Veteran singer Usher Raymond candidly reflects on the challenges he endured following his failed relationships and reveals the steps he took to become a better person and partner.
Over the years, Raymond, who has been in the music industry for nearly three decades, has reportedly had high-profile relationships with TLC's Rozanda "Chilli" Thomas, fashion stylist Tameka Foster, and talent manager Grace Miguel. Since then, the 44-year-old has been dating music executive Jenn Goicoechea, and the couple welcomed two children together in their blended family. At the same time, the "Glu" crooner shares two sons with ex-wife Tameka Foster.
In the August digital cover of Vibe Magazine, Raymond opened up about why remaining single was challenging and how therapy helped him heal childhood traumas.
Usher On Why Remaining Single Was Difficult
In the discussion, the "U Got It Bad" songster revealed that he found remaining single after a breakup difficult because he had envisioned himself "creating a life with someone" despite having his fair share of heartbreaks.
"I think the hardest thing that I've ever had to do was be single," he told the publication. "Because I don't like to be alone. The idea of creating a life with someone is what I would like to do, maybe because I didn't have or didn't see that. And I get to remedy that idea by having an incredible partnership. I can then have the thing that I ultimately wanted to see. You know what I'm saying?"
Usher
Photo by Arturo Holmes/MG23/Getty Images for The Met Museum/Vogue
Usher on Therapy
When the topic shifted to Raymond's current relationship and why it's been more fulfilling compared to his other unions, the "There Goes My Baby" singer credited attending therapy as a fundamental part of his healing journey.
Raymond added that going to therapy helped him uncover why singleness and the need to be in a relationship stemmed from the hardships he experienced as a child having an estranged relationship with his late father, Usher Raymond III.
"Man, healing took a lot," he said when describing why his relationship with Goicoechea has been successful.
"Maybe I was suffering a lot from—just maybe not necessarily having the kind of love that I would've wanted as a kid. And wanting to figure out what that was all about. I didn't have that relationship that I would've wanted to have with my father. And that the relationship that I had with my mother was slowly beginning to be under pressure. Because one, we were working together. Two, we had our differences. Three, I was getting older, but I think it was just life lessons. The therapy really did help me be able to be by myself."
Raymond’s recent admission about healing from past traumas can help inspire others to face their challenges head-on.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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