How To Spend Your Birthday Alone & Still Feel Like A Queen
I have had quite a few disappointing birthdays over the years. Every time I planned a dinner or a get-together, I always seemed to be let down. Something unexpected would always happen that had me feeling some type of way. Friends canceled after they R.S.V.P.'d or there were arguments over the restaurant bill. I was even kicked out of my 23rd birthday party because one of my girlfriends' guests lacked V.I.P. etiquette at our joint birthday party. I just didn't feel seen or celebrated by the group of people I chose to be my friends at that time. To be fair though, in your twenties, what do you really know about true friendship? But still, I knew I deserved so much more.
After a while, my birthday became a day I didn't look forward to. I used fear of getting hurt or being disappointed as a guard. Honestly, I didn't start enjoying birthdays until my 27th birthday. I was in a new city, with a new group of friends, who made me feel more seen and appreciated than some of my lifelong friends I currently have. It wasn't until my 33rd birthday I decided to spend my birthday alone.
Celebrating my birthday alone was the most uncomfortable yet empowering thing I had ever done. Why didn't I think of doing this sooner? Now, every year I typically spend my birthday alone. It's not that I don't enjoy the company of my friends–I do. But over the years, I learned to enjoy my own company. I know that I could never let myself down. I know that I would not give myself less than I deserve. And sometimes, in the end, you have to be your own best friend. Word to Beyoncé, y'all. Sometimes, "me, myself, and I" win.
Here are a few things you can do on your birthday alone.
Write Yourself A Love Letter
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Writing yourself a love letter is the ultimate form of self-intimacy and self-love. What better way to celebrate your birthday than to shower yourself with words of affirmation? I started this ritual a year ago. And I will continue to practice this ritual on every single birthday. There is something about using words to embrace the woman you are. We as women don't do this enough, we don't give ourselves enough credit for everything that we are. It's time we pay attention to how we speak to ourselves.
On this birthday, be gentle with yourself. Write about your qualities, flaws, and accomplishments. Make yourself a few promises because you know you will never break your own heart. Remember, pen to paper always wins.
Buy Yourself Flowers
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You deserve flowers at all times. Don't wait for a guy or a friend to give you flowers. Especially on your birthday. Head to your local florist and create your own bouquet. Did you know certain types of flowers can enhance your energy? Carnations symbolize commitment while Freesias exudes positive energy to everyone around it. Pay attention to colors – red symbolizes power, life, and vitality. Yellow builds self-confidence and encourages optimism. Green represents tranquility and helps you stay grounded.
Treat Yourself To A Fancy Brunch Or Dinner
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Like Drake said, "Oh, you fancy huh. Nails did, hair did, everything did." Reserve a table for one at your favorite restaurant or at the new trendy restaurant you have been dying to go to. You don't always need a group of friends to make you feel special on your birthday. You control your feelings. And making yourself feel special is your power. So, get your face beat, put on that outfit, throw on those heels, and pull up to that restaurant with C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-C-E. Don't give two fucks about the people staring at you just because you're sitting alone. They are probably admiring you anyways queen.
And if you'd prefer to do a quarantine-friendly version of this, prepare yourself a decadent meal or order in from one of your favorite restaurants. Treat yourself to a slice of luxury in the comforts of home.
Spend Your Day At A Day Spa
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Go ahead girl, and pamper yourself at a day spa. I mean, is there a better way to spend your birthday than getting your glow on? A fresh facial or clean skin just gives me all the feels. Book yourself a facial, massage, body treatment, manicure, or pedicure. If a day spa isn't your thing, try a Korean bathhouse or a Russian-Turkish bath. You can relax in different types of saunas, steam rooms, salt rooms, or aromatherapy rooms. Bathhouses offer all types of amenities and services for the ultimate day of self-care.
Wine Tasting
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Who doesn't love a good bottle of wine? Spend your special day in a beautiful vineyard and let your palate explore rich flavorful wines. While I have not done this for my own birthday, I did do a wine tasting safari at Malibu Wines by myself. I spent the day at this famous family-owned winery known for its scenery. I enjoyed picturesque views, feeding farm animals, and meeting new people. Of course, I enjoyed the wine, but I was in awe of the fact that someone owned 1,000 acres of land.
Travel
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Solo travel is life. Get you some sexy bikinis and take that solo birthday trip. Remember you are BAE. I took my first international solo trip for my 33rd birthday to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Mexico was a whole mood. It was tacos, tequila shots, and sunsets. On the eve of my birthday, I ordered room service; crème brûleé with a glass of Moscato. Just before midnight, room service delivered my decadent dessert. I brought in my birthday in the comfort of my hotel room bed.
On my 35th birthday, I flew solo to Puerto Rico. Puerto Rico was even better than Mexico. I met up with a girl I connected with over a xoNecole Instagram post about solo travel. We slid in each other's DMs. And on the day of my arrival in Puerto Rico, homegirl scooped me up from the airport. She then connected me with another girl who had the same birthday as mine.
