Here’s What To Do When You’re Left On Read
It's happened to all of us. You sent a text. The recipient read it. Or at least that's what the read receipt says. And now, nothing. Silence. Crickets. Congratulations, you've just been left on read! I'm sorry, I know it's not a laughing matter. In fact, it doesn't feel good at all. It sucks. Especially if the person you texted was someone you were dating and really liked. You have so many questions. Was it something I said? Are they ghosting me? Are they mad at me? Have they found someone else? You can drive yourself crazy asking questions if you're not careful.
In all honesty, the answer could be in any of those questions above, or it could be really simple: they aren't texting you back because they don't want to text you back. And in those moments, the better question to ask is: what do you do when you're left on read?
Keep reading to learn what to do when the person you're into left you on read.
Put Down The Phone
I Am Free Text GIFGiphyNo, seriously, put the phone down. Find something else to occupy your time. Obsessing over why they aren't texting you will only give you more anxiety and make you feel worse about the lack of communication. Watch a movie, do your nails, or hell, reach out to someone who wants to talk to you. Whatever you do, stop obsessively checking your phone for the one person who isn't. Refocus your energy elsewhere.
Don't Double Text
beyonce no GIFGiphyI know you want to but I strongly advise against double texting. If you find that the person did intentionally leave you on read, double texting is usually a move that you'll eventually regret.
Double texting, especially out of context can reek of desperation, or worse, feel like a disregard of someone's obvious reluctance of not wanting to speak to you. Whatever their reason may be, the ball is in their court, so let them come to you.
Re-read Your Text(s)
Heben Nigatu Wtf GIF by anotherroundGiphyNow before I explain, it's important to note that you should only re-read your text one time. Do not obsessively read your text over and over. I recommend re-reading your text once to see if it warranted a response. A text exchange has to eventually end at some point, right? So maybe the text you sent didn't actually warrant a response. If that is truly the case, it may be OK to text again after a few days of no response.
However, if you do, make sure you are texting about something completely different so that it is clear that it is not an attempt at a continuation of the last conversation (hold off on the passive aggressive, "Thanks for ignoring me yesterday." Throw it away, just throw it all away). But if after re-reading your text you find that you asked a question or it was a statement that warranted a response, see above and do not double text!
Don’t Assume The Worst
No Way Smh GIFGiphyThere are multiple reasons why the person you texted could have unintentionally left you on read. They could have intended to text back, got super busy, and then forgot to circle back and text you. They may be sick. They may be dealing with some really heavy things right now like the death of a friend or family member, depression, or anxiety. This is why it's important to allow some time to pass between the conversation and the lack of follow-up.
As time passes, it will become clear whether leaving you on read was intentional or unintentional. Not only that, but it will also allow the person to reach back out to you when they are ready to have a conversation.
Don't Take It Personally
love and hip hop Sips GIF by VH1GiphyNo matter the reason, do not take being left on read personally. Remember that people's actions very rarely have anything to do with you and more to do with that person and what they are currently going through. What they do or don't do is solely on them. It is not a reflection of you, something you've done, or how they feel about you as much as it is a reflection of themselves in that moment in time.
Forget Him/Her
Boy Bye GIF by TinasheGiphyThe hard truth is that being left on read (especially for days, weeks, or months) could very well be the person's cowardly way of saying that they are no longer interested in dating you, being friends with you, or communicating with you. Some people prefer to ghost than to communicate their issues with you or hardships in life. If this is the case, think of it as them doing you a favor.
With them gone, you now have room to receive the relationships and friendships that you deserve.
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Shutterstock
Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood