Why Personal Development Is The Best Project You Can Ever Invest In
Can we agree that this life thing is about as predictable as IKEA furniture? The display rooms are so well-thought-out and color-coordinated and everything is picture perfect, like your social media feed maybe? But chile, the instructions. Are they supposed to be that confusing or is it just me? What if we use the comparison of life being that cute wall shelf you had your eye on? When God packaged your shelf, he created each step to play a critical role in the final piece. If you skim read, you miss the italicized note in fine print, that read, "Extra screw in tiny pouch. Do not throw out," right after you threw all that extra sh*t in the trash. It's okay, you didn't know what you don't know.
Self-development is the fine print at the bottom, covering your behind and making sense of the extra screws. In order for you to develop self, you must first get better acquainted with her. We already know there is no manual, just adults that spoonfed us whatever was taught to them. And then boom, you're an adult and you have very clear stances on everything, have zero baggage at all and understand why you have such an interesting taste in men. No?! I really wish that the process involved a lot less work, but you can't afford to skip steps on the most important project you'll ever complete. You just have to do the work, darling.
Understanding self leads to healthier and stronger relationships.
Instead of pointing fingers and distributing blame, you look to introspection when dealing with a rift or disagreement. When you're completely aware of the environments that trigger you and/or why, you can begin to curate your life to reflect this. Instead of having a screaming match with a sibling because they press your buttons like no other, you can retreat for a bit and assess the situation. Now you're no longer resorting to your default setting of raging lunatic and also possess the knowledge and the tools to 'rewire' your mind to react appropriately. Now, when you and your beloved sibling sit down you will also have the words to accurately verbalize what you're feeling.
Whether the other person is open to hearing you out and taking your feelings into consideration is outside your control. But at least you've gained an arsenal of techniques to help you decompress next time around.
You learn to love all the kinks and quirks about yourself that you’ve grown to love in others. Self-love is just directing that energy inward.
If you can think back to the last unbalanced relationship you had, there may have been something the other person had that you felt you didn't. Or they may have been able to make you feel a way that no one else could. Loved. Whole. Happy. Your perception tricked you into believing that you would only feel loved, whole and happy while in their company. Your lack of self-knowledge hid your own vault of good energy from you because you were too busy to take inventory of it.
You were drawn to these qualities because you possess them as well. They just had to be developed for you to notice. Now you can rid yourself of codependency and stop acting like the world is going to end when your best friend goes out with her other best friend. Solitude is never a bad thing when you love the company you're in.
You learn what you’re made of and how to self-motivate.
I hate the gym. That's my confession and an area that I'm striving to do better in, so I'm in the ring with you. Last winter however, I went on vacation and was really unhappy with the way I looked in my photos. I got to work in the gym as soon as I got back. I knew that I would cheat after a long day at work so I went first thing in the morning. I know that I'm more prone to keep my promises to myself if I share the goal, so I told my friend to hold me accountable. I also know that music is the absolute easiest way to shift our moods, so I had a playlist with every twerkable song on it, from dancehall to trap. I fool-proofed the goal because I knew what my weaknesses were. I hit my goal, lost my love handles and finally fit into my clothes again. So now that it's a year later and I've fallen off my game, I know exactly how to pick myself up AND that I'm capable. I start over this time with that peace of mind.
You never get to a point of perfection, that's the joy of being human. It's the ability and the know-how to change your circumstance that holds power.
