I mean, maybe it’s just me, but when it comes to dealing with the monthly occurrence that is our periods, even though our vagina is very much involved, it’s rare that I will see content that is centered around that body part alone (relatively speaking). Sure, I read period hacks fairly often, but — what I mean is, where are the articles that are devoted to prepping and loving on your vagina and vulva specifically so that your period can be a lot less…intense?
A wise person once said that if you don’t like something, instead of complaining about it, why not do it yourself? Indeed…INDEED. So today, in honor of our vagina (and vulva) and all that it goes through every time our cycle rolls around, here are 15 ways that you can get it ready for the…well, inevitable.
1. Buy Unscented Pads or Tampons
Getty Images
I’ve said before that I wish that I had known about menstrual cups YEARS ago. Since I’ve been using one, I’ve pretty much only relied on pads on my heaviest days (as backup). Yet even during my tampons (in my 20s) and pad seasons, I’ve avoided all of the scented stuff. My vagina is pretty sensitive all on its own, so fragrances and dyes don’t help it one bit. I’m not alone, either.
Even the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) highly recommends that, if you want to keep your pH balance where it needs to be, the less chemicals on your menstrual products (and in your toilet paper), the better. A cheat sheet on how to find the best ones is to look for what is branded as being “organic.” You can also read up on some Black-owned menstrual care brands here and here.
2. “Trim the Lawn”
Getty Images
When you’ve got a real bestie, you tend to talk about everything — TMI ish ‘n all. One of mine, we sometimes debate “to go bald or to keep” when it comes to pubic hair. Me? I’m Team Keep, although I do wax the “outer perimeters” and bikini line on a consistent basis.
I also try to keep things like a golf course (as one of my friends says. LOL); especially when my period is about to come on. Not only does it make me feel fresher, but it makes — let me pick something not super graphic — unraveling from any blood remnants so much easier to do every day (until my cycle ends).
3. Apply a Carrier Oil
Getty Images
If your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) tends to feel either irritated (from the blood) or dry (if you do wear a menstrual cup or tampon), you can protect that part of your body by applying a carrier oil; especially at night (when you may not be changing your menstrual products as much).
If you’re concerned about which ones could end up doing more harm than good (as far as irritation is concerned), check out “So, Here Are The Carrier Oils That Will Take Your Sex Life To A Whole 'Nother Level” when you get a chance. It lists 12 oils that your vagina will embrace instead of repel. Personally, I’m a carrot seed oil fan; the Vitamin E in it is quite soothing.
4. Up Your Hydration
Getty Images
How much blood you lose during your cycle kind of varies per person (although if you bleed through a tampon or pad every 1-2 hours or for more than seven days consistently, you may have what is called menorrhagia; you should definitely speak with your doctor). What does apply, across the board, is the loss of blood can lead to dehydration, intensified period cramps, bloating, and hella-fied fatigue.
So, when you feel PMS coming up, ramp up your water intake. It really does help to make all of these issues…less of one.
5. Take More Probiotics
Getty Images
Something that typically happens right before your period begins is the progesterone levels in your body increase. That’s because, if you were to get pregnant, progesterone is what helps to prepare your uterine lining to support your pregnancy. When you don’t, in order for the lining to shed (which is basically what having a period is all about), progesterone levels must shift.
All of this “shifting” can result in you experiencing digestive issues — including (sometimes) constipation (or going to the bathroom more than usual). Not only that, but periods can also put quite a bit of stress on your body as well. Plus, yeast infections come when bad bacteria overtake good bacteria (and you can get a yeast infection at any time). Something that can help with all of this is taking a probiotic.
Honestly, since probiotics also help with improving your gut health, keeping you energized and in a good mood, and even reducing belly fat, it’s best to incorporate one into your daily health regimen. You can take probiotics in supplement form. Also, some foods that are high in probiotics include fermented ones like yogurt, pickles, and cheese.
6. Buy an OTC Antihistamine
Getty Images
Now here’s something that I bet you didn’t have on your period prep bingo card. Did you know that if you take an over-the-counter antihistamine right before your cycle, it can somewhat decrease your blood flow during it? The thought process here is that the natural histamine that’s in your system will elevate your estrogen levels around the time of your cycle which can lead to more shedding of your uterine lining.
So, while tossin’ back Claritin pills like it’s candy isn’t recommended, having one or two on your heaviest day could provide a bit of (flow) relief.
