The Do’s & Don’ts Of Dirty Talk, According To A Sex Therapist
With Valentine's Day right around the corner, you may be looking to spice things up with your bae. Perhaps you've already mastered the art of sexting (hello kitten, eggplant, and "wet" emojis!) and are ready to kick it up a notch. Dirty talk is a form of sexual expression that can intensify sensual stimulation before, during and even after sex play – transforming your average sex session into a steamy romp in the sack.
Dirty talk can empower partners to express their desires, needs, and reactions in real-time. And while it may seem a bit scary and embarrassing at first, the key is to make sure that you're using words and phrases that seem natural to you and that describe how you're feeling in the moment.
If you're ready to develop your own dirty dialogue and say goodbye to silent sex forever, sex therapist Shamyra Howard provides six helpful do's and don'ts of dirty talk.
The Do's and Don'ts of Dirty Talk During Sex
Do start slow with dirty talk.
Talking frisky may seem a little risky at first, but it's very important to ease your way into it, just as with any new sexual activity. "Dirty talk can be to sex, what butter is to everything!" Shamyra said. "And although it is fun, it can be intimidating due to thoughts and expectations of what's supposed to happen." Starting slow and steady can help you relax and let go of your inhibitions.
Don’t surprise your partner.
"If dirty talk is something new that you want to introduce to your other half, be sure to solicit their thoughts before you decide to jump in full fledge! You don't want to kill the mood before you have the chance to create it," Shamyra explained.
Here are her recommended questions:
- What are your thoughts on dirty talk?
- Would you be open to us talking dirty to each other?
- What are a few scenarios that really turn you on?
- What are scenarios that would totally turn you off?
Do embrace the awkwardness.
"A big reason why many people resist dirty talk is because they find it weird or awkward," Shamyra said. "Just like many other forms of sexual intimacy and sex play, things may get a little weird – and that's okay." If something funny happens, it's okay to laugh and then get back to telling your partner how good their skin feels against yours. Allow yourself to be as natural as possible.
Don't force the dirty talk.
"When talking dirty, stick with terms that you are comfortable with," Shamyra explained. "You don't have to go full Wesley Pipes (or any other adult entertainer), if that's not your usual tone." Try starting with these sexy basics:
1. Tell your partner you miss them.
Say this: "I can't wait to feel you."
2. Tell your partner something you like about them.
Say this: "I really like how soft your body is."
3. Remind your partner of a previous pleasurable sexual experience.
Say this: "Do you remember how wet I was last time? How did that feel?"
4. Make a sexual request.
Say this: "Next time, I want you to taste me."
Do practice talking dirty.
"Just like with anything else, practice makes perfect. Practice in the mirror or record yourself talking dirty, moaning and groaning," Shamyra described. "Exercising what you're going to say before you say it can make dirty talk less awkward."
Don't forget to touch yourself.
If you're really feeling yourself, go ahead and feel yourself! "Dirty talk is meant to be erotic and arousing -- why not heighten the experience by touching yourself?" Shamyra exclaimed. "Extra points if you orgasm! The great thing about dirty talk is that you can always adjust what you say based on you and your partner's comfort level. And while it doesn't always have to lead to penetrative sex, dirty talk can definitely enhance your sexual relationship."
Featured image by Shutterstock
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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According To TikTok, This Wellness Concoction Is The Cheat Code To Getting That 'Slip N Slide'
Being a woman is no easy feat. Don’t get me wrong, I love it here – I do! But, it’s not for the faint of heart. And, by faint of heart, I mean men.
Here’s the short list of things we navigate (in no particular order) that make me know God is, in fact, a woman: menstruation, men (good, bad, and ugly), motherhood, and maintaining the motherfucking magic in our relationships. We hold shit down. We get shit done.
There’s simply no denying that, at our best, women are godly! We’re also imaginative, crafty, and intuitive when we allow ourselves to be. We listen to and know our bodies like no other. Though, with Western medicine and generally being displaced from our roots, I think many of us have become out of touch with what’s natural to us and for us. However, I believe we’re attempting to return to what feels right–what feels natural.
TikTok has made it a bit easier as we’ve been able to hear first-person accounts of natural remedies such as okra water and its benefits for all things womanly, and then some. You’ve seen what I’m talking about–all the hype around okra water providing additional vaginal lubrication for women and also, its ability to make for easier labor for expecting mothers.
@charleanleonora We unlocking new levels of self care. Don’t sleep on this stuff and get my e-book! 🤎 #plantbased #naturalremedy #okrawater #womenhygiene
Benefits of Drinking Okra Water
@goldennn_xo6 I hope this helps 💕 #naturalbirth #homebirth #okrawater #okraforpregnancy #naturallaboranddelivery #fypシ #fyp #thefindguru
Between its believed contributions to digestive health and blood sugar control, drinking okra water has a lot going for itself in terms of possible health benefits. One of its most sought-after benefits is the helping hand it lends to those laboring children. Though there isn't a lot of science to support these claims, there’s lots of talk about how okra water can assist with the birthing process, with labor said to be easier through reduced pain, and the added lubrication is thought to help the baby "slide out" during the actual birth.
The believed increase in vaginal lubrication that the concoction is said to create is believed to be another benefit of regularly consuming okra water. Let me add there have been women warning against just how much additional lubrication (Smuckers, gushy-gushy, that wet-wet) it can cause. And, I would say heed this warning if you are someone who feels embarrassed by maybe the idea of squirting and excessive wetness.
The bulk of the knowledge around these particular health benefits is anecdotal, and while there does seem to be other health benefits, we can’t be certain of which ones and the quantity of nutrients being infused into the water in this form.
How To Make Okra Water
@maryamjhampton Replying to @RH How I make Okra Water! #okrawater #healthtips #womenshealth
Making okra water is a rather straightforward process. The simplest way is taking okra pods (frozen or fresh but preferably organic) and putting them in an encapsulated bottle with water to soak for up to 24 hours. Once you’ve made it, rest assured it will have a very thick and slimy texture–this is where it gets subjective. I could try it and tell you my experience, but I’ve seen some people say the flavor isn’t that bad while others say that they can’t handle the texture.
But, once you’ve made the okra water, feel free to mix it in with drinks like lemonade or a complimentary tea. And, as a pro tip, you can even add mint to infuse with your water to further enhance the taste. Though, I’m thinking when people are trying to enhance the taste it’s the texture they’re trying to distract from as many people seem to think the flavor is manageable–texture? Not so much.
You can also add okra water to smoothies, or make popsicles from it – the sky’s the limit when you’re an okra pod.
I know there’s this natural urge to be distrustful of things that haven’t been proven by…well…Western medicine. Though the research is not there in that regard, it seems to be common knowledge and a useful remedy amongst the African community.
I want to point out that our ancestors disseminated and passed along information for generations anecdotally. They shared their first-hand accounts of what worked and what didn’t work. So now, here I am, sharing the stories of others because this is how we get the recipes back! I do encourage everyone to do their due diligence when going the holistic route.
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Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images