Everything You Need To Know About Mercury Haterade (I Mean…Retrograde)
Even if you only have an elementary understanding of Astrology, you've probably heard about the oh-so-dreaded Mercury Retrograde. About three times a year, the planet of communication, learning, and transportation goes retrograde, retracing its orbit. Although Mercury Retrograde has the ability to cause some annoyances in our lives, this regularly occurring transit isn't as bad as the masses tend to think. When we are open to truly understanding this energy (instead of perpetuating a fear-based narrative), we can make this transit work to our advantage.
Check out these 10 things you need to know about the transit we all love to hate:
1. Calm your tits, sis.
Mercury is retrograde for basically half the year. Before you knew anything about this transit, you were just living your life and Mercury has been retrograde on numerous occasions. You may have even been born during a retrograde like myself. Even if you aren't a Mercury retrograde baby, you probably know someone who is. These individuals tend to be more introspective, detail-oriented, and they have the potential to be extremely creative—even borderline genius.
2. Be patient.
The retrograde transit itself lasts for about three weeks but there is a two-and-a-half week pre-shadow and post-shadow phase. During the shadow phases, the effects of the retrograde tend to be felt more as Mercury prepares to retrace its orbit. With that being said, the entire Mercury Retrograde transit is about two months long (and yes, it can feel extremely drawn out depending on what zodiac sign this mutable planet is visiting).
3. Stick to the tried and true.
Mercury Retrograde is not a good time to start new projects, endeavors, or serious commitments. Instead, use this time to review and revise something you're already working on. This transit is best utilized for rolling up your sleeves and getting into the details. Finish up your business plan, prepare your marketing campaign for the big launch, and reassess existing contractual agreements that need to be adjusted.
4. Mindfulness is key.
When the planet that governs our thoughts and communication goes retrograde, we have a tendency to overanalyze things. When Mercury is direct, the energy is focused outwards towards our surroundings. However, when it's retrograde, the energy is more internalized. Although this transit can be effective in helping us get into the details, we can easily trail off the deep end where our inner critic becomes louder than our intuition. There are enough haters in the world. Don't be a part of your own downfall.
5. Maintenance check, please!
When's the last time you got your oil changed, sis? It's time to visit your local auto shop, especially if you plan on taking a road trip during the retrograde. Not only does Mercury govern our thoughts and communication but it also affects our transportation. If you've been holding off on getting those tires replaced or your radiator fixed, you may not be able to hold off for much longer. You can also avoid a much bigger problem later down the road by making sure your car is getting just as much self-care as you do.
6. Don’t text your ex.
You may be tempted to reach out to someone from your past due to the optical illusion that Mercury is moving backwards during a Retrograde (in actuality the speed of the planet's orbit is just slowing down). Each person's situation will be different but as the popular saying goes, "Exes are exes for a reason." Now you may feel like you've got some unfinished business to sort out with someone, and in some cases, Mercury Retrograde can help you clear the air in an attempt to get on the same page, heal, and even reconcile with the past. Just keep in mind that once Mercury goes direct, there is the possibility that someone pulls a 180 and decides to move in a different direction.
7. Leave 20 minutes early.
Mercury is a bit of a trickster and when the planet that governs our transportation goes Retrograde, it can throw some unexpected surprises our way. If you've got something important planned, or your boss keeps giving you a hard time for being late, give yourself plenty of time to get to your destination. You may notice an increase in accidents, traffic, and road work during the retrograde. With that being said, it's a good idea to leave the house a little earlier than usual to avoid the chaos.
8. Triple check your travel plans.
Traveling can already be a hectic affair. Once you add Mercury Retrograde into the mix, the process becomes 10x more annoying. There is a tendency for our thoughts to be a little cloudy during this transit which is why it's so important to pay attention to the details. As excited as you are to hit the beach in Cabo for Spring Break, make sure you've got all of your ducks in a row. Make sure your passport is up-to-date, your hotel room is secured, and stay on the alert for any flight changes.
9. Hold off on upgrading your electronics.
You may be tempted to get that new iPhone or buy that fancy MacBook Pro. Unless it's an emergency, you'd be better off waiting until Mercury goes direct. Not only does this planet govern communication and transportation but it's also associated with all of our modern gadgets. If you must make a high dollar purchase, make sure to save your receipt. You may even want to consider buying a warranty or some kind of insurance to protect your new gadget just in case something goes wrong.
10. Sharpen your expertise.
Although this isn't the best time to start a new endeavor, Mercury Retrograde does give us the opportunity to dive deeper into something we've been working on. If you need to brush up your skills or prepare for that public speaking event, this energy is useful for working out the kinks. As annoying as Mercury Retrograde can be, the regular occurrence of this transit serves to remind us that life is a lesson that is constantly refining us into a better version of ourselves.
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How A Couple That Never Spoke On The Phone Answered Marriage’s Call
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
As I move through life and experience different highs and lows, one thing that has become increasingly clear is the importance of self-love and self-worth. Now, I’m not saying it’s always easy, but I do feel like if it’s in a good place, people experience life more fully. And when it comes to love, my friend Amanda Wicks and her husband, Will Ford, are the perfect example.
