Damn. When I hit up some guys in my social sphere so that they could tell me about a trait that they think makes a woman sexy, about 70 percent of them started with a sigh followed by the word "damn". When I asked them to expound, most of them said something along the lines of, "'Sexy' is such a vast word that it can be hard to narrow it down to just one thing." When I asked them to try (middle names were used), below are the 10 things that they put on record.
The reason why I thought it was important to share with all of you is because, let IG models and OnlyFans (le sigh) tell it, sexiness is one-dimensional. As you're totally about to see, though, when it comes to what men — Black men — find to be sexy (hot, sensual, alluring, provoking, arousing, appealing and even glamourous), there is actually so much more to it than what the media constantly wants us to believe.
"Sometimes a woman's voice is all that you need."
Devin, 28, Single.
"There's a woman I know who isn't physically my type at all. But I can listen to her for hours because her voice is so smooth and sensual. She's also got a hella vocab which means she's intellectual. She's also really articulate. Yeah, a nice voice with something to say can get me, almost every time."
"I'm all about natural beauty."
Justice, 33, Married.
"I think it's crazy that it's gotten to the point where some women are triggered when a man says that he prefers natural hair, minimal make-up and a real body. What is wrong with y'all? Anyway, that's what's sexy to me."
"I like a woman who is so comfortable with herself that she doesn't feel the need to rely on any 'extras'. Again, if that bothers you, I think something is up with that. A man who likes the way God created a woman is one of the greatest compliments there is."
Orion, 40, Single.
"I guess I'm the anti-Kevin Samuels guy in the sense that, HELL NO, I don't want some skinny chick. I like a grown woman and, to me, she comes with all kinds of curves. And when she has a sway in her hips when she enters a room? She's got me mesmerized on all kinds of levels. If you haven't had the pleasure of being with a woman who's got curves all over, you haven't truly lived. Straight up."
"High heels, in just about anything, please."
Aden, 35, Married.
"I really love a woman who is into shoes. No, high heel shoes — the higher the better. It's very feminine to me. It also makes her legs look really long and she comes off as extremely confident. One of my favorite things is when I come home and my wife has literally nothing on but a new pair of pumps that she's bought. Forget lingerie. That's all I need right there."
"I like a woman who f--ks with herself."
Tomeo, 24, Single.
"Damn. 'Sexy' is one helluva word. The first thing that comes to my mind is a woman who f — ks with herself. She's comfortable in who she is. She's not constantly switching up to please other people. She's levelheaded and balanced. She's unapologetically unique. So many women look like other women these days. A woman whose style and energy stand out is really sexy."
"A happy woman is sexy AF to me."
Evin, 38, Divorced.
"A big part of what ended my marriage is my wife was a pessimist. It's like she was constantly looking for something to complain about."
"I didn't know it when I first got married but I know it now — a woman who is optimistic, solutions-oriented and is a 'light'…damn, that is sexy. A woman with a great sense of humor, can laugh at my flaws and mistakes as well as her own and doesn't take things too seriously? It truly doesn't get much sexier than that."
"Being down for whatever is sexy."
Torance, 27, Engaged.
"I'm thinking that women have heard this before, but it can't be said enough — no man wants to initiate sex all of the time. Just like women want to feel wanted and desired, men do too. My fiancée is naturally sexy in the way that she moves. She's very… 'sleek' is the word that comes to mind. She just kinda glides into a room and glides out. That's sexy. But what I really like is she has a libido that damn near supersedes mine. She loves sex. She loves to explore sex. And she has no problem letting me know when and how she wants me. I was pretty out here before her. Since she's come into my life, I'm good."
"Short hair. Dressed up. Takes care of herself...that chick is sexy."
Bernard, 46, Single.
"I've always been a sucker for a woman with really short hair. A part of it is because I like necks. I also think it makes a woman appear really sure of herself, like she doesn't have to hide behind hair to feel beautiful. And then if she's got on a dress that hugs her curves, some high heels and some really nice nails? A woman like that sends the message that you've got to come to her correct because she puts energy into her appearance. When I know that she's gonna make me 'work for it'…yeah, that's sexy."
"'Zen' women are sexy."
Nelson, 42, Divorced.
"Women who send the message, 'I come to you in peace' are sexy to me. No drama. Very centered. Talks about things like reading books, going on walks and meditating. It might sound boring to some people, but I think this kind of woman is sexy because she prioritizes her peace of mind and when you know that she likes peace in her space, that means she doesn't want anyone or thing disrupting it. That kinda lady can get all of my time. Whew."
"Women who wrap themselves up like the gift that they are is sexy."
Zeke, 31, Single.
"I wish more women knew that we like to see them in lingerie outside of sex. Going to bed in sexy stuff…hell, watching TV in sexy stuff is such a teddy is such a turn-on."
"Some women might roll their eyes or whatever but, contrary to popular belief, seeing a beautiful woman in lingerie isn't always about wanting to have sex. Sometimes we just sit back and take it all in, especially when we're really into 'her'. A woman in lingerie, for no real reason, is like looking at a present that is all wrapped up — you want to see what's inside, but you really can just sit and admire everything for a while too."
