We Asked 10 Men What Makes A Woman “Wife Material”
There are a billion times 10 reasons why I think it's important for women to have men as friends. One of them is because, if you really want to know how a man thinks, although everyone is an individual, other men are gonna give you a much more realistic (and reliable) perspective than other women will. This includes when it comes to the topic of marriage.
Now before you roll your eyes and say the last thing (most) men want to think about, let alone discuss, is marriage, I've done some (statistical) digging around. From what I've found, that's simply not true. Men tend to fall in love at first sight far more than women do. Men crave romance far more than they are given credit for. And, once a marital union actually does come to an end, guess who ends it first, the most? Women (70 percent of all divorces are filed by women). Since some studies reveal that married men live longer, make more money and have better sex than single fellas do, that alone explains why they're not so quick to call it quits.
But after reading a feature on Today's site about what makes men want to marry certain women and not others, I decided to conduct a personal study of my own. I hit up a few single, married and divorced men—all handsome, all successful and all good guys—to share with me what life, love and the pursuit of marital bliss (or at least relational contentment) has taught them about what truly makes a woman someone they want to wife up.
Christopher, 48, Married
"Something that's really attractive to me is a woman who carries herself well in public. I'm not just talking about her appearance; a lot of women are great at that. I mean, someone who knows when to put her game face on. Whatever transpired at home or even on the way to where we're going, she doesn't feel the need to share it with others—whether it's with her words, her facial expressions or her energy."
"Men feel safe when the woman they love knows that their business is their business."
Stephen, 35, Single
"I'm looking for someone who's on the same vibration as me. I used to be the kind of person who thought that so long as I was attracted to someone and she was attracted to me that it was a true connection. Now I realize that we need to agree on certain things—ethics, values, faith. It's also important to be open to growth and to be able to receive new information without putting up a wall. I am always pursuing growth. Marriage material, to me, is a woman who can complement that because she's pursuing her own evolution too."
Marcus, 52, Divorced
"People really underestimate the power of interdependence. I'm drawn to a woman who knows that our relationship exists because we need to be able to lean and depend on one another. But, at the same time, she's still self-aware enough to be able to stand on her own."
Stephen, 46, Married
"A woman who takes on personal accountability for her actions is really attractive to me. I once heard my pastor say that a lot of us have a tendency to rationa-LIE our way out of things instead of taking ownership for what we do wrong. We'll deflect, shift blame, manipulate—do anything but say 'I was wrong. I apologize.' A lot of precious time can be spared if when you know you made a mistake or even did something that you knew was going to cause conflict that you just…own it. Otherwise, I start to wonder if there is some sneakiness or deception going on. And that leads to a breakdown in trust."
Jay, 50, Married
"Something that I didn't really consider before getting married is how important it is to be with a woman who truly believes in you. I don't just mean when it comes to supporting your dreams and goals."
"I mean someone who can look past your flaws and imperfections and still have your back. My wife does that and it's a real confidence-builder and super-empowering for me."
Aaron, 36, Married
"It's important for a woman to see sex and affection as more than just a desire; those are things that she needs to need just as much as I do. Some women use sex as nothing more than a bargaining chip and that is something a man can sense from a mile away. Marriage is too much of a long-term and serious commitment to be with someone who isn't as into intimacy as you are—or isn't at least willing to explore getting there."
Javis, 30, Single
"It's beautiful when a woman is really strong in her faith. Once you get married, so many things will test your love in your partner, sometimes even your faith in God. When a woman isn't swayed by trials or even her emotions during the hard times because she is unwavering in her faith, she is priceless."
"A woman who isn't enslaved by her feelings is golden."
Bryant, 28, Single
"I think a woman who encompasses peace is major marriage material. I think it's a misconception that men are afraid of commitment. What we're actually 'afraid' of is getting with someone who is going to bring anxiety and stress into our space—a woman who will make us feel like life was sooo much better when we were single. When we know that a woman is secure in herself and she thinks that 'home' should be synonymous with relational tranquility, we'll put a ring on her finger in a heartbeat!"
Wyman, 32, Married
"A woman who is sexy and knows it is marriage material to me. Sexiness isn't about looking like a cover model, being a size 0 or having long hair or a big butt. Sexiness is knowing what makes you different from everyone else and wanting to show that off, in and out of the bedroom. You can't be sexy and not be confident at the same time. Sexy women have sex with the lights on. Sexy women always have something spontaneous and a little mysterious up under their sleeve. Sexy women can draw you in with their eyes alone."
"Never underestimate the power of a truly sexy woman and how she can satisfy you in a marriage."