Amanda may not remember this, but years ago, on one of her many visits back to Atlanta (we both went to Clark Atlanta University), she sat across from me at a dinner table and declared she was done looking for love. She was happy with who she was, and while she still desired it, it was no longer something she was chasing. “If it happens, it happens,” she said. The statement was so bold it made me quickly reroute our usual dating story catch-ups and awkwardly move to a different topic.
Well, the next time we met up, she told me she had met someone and was moving to Houston to live with him. Imagine my surprise and concern. Later, I’d find out that this decision, like so many other elements of their relationship, flowed naturally and organically. Their whole partnership has been full of peace and vulnerability.
Fast forward to today’s conversation, they’re still living together, celebrating four years of marriage, and planning to create a family. And while this stage of their story sounds generally normal, the way they got there is nothing but. Check out the "How We Met" feature below to see how a couple who never spoke on the phone and lived in different states ended up in a loving marriage full of ease, art, and authenticity.
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Walk me through your ‘How We Met’ story.
Amanda: We met on Instagram (laughs). He followed me first, and I followed back because he does art, and I was intrigued by that. Honestly, we followed each other for a while before we connected. But I remember one day I saw a post where he had on a Martin t-shirt that I liked, and that sparked our conversation. He ended up telling me he made the shirt and actually mailed me one. So when I got it, I made a post wearing it, and that’s where the conversation started. Since that day we’ve communicated every day since.
Will: Yeah, I initially saw her on a short-hair Instagram page and followed her because I thought she was attractive. I actually showed her to my co-workers on one of our monthly outings as an example of my “type” – something I had never done. But one thing I will say is, I noticed she had on a Nina Simone shirt in one of her photos, that’s what got me. It showed she had more depth.
I guess that answers my next question. Did you have an initial attraction to each other?
Will: (Laughs) Yeah, I did.
Amanda: For me, no. I just wasn’t looking at him through that lens. I didn’t follow him because he was attractive. I don’t follow people online because of that. I actually remember a time when we were going back and forth, and I was like, “Aye, you kinda cute.” It was a specific moment. Once I started looking through his page more often, I started to view him that way, but it still was more of an acknowledgment. We really connected primarily because of our creative interests.
So, how did it go to the next level?
Amanda: I was in Nashville, and he was in Houston. But I’m somebody where if I feel like doing something, I’m going to do it. I had been meaning to go to Houston for a while to see a friend, so I felt like it was the perfect combination of a circumstance. We had been talking a lot, and I knew I liked him as a person and really wanted to meet him, but of course, I was aware of the idea that it could blossom into more. I remember I sent him a text saying, “Would you think I was crazy if I pulled up to Houston?”
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What was your reply? Did you think she was crazy?
Will: In my mind, I was like, I don’t know. (Laughs) I wanted her to, though, so I wasn’t going to say yeah. It was a little wild, but I encouraged it.
Okay, so tell me about the date.
Amanda: I don’t know if you’d call it our first “date,” but the first time we met, we went to a skating rink. I was a little nervous about meeting him in person. Like, what if we don’t have chemistry – that was in the back of my head a little. But I brought my friend with me as a buffer, and thank God I did because he was so quiet the whole night. I literally can’t think of one thing he said the entire time. But the saving grace was that we had built a rapport. We reconnected the following night and were together until 5 a.m. – just sitting there talking. We ended up spending the whole weekend together.
Will: I’m socially awkward if I don’t know you. Also, before the date, I didn’t know what she sounded like or anything because, that’s another thing, we hadn’t talked on the phone. (They both really don’t like phone calls, so everything was through texts at this point.) I guess I could say I was kinda nervous, too. I had never met someone through social media, and then here I was, meeting her in person at a skating rink. I hadn’t skated in years, I was hoping I didn’t fall. But we had just been talking so much that I was open to it.
What made you want to take that risk?
Will: She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around.
Amanda: I don’t think it was anything specific. It’s not hard for me to connect with people. But there were no red flags. We align across the board. That was different. We really connect on how we see the world.
"She has a level of authenticity that I’ve never seen in any other woman before, and once I saw her, it solidified that. I knew I wanted her around."
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
Out of curiosity, what are your love languages?
Amanda: I connect with all of them. I think it just depends on what I’ve been lacking. I appreciate words of affirmation because I’m so big on actions that I like those bold statements of love, and of course, I appreciate quality time. The older I get, the more I appreciate physical touch, but that’s not something I need. With receiving gifts, I like thoughtfulness, and I like giving thoughtful gifts, too. But acts of service is for sure my biggest one. I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most.
"I love when someone considers me and makes my life easier. That speaks to me most."
Will: I think it all depends on how I’m feeling, too. But probably also acts of service. I like how Amanda will buy me deodorant when I run out (laughs). She just does so much all the time to show that I’m thought of.
At what point in your connection did y’all have the “what are we” conversation?
Will: I don’t think we ever had that convo. We never defined anything, we just kinda went with how it was going. However, I knew I wanted it to be more serious when I went to visit her. She had been coming to Houston once a month, and I went to Florida (she was there for work) to see her. I realized I felt comfortable coming into her space, too. That gave me that last little bit of whatever I needed.
