Divorce is an action that should never be taken lightly. The time spent building and growing with a man, loving him through thick and thin, and remaining vigilant in your vows only ends up feeling like it's *poof* gone, just like that, once those papers are signed. Your families might think you should stay together for the kids' sake or even for their sake, and your friends might think you've made the wrong decision altogether. But ultimately, only you know the real about your "marriage", or lack thereof.
Amidst years of cheating rumors, the allegations of her husband welcoming a love child in March with his alleged mistress, various health scares and a stint in sober living, Wendy Williams has decided to take back her power. According to Page Six, Williams, 54, officially filed for divorce from her husband of nearly 21 year Kevin Hunter, citing irreconcilable differences.
Wendy Williams Rings The NASDAQ Opening Bell - August 25, 2010 Getty Images
If you've ever watched The Wendy Williams Show or have followed her career in any way, you know that Williams has built a life on dishing the dirt on all things celebrity—everything from the humorous to the salacious. But one topic that always seemed relatively off limits has been her personal life. While she and Hunter share an 18-year-old son whom she often speaks of proudly, Williams has always kept the conversation surrounding rumors about her own marriage virtually off the table.
However, when rumors emerged that Hunter was expecting a child with his alleged mistress, Sharon Hudson, Williams took the opportunity to play damage control by saying while she was still "very much in love" with Hunter, the rumors remain just that—that is unless you see her without her wedding ring. Williams revealed during a recent episode of The Wendy Williams Show:
"Anybody who has been married for five minutes or 500 years, you know marriages have ebbs and flows. … And don't ask me about mine until you see [my wedding ring] gone — it ain't going anywhere, not in this lifetime."
Rumors aside, I believe that everyone has at least one deal breaker in any relationship, even marriage. And while we've been raised to believe that a marriage should never end, no matter what, some things just can't be worked though in couples therapy. For Williams, it was a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, and her only deal breaker seems to have now broken through. In her 2001 book, Wendy's Got The Heat, the talk show host revealed what would ultimately force her to call it quits:
"The only thing that would make me walk out for good is if he lied about anything – if he was in love, if she was just as successful at what she does as I am in my career, if she had his baby."
Fighting for marriage when you're the only one left in it is like shadow boxing with your own heart. Couple this with inevitabile mistakes we all make as humans, heightened emotions and, at times, very real betrayal, legit pain is involved when making the decision to end a marriage. There is the judgement you feel from others, the rampant feelings of failure, and the loss of your identity: so many emotions become involved, which makes filing for a divorce the single hardest decision a woman may ever have to make.
But having a marriage just to say you are married should never come at the sake of your peace, dignity and respect. Once those are gone, love definitely won't be enough.
I commend anyone brave enough to bear the real pain and judgement that comes with filing for divorce. The stigma alone probably keeps more people married longer than they otherwise might be. I don't hear enough about the actual toll it takes on women, and men, as a marriage falls apart. It's literally like the thing you are fighting for the most is the same thing that is ultimately hurting you the most. Sometimes it's better to just let go. There is something about surrendering and coming to terms with the demise of a marriage that helps begin the process of healing: it's one of the first steps in taking back your power after it's obvious there is no saving the marriage.
I still believe in the sanctity of marriage. A lot of the times I think I still want it. But having been through divorce myself, I know that, ironically, while it's easier to get married than it is to get divorced in this country, the next time I want to make sure that I enter into it fully prepared, emotionally AND spiritually.
Wendy Williams is a lesson in letting go, moving through the pain, and getting the help you deserve, all while keeping a brave face. Her ring may be gone, but the show isn't over yet. It's never too late to take back your power, even if it means losing the very thing you worked for so many years to maintain.
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