7. Enjoy Some Phytoestrogens
Getty Images
On the flip side, towards the end of your period, your estrogen levels will drop. Because low estrogen can result in symptoms like irritability, tender breasts, a lack of concentration, vaginal dryness, and even dry skin, it certainly can’t hurt to consume some phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen foods). Some of those would include dried fruits, berries, garlic, cabbage, collards, and wheat bran.
8. Eat Iron-Rich Foods
Getty Images
There is a lot of iron in your red blood cells, and since blood is what you’re losing during your period, eating some iron-rich foods is highly recommended, too. In fact, you might be surprised to know that when you have an iron deficiency, it can affect your libido and lubrication levels and even your ability to have orgasms (chile). So yeah, definitely get that iron in. Some foods that are loaded with it include red meat, quinoa, beans, turkey, and broccoli.
9. Consume Less Sugar
Getty Images
If you’ve ever wondered why you suddenly want to eat everything sweet that you can get your hands on right before and during your period — well, not only can you put that on your hormones fluctuating, but sweet and starchy foods can also give you a “hit” of serotonin which can happily put you in a happier state of mind. Problem is, that sugar can increase inflammation and inflammation can make period pain worse.
Not only that but speaking of yeast infections, if you’ve never had a yeast infection during your cycle, LUCKY YOU. Even though period blood alters the pH balance to where symptoms related to one can also decrease, the yeast will be waiting on you once the bleeding stops — and yeast literally feeds off of sugar. So yeah — junk food in moderation, please.
10. Load Up on Condoms
Getty Images
If you’re down for period sex, there are a few reasons why it’s best to have your partner use a condom (if he’s not doing so already). One, the prostaglandins in your partner’s sperm/semen could actually trigger cramps (because some vaginas are very sensitive to them). Two, because sperm can live inside of your vagina for up to five days. If your cycle is all over the place…yes, you can get pregnant while on your period. And third, blood doesn’t stop STIs/STDs from being transmitted. So, if you are running low on rubbers, now would be the time to pick some up.
11. Prepare to Take Showers…Unless
Getty Images
Even though a warm bath can actually help to soothe your menstrual cramps, if you’re a heavy bleeder, you’re gonna be attempting to wash yourself with blood in the water; that’s why showers are probably best (at least on your heavy days). There is a workaround for this: put a menstrual cup or tampon in before getting into the tub.
Showers are totally my thing, so this tip doesn’t apply to me personally. However, if you find showering to be kind of “blah,” check out “How To Turn Your Showers Into A Tranquil DIY Spa.” It might just make taking showers your favorite thing about having a period!
12. Avoid Hot Water. Kind Of.
Getty Images
When it comes to this particular point, while drinking warm/hot water can help to soothe cramping, I’m still talking about bathing here. Honestly, hot water isn’t the best thing, period, because it tends to dehydrate your skin. The reason why I say “maybe” in this case is, that if you don’t have a heavy blood flow, you probably won’t care about how hot water increases blood circulation.
Oh, but if you do and you tend to shower/bathe in the morning — don’t be surprised if that awesome “hot time” leads to some unexpected leaks on the way to work. #justsayin’
13. Try Some Aquaphor
Getty Images
If you don’t have a really strong blood flow, you’re a tampon wearer, and it can feel uncomfortable to put them in; applying something like Aquaphor around the entrance of your vagina can make tampons so much easier to insert. Something else that I like about this particular hack is Aquaphor is also a solid skin barrier if your vaginal fluids irritate your vulva during your special time of the month.
14. Do (More) Meditating
Getty Images
Although many health experts are still looking into this, it would make sense that meditation would help with period discomfort. One, because it is a proven stress reliever, and two, there is plenty of data to support that it can help with reducing chronic pain. So, even if you don’t really feel like exercising while you’re on your period (although that can be beneficial for you, too), at least devote 5-20 minutes of meditating. You might not need (so much) Advil if you do.
15. Take Naps
Getty Images
Taking naps leading into your cycle (and during it) not only helps in the fatigue department, but they also help to reduce stress (even if it’s only a 15-minute one). And since yes, you can absolutely stress your vagina out (check out “Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?”) and piss it off (check out “Welp. Here Are 15 Things That Could Be Pissing Your Vagina Off.”); especially during “that time of the month.”
So, don’t feel the least bit guilty about ramping up your nap schedule. You’re doing your vagina (and the rest of you) a ton of good if you do!