Amanda: Yeah, I can’t say I had a defined moment like that. But again, as we had more and more interactions, there were just no red flags. The more we thought about it, the more we realized no matter where we went relationship-wise, we were adamant about being a part of each other’s lives. We never had the “talking to other people” conversation or anything. But we did both understand we weren’t going anywhere. Eventually, it graduated to convos around building a life together, but even that was over six months in. I just liked him as a person.
Have there been any negative revelations that your partnership and marriage have taught you about yourself?
Amanda: I’ve always felt that partnership is supposed to make the other person’s life easier. For me, it was a struggle to let someone help me in all the ways I didn’t really know I needed help. As I started having less capacity, I had to realize that it doesn't work anymore. It was hard for me to acknowledge and ask for help. I think that’s something I am still coming to terms with, even with other relationships in my life.
Will: I think I’m learning and still learning how to get out of my head. I’m the kind of person who always has to visualize stuff before it happens. And this relationship is the first thing that I don’t do that with. Of course, we plan stuff, but I know it’s gonna be good regardless. It allows me to stay in the moment. If I can do that with this, which is the most important thing to me, why can’t I do that with other things?
Photo courtesy of Amanda Wicks and Will Ford
What challenges have you faced together?
Will: For me, the preconceived challenge was living together. I’ve never lived with a woman before. Even in my previous relationship, it was long-distance. I’m also the type of person that likes my space, but as soon as she got here, that was out the window. It was so smooth it made me feel stupid for questioning it.
Amanda: I’m grateful to say we don’t necessarily have challenges between each other together. But we have been struggling with infertility and health issues. Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way. But that’s an example of how having someone else there can be helpful. I was so functional as a full-blown individual doing everything by myself.
So, in my head, I don’t need anyone, but having someone there who is happy to support me has taught me it’s okay to welcome that. It’s made us stronger because it’s taught us how we both function under duress – it’s good to know it’s not terrible (laughs).
"Our biggest challenge thus far is trying to get pregnant. Even articulating that makes me realize I’m grateful it hasn’t caused a rift between us. I think we have been able to face it in a healthy way."
What are some of the shared values that are important to your relationship?
Will: How we see life, what we’re here for, and how you’re supposed to treat people. It sounds really simple, but it’s not as common as you think.
Amanda: We value being really good people – without strings. We both don’t value money, but we value stability. So we don’t have to endure the “why are you not hustling” arguments. We were both stable people individually, and we came together. Also, we both value meaningful connections, alone time, reflection, and family. That guides us in what we do and how we build a life.
Finally, what is your favorite thing about each other?
Amanda: I’ll say one of my favorite things about him is that he’s brilliant. I view myself as a smart person, but in my head, he can do what I’m doing ten times faster. There are times I want to push myself to do stuff, and I’ll just ask him because I know he can do it. It’s incredible.
Will: My favorite thing about her is how people see her. Being a witness to how important she is to other people’s lives is amazing. Standing to the side and seeing how she affects them is really special.
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Feature image courtesy of Amanda Hicks and Will Ford
Kamie Crawford's Guide To Red Flags And Breaking The 'Revolving Door' Dating Cycle
As the co-host of MTV’s hit show Catfish for nearly five years, Kamie Crawford has seen a lot. From exposing those who hide behind misleading online identities to bringing resolve to dating hopefuls in need of closure, it’s safe to say that Kamie knows a thing or two about navigating modern dating culture with logic and grace.
In a recent interview with Today, the 30-year-old TV personality dished on all the dating insight and lessons she’s picked up while hosting dating shows. Her trainer, Six, once imparted valuable relationship advice that emphasized the importance of not treating life and relationships as if they were a baseball game.
Unique Nicole / Stringer/Getty Images
"Somebody tells you something or (shares) how they’re feeling and you knock it back to them," she said. Instead, “we need to be playing football, where you throw the ball to someone and you say, ‘Hey, this is how you made me feel.’ And they receive it and they honor it because you’re on the same team."
In other words, seek to understand, not to prove a point. “Because a lot of times you can be right and you can stand on your soapbox, but it could be at the detriment of your relationship,” she adds.
The Relationsh*t podcast host also advises that the best way to combat the “revolving door” mindset in dating that makes it seem like there’s always something better on the other side is to be willing to make a good thing work because a few bumps here and there are normal.
“There’s a lot of energy out there right now of, ‘Well, if this one doesn’t do blah, blah, blah, then I’m just gonna go get a new one,'” she said. “Okay, you can do that. You’ll spend your whole life getting a new one, finding a new relationship, because you’re not willing to actually sit in something and work it through.”
While social media can be a space to meet new people whom one might not otherwise cross paths with, Kamie says that one of her biggest red flags is having a wandering eye on apps. Sometimes, a double-tap isn’t as innocent as it seems.
“I just think that that kind of behavior is so juvenile and ridiculous. I think you can like something with your eyes and not tap it with your hands,” she said.
Ladies, write that down.
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Featured Image by Ivan Apfel / Stringer/Getty Images