

Did You Know That You Can Drink Your Way To Beautiful Hair?
It was around this time last year when I wrote the article, “Let's Gain An Inch A Month Of Hair Growth 'Til December, Shall We?”. What I forgot to do was circle back around and ask everyone how they did. So…how’d it go? Did you gain at least 3-4 inches that you may have been shooting for? If not, there is certainly no time like the present to try and make a few hair miracles happen.
One really easy way to do that is to add a few of the drinks that I’m about to share with you on your grocery list. Because, as you’re about to see in just a sec, not only can they help your hair to truly flourish, they’re really good for your health in a myriad of other ways too. You ready to sip on 10 great suggestions?
1. Coconut Water
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Something that’s cool about coconut water is, even though it is made up of 94 percent water, it still has a fair amount of potassium in it, along with some traces of magnesium and calcium too. Not only that but it contains antioxidants which are really good for your immune system. Some other benefits that come with this particular drink are it can help to lower blood sugar levels in diabetic individuals, can help to reduce the development of kidney stones (by increasing urination which removes potassium, chloride, and citrate buildup), supports your heart health, gives you more energy and, it can even replenish electrolytes after exercise.
What makes coconut water outstanding as far as your hair is concerned is the fact that consuming it can help to renew cellular hair growth from the inside out. Also, the amino acids in the water can make your hair stronger and, if you rinse your hair with it, coconut water has the ability to increase blood circulation to your scalp, so that your strands are able to become stronger as a direct result.
2. Aloe Vera Juice
Now I’ll be honest with you — there is nothing so thrilling about the taste of Aloe vera juice that it will make you want to down it on a daily basis. However, if you mix it in with another drink or add it to a smoothie, you’ll barely be able to taste it and you’ll still be able to get all of the benefits that come with consuming it. That said, Aloe vera juice is good for you because it helps to detox your body, and hydrate your system and, vitamins B, C, E, and folic acid can help to keep your skin radiant and glowing. Something else worth taking note of when it comes to Aloe vera juice is the properties in it are good at preventing plaque from forming which makes it awesome when it comes to maintaining good oral health.
And what does it do for your tresses? Drinking it can help to moisturize your hair from the inside out. It also can help you to retain hair length and, if you apply a bit of Aloe vera juice to your scalp, it can relieve itching, almost instantaneously (in most cases). Oh, and a lot of people enjoy using Aloe vera juice or gel as a pre-poo on wash days as well.
3. Guava Juice
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If there’s one juice on this list that is pretty unsung, it would have to be guava juice. The reason why I say that is because its benefits are kinda close to being endless! Aside from being a good source of vitamins A, C, and E, along with folate, magnesium, dietary fiber and so much more, guava juice has a great reputation when it comes to strengthening your immunity, improving your vision, providing your system with anti-aging properties, boosting brain power and giving your skin a natural radiant glow.
And why is guava juice awesome when it comes to your hair? Thanks to its antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and anti-microbial properties, it helps to keep your scalp healthy. Plus, the Vitamin C in it helps to trigger collagen production, so that your hair has more elasticity to it, which reduces its chance of breakage (which helps you to maintain length retention).
4. Peppermint Tea
Growing up, there was quite a bit of tea in my house which is probably why I’m always down for a piping hot cup of herbal tea with some honey in it, to this day. When it comes to tea, probably one of the most popular kinds is peppermint tea, and with good reason. Peppermint tea contains properties that are able to reduce headache and migraine tension, unclog sinuses, give you an energy boost, relieve menstrual cramps and fight off bacterial infections. Yeah, peppermint tea is all of the things.
What makes it so good for your hair is the fact that the menthol in the tea helps to soothe your blood vessels while also stimulating blood circulation so that your hair follicles are able to receive the nutrients that they need. As a direct result, your hair strands are able to become stronger and thicker. How cool is that?
5. Carrot Juice
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I don’t think I’ve ever had carrot juice on its own. I have had a carrot and apple blend that was pretty bomb, though, so if you’ve never had it before, don’t be afraid to “mix it up” with another favorite juice flavor. Anyway, carrot juice is beneficial thanks to the protein, fiber, vitamins A, C, K, and potassium in it. You’ve probably heard that carrots are good for maintaining your vision and that is absolutely the truth. Carrots are also good for you because they help to boost immunity, control your blood sugar levels and, keep heart disease at bay.
