We Asked 6 Influencers To Share The Why Behind Their Style Aesthetic
What's a fashion uniform? It's your everyday armor that helps you slay every room you walk into. It's your trademark aesthetic. It's what makes you, YOU.
Everyone has their own appreciation of beauty and that's what makes fashion so intriguing. Finding your signature style takes time and intention. What do you want the world to see when they see you strutting down the street? Because it's no secret that your style speaks for you do. Wise woman, Alanna Nicole, gave some amazing advice for women searching for their very own unique style that sets them a part from everyone else. "Experiment, live boldly and ignore what anyone else says! For me, if someone is wearing the most outrageous or the most simple and chic outfit, once they are wearing it with unwavering confidence, I admire them so much," she shared with us.
When you think about your favorite fashion icons, you immediately think about their staples and what makes them unique. There's a thing that separates them from the rest. We all need that thing. The right outfit can make you feel like Beyonce on your worst day. So, we decided to gather some dope, stylish women and ask them about their trademark aesthetic.
xoNecole loves a good lewk and we love it even more when it's draping on an ebony goddess. If you're ever in need of instant inspo, these are your girls.
Jennifer Ogumbor-Larbi
Photo Courtesy of Jennifer Ogumbor-Larbi
Age: 30
Location: Edmonton, AB, Canada
Blog/Website: The Jeneralist (www.thejeneralist.com)
Instagram: @thejeneralist
"I pull a lot of inspiration from European street style and pop culture but my style is generally inspired by the places I've been and the people I've met. I realized at a young age that being boxed into a single category of any sort was a limitation I did not like and developed my aesthetic based on that. If I had to choose one word to describe my style, it would be 'dynamic'.
"You might catch me in muted/neutral tones in the middle of summer and in a bright yellow monochromatic look in the middle of winter. I love that I am not limited in style because there are days when I wake up feeling super feminine and others when I feel like rocking a fun tomboy-ish chic look. Sometimes, it's a quirky mix between the two. Regardless of what I'm wearing, I love wearing lipstick and throwing in some fun accessories to help complement and/or elevate my look.
"My style may be undefined but it's certainly a representation of who I am and the dynamic range that I possess. My advice to women searching for their own unique style is to do what works for YOU and have fun with it."
Vic Styles
Photo Courtesy of Vic Styles
Age: 33
Location: New York
Website:www.VicStyles.com
IG:@TheVicStyles
"What I wear is your introduction to who I am before I ever open my mouth. I tend to choose clothes that reflect my lifestyle and personality: mostly sustainable, comfortable clothing, I'm always in a hat, and I love color. Color sets the mood. I think my style fits the woman that I am, it is ever-evolving like I am."
Jessica Pettway
Photo Courtesy of Jessica Pettway
Age: 31
Location: Los Angeles
Blog/Website:https://www.youtube.com/JessicaPettway
Instagram:@jessicapettway
"My style is a literal illustration of my personality, chill with a bit of spunk. I look for pieces that are super functional and sustainable. An oversized thrifted blazer paired with a pair of faded denim and skinny sandals is my aesthetic. It's that effortless, cool girl vibe."
Shannae Ingleton Smith
Photo Courtesy of Shannae Ingleton Smith
Age: 38
Location: Toronto
Blog/Website:TorontoShay.com
Instagram:@TorontoShay
"For me, I like a combination of comfort and slayage (if that is even a thing?). I love high-waisted pants and denim. After having a baby, nobody is trying to see my stomach and a high-waisted pants keeps everything in. Pair that with a statement heel or a dope top, and I feel like a million bucks. I love wearing items that are different. I like to call those pieces 'conversation starters' because people stop you and ask you where you got it from. I find fashion is a great way to connect with others and break the ice in new situations. Rocking sneakers with a suit or a dress is another great combo. For me, I like doing things that are a bit out of the box, but slays at the same time."
