When it comes to the concept of life after divorce and co-parenting, it can go one of two ways:
The more the merrier or the more the messier.
“It took some time, but I now realize that even my former husband and his new wife are my partners in this wonderful journey. When I look into [my son] Kasseem’s eyes, I see the joy in his heart by having such a wonderful, blended family that loves him so much. As this blended family of ours continues to grow, I look forward to the months and years ahead raising our children together as one.”
Five years later, all parties and their children enjoyed a family vacation together, and what was was once viewed as painful became somewhat powerful to those involved and watching!
This week, a video made its rounds online of two step-families revealing to one another their feelings on first ending- then later blending- their families. The raw emotions behind former spouses Jamey and Tara revealing their pain to each other's partners is truth at its toughest. Confessing that they both hadn't gone as far as to consider the "moving on" process so much as they did the moving out process, the couple poured their heart out on camera and to the other's new lover, on what it's like to see someone you once love remarry and have kids with another person. Not to mention, the adjustment of sharing your child with their stepparent, something Tara admitted to still struggling with to this day.
But there is a silver lining. Exchanging their pride for a pen, Jamey and Tara duped their new spouses into thinking they were attending a relationship panel, when in fact they were actually allowing their current partners to meet with their exes in order to hash out the last bit of ache from their hearts. Mom to stepmom and dad to stepdad, Jamey and Tara sat down with Natasha and Jason, woman to woman, man to man and read their letters to them. What happens next, is a complete tear jerker.
An Excerpt of Jamey's letter to Jason (Tara's New Husband)
"Are you supposed to be someone I hate? Are you supposed to be someone that challenges my own man hood.... I know how powerful it is for a boy to see that his mother is loved, because that's how he is going to treat his wife. And you're doing that for my son. You're doing the things I couldn't do..... I'm supposed to not love you for that, but I do."
I can admire this video with every aching part of my past and quite possibly, with the hopeful heart of my future. I come from a set of divorced parents who never fully got into the process of blending families (probably a cultural and generational indifference more than anything). The concept of "casually" divorcing is something that definitely applies more so to millennials, where as for the former, whether they fell out of love or not, were miserable or not, they fought 'til death do us part.
As a woman who has dated men with kids, I can recall the difficulty and stress of getting all parties to participate peacefully as one, big pseudo-family. And looking into my future, it may contain a blended family. I can only hope that if so, we can all get along like these fine folks and be happy. Because if you ask me:
[Tweet "Forgiveness is not defeat. It's simply forfeiting a worthless war."]
What are your thoughts on Jamey and Tara's approach to forgiveness and letting love win?