Another great thing about carrot juice is it contains a really high amount of beta-carotene. That’s awesome because, when it’s digested, it turns into Vitamin A and that’s a vitamin that helps to protect your skin from damaging UV rays. Another thing is that the Vitamin C in carrot juice helps to slow down your skin’s aging process too. As far as your hair goes, the nutrients in carrots can help to prevent hair loss. Also, if you consume carrot juice on a regular basis, it can improve the quality of your hair while giving it a natural sheen in the process.
6. Apple Juice
If you’ve got a little bit of constipation going on, something that can definitely help you out is an apple; that’s probably because it reportedly has about four grams of fiber per serving in it. Other nutrients that are found in this very popular fruit include a fair amount of Vitamin C along with some traces of potassium, manganese, copper, and vitamins B12 and K. All of these work together in order to protect your heart, lower your diabetes risk, maintain your gut health, fight asthma and even help to prevent cancer cells from forming.
One of the best things about apples is they have a way of maintaining the pH balance of your scalp. This is a good thing because when your scalp is healthy, that means less scalp itching and irritation and less dandruff too. Some people are actually big fans of rinsing their hair in 100 percent pure apple juice on wash days because the antioxidants in it are able to strengthen your hair (and scalp) from the outside in. Just make sure that it’s 100 pure and organic juice; not the sugary cocktail kind.
7. Ginger Tea
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A particular kind of tea that I enjoy is ginger tea. I think it’s because I like a nice spicy flavor and ginger certainly provides that. Ginger tea is dope, in part, thanks to its super potent anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties. It’s great for treating nausea (including the kind that is related to morning sickness and motion sickness), lowering blood sugar levels, decreasing the risk of heart disease, reducing menstrual discomfort and, it helps to relieve chronic indigestion too.
Hair-wise, ginger tea is that one because it helps to increase blood circulation to your scalp and restore moisture loss which is good to know if you are someone who has low porosity hair. Ginger tea is also great for your hair due to its antimicrobial and antiseptic properties that can help to fight off dandruff and other forms of scalp irritation.
8. Tomato Juice
If Bloody Marys are your thing, then you’ll be glad to know about this. Protein, fiber, vitamins A, B, and C along with potassium and antioxidants are just some of the reasons why drinking this kind of fruit (yes, fruit) juice is so good for you. Aside from the fact that tomato juice helps to reduce the risk of heart disease and skin cancer, it’s also helpful because it aids in digestion, lowers cholesterol levels, helps to regulate bowel movements, detoxifies your system, and is a great source of energy.
Since tomato juice has iron in it, it helps to strengthen your hair and reduce shedding. And, if you apply it as a rinse to your hair after shampooing it, it can relieve itchiness and dryness, so that your scalp is able to thrive.
9. Berry Smoothie
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There is nothing like a bowl of fresh berries, boy. Health-wise, they’re good for you because they are full of antioxidants, fiber, manganese, and vitamins B, C, and K. Some other perks include the fact that berries help to lower cholesterol levels, fight pre-cancer cells, reduce inflammation, improve blood sugar levels and, they can also keep free radicals from damaging your skin.
And why would an all-natural berry smoothie be oh so very good for your hair? Vitamin B provides oxygen to your hair follicles so that your strands are strong and premature grey is delayed. Vitamin C increases blood circulation to your follicles (so that they are able to get more of the nutrients that they need). The antioxidants keep free radicals from weakening your hair. What a delicious way to keep your hair on point.
10. Water
Somewhere between 60-65 percent of our system is made up of water, so it truly can’t be said enough that we need to drink it on a daily basis. The reasons why are never-ending. Water helps to bring oxygen (and therefore nutrients) to your body’s cells, detoxes your system, makes it easier to digest your food, supports your joints, regulates your body temperature, stabilizes your body pressure, and hydrates you from the inside out.
