One of life's most worthwhile lessons is learning how to love. And more importantly, how to love yourself more.
Like most 20-somethings, I've had my fair share of failed relationships and "situationships." You know, those soul sucking kinships that aren't really what you need or want, when neither of you know what is really going on, but it offers companionship and a good time. But, after my last relationship left me almost broken to my core, I couldn't seem to face the possibility of loving anyone else.
It's funny how life works…
Seven months after that breakup, I finished my MBA, packed up my apartment, quit my job and left for Europe. If I could've left earlier, I probably would have, but you know.... Grad School. I had no plan, all I knew is that I wanted to get away from Atlanta because I refused to be just another single, overly educated, 20-something black woman in Atlanta brunching on Sundays.
I figured I could at least be a single, overly educated, 20-something black woman brunching in London!
Was I running? Yes.
But, not running from just the memories of a failed relationship.
I was running from mediocrity and comfort.
Everything I knew was back in Atlanta: my friends, a job I loved liked, some family, and my esteemed social circles of young, bougie, black professionals. However, if I ever planned to grow and live the life I had imagined, I would have to leave what was comfortable and known all behind.
I really learned to love myself and find comfort in my own company (I mean honestly, you really have no choice traveling solo for 2 months). But, it taught me great life lessons about self-affirmations. Once you understand that you are worthy and deserving of everything you ever wished for, whether it be a loving partner, a CEO position, a fancy sports car, or a penthouse condo, you can make moves to have those things manifest.
After spending time in Europe, I ended up moving to Dubai, which presented its own new set of dating challenges and setbacks. But after 18 months, I met an amazing man from Holland, who taught me how to love again and made me open to being loved. I've slowly let down those walls that were built up and let love reign in my heart. I know that this man loves me to "the moon & back" and I'm okay with that because I've learned to love him with the same passion.
Of course, he shares my love of travel and we've had several adventures together already to the Maldives, Holland and Italy.
It almost sounds like a fairy tale, right? It kind of feels surreal sometimes, but I know it's a result of making conscious and intentional decisions to invite love back into my life.
Here are my four tips for letting love reign supreme:
Love yourself.
Like all the experts say, it first starts at home. You can never truly love someone else if you don't know what it takes. By spending time alone, meditating, reading, taking yourself on dates (and trips), and pampering yourself; you begin to understand the things that make you happy and make life more enjoyable for YOU. Figure out the things that fill you with joy, make you smile and that can't wait to experience. Having a partner should make you feel the same way. So be strong enough to let go, and wise enough to wait for what you deserve.
Let love in and don't block it.
The toughest lesson I had to learn was being vulnerable again. That breakup really hurt me. I had tried dating shortly after in an attempt to move on, but it didn't help. I wasn't open to loving someone again. I needed time to heal. It took over a year and half, but I eventually began to live in the light and let love in. When it happened I didn't block it, try to understand it, I just let it in. And if somehow it doesn't work out in the end, you lived, you loved, and you learned.
Stop fearing loss.
When we lose people, it's a natural reaction to fear losing others. But you can't let that fear into your dating process or new relationship. If they want to leave, there's nothing you can do to stop them. Yeah, it sucks. But like my mama says "don't hold on to wet newspapers. There's something better in tomorrow's edition."
Trust people when they say “I love you."
After a painful breakup, it can make you doubt that you are worthy of someone's love again. Doubt is poison. So when someone tells you that they love you, believe them and have faith that they mean it. It's no fun, worrying whether they do or don't. Their actions will reveal everything you need to know in the end.
In the end, all you can do is hope for the best. But don't let fear keep you hostage. Just remember: All's fair in love & travel.
Originally posted on CocoGoneGlobal.com
Coco Hunter is a travel & lifestyle blogger, who has traveled to 30+ countries. She chronicles her global adventures at CocoGoneGlobal.com. Originally from Oakland, CA, she has lived in Atlanta, Dubai and now resides in Zurich, Switzerland. Her adventures have led her backpacking across Europe, sand surfing in Dubai, hot air ballooning over the Swiss Alps, chasing waterfalls in the Philippines, and whale shark diving in the Maldives. You can follow her writing, musings and wacky adventures on Instagram and Twitter.
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My life got way more interesting, but my taxes got way more complicated.
Ever studied for a test the night before but found relief that it wouldn’t weigh heavily on your final grade? Well, that’s how I felt with my first move overseas.
It was spontaneous.
It was impulsive.
It was the best decision I’ve ever made, but I wish I was more prepared for the emotional rollercoaster of being 8,000 miles away from everything and everyone I had ever known.
My first move abroad came in 2014 when I took a job in Dubai, UAE. I left all the comforts of home for a new city where I didn’t know a soul, working in a new industry, and living in a foreign land with different cultural, religious and social norms that I would have to learn and obey. After two years in Dubai, my next move brought me to Europe, where I chose to end the long distance and relocate to Switzerland to be with my boyfriend; swapping the sand for snow and prayer calls for cowbells. So, with my second international move, I’ve somewhat conquered the art of being the new kid in town.