Alanna Nicole
Photo Courtesy of Alanna Nicole
Age: 24
From: London, England
Blog/Website:www.alannanicolex.com
Instagram:@alannanicolex
"EVERYTHING inspires my style! Colors are my main source of inspiration – from seeing other peoples' color combinations, to furniture and buildings. I definitely try to take advantage of the surroundings that I'm in and allow them to fuel my style. Because of that, my style changes quite often! Last year, I was obsessed with loud monochrome looks and wild pattern mixing. But this summer, I've been really inspired by interior design. My looks have been more driven by soft pastel colours, which are more whimsical. I also take tons of inspiration from Barbados, where I grew up! Many of my tattoos are of flowers and plants that you can find there – the Pride of Barbados and palm trees! Since I'm there quite often to see my family, I also use the ocean and tropical climate to inspire my looks while there and at home in London!
"My #1 staple is definitely earrings! Since massive statement earrings became widely available two years ago, I jumped on that bandwagon and have never looked back! Since my hair is quite large, having earrings that can still be the star of the show is an amazing way to elevate my look! Also, shoes! I've always been a crazy shoe girl and absolutely love to have colorful and bold shoes on."
Nekiah Torres
Photo Courtesy of Nekiah Torres
Age: Grown
Location: Arizona
Blog/Website: From the Rez to the City
Instagram:@reztothecity
"Coming up with my aesthetic definitely didn't happen overnight. It took years! Initially, I would just find stylish people and copy them but the more I matured, I knew that had to change. I realized that personal style required authenticity because it signifies a considerable amount of self-knowledge. I had to get comfortable with my nontraditional looks and accept the fact that I was never going to look like the individuals I was copying, I had to dress for ME! When putting together looks, I always ask myself: 'What is my message to the world? What am I trying to express through my wardrobe choices?' My answer is: in order to be authentically me, I must always feel POWERFUL! So, my trademark aesthetic is CONFIDENCE and I love it because I love ME!"
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Featured image courtesy of Jessica Pettway
Originally published August 22, 2019
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Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
Beyond Burnout: Nicole Walters' Blueprint For Achieving Career Success On Your Own Terms
Nicole Walters has always been known for two things: her ambition and her ability to recognize when life’s challenges can also double as an inspiring, lucrative brand.
This was first evident more than a decade ago when she quit her job as the corporate executive of a Fortune 500 company during a Periscope livestream. “I’m not sure if there’s an alignment of [our] future trajectory. I’m going to work for myself. I'm promoting myself to work for myself,” she said at the time before flashing a smile at the viewing audience. As she resigned on camera, a constant stream of encouraging messages floated upwards on the screen.
By 2021, she’d fashioned her work as a corporate consultant and her personal life with her husband and three adopted daughters into a reality show, She’s The Boss, for USA Network. This year, she released the New York Times bestselling memoir Nothing Is Missing, written as she was in the process of getting a divorce and dealing with her eldest daughter’s struggles with substance use.
Convinced that there’s no way the 39-year-old has achieved all of this without intentional strategic planning, I asked her about it when we spoke less than a week before Christmas. I’d seen videos on social media of her working on 2024 planning for other brands, and I wanted to know what that looked like following her own year of success.
She listed a number of goals, including ensuring that the projects she takes on in the new year align with her identity “as a Black woman, as an African woman, as a mother, as someone who has lived a [rebuilding] season and is now trying to live boldly and entirely as themselves.” But, I was shocked by how much of her business planning also prioritized rest.
Despite the bestselling book, a self-titled podcast, and working with numerous corporations, Walters said she’s been taking Fridays off. This year, she doesn’t want to work on Mondays, either.
“A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement,” she said, noting that she’ll check in with herself around March to see how successful this plan has been. The goal, Walters said, is to only be working on Tuesdays and Thursdays by sometime in 2025. “It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to have happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change.”
"A lot of us think we work hard until retirement hits. I want to progress towards retirement... It is intentionally building out what I know I would like to happen and not waiting for exhaustion to be the trigger of change."
