7 Things Successful Women Do Differently Before Bed
What happens when you get home after a long day's (or night's) work? Do you flop into bed exhausted? Do you half-eat a semi-healthy meal, watch a little Real Housewives, and fall asleep on the couch?
There is a lot of emphasis placed on how well we start our day but how we end it is just as critical. Consistently only getting two hours of rest is not healthy. Neither is going to bed anxious or angry. The quality of our sleep speaks not only to how well we rise the next day, but the holistic quality of our lives. As women, our risks for certain illnesses are already greater and for women of color, the odds increase. Along with eating well and exercising, getting a good night's rest has been proven to improve clarity of focus, minimize the risk of heart disease and stroke, and improve immune system defenses.
We were able to catch up with 7 incredible women, killing it in their respective fields, to find out the rituals/routines that help them wind down and how they end their days well:
Christa Gambrell, PhD, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor, Founder/CEO of Gambrell Wellness
"Once or twice a week, I take an Epsom salt bath with essential oils. It's a good way for the body to absorb magnesium, a nutrient known to produce a calming effect. I also started propping my feet on a wedge pillow, placing a heating pad on my abdomen, and practicing diaphragmatic breathing. A final seasonal favorite nighttime ritual is to turn out all the lights except the Christmas tree and just take in the beauty. All of these work together to promote a sense of safety and security so I can sleep in peace."
Follow her on Instagram @drcristagambrell.
Davia Roberts
Founder, Redefine Enough
"My night routine varies but one thing that does not change is intentionality. I honor my time to recharge by setting boundaries and genuinely preparing my mind to ease into rest. At 9pm, my phone switches to Do Not Disturb and I detach myself from social media. When distractions are silenced, I can focus on reading, journaling, breathing exercises, or relaxing yoga poses. Once I begin diffusing lavender oil, it's not long before I've fallen asleep.
"To others, my night routines may seem dramatic. However, these practices soothe me after busy days and help me stay focused on what matters. My life is not merely to-do lists and deadlines and taking the time to slow down each night reminds me of that truth. I am my best self when I create balance. The constant hustle doesn't serve me."
Follow her on Instagram @redefineenough and @justdavia.
Ashlee Wisdom
Founder, HealthInHerHUE
"I end my day well by setting aside time to unplug, unwind, and recenter. I usually do this by setting my alarm for the next day, putting my phone on Do Not Disturb, and turning it face down so the notifications don't distract me. I also have a routine of lighting a scented candle in my bedroom as I prepare for bed. (I usually light it before getting into the shower so when I get back to my room, the aroma relaxes me). I also spend some time in prayer and meditation. I reflect on the day – the good, the not so good, the things I'm unsure about – and I talk to God candidly about them. After I pray, I usually do one of three things: read a few chapters of whatever book I'm currently reading, watch a sermon on YouTube (I'm an unofficial member of Elevation Church, Transformation Church and The Potter's House LA/Denver), or watch a TED Talk on a topic of interest. Doing these things helps me silence a lot of the excess noise in my head, and it helps me pour back into myself spiritually and intellectually. My days end well with a nice combination of self-care, self-reflection, and self-investment."
Follow her on Instagram @healthinherhue.
Jayde Ware
Memory Care Director
"I completely unplug an hour before I go to bed, so I turn off the TV and put my phone down. I find completely unplugging gives me a clear headspace to actually wind down from my day. I then do 20 minutes of journaling where I just write out any lingering thoughts/feelings from the day. I also write a list of 3 really good things that happened to me that day and make a list of 5 things I'm thankful for. I find ending my day in a state of pure gratitude does wonders for my mood.
"Then I write out my goals and intentions for the next day. Waking up with a plan already set makes it easier for me to follow through and be productive in the morning. I end my night routine by taking 10 minutes to stretch and then praying. It's always important for me to end every day with a long list conversation with God."
Follow her on Instagram @callherjayde.
Latisha Carr
Self-Care Strategist, Latisha Carr Global
"Every night for the past few years, I have been writing in my journal in a very specific way that helps me to unwind. I first clear my mind by venting about all that has happened in my day, followed by writing out my wins for the day (I make myself find at least one even on the worst days). After that, I write things out that I am trusting God for, things that I am thankful for, and I end with an affirmation for the night. This helps me to clear my mind from any worries or doubts, but more importantly puts me in a place of gratitude and centered on God's Promise every night."
Follow her on Instagram @latisha.carr.
Erin Malone Turner
Writer & Pre-K Teacher
"Before bed, I typically do my nightly skincare routine, briefly read/edit something I've written, and spend the rest of the evening reading something written by someone else – usually a book or a play. I turn off my main bedroom lights and use my string lights until the last minute. Sometimes, I drink tea and tidy up my room a bit. Lastly, I pray and try to ready myself for the following day."
Follow her on Instagram @justphonehome.
Yetti Ajayi-Obe
Mental Health Awareness Blogger at Yetti Says & Entrepreneur
"The end of my day consists of me going through the typical motions: doing my skincare routine and packing up what I'm going to need for the next morning. But what ends my day well is me making time for love and gratitude. I reflect on the blessings of the day and complete my gratitude list. Then right before bed, my partner and I do an exercise called 'I love you today' where we share today's reasons why we love each other. It's a little corny, but it's heartwarming and it makes it easier for me to start the next day with intentionality and a meditation."
