I’m far from someone who has an ear for music, still, I’ve always gotten so excited about music! It’s the way that music has the ability to carry you back to a moment in time. I always, always listen to lyrics, as I like to be able to relate to my music more often than not. (The exception here is the thug anthems.) Whether it be that summer jam that serves as the soundtrack throughout the season or a sexy, down on your knees, begging tune that makes you think of the time you were about to risk it all on love (hello, ‘80s and ‘90s).
Music evokes emotion regardless of how hard we may try to repress it. It’s one of the most powerful art mediums we have to date. And though I’m aware of how I feel when I listen to certain songs, I often wonder how music impacts us day to day plus how it has the ability to improve the sex we’re having. Those sexy playlists actually set the mood in more ways than one. If you have a sex playlist, here’s what type of vibe you’re creating, and if not, here’s why you should get on top of it.
Of course, I’m no expert, so we chatted with Dr. Shay Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Atlanta, to further understand the four benefits of music, from daily life to the bedroom (or wherever you like to take your hot sex).
1. Therapeutic
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Long workday? A new partner who you haven’t completely become familiar with yet? You probably need to get out of your head. Good news! According to Dr. Thomas, music has the ability to transmit us into a mindful, meditative state. She adds, “It is not only shown to reduce anxiety and improve mood as a general therapeutic technique but it is also used in the medical field to help patients with chronic pain.”
2. Release
I’ve said this before and it’s now been confirmed by an expert, that music can be a powerful catalyst for emotional release. “Music evokes strong emotion, as we reflect on powerful memories," Dr. Thomas says. "Music prompts movement, which helps release negative energy and relieve stress. Music makes us dance, cry, and literally release endorphins, which according to research is the brain's natural pain reliever.”
3. Intimacy
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If you are looking to really create a powerful bond, music might help signal just that. On a basic level music evokes pleasure from its listener due to the dopamine listening to music releases. Thus, science has found that music can improve your sex life, as well as your physical and emotional satisfaction during intimate experiences. “It enhances the experience, emotionally and physically. It intensifies our connection. That's why we feel a natural high at concerts," Dr. Thomas explains.
4. Arousal
According to Dr. Thomas, “Music during sex sparks passion and creativity. As we vibe with the beat, it guides our rhythm/pace. We can also get lost in the lyrics, which helps us escape our inhibitions. Music during sex (and in general) amplifies our arousal and intensifies our connection to the person and to the experience.” This makes a lot of sense, especially because music can often serve as the initiator of sex, setting the stage and the mood.
Next time you’re looking to have a romantic evening, turn the tunes on immediately and see how the whole vibe improves. Start with low music over dinner instead of turning the TV on immediately (something we’ve become far too accustomed to). I’d say this is especially ideal for new partners because it reduces some of that getting-to-know-you tension. Still, it’s equally beneficial to all pairs.
And if you are unsure about the music to add to your playlist, all platforms allow you to search for keywords and I have no doubt that you’ll be able to find something under “Soulful sex playlist.”
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“WaterWipes has been in my household for I don’t know how long. We don’t just use them for Noah; I keep them in the car and my makeup bag, too,” Rowland shares in an exclusive interview with xoNecole. “I also like the fact that they are natural. I’ll definitely have them in my fanny pack for trick-or-treating. This is Noah’s second Halloween, and I know he’s going to be excited and digging in his pail to try the different candy, and his little fingers will be messy. He’s going to want to get dirty. So, I love that WaterWipes is putting up ten Hallowclean stations across the country for parents to use; it’s such a great idea. I just love Halloween, and I really love Halloween with my kids, so I thought this campaign was a really great idea.”
Kelly Rowland and son Noah at the WaterWipes Hallowclean Machine in Brooklyn, NY.
Photo courtesy of WaterWipes.
She and her youngest son, Noah, attended the event, where the two enjoyed a day of family-friendly activities while he sported the most adorable astronaut costume. But the Spooky Szn fun doesn’t stop there for the Merry Liddle Christmas actress and executive producer.
We recently caught up with Kelly Rowland over Zoom to learn more about her Halloween (and holiday) plans, her keys to a healthy marriage, and she even dropped her go-to cold-weather skin routine—finally.
xoNecole: What are your family’s upcoming trick-or-treat plans? Will you do a fun group costume, or is everyone going to do their own thing this year?
Kelly Rowland: I’m preparing for tour, so I’ve been in rehearsals and pre-production. And my husband's schedule has picked up, too. But the kids are going trick-or-treating; we usually go with people we know, so mommy and daddy will definitely be home to take them. We’re actually letting the kids dress us up this year, which means my costume will be a complete surprise to me. I told Noah he could paint my face or even go to the costume store and pick something out—it’s literally up to them. So, I don’t know what that will be. And, right after, I’ll be back to rehearsals.
xoN: Speaking of holidays, what do you look forward to most during the season?
KR: We love having people over, especially during the holidays. It looks like we will be home this year—thank God— just enjoying each other and spending quality time together. I like to decorate the house and go completely ham; it always looks like Christmas threw up in my house. From the stairwells to the exterior of the house and the lights—everything. We go so crazy. I also love the smells, it’s one of my greatest memories with my mom, God rest her soul. So I love to play all of that up.
I like to bake something every day, I like to make sure there is something for the kids to do or make each day, we watch Christmas movies, and we even do a wine tasting sometimes. It’s just all really sweet and cozy.
Kelly Rowland and son Noah at the WaterWipes Hallowclean Machine in Brooklyn, NY.
Photo courtesy of WaterWipes.
xoN: We love that family is so important to you, and it always shows in your posts, especially those with your husband. What would you say has been that “key” to a healthy marriage as partners and spouses for you two?
KR: I would say, each of us doing the self-work. I have not seen marriages last long in my lifetime. I haven’t been given the tools to “make it last forever.” We just try to do the work on ourselves and not sweat the small stuff.
Communication is key for us, too. We communicate everything. Whether I’m upset or I’m not sure about something, I communicate it. I also just like being around him, he’s fun. He’s a really great person and makes me laugh. We can literally sit together and watch a game and not say anything. We understand what true intimacy is, and now we’re almost ten years into our marriage.
xoN: Now, Kelly, we have to ask. Skincare. What is your cold-weather routine and the products you’re reaching for as temperatures drop?
KR: Right now, I’m all about moisture. I will wash my face morning and night, I do not skip. I’m obsessed with this 111SKIN toner. It smells good, but it also feels good on my skin. There’s also this product from Vanessa Lee of The Things We Do. They are these coconut eye patches with these little beads. I place them under my eyes and around the corners of my mouth—talk about a game changer. I like to put them on at night and then rub in the extra serum all over my face. Between that and this lactic acid by Shani Darden, they are both game-changers for me this season.
xoN: So, since you’ve found the key to aging backwards, should we be on the lookout for the Kelly Rowland skincare line anytime soon?
KR: Honestly, that market is so saturated. I wanted to do it a while back, but I have to really think about what I want to bring to the marketplace to really impact culture. It’s not just about a product for me. I love the way Selena Gomez has created a community. I want to be able to create a community as well. When it’s not just about skincare, it turns into a space for people to be their most authentic selves. And that’s what I love.
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