Donte', 39, Divorced
"Someone who embraces her femininity and respects my masculinity is fire. In my first marriage, it started to become more and more apparent that my wife wasn't looking for a man. She was looking for a woman who had male genitalia. Men and women are designed by God to have different approaches and feelings about, pretty much everything. Embracing that is what creates our balance. A woman who doesn't fight against that is one in a million."
This is some good stuff worth pondering. So, the next time you and your girlfriends are having a wine down and the topic of marriage material comes up, use this article to bring up some thinking points or FaceTime some of the men in your life. What they say just might surprise you. At the very least, you can trust it because it's coming from the male's perspective.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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About Face: Temela Omofonmwan's Skincare Journey Started As A Family Affair
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Having glowing skin is an art that many strive to perfect, and Temela Omofonmwan has radiant skin down to a science. She frequently shares her secrets with her TikTok followers, opening up about products and overall skincare hacks that have given her a perfect radiance.
Skincare is a daily ritual to some, but to Omofonmwan, skincare has always been a family affair. “I like to joke that I’m a shea butter baby because my earliest memories were my mom giving me oat baths and making sure I was moisturized,” says Omofonmwan. Her mother’s passion for healthy skincare naturally weaved into her daughter. Omofonmwan began experimenting with different skincare products as she grew into her youth and was heavily guided by other beauty gurus telling her the latest skincare trends.
With enthusiasm, Omofonmwan went to her local drugstore with the goal of obtaining the skin of her idols, Angela Bassett and Halle Berry. However, Omofonmwan quickly learned the adverse side effects of trying too many skincare products. Omofonmwan tells us, “I have damaged my skin barrier. Then, I’d have to figure out how to fix that problem. It slowly became a rabbit hole of fixing different issues with my skin when I barely had anything to begin with.”
Omofonmwan experience is radically relatable to most young girls and women today. Constantly being influenced to fix non-existent issues. Still, we run to our local beauty stores, hoping to achieve skin on par with societal standards. Moisturizers, serums, and beauty tools occupy our self-appreciation for our skin's essence. We become trapped within the rat race of beauty trends, and the moment we complete the marathon, another beauty product hits the market for us to chase after.
There comes a point when we must ask ourselves if we are running towards “skin goals” or further away from who we are.
Courtesy
“I’ve learned not to fixate on things anymore. I’m not trying to fix everything that’s ‘wrong with me’ because nothing is. I was just influenced to think that it was,” says Omofonmwan. Knowing the influence of social media and being on the content creator side has allowed Omofonmwan to be aware of her influence. Along with skincare videos, she frequently shares trending sounds making fun of daily life. Her sense of humor is a nod to remind us all not to take life or beauty trends too seriously.
Still, Omofonmwan radiates as she discusses the views on the world of beauty. I couldn’t help but ask about her skincare routine. Read below to learn more about what she shared.
Courtesy
Keep scrolling for more insight into Temela Omofonmwan’s morning and night skincare routines.
Temela's Morning Skincare Routine:
Step One: Gua Sha
Pink Moon
“I need this to depuff my eyes in the morning. I either use this or cold spoons to bring down my puffiness.”
Step Two: Hero Cosmetics Cleanser
Amazon
“I have sensitive skin, so I like to keep my cleanser as basic as possible. It’s also affordable, and I love that so much.”
Step Three: La Roche-Posay Moisturizer
Amazon
“I love it because it’s not too heavy. I can also wear them in the winter and summer, which is great because I don’t have to change them! It’s also an affordable product people can use.”
Step Five: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
Amazon
“I use this to lock everything in for the day. My skin needs to stay moisturized, and this helps.”
Temela's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Step One: Hero Cosmetics Cream Cleanser
Amazon
“This is the same cleanser I use in the morning, and it works just as well at night.”
Step Two: La Roche-Posay Night Moisturizer
Amazon
“This is similar to the morning moisturizer, but it’s just the nighttime version. I loved their daytime moisturizer, and once I like something, I need it in all variations.”
Step Three: Medik8 Retinal 6
Medik8
“If you have super sensitive skin, this is a good one. It is expensive, but for me, it’s worth it.”
Step Four: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
Amazon
“Again, I love to lock in my moisture so it can last. I use this product day and night to ensure I’m as moisturized as possible.”
Extra Skin Treatment(s):
I’m From Honey Mask
I'm From
“Every once in a while, I like to include a honey mask in my routine. I gravitate to this on days when my skin feels dry. Honey masks are naturally healing and hydrating.”
Laser Facial By Dr. Michelle Henry
“I’ve been adding lasers for the past two years, and I’ve been loving them. They’ve made such a huge difference in my skin by not making me break out as much. I currently see Dr. Michelle Henry in New York City, and she is absolutely amazing!”
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Featured image courtesy