Why Praying For Your Husband Doesn’t Work And What To Do Instead
I am not sure if it's a recent trend or if I just happened to stumble on the posts altogether, but I'm noticing a lot of “pray for your husband" and “why you should pray for your family" type of thinkpieces and listicles. I am all for it…ish. I'm all for anything aimed at bringing a marriage together and making it stronger versus making you feel better about letting it go astray.
Praying for your husband and family's health and well-being, a more peaceful household, or a more productive, understanding, affectionate, driven, loving household is great! (Praying for your husband or child to change his evil ways…not so much.)
Now, I don't follow any organized religion but I do "pray". Prayer to me is not about getting on your knees with clasped hands, bowing your head and asking some deity up above to help you out with something.
In my opinion prayer is any mental or emotional attempt to shift energy.
So when that creepy guy at Costco is staring at you and you're avoiding eye contact, saying "go away" repeatedly in your head and hoping he doesn't come up to you and start a conversation…that's prayer. When you're hoping, wishing, lamenting, cursing someone out, belittling yourself in your head -- any and all of that is prayer to me because all of that is energy in motion. I'm a firm believer that thoughts are things, and any thought, especially when imbued with emotion, are powerful and equates to “prayer".
In terms of praying for your husband or family, I saw a few pieces on it and really liked the sentiment but was left with an "OK, but then what?" feeling after reading it. Prayer is great. It's useful and empowering and starts to get energy in motion. But let me tell you what's even more powerful: action.
There's a big difference in praying for something and waiting versus praying for something and then doing.
You can pray every night for two months for “a hot sexy body that I love" and wait for something to happen, or… you can eat clean and work out every day for two months. Prayer may help. You may have an emotional and mental shift in how you view your body and begin to see yourself as beautiful the way you are (because you so are), or maybe you'll randomly win a “mommy makeover" package from a local plastic surgeon. Either of those things are totally possible. But you know what's probable? Getting closer to "a hot sexy body you love" after two months of steady exercise and healthy eating. Feel me?
Prayer, intention, meditation, thoughts, hopes wishes… it's not enough. It's an excellent start, though.
So, however prayer looks like to you: a bowed head, zen meditation, or a bonfire on the full moon with amulets and crystals in a star formation and an animal sacrifice -- here are a few ways to add energy through action to the “prayer" you're doing for your husband and/or family.
Build them up with words, daily. Out loud.
Speaking good stuff over your family is the natural progression from private prayer. Your spoken words are so powerful and can build up and empower, or break down and depress just as easily. With our children, John and I praise and empower them constantly. After finding out John's love language is Words of Affirmation, I have been pouring into him with positivity and it shows. It makes me feel good seeing my children (and husband) beam with pride after I've verbally loved on 'em.
Pamper them and PAMPER YOURSELF!
I encourage you to substitute the word "pamper" with whatever quality it is you're hoping to make manifest in your family's lives. Spoil, encourage, praise, treat, respect, and acknowledge are just a few examples. There's a saying that you teach people how to treat you. There's also another saying that children *COUGH* and husbands *COUGH* do as they see and not as you say. For these reasons, it's important to not only treat them in the way you want to be treated, but also treat yourself the same way.
I wanted more compliments from my husband. I not only started complimenting him more, but I also started complimenting myself, out loud…in earshot. Hearing me say "damn I look good in this outfit" and "my hair looks so cute today" has sparked something in him to let me know he notices these things as well. The children have caught on and do the same. (Although we're working with Rohan to stop telling his sister she's "one handsome man.")
Work on an affirming project together.
I'm a big fan of the family project. This can be anything from a family date night, at-home movie and popcorn night, a monthly family meeting/check-in, or an actual hands-on project activity. Many couples and families get together to do projects: vision boards, bucket lists, art projects, planting a family herb garden, or making a family mission statement. You can also try out creating a family motto, secret handshake or dance move! The point is to shift the energy between the couple or the family. If you're sitting around praying for your husband to stop smoking and drinking, you may not have great results. But if you convince him into join you for a walk for charity, salsa lessons, or a daily bike ride, he may realize that his not-so-healthy habits are holding him back, and may slow down or even stop.
Encourage them to pray and take actions for themselves.