Walters said the decision to progressively work less was partially in response to her previously held notions about her career, especially as an entrepreneur. “When I first started, I thought burnout was a part of it,” she said. “What I didn’t realize is that even if you’re able to bounce out of burnout or get back to it, there’s a cumulative impact on your body. If you think of your body as a tree and every time you go through burnout, you are taking a hack out of your trunk, yes, that trunk will heal over, and the tree will continue to grow, but it doesn't mean that you don’t have a weakened stem.”
But, the desire for increased rest was also in response to the major shifts that occurred three years ago when she was experiencing major changes in her family and realized her metaphorical tree was “bending all the way over.”
Courtesy
“One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity,” she added. “That is some language that I think is just now starting to really get unpacked.” In recent years, there’s been an increased awareness of achieving balance in life, with Tricia Hersey’s “The Nap Ministry” gaining attention based on the idea that rest, especially for Black women, is a form of resistance. Even online phrases such as “soft life” and “quiet quitting” have hinted at a cultural shift in prioritizing leisure over professional ambition.
"One of the things we have to recognize, especially as Black women, is that there is this engrained, societal, systemic notion that our worth is built around our productivity."
If companies are lining up to consult with Walters about their brands and products, then women have been looking to her for guidance on starting over since she invited them to livestream her resignation 12 years ago. As viewers continue to demand more from content creators in the form of intimate, personal details, Walters has navigated her personal brand with a sense of transparency without oversharing the vulnerable details about her life, especially when it comes to her family.
The entrepreneur said she’d been approached to write a book for several years and was initially convinced she was finally ready to write one about business. “I started to do that, and then I went through my divorce. When that happened, I said, why would I write a book telling people to get the life that I have when I’m not sure about the life that I have,” she said.
Instead, she decided to write Nothing Is Missing and provide a closer look at her life, starting with being born to immigrant Ghanaian parents (“You need to know my childhood to know why I’m passionate about entrepreneurship.”) through the adoption of her three daughters and eventual divorce. Despite her desire to share, however, she said she felt protective of the privacy of her family, including her ex-husband.
When discussing this with me, Walters said she was reminded of a lesson she learned from actress Kerry Washington, who released her own memoir, Thicker Than Water, just a week before Walters’ book release. Washington’s memoir grapples with family secrets, too, specifically the fact that she was conceived using a sperm donor and didn’t learn about it until she was already a successful TV star. While Washington reflects on how the decision and subsequent deception impacted her, she’s also careful to hold space for her parents’ experiences, too. “A lot of things she said was that she had to recognize where she was the supporting character and where she was the main character,” Walter said.
This is something Walter worked to do in Nothing Is Missing when discussing her daughter’s struggles with addiction. “I was very intentional about making sure that I did not reveal more than what was required,” she said. “If I say something about someone’s addiction, I don’t need to go into the list of the substances they used, how they used them, what I found. [I don’t need to] walk into a room and paint a picture of what it looked like for people to understand.”
Walters said some of the most vulnerable moments in the book barely made a ripple once it was released. She was extremely nervous to write about getting an abortion, she said. But no one has asked her about this in the months since the book was released. Instead, people have been more interested in quirkier revelations, such as the fact that she once appeared on Wheel of Fortune.
“I have bared my soul about this thing I went through in my youth that has changed me for people, and people are like, ‘So how heavy was the wheel when you spun it?’” she said, chuckling. “It just goes to show that people never worry about the thing that you worry about.”
With the success of Nothing Is Missing, Walters said she still isn’t planning to release a business book at the moment. But, as she navigates parenting a teenager and two adult children while also navigating a relationship with her new fiancé, Walters said she believes she has at least one or two more books to write about her personal journey. “There is sort of an arc of where my life has gone that I know I’ve got something more to say about this that I think is important, relevant and necessary,” she said.
In just three years, Walters’ life has undergone a major transformation. There’s no telling what the next three years will have in store for her, but it seems likely she’ll retain an inspired audience wherever life takes her.
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Featured image courtesy
The Key To True Career Fulfillment Is Healing That Trauma, Sis.
