Taurus: “Be prepared for your partner to change — not a couple of times, quite a bit. And when they change, that alters the relationship because now it’s not the person you stood with on your wedding day; it’s someone else. People get divorced so much because they are inflexible; they expect their spouse to never switch up and that’s just not how life is. If you’re rigid, controlling, or don’t know how to adjust, you don’t need to marry anybody. You’re gonna be miserable, and so will they.”
Madison: “Pray before sex. Before my husband and I got married, we had quite a bit of sexual history that caused us to do some comparing, and that led to resentment. In marriage, we had to adjust to how it’s more than just what we’re getting from another person. Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred. It might sound weird at first. Just try it. I don’t think you’ll regret it at all.”
"Married sex comes with so much more spirituality and responsibility. Prayer before sex reminds us to see it from a spiritual lens — and that makes the experience more intense and sacred."
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7. Karl and LaTasha. Married for 9 Years.
Karl: “Check in with your partner twice a day. In the morning before leaving the house and at night before going to sleep. If you work outside of the home, a lot can happen during the course of one day, so you shouldn’t assume that the person you left in the morning is who you are coming home to. I don’t mean sharing each other’s schedules or to-do lists. I mean, asking your spouse, ‘How are you doing? How are you really doing?’. It’s a smart way to take note of their mood and needs so that you are never blindsided.”
LaTasha: “Give each other some privacy. I have never been the kind of woman to go through a man’s phone, and I won’t start. If you think that you have to be a detective in your relationship, why are you in it in the first place? I know that Karl would give me codes and passwords if I wanted them because we’ve talked about it all before. Knowing that he would is enough for me. Marriage is an institution, but damn, it shouldn’t feel like jail.”
8. Thomas and Wynter. Married for 15 Years.
Thomas: “Ask your partner what their sexual needs are. Never assume that they haven’t changed because if we all agree that we are constantly growing and evolving as people, why would sex be exempt? Don’t personalize what they say about it either. All of us have sexual fantasies and interests that we keep to ourselves because we don’t know what our partner will think or ‘cause we think that they will create stories in their head about what made us think that way. I’ve learned that intimacy is feeling okay with sharing the deep stuff. The more comfortable a man, especially, is with doing that, the better the sex will be for everyone because talking about stuff like that is like taking down some walls.”
Wynter: “It’s okay to take one vacation a year with your girls and one by yourself. Just don’t go with people who don’t have the same standards as you, and as far as your solo venture, it doesn’t need to be longer than a long weekend. One thing that they don’t tell you about marriage is how there are times when you will feel like it is monotonous because of the routine of everything. A girls’ trip reminds you to get back to you outside of being someone’s wife or mom, and the trip alone is when you can sit around and do whatever you have to negotiate most of them. And yes, your man should be given the same courtesy.”
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9. Allen and Yvette. Married for 11 Years.
Allen: “STOP. BRINGING. UP. OLD. SH-T. SH-T. Nothing creates walls in a marriage more than you telling someone that you forgave them, and then the minute something else happens, here you go with the rap sheet of wrongs. Forgiving someone means that you are pardoning them, and that’s not what you’re doing if you’re constantly holding stuff over their head. One thing that marriage will show you is how bad of a forgiver you are. Most people suck at it, if we’re gonna be real about it.”
Yvette: “I already know that some women are going to assume that my man must’ve done something to say all of that (LOL). He’s a much better forgiver than I am, believe it or not. The real plot twist is, what gets on his nerves more than anything, is when I bring up stuff that he’s forgiven me for. Allen is the kind of man [who] hates to live in the past. I’ve grown a lot because of that. I think my advice would be to stay focused on solutions and tomorrow instead of problems and yesterday.”
Allen: “Sh- t, that’s bars, babe!”
Shellie here: INDEED.
10. Brennton and Danyelle. Married for 16 Years.
Brennton: “Why anyone who is trash at forgiving would get married is beyond me. It’s delusional to the nth degree to think that you are worthy of forgiveness and others aren’t — or that what you do isn’t ‘as bad,’ and that’s why you deserve forgiveness and others don’t. My wife and I have a lot of time under our belts. I’m here to tell you that there will be something, daily, that you will need to forgive your partner for on some level. If you can’t see yourself being open to that, marriage simply isn’t for you.”
Danyelle: “I don’t know who taught so many of us that being passive-aggressive will get us what we want, but it’s a damn lie. If something is wrong, stop saying ‘nothing’ when your man asks you what’s up because, if you’ve got a man like mine, he’s gonna say ‘Okay’ and go on about his day. Brennton often says that my refusing to speak isn’t his responsibility, it’s mine. That used to piss me off because, deep down, I knew that he was right. Oh, and chill on the grudge-holding too. With guys, that’s not going to get you anywhere either.”
11. Christopher and Yvonne. Married for 26 Years.
Christopher: “Have more loyalty for your spouse than you do your closest friend. Too many people don’t think like that. If you’ve got a friend since college, you’ve been through some things and you’ve learned to forgive and move past it. If you can’t see your wife or husband in this way, why did you get married? You should never have more grace for someone who you didn’t take vows with; that’s ludicrous. Before anyone else, I’m going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It’s because I value her more than anyone. That’s what marriage is.”
"Before anyone else, I'm going to prioritize reconciling with my wife. It's because I value her more than anyone. That's what marriage is."
Yvonne: “Even if you’re not about ‘traditional gender roles,’ discuss what the expectations are for the home. People don’t divorce over cheating as much as getting sick of beard clippings in the bathroom sink or cars that look like pocketbooks. When you sign up for marriage, you are doing daily life with another person. Articulate your expectations. Listen to theirs. Be flexible until you both can make it work. Do that, and you’ll look up, and it’s been 20 years already.”
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Gems. Pure gems, y’all.
You know, popular consultant Barbara De Angelis once said, “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. It isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” And love? Love is a choice.
And so, whether you’re married, engaged, or simply desire marriage in the future, hopefully, these tips will help you to choose how you love your spouse (or future spouse)…better.
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Featured image by Jasper Cole/Getty Images