If you're praying for your husband or family member to make some sort of change in personality, habit or action (e.g. addiction), let me just tell you right now, you need to release that burden. It's not yours to carry, nor does your prayer do anything to impact it directly. What you can do is encourage them to do that energy work as well as make positive moves for themselves. I'm good for suggesting books and websites (once the door has been opened or I've been asked for my input). Once it's out there, let it be. Constantly bringing it up and asking (read: nagging) will not have the desired effect.
How ever you pray and to whom doesn't matter. As long as you follow those energetic efforts with action, you're sure to see an effect.
Featured image by Getty Images
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From Heartbreak To Healing: The Multifaceted Journey Of Nazanin Mandi
Nazanin Mandi is never out of options.
About a year ago, the 37-year-old life coach and actress was navigating life after divorce and determined to experience homeownership for the first time as a single woman. She’d been married to the R&B singer Miguel for three years, following a long-term relationship that started when she was 18 years old. But, in 2022, she filed for divorce. It was certainly the most public change she made but, in reality, it was just one of many decisions to refocus and reach her full potential in recent years.
“During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been,” she says in an xoNecole exclusive.
Still, as Mandi worked to get to know herself and her needs during this new phase of life, she realized the home she’d purchased wasn’t a good fit. Overwhelmed by the echoing of her voice in the spacious home, she had a breakdown and called her cousin, who immediately suggested she lease the home and live somewhere else. “I woke up in my house, and I was like, ‘This is not it for me,” she says. “All those years, I had been accustomed to living a certain way [and] in a certain house, so I bought myself a house like [my old home]. But my family was not the same. Waking up in that house by myself, it highlighted the divorce. I was like, ‘Oh, no, we can’t do this. This is not it.’ My life has changed, so my choices need to change.” At that moment, Mandi became open to the idea that there wasn’t one set way to achieve ownership on her own.
“I feel so much better. I’m in a smaller place. My best friend lives a minute from me and I can walk to her house,” she tells me during a Zoom interview from her home one recent afternoon in early February. In the past two years, she hasn’t just been advising other people on varying circumstances, she’s also been healing herself.
"During my 20s, I was not ready for more. I was living a really crazy life. It was unpredictable. I was helping somebody else grow. It was a lot, and it was intense. I was not pouring into myself the way I should’ve been."
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If supporters began following Nazanin Mandi because of her conventional beauty or the contagious, bright, white smile she often wears in many of her photos, that’s likely not the reason they’ve stuck around. Instead, she’s amassed a following based on her transparency about her own anxiety and depression, along with the encouraging messages of self-acceptance, gratitude, ambition, and humility that are often sprinkled into her social media posts.
In an era where looking at Instagram photos of models can often lead to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity, Nazanin Mandi is determined to be more than eye candy. She’s food for her follower’s souls, too.
Since being recruited to model while dining at an In-N-Out at 10 years old, Mandi has worked in many areas of entertainment. The Valencia, California native has modeled for brands such as Olay, Savage X Fenty, and Good American. As a teen, she sang at Carnegie Hall and auditioned for season 1 of American Idol, making it all the way to Hollywood before producers disqualified her for lying about her age. (Mandi was 15 at the time, and contestants had to be at least 16 years old.) Mandi has acted, too, including appearing on Disney’s That’s So Raven as a teenager and on the BET+ series Games People Play and the Prime series Á La Carte in more recent years.
In recent years, though, she’s also expanded her professional goals outside of entertainment, too. After becoming a certified life coach in 2020, Mandi launched the membership platform You Bloome in 2022 with the hopes of providing wellness services to others, including her self-published gratitude journal. “I wish I had access to something like You Bloome earlier in my own life,” she writes on the company’s website. The actress, who has been forthcoming about her struggles with anxiety and depression, has never had a life coach, but credits therapy as a tool that “really, really saved me and it laid the foundation to who I am becoming.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
"I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself."
While she’s always had a nurturing personality, Mandi says her interest in becoming a life coach was inspired by the women who would message her for advice on social media. “I would answer them back. It really sparked a fire within myself to help people,” she says.