BONUS FOR AFTERWARDS: Wear Your Menstrual Cup an Extra Day
Getty Images
Although I don’t smell anything while I’m on my period, the day right after the flow stops, it sometimes smells almost like…death. I looked up why, and it’s basically because there is still some tissue and bacteria that is still coming out. That’s also why my vulva and vaginal opening would be so irritated. I found a solution: I wear my menstrual cup on that day, too. That way, it can catch all of the drama, and I don’t have to suffer.
______________________
So, now that you know what your vagina needs for your period, doesn’t that make everything about how to approach your period seem so much better? Gee, I certainly hope so, sis. With all that you go through during that time of the month, you absolutely deserve it.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Volanthevist/Getty Images
RELATED
And just what is the gray rock method? I’m so glad that you asked because, although I didn’t know until semi-recently that there was an actual term for it, I have experienced it and witnessed far too many other people go through it, to not call it all the way out.
Before breaking it down, if you’re on the verge of ending things with someone (someone you’re dating, not someone you’re married to because you definitely shouldn’t go this route in that case), if you want your life karma to be good, this is how to NOT handle your relationship.
Let me explain.
What It Means to Be a Coward
GiphyBefore I get into what the gray rock method is all about, I think it’s important to lay down a bit of groundwork. You know, I’ve been working professionally in the field of relationships for damn near two decades at this point, which means that I have seen a lot — and when it comes to the approach that folks will take in order to end their own romantic connection with someone, I’ve noticed that men will oftentimes take the cowardly way out while women will lean into being passive aggressive.
For the record, both are ridiculous (in my opinion), and I’ll expound on why. Starting with being a coward.
By definition, a coward is someone who lacks courage. Some synonyms for the word include wimp, deserter, and quitter. Because I am a traditionalist (more like a complementarian) in many ways when it comes to relationships, a cowardly man grates my soul because, if a man is to lead a relationship, he can’t be a coward and do it well.
Hmph. That reminds me ofan article that I once read on traits of a cowardly leader; some of them included avoiding hard decisions, being a poor listener, not being genuine, refusing to grow or change on any level, and not following through with things.
And you know what? There are a lot of guys out here who, when they are ready to end a relationship, instead of just coming right on out and saying it, they will take the cowardly approach. For instance, they might stop listening to you or paying attention to your needs, or they might become inflexible or unwilling to compromise, all the while hoping that their actions will frustrate you to the point where you will leave them so that they don’t have to be “the bad guy.” And yes, that is a coward. A textbook one, at that.
Is it on the top of anyone’s list to end a relationship? Does anyone rush to hurt someone’s feelings or worse, break their heart? Unless they’re a clinically diagnosed narcissist or sociopath, absolutely not. Indeed, calling it quits with someone requires courage. Yet, if a man wants to be respected, courage is something he’s going to need to have if he comes to the conclusion that a relationship no longer suits him anymore.
That said, people who use the gray rock method with people they date are not very courageous people. Put a pin in that while I handle how a lot of women tend to move towards the end of relationships for a second.
What It Means to Be Passive Aggressive
Giphy“What’s wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
UGH. My clients know that if there’s one thing that I’m going to call out, each and every time, it’s saying “nothing” to clearly something — and it’s not (typically) men who do that mess; it’s usually women…by far. I don’t know who started that approach to communication, but whoever it is should be placed on billboards all over the country with bright red flags circling their head because mature and effective interaction doesn’t require someone having to beg you to speak up. If something is wrong, say it; being passive-aggressive profits absolutely nothing.
And what exactly does it mean to be a passive-aggressive individual? In many ways, it’s a lot like gaslighting. Rather than confront a matter head-on, passive-aggressive folks do things likegive the silent treatment, address issues with cynicism or sarcasm, smile in your face, and then talk about you behind your back (even if that means venting about you online), dish out backhanded compliments; will engage in self-sabotage by creating drama and problems that don’t really exist, and/or they will pull that “nothing” mess in order to make someone pull how they are feeling out of them (which again, is pretty immature, if we’re gonna be real about it).
And why would someone do this if they are unhappy in their relationship? Well, the interesting thing about passive-aggressive behavior (which is why it’s so close to gaslighting) is if people do it “well” enough, they can play the victim; that’s because it’s so subtle that, although they are annoying/irritating the entire mess out of someone, it can be challenging for the person who is on the receiving end of their game-playing to directly call them out on it.