Coincidentally, this same girl was also staying in the same boutique hotel as me, The Dreamcatcher. This had to be a universal sign because from that point forward it was rooftop dinners, champagne bottles, salsa dancing, and island hopping. We even went for a night swim in the ocean butt naked. It was Sagittarius season, and we were lit AF. Oh, and for my 36th birthday, I commemorated my first solo trip by returning to Mexico.
So, on your birthday, celebrate yourself, QUEEN. You are BAE. You are the most important person on your born day. This is a celebration of your life. It's your day to shine even brighter. Don't let anyone even attempt to dim or steal your light. No one will love you more than you do. No one will treat you better than you do.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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About Face: Temela Omofonmwan's Skincare Journey Started As A Family Affair
In About Face, xoNecole gets the 411 on IGers who give us #skincaregoals on a daily. Here they break down their beauty routines on the inside and out, as well as the highly coveted products that grace their shelves and their skin.
Having glowing skin is an art that many strive to perfect, and Temela Omofonmwan has radiant skin down to a science. She frequently shares her secrets with her TikTok followers, opening up about products and overall skincare hacks that have given her a perfect radiance.
Skincare is a daily ritual to some, but to Omofonmwan, skincare has always been a family affair. “I like to joke that I’m a shea butter baby because my earliest memories were my mom giving me oat baths and making sure I was moisturized,” says Omofonmwan. Her mother’s passion for healthy skincare naturally weaved into her daughter. Omofonmwan began experimenting with different skincare products as she grew into her youth and was heavily guided by other beauty gurus telling her the latest skincare trends.
With enthusiasm, Omofonmwan went to her local drugstore with the goal of obtaining the skin of her idols, Angela Bassett and Halle Berry. However, Omofonmwan quickly learned the adverse side effects of trying too many skincare products. Omofonmwan tells us, “I have damaged my skin barrier. Then, I’d have to figure out how to fix that problem. It slowly became a rabbit hole of fixing different issues with my skin when I barely had anything to begin with.”
Omofonmwan experience is radically relatable to most young girls and women today. Constantly being influenced to fix non-existent issues. Still, we run to our local beauty stores, hoping to achieve skin on par with societal standards. Moisturizers, serums, and beauty tools occupy our self-appreciation for our skin's essence. We become trapped within the rat race of beauty trends, and the moment we complete the marathon, another beauty product hits the market for us to chase after.
There comes a point when we must ask ourselves if we are running towards “skin goals” or further away from who we are.
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“I’ve learned not to fixate on things anymore. I’m not trying to fix everything that’s ‘wrong with me’ because nothing is. I was just influenced to think that it was,” says Omofonmwan. Knowing the influence of social media and being on the content creator side has allowed Omofonmwan to be aware of her influence. Along with skincare videos, she frequently shares trending sounds making fun of daily life. Her sense of humor is a nod to remind us all not to take life or beauty trends too seriously.
Still, Omofonmwan radiates as she discusses the views on the world of beauty. I couldn’t help but ask about her skincare routine. Read below to learn more about what she shared.
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Keep scrolling for more insight into Temela Omofonmwan’s morning and night skincare routines.
Temela's Morning Skincare Routine:
Step One: Gua Sha
Pink Moon
“I need this to depuff my eyes in the morning. I either use this or cold spoons to bring down my puffiness.”
Step Two: Hero Cosmetics Cleanser
Amazon
“I have sensitive skin, so I like to keep my cleanser as basic as possible. It’s also affordable, and I love that so much.”
Step Three: La Roche-Posay Moisturizer
Amazon
“I love it because it’s not too heavy. I can also wear them in the winter and summer, which is great because I don’t have to change them! It’s also an affordable product people can use.”
Step Five: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
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“I use this to lock everything in for the day. My skin needs to stay moisturized, and this helps.”
Temela's Nighttime Skincare Routine:
Step One: Hero Cosmetics Cream Cleanser
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“This is the same cleanser I use in the morning, and it works just as well at night.”
Step Two: La Roche-Posay Night Moisturizer
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“This is similar to the morning moisturizer, but it’s just the nighttime version. I loved their daytime moisturizer, and once I like something, I need it in all variations.”
Step Three: Medik8 Retinal 6
Medik8
“If you have super sensitive skin, this is a good one. It is expensive, but for me, it’s worth it.”
Step Four: Summer Fridays Facial Oil
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“Again, I love to lock in my moisture so it can last. I use this product day and night to ensure I’m as moisturized as possible.”
Extra Skin Treatment(s):
I’m From Honey Mask
I'm From
“Every once in a while, I like to include a honey mask in my routine. I gravitate to this on days when my skin feels dry. Honey masks are naturally healing and hydrating.”
Laser Facial By Dr. Michelle Henry
“I’ve been adding lasers for the past two years, and I’ve been loving them. They’ve made such a huge difference in my skin by not making me break out as much. I currently see Dr. Michelle Henry in New York City, and she is absolutely amazing!”
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