Your Broke Friends Need Love, Too.
It's funny how you can go from living your best life without a care in the world, to hitting rock bottom in one fell swoop.
In May of 2017, that's what happened to me.
For roughly a year and a half, I seemingly had all I ever wanted out of my young adult life. I was a wide-eyed, New York City transplant with nothing but ambition and opportunities within arm's reach. Not only did I have the fancy advertising gig with a buzzing social life to go along with it, but I was blessed to find a hip apartment in Bed-Stuy of which I had always dreamed. To sum it up, nothing could stop me.
Or so I thought.
Clearly, life had another plan for me because within just a week, everything was snatched right from under my feet.
I went from living a functionally independent lifestyle, to not having a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. Before I knew it, I was back at home, living with my sister in the small town I called home.
In the last year and a half, I've experienced changes in my finances, career, and even relationships that took a major hit to my confidence. If you've ever experienced shifting from having the ability to create a means for yourself, to suddenly having to rely on the grace of others, you may understand how humbling this change can be.
At some point or another, we all may experience a season where we fall on hard times or have to make major adjustments to the life we once knew. In most cases, it's not by choice, a result of "laziness," or the lack of ambition. Sometimes, unfortunate things happen to even the hardest working of people. That's life.
In my experience, it wasn't necessarily money and a handout from my friends and family. What I needed the most was for my loved ones to be kind and loving to me during that rough transitional period in my life. It's easy to say that someone "isn't doing enough" when they don't get back on their feet in record time, but everyone's path is different. Take it from me.
To say the least, your "broke" friends need love, too. Here's where you can start:
Be Patient.
When you have a friend or loved one who has fallen on hard times, practicing patience with them is the kindest and most gracious thing you can do. You don't always know what God is doing in that season of their life, so rushing them won't make things turn around any faster. Someone who is experiencing a life shift like losing a job or being homeless can be affected on a mental and emotional level. They can go through depression or even withdraw from those around them and it's in those moments when they're going to need a friend and a sister more than ever. Be kind. If you see them slipping, give them a gentle nudge; but don't pry.
Give Only If You Can.
When dealing with a friend who has fallen on hard times, there will be moments when they may look to you for some assistance. It's completely up to you whether or not you want to supply your friends with funds, but in the case you do, no loans. Think about it: if you have a friend who is struggling financially, what is the logic in having them owe you when they didn't have the means to begin with? We don't want to add more debt to their name, now do we? Only give if it's not going to put you in a bind and you're confident that you can go without that particular amount of money without needing it back, ever.
Alley-oop.
There's nothing sweeter than having a friend open the door for another friend – both figuratively and literally. In fact, there's nothing wrong with a little nepotism if you have a sound understanding of your friend's character and work ethic. If you know your job has an opening that your friends would be a good fit for, use your leverage to pass their name along to HR. Even if you don't know of any opportunities, keeping the line of communication open by being a go-to reference for a friend during the tedious application process is a big deal. This will show them that you're in their corner and want them to win!
Love for Free.
We all want to live a little and have a good time, but it can be a bummer to miss out on social activities simply because you can't afford it. Although you have the right to spend your hard earned cash the way you darn well please, every now and again, it's nice to mix things up a bit so that you can include your "broke" friend. Try to incorporate some free fun or low-cost activities into the equation. Check out free events at the museum like "First Fridays," catch up over a cup of coffee on a discount day, or even use a Saturday night for an evening of binge-watching a new Netflix series (I heard Manic was good). Get creative. The coin-saving possibilities are endless and your friend will appreciate you all the more for it.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Visual Artist Reyna Noriega Celebrates Self-Care & Culture For Hispanic Heritage Month
Art is all about knowing what you want to see in the world and creating it. And if there’s one visual artist and author who knows how to live this out, it’s Reyna Noriega.
Known for her viral artwork that illuminates the beauty and joy of women of color, her new partnership with Schick Intuition Sensitive Care razor for Hispanic Heritage Month beautifully reflects her signature artistic vision, drawing inspiration from the vibrant tapestry of Latinx culture, which runs true throughout its limited-edition design.
