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THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. Iâm in my late thirties. Iâm an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, Iâve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and âlifestyleâ often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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Iâve been told everything from, âI canât continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kidsâ by a man after only the second date to âMaybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, Iâd actually wife youâ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things Iâve been told over the years.
Itâs been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldnât push away potential suitors. I know what youâre thinking, âGirl, why would you even consider that? If theyâre for you, it wonât matter what you do.â Hey, donât judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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Thatâs why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the worldâs most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotelâs guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspectionâwhile soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer thingsâafter all, Iâve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her âluxuriousâ habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they âcanât do anything for you, because you have everything.â
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work Iâve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded meâthis is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, Iâll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, Iâm okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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