That last point is why drinking water is so good for your hair. When your hair has moisture in it, that reduces its chance of becoming dry and brittle, getting split ends, and being hard to manage. That’s why it’s so important to get no less than 6-8 glasses in, no matter what. Your hair will thank you. The rest of you will too!
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After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (missnosipho@gmail.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
Black women are not a monolith. We all are deserving of healing and wholeness despite what we've been through, how much money we have in the bank, or what we look like. Most importantly, we are enough—even when we are not working, earning, or serving.
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Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me to define one of the main purposes of sex in a long-term relationship: “Probably the most intimate form of communication that we have is sex because it’s an act that connects one’s physical, mental and emotional state to another human being simultaneously — and communication doesn’t get much more profound than that.”
That’s part of the reason why the term “casual sex” irks me to the billionth degree (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”); it’s because, even if you think that sex with someone is next-to-nothing, there is so much going on within you (oxytocin highs, if you’re unprotected, fluid bonding, chemical reactions in your brain, etc.) that doesn’t know if someone is “the one” (in your mind) or not. So, in many ways, it acts like they are (check out this YouTube video from a Catholic woman who studies some unexpected ways that sex affects us physically here; sex goes deep, y’all!).
Yeah, sex is so much more than a notion, and that’s why I’m a firm believer that it is such a barometer for long-term relationships overall — because, as I’ve shared before, I once read that, “Good sex in a relationship is 10 percent of the relationship while bad sex in a relationship is 90 percent of the relationship because sex tends to set the tone for what’s happening in the rest of the house.”
And that’s why I think that there are certain sex-related issues that can not only damage your sex life with your partner but could also end up ruining your relationship if you’re not careful (very careful). Let’s get into seven of them now.
1. Being Unaware of Your “Body Clock”

I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who’ve come to me in some serious trouble, in part due to their flailing (or partly nonexistent) sex life. When I ask them if they went to premarital counseling (if you’re engaged, please do; you have a 33 percent greater chance of avoiding divorce when counseling transpires), many say “no” and the ones who say “yes” usually say that it was no more than 3-5 sessions and the topic of sex barely came up (le sigh). Meanwhile, with my premarital meetings, I try and stick with intimacy for three months if I can because there is a lot to unpack, from what you learned as a child, to your first time (or if you are a virgin), to your needs and fantasies, to how you see it from a spiritual perspective — like I said, there is a lot to unpack there.
Take the mere practicality of sex, for example — and more specifically, your body clock. Do you prefer to have sex at night or in the daytime? A lot of couples struggle with intimacy because one prefers the former while the other likes the latter. Do you keep track of when you’re ovulating? It’s pure science why you are probably hornier during that time of the month (because your body is signaling that it’s time to conceive) vs. the fact that you might not be the most interested in sex when you’re PMS’ing. Are you premenopausal? Hormones shift a lot during that time, and here’s the thing — while menopause only lasts a year, the premenopausal stage (which typically starts between 45-55) can last between 7-14 years. Even paying attention to when you have more energy (some do in the day…morning sex, anyone? While others do early in the evening) can play a role.
So yeah, getting to know your body clock (and discussing your partner’s clock with them) can play a role in how much — or how little — sex you have…and that can add life or drain it from the relationship overall.
2. Comparing Your Present with Your Past

There is a wife of almost 20 years I know who, when I asked her if she thought that her husband was good in bed, she paused for a second, shrugged her shoulders, and simply said, “I was a virgin when I got married, so I have nothing to compare him to. I mean, he’s good to me.” On the flip side, there’s a now divorced couple who I also know (who almost made it to 20 years) who had multiple partners before each other while also having a deep interest in porn who once said to me, “Sometimes, there’s as much as 15 people in our bed because of all of the people from our past and the porn that we’ve seen that’s running through our heads.” Yeah, y’all can act like body counts don’t matter, but there is so much evidence out here that says otherwise — that couple just gave one that doesn’t get talked about as much as it should.