Growing up with a father who transitioned from being a professional baseball player to a full-time artist was a path that influenced Reyna to follow her passions fully. “Early on, that ingrained in me that it is possible to have a fruitful career in whatever your passions are,” she tells xoNecole. “That helped to keep me brave enough to take a chance on myself as I got older and gave me the audacity to believe that everything I love, I incorporated into my artwork, whether it's fashion, whether it's travel, beautiful women.”
Her signature style, which blends colors like orange, teal, and pink, creates the perfect backdrops to center the brown and deep bronzed women that are featured in her art pieces. Although the women in her designs tend to be faceless in an effort to allow women to “see themselves in the artwork,” the source of her musing is an intentional display of Afro-Caribbean heritage that pays homage to the rich and soulful Latin culture.
Courtesy of Schick Intuition
“My work is all about uplifting women, making them feel beautiful, and encouraging them to take up space,” she says. “Knowing that I was going to be able to put those figures on the razor and for it to be an unapologetic celebration of femininity and of my culture made it a very easy fit.”
"My work is all about uplifting women, making them feel beautiful, and encouraging them to take up space."
The initial inspiration for the Sensitive Care razor design came from her desire to create abstract representations of the art of shaving. What she envisioned was drawing little figures of a woman gently brushing herself with a flower, symbolizing the idea that women need self-care and nurturing to flourish, much like tending to flowers.
Courtesy of Schick Intuition
“It’s a sign of how gentle the act of shaving can be and how women, like flowers, have to water ourselves, we have to put ourselves in the right environment and give ourselves the love and attention we need in order for us to bloom,” she explains.
As an artist who juggles many projects at a time, Reyna knows a thing or two about creating space for moments of self-care. To combat creative block and maintain a consistent source of inspiration, Reyna shared the importance of watering yourself first and setting aside time for self-care rituals to ensure that self-care remains a priority.
“I’ve learned that I have to water myself so that I have inspiration continuously,” she says. “Not getting too caught up in the day-to-day aspects of work and creating that I forget about myself has been integral. It's those little intentional actions of setting aside some time to make yourself feel good and make yourself feel beautiful to build into my routine so that I'm always feeling good about myself. From there, all the goodness inside of me is projected out into my work and to the people that I'm impacting.”
"I've learned that I have to water myself so that I have inspiration continuously. It's those little intentional actions of setting aside some time to make yourself feel good and make yourself feel beautiful to build into my routine so that I'm always feeling good about myself."
Courtesy of Schick Intuition
As someone who had successfully transitioned from being a high school art teacher to becoming a full-time artist, Reyna has seen a significant shift in her life from betting on herself and taking a leap of faith to pursue her creative endeavors. A step that she says is marked by self-discovery and self-belief. “There's a lot of internal work that I had to do to be able to believe in myself, take up space authentically, and navigate the uncertainties of being like a freelance artist,” she shares.
"There's a lot of internal work that I had to do to be able to believe in myself, take up space authentically, and navigate the uncertainties of being like a freelance artist."
“Quieting the noise of anything that goes against the vision that I had for myself and anything that goes against filling me up with the confidence to keep going, because there are so many routes you can take to be a full-time artist,” she continues. “But where you have to navigate an industry and make a name for yourself, it takes a lot of work and a lot of confidence. And those are those things that you have to really dig deep for in order to form and solidify yourself.”
Courtesy of Schick Intuition
This process involved understanding one's identity, the factors that shaped them, and surrounding oneself with inspiring individuals who had successfully pursued similar paths. It also involved silencing any negativity or doubt that contradicted one's vision and goals.
For aspiring artists, especially those aiming to create meaningful representations, the advice is to embrace and share their unique stories and perspectives. Recognize the value in your cultural background and personal experiences, and start by identifying the unique story you want to convey and the community you wish to connect with.
“We want to hear your story,” she says, “There’s a certain way that we can each say and show things that are very unique to us. They're unique to our culture and our experiences — start there.”
“Figure out what is the unique story you want to tell and the community that you’re talking to. And just keep making art: keep trying things and fall in love with the process, not the destination. The good things will come, so just fall in love with the process.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy