I’m far from someone who has an ear for music, still, I’ve always gotten so excited about music! It’s the way that music has the ability to carry you back to a moment in time. I always, always listen to lyrics, as I like to be able to relate to my music more often than not. (The exception here is the thug anthems.) Whether it be that summer jam that serves as the soundtrack throughout the season or a sexy, down on your knees, begging tune that makes you think of the time you were about to risk it all on love (hello, ‘80s and ‘90s).
Music evokes emotion regardless of how hard we may try to repress it. It’s one of the most powerful art mediums we have to date. And though I’m aware of how I feel when I listen to certain songs, I often wonder how music impacts us day to day plus how it has the ability to improve the sex we’re having. Those sexy playlists actually set the mood in more ways than one. If you have a sex playlist, here’s what type of vibe you’re creating, and if not, here’s why you should get on top of it.
Of course, I’m no expert, so we chatted with Dr. Shay Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Atlanta, to further understand the four benefits of music, from daily life to the bedroom (or wherever you like to take your hot sex).
1. Therapeutic
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Long workday? A new partner who you haven’t completely become familiar with yet? You probably need to get out of your head. Good news! According to Dr. Thomas, music has the ability to transmit us into a mindful, meditative state. She adds, “It is not only shown to reduce anxiety and improve mood as a general therapeutic technique but it is also used in the medical field to help patients with chronic pain.”
2. Release
I’ve said this before and it’s now been confirmed by an expert, that music can be a powerful catalyst for emotional release. “Music evokes strong emotion, as we reflect on powerful memories," Dr. Thomas says. "Music prompts movement, which helps release negative energy and relieve stress. Music makes us dance, cry, and literally release endorphins, which according to research is the brain's natural pain reliever.”
3. Intimacy
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If you are looking to really create a powerful bond, music might help signal just that. On a basic level music evokes pleasure from its listener due to the dopamine listening to music releases. Thus, science has found that music can improve your sex life, as well as your physical and emotional satisfaction during intimate experiences. “It enhances the experience, emotionally and physically. It intensifies our connection. That's why we feel a natural high at concerts," Dr. Thomas explains.
4. Arousal
According to Dr. Thomas, “Music during sex sparks passion and creativity. As we vibe with the beat, it guides our rhythm/pace. We can also get lost in the lyrics, which helps us escape our inhibitions. Music during sex (and in general) amplifies our arousal and intensifies our connection to the person and to the experience.” This makes a lot of sense, especially because music can often serve as the initiator of sex, setting the stage and the mood.
Next time you’re looking to have a romantic evening, turn the tunes on immediately and see how the whole vibe improves. Start with low music over dinner instead of turning the TV on immediately (something we’ve become far too accustomed to). I’d say this is especially ideal for new partners because it reduces some of that getting-to-know-you tension. Still, it’s equally beneficial to all pairs.
And if you are unsure about the music to add to your playlist, all platforms allow you to search for keywords and I have no doubt that you’ll be able to find something under “Soulful sex playlist.”
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We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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The bright under-eye can be difficult to achieve. These are some of the common mistakes that are holding you back from sculpted bright under eyes that are giving!
1. You are not using the correct concealer shade.
Using two concealers makes a huge difference. Start with a shade 1-2 shades lighter than your skin tone. Followed by a shade that is 3-4 times lighter and placed closer to the inner eye to do the heavy lifting and give the bright effect.
Two shades diffuse well into each other and give a cohesive result.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
2. You are not blending enough.
Don't underestimate the power behind a complete blend-out! Blending your concealer fully is a make-or-break step for the bright under-eye look. Fully blending allows for a seamless transition between the areas of the face meant to be highlighted, and the areas meant to create depth and shadows. So take your time and make sure there are no harsh lines.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
3. You are not properly setting the under-eye area.
Set the under-eye using a loose setting powder or brightening powder. The key here is to choose a powder complementary to your skin's undertone and proper placement to prevent creasing. Focus the majority of the powder on the inner eye and defuse the remaining powder to the rest of the powder under the eye.
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
Jorine Dorcelus/xoNecole
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