Follow her on Instagram @yettisays.
Related Stories:
7 Things Successful Women Do Differently On The Weekend – Read More
3 Tips To Get Out Of Your Own Way And Succeed – Read More
7 Monday Morning Habits For Succesful Work Weeks – Read More
Featured image by Getty Images
- Creating a Morning Ritual Can Transform Your Days - xoNecole ›
- 7 Things Successful Women Do Differently On The Weekend ›
- Creating a Morning Ritual Can Transform Your Days - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 13 Super-Successful Women Reveal Their Morning Routines ... ›
- Six things successful women do : Evewoman - The Standard ›
- 7 Bedtime Habits of the Most Successful People | Inc.com ›
- 5 Things Successful Women Do on Sundays ›
- What successful people do before bed - Business Insider ›
- 10 Things Highly Successful People Do Before Going to Sleep | Inc ... ›
- Bedtime Routine Tips - Successful Women Advice ›
- These Are The Thing Successful Women Do Before Bed To Be ... ›
- The Nightly Routines of 19 Successful Women | MyDomaine ›
- 9 Things Successful Women Do Before 9AM | The Everygirl ›
Ashley is a storybuilder and storyteller who writes and produces to inform, connect, encourage and evoke. Vibe with her on Twitter/Instagram: @ashleylatruly.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Honestly, I don’t know if it will surprise y’all or not to know that a few years back, Vice published an article entitled, “Women Get Bored in Bed Faster Than Men.” When it comes to the clients I work with, what I will say is men tend to underestimate how creative women can be while women seem to overlook that men fake orgasms just about as much as they do. My grand takeaway from all of this? Folks need to be intentional when it comes to keeping the spice alive in their sex life; especially if they’re in a long-term relationship.
That’s why, when one couple came to me and asked what was something that they could do to light the fire (pun intended) in their own bedroom, the first thing that I asked was if they had ever tried wax play before. You should’ve seen the expression on their faces. LOL.
When it comes to things like that, I think that it’s still taboo for some, simply because they’ve only seen it on a movie screen or heard about it in true extreme sexual contexts — and so, they don’t think that it’s something that is “for them” when, the reality is, with the right tips in tow, wax play can be for pretty much anyone…and everyone.
So today, let’s add something new to some of y’all’s boudoir list of activities. Here are 10 things that will, hopefully, help you to see the flames of wax play (I’ve got puns all over the place today) in a whole new light.
1. Anticipation Does Wonders for Sexual Arousal
GiphyI once read an article by a mental health expert who said that anticipation is probably the greatest aphrodisiac of all. It builds excitement. It fuels curiosity. At the end of the day, it’s like a mental form of edging because you’re getting close to something that you look forward to — although you’re not quite there yet. Listen, he’s not off base because even science says that anticipation can give you a dopamine hit that can ultimately improve your sexual experiences.
Keeping this point in mind, how can watching hot wax drip from a candle and head toward your body not fuel some level of anticipation? Especially if it’s your first few times trying it? A woman by the name of Ana Monnar once said, “Anticipation is sometimes more exciting than actual events.” Just something to consider, when it comes to entertaining bringing wax play into your world, my dear.
2. Wax Play Is Peak-Level Foreplay
GiphyWe all know what foreplay is, right? Just to be sure that we’re all on the same page, a very basic definition is it’s something that typically happens right before sex in order to arouse the people who are about to have it. And since foreplay is pretty much the prelude to copulation, it’s important that “the appetizer” is damn near as good as the “main course.” Wax play can help to ensure that because, aside from what I just said about anticipation, it can also help you and your partner tap into your more sensual and seductive sides. It’s hot. It requires being mindful. And since so much give and take is involved, it requires both people to be very into the moment. Lawd. Wax play is sexy to even just think about!
3. Temperature Pleasure Is Lots of Fun
GiphyOkay, say that you’ve never played with wax (in this way) before. Have you ever incorporated ice cubes? I ain’t gonna let y’all get ALL up in my business, so…let me just say (for now) that some ice during oral sex ain’t neva hurt nobody…quite the contrary! There’s something about the unexpected cool that mixes around with the warmth of a mouth that is truly unmatched. Along these same lines, wax play brings in the heat and, what makes temperature pleasure/play so awesome is, that it uses the sensations of different temperatures to bring out different forms of stimulation.
Another thing that’s worth noting about temperature pleasure is if you’re someone who considers yourself to be on the sexually conservative side yet you do like this type of activity, whether you realize it or not, you’re low-key participating in a form of kink (yep!). This brings me to my next point.
4. Wax Play Is an Introduction to Kink
GiphyIt’s kind of interesting how some people clam up at the thought of a (sexual) kink when the reality is, at the end of the day, it’s about having a certain type of sexual experience (as opposed to a fetish that focuses on objects or body parts; like a foot fetish, for example). So, if it’s that simple, why does it intimidate a lot of folks? Well, kinks tend to delve into people’s fantasies or unconventional ways of thinking (like BDSM or voyeurism).