So, if a guy is dating a woman who is passive-aggressive and she says things like, “I mean, this is a better restaurant than the ones you’ve taken me out on lately,” or she suddenly decides to nitpick at what he does when she used to be quite chill, if he starts to distance himself or wants to end things, then she can act like he abandoned her, even though she’s the one who started all of the discontent and low-key drama, to begin with — and yeah, that’s some pretty nasty work.
And this, along with being cowardly, at the end of the day, can both play a direct role in applying the gray rock method to ending a relationship. Here’s how — and why.
Here’s How They Both Play a Role in the “Gray Rock Method”
GiphyWhen was the last time you stared at a rock? If you honestly can’t remember, I don’t blame you. Rocks are pretty boring. In fact, the only thing worse than looking at a rock is looking at a gray rock. I mean, even though I like to wear gray, let’s not act like the color is super stimulating or anything. And so, if you pair that hue with a stone, and then look at it for minutes on end, there is a huge possibility that you are gonna be bored out of your mind to the point where you’d rather do almost anything but continue to do so.
Ladies (and possibly gents as well), I give you the gray rock method. Although some people say that it’s a helpful way to deal with negative or draining people, remember that we’re talking about it in a particular context for this article. For this piece, the gray rock method is applied by tapping out so much, becoming so bland and ho-hum in conversations, literally acting boring as hell that the person you’re seeing ends up fading out or ending things altogether…and gee, you didn’t have to do any of the dirty work.
Could it work? Sure, it could. Hell, it does. People do some variation of this mess all of the time. However, even the person who came up with the term says that if you’re going to attempt it, you should during the beginning stages of dating NOT when you’re ready to end something that is far more substantial. Why shouldn’t you for more serious relationships? Well, now that you know what the gray rock method is all about…do you see how it can be cowardly like a mug and/or passive-aggressive as all get out? What’s even remotely respectful about either of those things?
One way that I’ve seen someone pull the gray rock method approach that was pretty foul is she totally disengaged with her partner. Then, when he stopped doing as much work as he used to in order to maintain the relationship, she accused him of cheating — just so she could feel good about ending a relationship that she no longer wanted to be in, in the first place. Foul, foul, and super foul. Yeah, no matter how difficult it can be to end things with someone, putting them in a position where they will seem like the villain and you the hero-victim when you know that you were pulling puppet strings all along? Either you’re heartless, or you don’t believe in karma.
Which brings me to my final point for all of this.
There Is Usually Karma in Break-Ups. Remember That.
GiphyNot too long ago, someone asked me about what kept me from totally clowning a particular individual (who they know) who did me pretty dirty back in the day. I mean, I do have a book coming out before the year’s end. LOL. I promise you, I don’t know why folks wanna screw with writers (any kind of writer too). The bigger point here is when you know that you did right by — or at least better than —someone, you really can let karma (destiny or fate, following as effect from cause) handle it.
And for those of you who claim not to believe in karma, do you not believe in sowing and reaping (Galatians 6:6-10) either — because that’s pretty much what karma is. And here’s the thing about it: it doesn’t have an expiration date. What that means is you can plant a “bad” (or cowardly or passive-aggressive or jacked-up motive) seed, forget all about it, and BOOM! Out of nowhere comes a harvest that you can’t figure out…and it was all connected to that nasty seed that you planted back in the day.
Yeah, the thing that you have to be careful of when it comes to matters of the heart is, that you really do need to always and consistently apply the Golden Rule of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” So, even if you’re not feeling someone in the way that they feel about you (anymore), don’t be delusional (or arrogant) enough to think that one day you won’t be emotionally where they are about you now regarding someone else — which could cause them to “gray rock” the mess outta you. See where I’m coming from?
Actor Keanu Reeves once said, “Your karma should be good and everything else will follow.” Break-ups are included. If you want things to end well for you, end well with someone. There’s no need to bore them to tears so that they will leave so that you won’t have to. Be what you want: honest, clear, fair, compassionate, and caring. Even if it’s time to bring this chapter of your love life to a close, who said that it can’t be respectful, grown, and honorable? The gray rock method? Yeah, it doesn’t check off any of those boxes. Not really.
___
I know this is a bit of a different kind of relationship article. Like I said earlier, although you may have never heard of the term before, “gray rocking” happens too much to not address it head-on to hopefully get fewer people to do it.
Bottom line, is if you want a mature break-up from someone, give one.
I would hate for a gray rock to hit you on your head (or at your heart) one day (you know, metaphorically-speaking)…all because you didn’t.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Vladimir Vladimirov/Getty Images