I could write about this topic for days because I truly believe it's the ultimate life hack. How do you improve your life? Study it. Note strengths and weaknesses. Regroup. Repeat. As you begin to grow mentally and spiritually, you'll notice the ripple effect as it spreads into other areas of your life. You'll notice more opportunities that are in alignment with who you are at your core, simply because you're now able to identify them. You'll be able to articulate your needs and wants and get more out of life as you gain clarity and strength in your voice. Most importantly, you'll find an inner peace that surpasses understanding. You'll remain unmoved in the midst of chaos because you've learned how to tame the storm within. The woman who knows who she is, who she isn't and everything she's capable of has a different kind of sashay when she enters a room. She knows her worth.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
How The Rise Of Perfectionism Is Stunting Your Growth
What To Do When You're Changing But The People Around You Aren't
The 19 Books Every Entrepreneur Should Read
Self-Improvement Was My Addiction
Featured image by Shutterstock
- How to Invest $1000 in Your Self Improvement in 2016 | Fortune ›
- 5 Ways to Invest in Yourself — The Concept of Compound Interest ›
- Invest in Your Personal Development ›
- Top 10 Ways to Invest in Yourself and Why It's So Powerful | HuffPost ›
- 10 Best Ways to Invest in Your Professional Development Plan ... ›
- Four Reasons Why You Should Invest In Self-Development ›
- 15 Personal Development Quotes to Help You Invest in Yourself ›
- Why Personal Development is the Best Investment You'll Ever Make ›
Danielle Smith is a Toronto-based Personal Development Junkie on the gram @youbettaglowgirl. She keeps her hands full as a Writer, Speaker, Stylist & Non-Profit Founder, all while doing her most important job as a full-time mama of one. Marching to the beat of her own drum and a playlist of her favourite 90s R&B, she's blazed a path of her own.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Is It Ever Okay To Share Your Friends' Business With Your Partner? Maybe.
The older we get, the more we communicate our boundaries. With age, we also more clearly understand those boundaries and how to effectively, and immediately speak on them confidently. For many years, I remained connected with a friend whose boyfriend would always come to me and call me "lonely" or mention a discussion I had only had in private with her.
Back then, not only was it that anything I said to her in confidence was being reiterated without my permission. But there was also the sass of that man to repeat tidbits of our conversations back to me coupled with her audacity not to check him then and there whenever he did. But, as a much older adult, I realize people can’t do what they don’t know, and based on her choice of partner – it now seems to be a given that boundaries and respect weren’t two things that were high on her list of priorities…respectfully.
We stayed friends for many years, and honestly, I wouldn’t have had a problem with it had her man kept his mouth shut. I’m about to tell on myself when I say, “I thought we were all doing that? I thought we were all telling our man the tea at the end of our days?” I mean, I don’t have a man 90 percent of the time – so more often than not the secrets have been safe, but like?!
But, I’ve since seen several online posts in passing that suggest this is actually against the girl code – leaving me to feel validated but also guilty for my acts of treason. I thought it would be safe to get some more insight from an expert as listening to internet rhetoric can, at times, be overrated.
According to Dr. Ayanna Abrams, a licensed clinical psychologist, it depends. "It depends on four relationships – not just the one with your friend. This answer depends on your friendship, your partnership, your friend's relationship with your partner, and your relationship to the shared information.”
Dr. Abrams went on to provide a list of questions that can help us better understand if what you want to share with your partner is information your man is even qualified to know. Here is the list of questions that Dr. Abrams suggests you use as a flowchart of sorts:
1. What is my relationship with this friend?
How close are we? What stage of friendship are we in? Is this vulnerable information that feels particularly intimate or difficult for them to share? Did my friend ask me not to share?
2. What's my relationship with my partner?
What do I know about them and how do they hold information about me or the people in my life? Have they shown respect for people's privacy or do I know that they sometimes have trouble with privacy/secrets?
3. How does the shared information affect me?
Does it overjoy me, upset me, might it impact me and I'm anxious about it? (This could help determine what information you're sharing–are you sharing context for how it impacts you or are you sharing it as gossip?)
4. Is this information something that I believe my friend wouldn't mind my partner knowing?
Do they have any connection to each other (or is it strained or fairly distant?)
5. What's motivating me to share?
Do I need support, am I trying to connect with my partner through sharing things that happen to me within other relationships? Do we have a practice of sharing what's going on with our friends? How do I feel about sharing this information with anyone?
What can seem harmless to us may be a cause for immediate termination for others. This is a great opportunity to point out the importance of communicating and setting boundaries in all relationships, early and often. This is often recommended in romantic relationships but it can solve a lot of the issues stemming from miscommunication in platonic relationships as well.
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