Moving away from your home country is an eye-opening experience, but it’s not all bubbles and butterflies. This article may wash away some of that bright-eyed optimism, but I hope that it also leaves you with a more realistic blueprint of how your first few months abroad will go. So, take a few deep breaths, this will only hurt a little.
Here are some things I learned during the process that will help you if or when you decide to move across the pond:
How To Speak Another Language
Well… duh! Moving to a country where English isn’t the official language can be a challenge. I would highly recommend taking some classes to become familiar with your new home language before the jump. It will make your transition a LOT easier. From negotiating rental contracts to navigating your new home on public transit to ordering food, it helps to talk the talk.
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That Getting Residency And Visas Are NOT Easy And Vary Wildly
Depending on your home passport, the restrictions for working and living abroad can vary wildly. You can find the general visa requirements and processing times on the country's immigration site. U.S passport holders can apply for working holiday visas (from 3 months to a year) quite easily in the following countries: Singapore, New Zealand, Australia, South Korea, and Ireland. There are countries that also offer au pair visas. Visas can take days, weeks or even months, but don't be discouraged if you don't hear back for a bit longer than suggested. This also means you should wait until after your visa is approved before booking your flight, looking for a job, and searching for an apartment.
How Excited I'd Get To See Another Woman Of Color
Being an African American woman living abroad sometimes it can be so lonely. I never thought that just by seeing another black girl walking down the street, I’d want to run her down and beg her to be my friend. The struggle is real y’all. There’s just something comforting about having a comrade to vent to about natural hair struggles, lack of pigmented cosmetics or the nightmare of trying to make your soul food staples with subpar ingredients.
That Taxes Get Way More Complicated
All U.S. citizens are required to file annual taxes in the United States even if you're living and working abroad (in addition to your new country), so keep track of your earnings so you're ready to file. If you're leaving early in the year and don't have your W-2 or other tax forms yet, make sure you change your address to someone you trust to collect them for you, like your parents or best friend. There are exemptions you can make to if you live in a country other than the United States for at least 330 days out of a year, but be sure to read up on what applies to you on the IRS website.
How Hard It'd Be To Make IRL (In Real Life) Friends
As we matured, having a group of friends was relatively easy. Chances were that you never had to search for a buddy or two, as you hung out with people you went to school with, lived close by, or had the same interests. But when you move abroad, you must make friends all over again. And trust me, it’s much more awkward than those “will you be my friend?" notes you passed around in kindergarten. As an adult, it takes a conscious effort to meet people and establish close ties. Although social media can mitigate a bit of the awkwardness. Meeting with bloggers you find online, joining local groups, finding a language buddy, or joining expat groups is a great way to meet new people in real life.
That Maintaining Friendships Back Home Takes A Lot Of Effort
In the beginning, everyone will be excited about your new journey, wondering what you’re doing, what you’re eating, who you’re meeting. But the initial period of excitement over your new lifestyle will soon fade. The same things you once cared about aren’t so interesting now. It’s not a bad thing, change is inevitable. Your lives are on very different trajectories and it can be hard for some people to understand what they have never experienced. Ease into this new phase of your life by staying in touch with friends and loved ones back home by using social media, like Facebook, WhatsApp or Skype. Just make sure you have a schedule, a clear understanding of time zones, and a dash of humility.
[Tweet "Change is inevitable."]
How Crossing The Street Would Require Unlearning And Relearning
Pedestrian laws were not all created equal. I never thought that in some countries, just crossing the street would be a #YOLO worthy experience. Observe the flow of traffic, notice whether the cars will stop for pedestrians entering the crosswalks or if you must play a complicated game of survival every time. Also, beware of bicyclists and mopeds that seem to act like cars and bicycles at the same time. I can’t tell you how many times I almost lost my life in Amsterdam trying to cross the road.
That FOMO Levels Are Nearly Inexistent
When I was in graduate school, my fear of missing out (FOMO) was at an all-time high. Having to miss out on homecoming, football tailgates, weddings, or music festivals to study for exams or to prep for a presentation would’ve had me like a cartoon character with steam coming out of my ears. Now, being halfway across the world, I could honestly care less about missing out. Living abroad has turned me into introvert and I don’t mind at all.
Although my experience has been amazing, moving abroad isn’t for everyone. I’ve seen many people who can’t handle the stress and strain of living abroad or don’t bother trying to assimilate the local customs. You have to be able to accept change, have an open mind, be willing to try new things and have a positive attitude.
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Do you want to live abroad? Do you already live abroad? What do you wish you knew then that you know now? Let us know in the comments below!
Related Post:I Dropped Everything to Travel After A Breakup ...And Ended Up Finding Love Again
Coco Hunter is a travel & lifestyle blogger, who has travelled to 30+ countries. She chronicles her global adventures at CocoGoneGlobal.com. Originally from Oakland, CA, she has lived in Atlanta, Dubai, and now resides in Zurich, Switzerland. You can follow her writing, musings and wacky adventures on Instagram @cocogoneglobal and Twitter @CocoGoneGlobal.