At the same time, the cool thing about kinks is you control how deep you want to go. Just know that if you do participate in wax play, there’s no point in turning up your nose to the whole kink thing; wax play technically qualifies.
5. Soy Does One Thing. Paraffin Does Another.
GiphyOkay, so let’s spend a couple of moments talking about the things that you need to get the most out of your wax play experience. First, please don’t be out here imitating movies. While they will have you believing that you should pull a taper candle from your dining room table and go ham with it, it’s best to go with massage candles; they are specifically designed for wax play and body massages (The Knot has a recommendation list here and Women’s Health has a list of their own here).
When it comes to candles, in general, I’m always a fan of soy because they burn cleaner and last longer. However, when it comes to wax play, two other reasons why soy is best is it’s natural and “burns lower;” this simply means that once the wax hits your body, it won’t be as hot as, say, paraffin wax will (because it has a higher burning point).
What all of this means is if you want a more comfortable experience, go with a soy (or even a shea butter or beeswax) candle. If you want to play with the big (wax play) kids, try paraffin.
Oh, and if you’re wondering if you can never use “regular” candles — I mean, it’s your body. All I’m saying is some candles are designed for wax play; birthday candles? They are not. Feel me?
6. Massage Candles Feel Incredible on Your Muscles and Joints
GiphySo, here’s the thing about massage candles: If you’ve ever had a professional massage before, your massage therapist may have used them. And if you’ve gotten a high-end mani/pedi, some paraffin wax may have come into play (no pun intended). That’s because the wax from both types of candles has health benefits that include relaxing muscles, improving joint mobility, and increasing blood flow throughout the body. And when you factor in the fact that the better you physically feel before sex, the better sex will be during it — isn’t that just one more plus for and perk of wax play? I definitely think so.
7. The Aromatherapy Is Incomparable
GiphySomething else that’s awesome about most massage candles is they have a wonderfully alluring scent to them, by design. Yes, that matters too because there is plenty of data out here to support the fact that aromatherapy does everything from reduce stress and relieve bodily discomfort to treat headaches and fight off infections (word on the street is that it may even help with menstrual cramps and menopause).
As far as your sex life goes, aromatherapy is supreme because certain essential oils double up as aphrodisiacs. Lavender, neroli, and rose are proven to improve your sexual function. Geranium reduces anxiety. And listen, if climaxing is your ultimate goal, check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm” and then look for massage oils that smell like, say, vanilla, saffron or jasmine. Bottom line, a good massage candle that smells amazing is going to be worth every cent that you spent to purchase it.
8. You Will Learn Communication (and Dirty Talk) on a Whole ‘Nother Level
GiphyOne of the reasons why I once penned, “Are You Ready To Apply Your Love Language To Your Sex Life?” for the platform is because, if there’s one thing that I think is so awesome about sex, is it finds a way to incorporate all five of your senses (sight, touch, taste, sound and hearing) as well as your top love languages (words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, physical touch and gifts — if you’re open to it).
And when it comes to hearing (and words of affirmation), this is another area where wax play can be a winner because, as you’re learning what works for your partner and they learn what works for you, words have to be exchanged… perhaps even dirty ones.
And why is dirty talk so damn effective? According to scientific research, it has the ability to activate your entire brain (the biggest sex organ that you have) and when this is going on while you’re being physically stimulated — chile, the sky truly is the limit!
9. Wax Play Is Completely Customizable
GiphyYou know back when I was talking about soy candles vs. paraffin ones? Something that I didn’t mention, by design at the time, is that, although I will forever be Team Massage Candles when it comes to this particular topic, there are some known as wax play candles too. What’s the difference? Wax play candles tend to remain pretty hard (after being lit up) while massage candles are designed to melt into a liquid that you can massage on your partner’s body.
Why am I bringing this all up now? Well, it’s to serve as a reminder that wax play can be “dialed up” or “turned down” based on what you want to do. If you just want to put a twist on a massage, you can do that. If you’d like to test your partner’s tolerance level by applying more heat for longer, do that.
Just make sure that you use the kind of wax that doesn’t fully melt on shaved areas of the body (pretty sure why is self-explanatory), that you moisturize your skin beforehand (it’s easier to remove the wax…or whatever is leftover) that way and that you pour around 15-20 inches away from your partner’s body; that gives it time to cool somewhat on the way down. Oh, and if you don’t want to jack up your sheets, you might want to lay down a protective drop cloth (like this one here).
10. It Sure As Hell Ain’t Boring
Season 1 Friends GIF - Find & Share on GIPHYGiphyLast point — and it brings all of this full circle. Now that you’ve read all of the ways that wax play can benefit your sex life, how in the world could you associate it with “boring” on any level? Anything that can get you hype, cultivate eagerness, and enhance what you’ve already got going on…that is worth putting on your sex bucket list and trying at least one time, wouldn’t you say? And why can’t that time be…TONIGHT? Shoot your man a pick of a massage candle with a heart and watch him beat you home.
Then report back (with edits…LOL).
Something tells me that you’ll become a wax play fan — SOON.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by arsenisspyros/Getty Images