You know, one of my favorite throwback shows is King of Queens (Kevin James, Leah Remini). A few weeks ago, I watched a rerun where Doug and Carrie were talking about the images that come up in their minds, sometimes during sex. Neither was too happy about it, and I can totally see why. I mean, if sex was just about “getting off” (and it’s not), then whatever. However, AGAIN, it’s also about connecting with your partner on a mental and emotional level, and that’s hard to do if you’re there with them in the body while you’re fantasizing about a celebrity, a porn actor (porn is usually acting, don’t let it fool you) or an ex (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”).
And what if that is what’s going on? I once spoke with a sex therapist about this very thing. What she said is people should be less concerned about celebs (if it’s on occasion) and more concerned about that ex because rarely is sex with an ex…just about the sex.
And that’s why this point made the list. If you’re physically with your partner and mentally or emotionally with your ex at the same time, please don’t ignore that. There are definitely some unresolved issues there that you need to work through, whether it’s with a therapist, counselor, or coach, a trusted friend (who won’t add fuel to the literal fire), or even with your ex — although you might want to run that by your partner first because…I’m pretty sure you’d want him to do that with/for you. RIGHT?
3. Not Being Clear About Your Sexual Needs

Question — if someone were to walk up to you right now and ask you what your top seven sexual needs are, along with what your top five sexual dealbreakers are, would you be able to answer? It really is kind of wild how many people get upset with their partner for not being able to sexually satisfy them when even they can’t articulate what they need/require in order for that to happen. Yeah, it’s another article for another time about how many people UNREALISTICALLY (and yes, I am yelling it) think that someone loving them well means that they should be able to read their mind. Nope.
It truly can’t be said enough that sex — especially good sex — is about communication. Hmph. It makes me think about a clip that I saw from Tonight’s Conversation podcast (can’t find it at the moment; sorry) where a woman asked how she should tell her partner that he hasn’t been pleasing her, I believe she said for years. My first thought was if he doesn’t know that, she must be faking orgasms (more on that in a bit) which is not only lying — well, it is —, but it’s also pretty counterproductive because while he thinks that he’s “getting the job done,” she’s not fulfilled and resentment is setting in.
Please don’t let rom-coms (fiction) and social media (which is oftentimes fictitious) have you out here thinking that a good lover is someone you automatically gel with who knows exactly what to do; sometimes that is the case, and oftentimes it isn’t.
So, if the sex-related issue that you’re having in your relationship is that your sexual needs aren’t being met, first do you (and your partner) a favor by doing some sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) so that you can tangibly see what those needs are and then plan time within the next week or so to pour a couple of glasses of wine, put on some 90s R&B and discuss with your partner what you need. Because actually, what a good lover is, is someone who listens and retains. This brings me to the next point.
4. Minimizing Your Partner’s Sexual Needs

A husband once told that when he and his wife were in premarital counseling, something that he mentioned was a bona fide need was fellatio. According to him, his wife told both him and their counselor that she loved giving head. Fast forward to eight years of being in their union, and guess how many times that act went down? A measly four. FOUR TIMES (check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?”).
It’s another message for another time, the amount of people who will “false advertise” during the dating stage in order to get to their goal of marriage. It’s also another message for another time how much that is a form of manipulation that tends to backfire in ways that the manipulator is oftentimes not prepared for.
For now, what I will say, is never think that just because something may not be a need for you that it isn’t a legitimate one for someone else. I mean, how would you feel if that’s how someone treated you? Yeah…exactly.
Yet that is just what happens in a lot of relationships, including when it comes to their bedroom. They will think that their needs should be met, hands down, yet when their partner comes with what’s important to them, all of a sudden, there is dismissiveness, nonchalance, and/or excuses — and how could that not rear its ugly head on so many levels?
Your partner’s sexual needs are essential, even if they are not your own. Never assume that you automatically know everything about them. Also, never assume that what worked two years ago is what will “scratch the itch” now. Hmph. Come to think of it, while you’re sipping on that wine and clearly articulating to him what turns you on, use that as an opportunity to ask him to return the favor. Listen with humility, receptiveness, and intent — the best kind of relationships process their partner’s needs with this kind of vibe…across the board.