As Black women, we're no strangers to trauma, especially when it comes to our professional lives. And as empowered as many of us are, there are still lingering triggers that are a direct result of trauma. So, this makes taking on a healing journey vital for us, especially when we're ambitious and making big moves in our careers.
"We deserve ease and the mental clarity that comes with resolving the wounds within us–that continue to exist within our families and our communities," said Dr. Mariel Buqué, a trained psychologist and author of Break the Cycle: A Guide To Healing Intergenerational Trauma. "Our addressing the remnants of trauma means that we give ourselves the opportunity to have healthier connections and healthier outcomes in every area of our lives."
I caught up with Dr. Buqué to talk more, in this exclusive interview with xoNecole, about what exactly intergenerational trauma is, how its effects can manifest in the workplace, and how Black women can tap into our higher selves for healing.
Dr. Mariel Buqué
Photo via DrMarielBuqué.com
xoNecole: Your book talks about intergenerational trauma, and I’d love to get more context on how it affects the way we show up at work. What is intergenerational trauma, and how can the effects be reflected in the workplace?
Dr. Mariel Buqué: Intergenerational trauma is the only type of trauma that’s actually handed down the family line. It happens at the intersection of our biology and psychology. … It’s a very comprehensive and complex process by which we are to acquire any kind of genetic imprints from our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, [and] ancestors who have suffered.
Typically, when we’re conceived, we inherit gene markers that actually are reflective of the emotional pain that the people that came before us have suffered.
xoN: Whoa! That's deep!
MB: I always get that. [Laughs] What that means, in essence, is that it creates a biological vulnerability for us in reference to stress and trauma, so we become more tender and vulnerable to stress, and our emotions become more heightened. Intergenerational trauma shows up at work in multiple ways. We can talk about how it shows up from an individual standpoint. Many Black and Brown women might have already been socialized to self-soothe or take care of themselves, and that leads to the kind of behaviors that reflect hyper-independence and an inability to show any signs of perceived weakness.
In a workplace environment, they might be susceptible to being overburdened with work or having more work put on them because of their hyper-independent behavior. They may engage with folks in a way that may be perceived [as] distant or cold, but in reality, we’re just socialized to be very sturdy, and even when things are happening around us that might unnerve other people, there’s a sturdiness in us that’s there because we’ve had to hold so much—socialized to hold a lot of the burdens that surround us.
"Intergenerational trauma shows up at work in multiple ways. Many Black and Brown women might have already been socialized to self-soothe or take care of themselves, and that leads to the kind of behaviors that reflect hyper-independence and an inability to show any signs of perceived weakness."
xoN: You also detail grounding methods as tools for healing intergenerational trauma. How can we use these methods at work in cases where we’re in situations where we feel triggered due to trauma or where trauma shows up manifested in our workplace interactions?
MB: The sound bath meditations are one of the [tools] I use in my practice because sound bowls emit frequencies that make us feel more calm. They actually create micro-vibrations that help heal both the mind and body.
Sound medicine is not just constricted to sound bowls. We have so many instruments.
xoN: How can we practice grounding while at work? What methods can we use that are office- or work-friendly?
MB: There are three skills that I usually gravitate toward [in helping] people who are really busy, including professionals, to integrate grounding into their day in a way that doesn’t feel like an added task.
There’s a lot that’s happening when we’re doing any one of these practices. I’m very specific about the deep breathing. I think we’ve popularized, ‘Oh girl, go take a breath,’ and people take one or three breaths and think that it’s done. They forget that we’re fighting against the imprints that have been decades—sometimes hundreds of years long—living in our family line. Those imprints are really deeply embedded into our cellular memories. So we need to take at least five minutes to really let our nervous system register, ‘Oh we’re relaxed. We’re trying to relax.’
Usually, people who are very busy say, ‘Who has five minutes?’ and I say, ‘Well, you have 1,440 minutes in the day. If you take five of those minutes, let’s say, at the top of your day, in case you can’t bake it in any time else, you’re already doing so much of the work to help you relieve some of that stored-up tension.’