You Bloome currently has three membership tiers, ranging in price from $2.99 to $39.99 per month. The highest tier offers a motivational text message twice a week, two live, group coaching sessions per month, and more. “We get emotional. We cry. We laugh. It’s really beautiful. I’ve built close relationships with my members through this. It’s been inspiring both ways,” Mandi says of the sessions. Still, the founder says she hopes to take on more motivational and keynote speaking opportunities in the future with the hopes of impacting as many people as possible.
And, she’s hoping to do all of this while continuing to explore a career as an entertainer.
At this point in her life, Mandi says she’s gained enough perspective on modeling, music, and acting to realize what she wants to prioritize moving forward. “We are going full force with acting,” she says, noting her goal is “to book a series regular or a film that impacts my career and the world.” She plans to continue to model, too, but has no desire to pursue music.
“I don’t want any part of that because I know what that life entails,” she says. “I don’t want to tour. I don’t want to do any of that. That is not where my heart is at.”
Credit: Solmaz Saberi
If you ask Mandi, she’ll tell you she feels most comfortable in front of a camera, but she’ll also admit that she’s recently experienced a lot of imposter syndrome when thinking about her acting career. “I think it’s a fear of not succeeding,” she says. If anything, she adds, she’s harder on herself now than she’s ever been. “There were distractions before. There’s no distractions now,” she says. “I’m putting pressure on myself for no reason.”
This is where the life coach’s own personal healing comes into play. Mandi says she’s learning recently that “slow progress is still big progress at the end of the day.”
“Currently, I’m trying to find the balance between living life and knowing that whatever is meant for me is going to happen, but also know that I’m doing everything in my power to make those things happen and better myself,” she adds.
Still, one of Mandi’s strengths is that she doesn’t feel the pressure to limit herself to just one passion. From working as a life coach to pursuing acting, she has given herself grace to explore all other dreams.
“We can be allowed to be many different things in this lifetime,” she says. “As people, our identities are allowed to expand. Don’t put us in a fucking box. I cannot live that way anymore.”
For more of Nazanin, follow her on Instagram @nazaninmandi.
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Featured image by Solmaz Saberi
'Raising Kanan''s Hailey Kilgore Talks Seeing Herself In Jukebox & Broadway Background
Hailey Kilgore, who has brought the character Jukebox to life on Power Book III: Raising Kanan for the past three seasons, was working hard in show business long before landing the role on coveted Starz franchise. She's already a Tony- and Grammy-nominated talent whose credits include the Jennifer Hudson-led Aretha Franklin biopic Respect and the Tony-winning revival of Once on This Island.
Hailey may play a teen on the Mekai Curtis-centered series but she's been training in singing, acting, and performance since the tender age of 9—that's 16 years now. If you take a look at her social media profiles, it will almost make you do a double take as her real personality couldn't be further from what's depicted on the show—proving just how talented she really is. The Broadway veteran, who is gearing up to release her first album, is what many would describe a girl's girl wearing loads of sequins, gowns, and serving face!
This will prompt you to dig a little deeper to find out more about the girl who is a multi-hyphenate and earned two major nominations before even making it on the big screen.
Getty Images
xoNecole caught up Hailey as season 3 came to an end and was surprised to learn that although they may be completely different people, her real life is mirroring what's going on with Jukebox in Raising Kanan. "I really made the epiphany season 3." She continued, "[Jukebox] just wants to be seen. She works so hard, she's a really sweet girl. She has a beautiful spirit and she just wants people to see her—to see how hard she works. I feel that right now. I'm like, please just see me. I know you love Jukebox...but there's a super cool girl in here and she's got a lot to say. A lot to contribute to the world artistically."
She even delved more into her background, telling us about the extensive training and hard work she's put in to get to this point. "I started training when I was 9. I trained in acting, singing, and performance." She further explained, "I did my first job when I was 12, so I've been doing this for awhile. Performing is what I love. I've always said I wanted to be Beyoncé when I grew up...I'm really blessed to have the resume and the background that I do."
The latest season of Power Book III: Raising Kanan has come to a close but in true fashion, Hailey is still hard at work. Her first single "Drama Queen" is out now and her debut album will be released on May 3. It's safe to say that Hailey is having her moment. One can't deny that she's worked hard for it and we can't wait to see what's next!
Watch the full interview below.
Hailey Kilgore AKA Jukebox on 'Raising Kanan' Talks Broadway Background
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Featured image by Getty Images