"The woman I see right now has such a huge collection that I know she thinks she's the s — t. It reminds me to treat her that way…often. Sexy. Sexy."
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
- What Makes A Man Invest In A Woman - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- Should You Consider Dating Someone You're Not Attracted To? ›
- Do Guys Like To Be Pampered? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- What Men Find Most Attractive About A Woman - xoNecole ... ›
After being a regular contributor for about four years and being (eh hem) MIA in 2022, Shellie is back penning for the platform (did you miss her? LOL).
In some ways, nothing has changed and in others, everything has. For now, she'll just say that she's working on the 20th anniversary edition of her first book, she's in school to take life coaching to another level and she's putting together a platform that supports and encourages Black men because she loves them from head to toe.
Other than that, she still works with couples, she's still a doula, she's still not on social media and her email contact (email@example.com) still hasn't changed (neither has her request to contact her ONLY for personal reasons; pitch to the platform if you have story ideas).
Life is a funny thing but if you stay calm, moments can come full circle and this is one of them. No doubt about it.
This post is in partnership with SheaMoisture.
When it comes to healthy hair care, there are a few things that will help you achieve healthy strands: a healthy hair care regime, hydration, consistent treatments, and scalp care. While scalp care is one of the most neglected practices, it is also one of the most important. Why? Because it helps promote healthy hair growth, clear hair follicles, and remove build-up.
When it comes to creating a healthy scalp routine, it helps to know exactly what you’re up against so you know how to specifically treat it. Two of the most common concerns are dandruff and dry scalp. It can be tough to decipher which is which, but here’s a quick breakdown: dry scalp is caused by a lack of moisture in the skin, while dandruff is caused by an excess of oil and yeast buildup on the scalp. Knowing that both of these are big concerns, SheaMoisture released two separate product lines to address both issues: the Scalp Moisture collection and the Anti-Dandruff collection.
Needless to say, if you tend to experience dandruff then I’d recommend you try the Anti-Dandruff collection. However, my biggest concern has always been dry scalp. A lack of moisture on the scalp can be caused by several factors like weather, age, and hair products to name a few. I’ve noticed that when I use certain gels or skip out on a deep scalp cleanse, my roots feel itchy and dry nonstop, which is uncomfortable.
The only way to relieve the discomfort is to properly wash and moisturize my roots, so I tried the Scalp Moisture collection and this is what I thought.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
First, What’s In The Collection?
The Scalp Moisture collection is a four-product line that includes a pre-wash masque, a moisturizing shampoo and conditioner, and a moisturizing scalp cream. Each product uses moisturizing and strengthening ingredients like aloe butter and vitamin B3 as active ingredients to provide eight times the moisture. Together, aloe butter and vitamin B3 work to restore dry and brittle hair, as well as add relief to the scalp.
Now, let’s break down each product…
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Pre-Wash Masque may actually be the all-star of the collection. Using this deep conditioning masque is one of the best ways to target your dry scalp, restore hydration, and nourish your strands before shampooing.
I started by completely saturating my hair and scalp with water, then making small sections to apply the masque directly to the root. For my girls who have experience with relaxers and perms, it helps to apply the masque to your roots just like you would do with a relaxer. This way you can make sure you’ve covered as much of your scalp as possible while minimizing any breakage.
Pro tip: you can also use a color application brush to make this step easier.
After I completely covered my scalp, I massaged the product into my roots, used any excess on my strands, then left the masque in for 30 minutes. I was shocked by how moisturizing and clarifying my scalp and hair felt. One of the things that I love about the masque is the slip and how much softer it made my hair. While this is marketed as a scalp care product, it can completely transform your hair from dry and parched to completely hydrated.
In my opinion, the downside of this masque is that the quantity is too small for my liking. Truth be told, naturals go through deep conditioners faster than any other product (especially when it’s this good.) So SheaMoisture, if you’re reading this, we’d love a bigger jar.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Shampoo
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Shampoo is a gentle cleanser packed with the same moisture as the masque. The pearl-colored shampoo is lightweight with a serum-like consistency and a light and clean scent. The smell is pleasant, subtle, and not overbearing. When I applied the shampoo, I noticed immediately that it foams and lathers up very quickly, so less is more.
After applying the shampoo, I parted my hair and started at the roots to target as much of my scalp as possible. I recommend really taking the time to work the product and massage your scalp as much as possible.
Pro tip: using a scalp massager makes it easier and it feels amazing.
Once you start to massage your hair you’ll feel the product start to work. There’s a tingling sensation that might catch you off guard if you’re not used to it, but it’s not nearly as strong as other scalp products I’ve tried. I know some may not appreciate the sensation, but I loved it! My scalp felt clean, light, and breathable.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Conditioner
Like the shampoo, the SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Conditioner shares that pearly color and serum-like feel. It applies very easily while softening and moisturizing your hair. When I applied it to my hand, it gave my hands a lotion-like feel, which speaks volumes about its hydration capabilities. I also loved that the conditioner comes with a pump, instead of having to squeeze the product out – to me, it makes application easier.