5. Taking the “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” Approach

Lazy lovers. When you hear that phrase, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? If it’s someone who is just lying there during sex, that would certainly qualify; however, I’m actually speaking of a different kind of laziness here. Believe it or not, some synonyms for lazy include words like apathetic, inattentive, tired, passive (cough, cough), procrastinating, neglectful, and slacking. So yeah, if you and/or your partner can use any of these words to define what sex is consistently like between the two of you — red flag, red flag…RED FREAKIN’ FLAG.
Speaking of being passive, another potentially serious sex-related problem is taking on the attitude that if something ain’t broke, you shouldn’t fix it. What I mean by that is, just because you know that getting on top and riding for exactly six-and-a-half minutes is what will get your partner off, that doesn’t mean that it should be your automatic go-to all of the damn time.
Why? Because. While a part of the fun of having sex is “reaching the peak,” another component that should never be underestimated is discovering new territory: trying new positions, creating a sex bucket list, taking (more) sexcations, playing sex-themed board games (put that phrase in Amazon or on Etsy’s site and go ham!)…you know, doing what will inspire creativity and deter either of you from becoming bored.
That said, a husband of 17 years once told me, “A man can be satisfied with the same woman. We just don’t want the same kind of sex with her.” Words to live by. Yes, indeed.
6. Using Sex as a Deflection or Coping Mechanism

A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” — and with good cause. Words cannot express how many divorced (or soon-to-be divorced) women have told me that a part of what kept them in their marriage, for as long as they stayed in it, was the fact that the sex with their husband was beyond amazing…even though so much other stuff completely and totally sucked. Hey, good sex isn’t a bad thing (c’mon now); however, if it’s the only real thing that’s keeping you with someone, it can turn out to be a toxic deflector.
The reason why I say that is the purpose of sex isn’t to make love; it’s to celebrate it. And if all you’re doing with your partner is f — king and fighting or avoiding issues by stripping down or thinking that sex will “make it all better,” all the while not really knowing what the problem/issue is or what needs to be done to get down to the root of it, that is using sex as a pacifier and again, that’s not what sex is designed to be. Sex doesn’t deserve the pressure of being the end-all to “fixing” ish.
So, if what’s transpiring in your relationship lately is very little talking and a whole lot of sexing, and then once the sex is over, something still feels “off,” that’s a good indication that you’re misusing sex on some level. Get out of the bed, put on a robe, and do some talking (preferably in a room other than the bedroom; leave that space for sex and sleep only as much as possible). Because remember — as much as the wives that I mentioned said that their husbands once had them climbing the walls, those men are still ex-husbands now. Bottom line, sex is good, yet when it comes to keeping a relationship together, it will never be enough. Again, it was never designed to be.
7. Faking It

I will never be a fan of faking orgasms. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini (we may be a lot of things, but “fake” isn’t really our style). Maybe it’s because I’m a very word-literal individual, and I know that fake means things like “prepare or make (something specious, deceptive, or fraudulent)” and “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive.” Or perhaps it’s because I don’t get how acting like you’re sexually fulfilled when you actually aren’t is doing anyone any good. Whatever it is, whenever a client (or someone in general because men fakealmost as much as women do) tells me that it’s something they do, I immediately find myself on a mission to shut that mess down (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”). ALL THE WAY DOWN.
The main reason is that, regardless of if the motive is to hurry things along, not hurt your partner’s feelings, or it’s something more cryptic than that (cough, cough, some form of manipulation tactic), there’s no way around the fact that fakeness is tied to deception and deception is a word that should never be connected to a healthy sexual dynamic.
Besides, one could argue that faking is a form of deflection as well because…wouldn’t it be better to just get it all out in the open WHY you are doing it than to keep pretending when life is too short and great sex is too good to not get the absolute most out of it, as much as possible?
Besides, again, chances are that if you’re faking that you’re sexually pleased, you’re probably faking something else in your relationship (or situation), and how could that possibly be good, right, or beneficial?
Yeah, when it comes to being satisfied across the board, please don’t fake it. State your case in the way that you’d like to hear something said to you, and let the chips fall where they may. If you’ve got a good man, he’s gonna — no pun — rise to the occasion. If his ego can’t handle it, well…that’s something that you should find out sooner than later — when it comes to the bedroom and outside of it? Right? #shoyouright
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