Humming is a ventral vagal nerve stimulator. In particular, when we hum very low, like a Barry White low, or the ‘Ohm’ sound, derived from Sangsritch. We can sing any song we love—just hum it in a low tone—that already creates that stimulation process.
The third is rocking. When we move slowly to a rhythm and sway back and forth, we’re actually creating that relaxation response. I always like to remind folks, take it back to when you were a baby or toddler and a caregiver—grandma or somebody—was rocking you to sleep. Why did you go to sleep? Because it’s actually stimulated a relaxation response and your mind and body and you felt like you were safe.
There are tangible, acceptable tools that anybody can use at any point and time in their day, and just bake it in. You can do it without anyone noticing.
xoN: You get into the concept of the “intergenerational higher self” in your book as well. What is it, and how can we pursue this or find our higher self in the context of work?
MB: It’s the version of ourselves that’s not deep in trauma but has a higher consciousness and has an elevated mindset. They want to really draw from innate wisdom, but also ancestral wisdom—whatever it is that has made it so that the people who came before us actually made it to overcome. All of that lives in us—both from a biological and a psychological end. We have biological preparedness that helps us to overcome things our ancestors went through. There’s so much in our bodies and minds that holds a lot of true and innate strength.
When we’re presented with circumstances in our work environment that might be triggering or could be challenging, we have an opportunity to tap into that innate wisdom within us and engage in choices that can align with our values, rather than make choices that are coming out of places of trauma. We [need to] tap into our higher self, with greater frequency, on any given day—not when we’re the most stressed out. We need it when we’re the most stressed out, but it’s essential for us to practice just tapping into it every day.
Any one of us will need to actually do some of the work to help soothe ourselves on a regular basis in order to be able to easily tap into that wiser part of ourselves.
When we do the humming, the rocking, and all those things—anything that’s grounding—on a consistent basis, it buys us time. It gives us a 2- to 3-second window between when someone says something out of pocket… to be able to sit with the information, hold it in a way that doesn’t create toxic stress within us, and think about how we’re going to respond. And those 2-3 seconds are gold because it allows that innate wisdom to come in. When we’re settling our nervous system, with greater frequency, on a daily basis, it allows us to buy that time.
Take five minutes of each and every one of those days, and you deposit those five minutes into regenerating your nervous system and the way in which your emotions are structured. Within a year’s time, you’d be able to sit with the emotions you hold much differently than you have in the last four decades.
"When we’re presented with circumstances in our work environment that might be triggering or could be challenging, we have an opportunity to tap into that innate wisdom within us and engage in choices that can align with our values, rather than make choices that are coming out of places of trauma."
xoN: But how do we know or recognize that person? How can those of us who are stuck in patterns or whose interactions are often driven or triggered by trauma even recognize and pursue the “intergenerational higher self”?
MB: It’s really helpful to actually imagine. A lot of us, Black and Brown women, are doing a lot of imaginative work. And that’s the thing, sometimes we have to imagine who these people are because they are a version of ourselves in a future sense. A version of ourselves that has done the healing work, that can walk upright and step into a room with our heads held high and knows what to say and how to settle themselves and all these things. It’s a version of ourselves we have to imagine.
For example, when I first imagined my intergenerational higher self, I knew she had short hair, had glasses. She was surrounded by books. She was independent in her work—meaning she worked with other people but didn’t belong to one particular organization, which I don’t.
She was writing. She also held this wisdom and ability to use her voice. I’m a very introverted person—I’ve always been very shy–but it was a lot of the trauma. I needed to imagine [that version of me] to be able to now be somebody who speaks to crowds, who does the healing work, who writes, has glasses, and has short hair. She’s also the living embody of her grandmother’s wisdom and kindness. All of that is who I’m stepping into, but we have to imagine her first.
To find out more about Dr. Mariel Buqué, and her book, Break the Cycle: A Guide To Healing Intergenerational Trauma, follow her on Instagram or visit her website.
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Featured image by StockRocket/Getty Images