I typically apply my conditioner to the ends first but because this is a scalp care product I started at the root and worked my way down to my ends. I did leave the conditioner in for ten minutes, although the bottle recommends leaving it in for three. The conditioner also provides that same breathable feel to your scalp. I honestly loved the relief.
Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Scalp Moisture Cream
The SheaMoisture Scalp Moisture Cream is more of a daily relief product for your roots rather than your overall hair. It’s great for providing moisture and immediate relief to a dry and itchy scalp. Just like most of the collection, it gives a light and breathable feel – without the tingle. The applicator bottle targets specific parts of your scalp and makes applying easier.
Pro tip: I typically just squeeze the bottle to wherever I need the relief and use the tip to massage it into my scalp so it doesn’t mess up the hairstyle.
Overall, SheaMoisture’s scalp care line lives up to its claims – it moisturizes, strengthens, and provides immediate scalp relief. I definitely recommend trying the Scalp Moisture collection for an affordable way to treat itchy and dry scalp.
Featured image by Krissy Lewis for xoNecole
Actress and singer Keke Palmer recently shed light on the 'breast milk discrimination' she encountered at a Houston airport.
The incident allegedly went down on June 16, when Palmer, who welcomed her son Leodis Jackson earlier this year with longtime partner Darius Jackson, revealed on Twitter that Houston airport employees ruined her mood as she was discretely pumping.
In the tweet, the 29-year-old elaborated that her aggravation stemmed from the alleged threats spewed at her, including potentially disposing of "over 16 oz" of her son's food.
"Breast milk discrimination at the Houston airport ruined my mood," she tweeted. "I should've popped my tit out right then because the discretion and comfort of pumping is thwarted with threats to throw out over 16 oz [of] my [baby's] food?!?!!! Why is that not a crime?? I'M A MOTHER, for crying out loud."
\u201cBreast milk discrimination at the Houston airport ruined my mood. I should\u2019ve popped my tit out right then because the discretion and comfort of pumping is thwarted with threats to throw out over 16oz my babies food?!?!!! Why is that not a crime??\n\nI\u2019M A MOTHER for crying out\u2026\u201d— Keke Palmer (@Keke Palmer) 1686566225
It is unclear if the issue was resolved because Palmer has yet to release any additional details regarding the matter. Still, the Nope star's post was met with fans' support, and many shared similar stories about their experiences at other locations.
According to the official TSA website, breast milk and baby or toddler-related foods and drinks are categorized as "medically necessary liquids." This means those items, including break milk, formula, and puree pouches, aren't required to meet the carry-on regulations and can be transported onto a plane as long as it's in a proper bag.
In addition to those rules, it is also reported that it is legal to breastfeed and breast pump in public. Although different states have different laws, in Texas, where Palmer was allegedly discriminated against, a bill allowing women to pump in public areas was passed in 2019.
In light of Palmer's tweet and the controversy surrounding breast pumping and breastfeeding in public, xoNecole is sharing the stories of other high-profile women who have openly discussed their experiences, positve and negative, with breastfeeding in public.
Former First Lady Michelle Obama revealed during a Workplace Flexibility Conference over a decade ago that when her youngest daughter Sasha Obama was an infant, she was forced to bring her to a job interview because she was still breastfeeding.
The star disclosed that she feared she would have been disqualified if Sasha's presence was a disruption. But because Obama had interviewed with the president of the company, who also had a child, they understood the responsibilities of being a parent and gave her the job.
"I packed up that little infant, and I put her in the stroller, and I brought her with me. And I prayed that her presence wouldn't be an automatic disqualifier. And it was fortunate for me that, number one, she slept through the entire interview. And I was still breastfeeding — if that's not too much information. And I got the job," she said.
"But I know that I was lucky, number one. I was interviewing with the president, that had just had a child himself and was very understanding and open-minded. But I know that most folks are nowhere near as lucky as I was."
In addition to her speech, Obama advised a plan to give tax breaks or credits to nursing mothers to cover breast pump costs, but the opposing party, unfortunately, scrutinized it.
Jada Pinkett Smith
Another person who has discussed the stigma of breastfeeding in public is actress Jada Pinkett Smith. In an episode of her Facebook talk show, Red Table Talk, Pinkett Smith revealed that she was mom-shamed as she tried to breastfeed her children, Jaden and Willow Smith.
The Girls Trip star explained that when she attended public locations with Jaden and Willow --who were respectively born in 1998 and 2000-- and had to breastfeed, she tried shielding it, but it became a hassle.
"I remember me, myself when I would be out with Jaden and Willow breastfeeding... I used to have that little [breastfeeding] cover. It would make it so difficult. They're in there [and] they're suffocating. I can't see them," she said.
Pinkett Smith added that the experience gave her anxiety because, at the time, breastfeeding in public was stigmatized.
"I had so much anxiety about it because back when I had them, breastfeeding was like, 'what? What are you doing?'" she stated.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Noam Galai/Getty Images