These 8 Scriptures Are Spiritual Game-Changers For Single Women
Back around the turn of the century, I used to date a Muslim (if you can call it that; it was actually more like I used to have sex with a bestie). I could write an entire book on the lessons that I learned from that experience, both good and horrifying. On the silver lining tip, something that I appreciate is that he introduced me to a collection of sayings from Muhammed known as hadith. As far as other spiritual content goes, I make it no secret that some of my absolute favorite proverbs are Buddhist ones; in fact, one of my all-time favorite parables is a popular one in the Buddhist faith (you can check it out here). Yet out of all of the spiritual books and readings that I have come across, I firmly and unapologetically prefer the Bible over them all.
There is something about that book, in particular, that is both timeless and multi-dimensional. I say that because, I don't know about you, but I can read one verse on Monday, come back to that very same one on Wednesday, and it will speak to me totally differently. Plus, books like Ecclesiastes and Proverbs are chalked with so much common sense that if most of us heeded those two alone, there's no telling how much the quality of our lives would improve. Yeah, the Bible is dope. Extremely so.
At the same time, I must say that I didn't really see the Good Book as a great single woman's manual until I started learning Hebrew (Christ was a Jew so, why not?) and really studying the Word for myself (2 Timothy 2:15—AMPC). Once that happened, can't nobody tell me that the holy Scriptures aren't true lifesavers!
If you're a single woman and bible reader, but you've been having a difficult time finding how to merge the two in a truly powerful and applicable way, I'll share with you some of the verses that have made me feel like God truly gets me—even, and some ways especially, as a single woman.
1. "So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man."---Genesis 2:21-22 (NLT)
Some people are gonna want to give pushback on this and that's fine. But personally, I've never been big on it being a requirement that men pursue women. It also makes me cringe whenever I hear that it should be expected because "men are hunters" (I'm not a deer in the woods; I am a daughter of the Most High). Am I saying that men shouldn't be chivalrous? Of course, they should be. But the whole chase a woman down thing? I mean, if I am a gift from God, why does a man have to kill himself to have me? Gifts are less taxing than that. Besides the whole "He who findeth a wife" back-up take (Proverbs 18:22)? Look up the definitions of find one day. They are pretty enlightening.
Anyway, when I decided to ask God to show me how he desires relationships to go, I "took a stroll" through the Garden of Eden. Genesis 2:22 is a total game-changer. Adam did not pursue his wife. In fact, he didn't even decide when it was time to be with her. GOD DID. While God was creating who was a perfect complement for Adam, ole' boy was asleep the entire time. Then, when God was done, he brought the Woman to Adam. Some translations use the word "presented".
This is dope on a few levels. One, because for the Woman (Eve's name in the Garden) to be brought, it gives me the impression that she had to have had her own time to God before being in Adam's life. Two, since God did all of the work, Adam couldn't insert his ego into the situation. He didn't "acquire" his wife; she was a gift given to him. She was all God's doing. Besides, Adam was a gardener, not a hunter. Gardeners cultivate, just as all good husbands should. See why I think Genesis 2:22 is so on point?
2. "For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well."---Psalm 139:13-14 (NKJV)
This verse right here shows that God doesn't become a part of our lives the day we are born. From this, it looks like he's totally invested and involved from the moment of conception (an article all on its own). Yet the reason why these verses make the list is because it's a reminder that one of the best ways to honor God is through praise. And while we're in the process of thanking him for thinks like food, water, shelter, family and friends, we should also thank him for all of the effort and energy that he placed into making each and every one of us.
James 5:16 says that we are to confess and be healed, right? Something that I used to struggle with is what I call "pretty girl syndrome". No, I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about all of the women that I used to be surrounded by who I thought were stunning; stunning to the point where I envied them. One day, my mother (who is on that list) said, "So, when people say you look like me, what do you think they mean?" Check. Then when I really let these verses sink it, it became a checkmate.
Some of us could stand to repent, right here and right now, for thinking that God spent more time designing the women around us than us. Can you imagine how insulting that is to our Heavenly Father to think or feel that way? More than that, how much it hurts his feelings?
God is excellent in all He does. You are no exception. Since His works are marvelous and you are one of them, don't you think it's time that you gave Him some heartfelt praise for all He put into you? All that He put in that no one else has quite like you? Amen? Amen.
3. "Oh, let me warn you, sisters in Jerusalem, by the gazelles, yes, by all the wild deer: Don’t excite love, don’t stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you’re ready."---Song of Solomon 2:7 (Message)
Now this is a good one. Hands down, Song of Solomon is one of my favorite books of the Bible because it reminds us that God is all about sex and intimacy. According to Scripture, His standards are high (you can read between the lines there), but He is all for love and passion. At the same time, He is also a great source of common sense (Proverbs 2:6-8—Message); that's why this one resonates with me so.
If you're not familiar with the Shulamite woman who is featured in this book of the Bible, she's a dark sistah (yep) who has enough wisdom and insight to basically tell her friends, "It's best to love someone when the time is right. When things line up in such a way where you are ready and he is ready."
Can you imagine all of the drama that would be spared if we all thought this way? If, instead of one of our friends getting a DM from some ex and us telling her that it's a sign that he's the one, that we encourage her to wait before responding and to pray and process if it truly is a good idea to reach back out or not?
Again, Song of Solomon is filled with passion. All good. But this verse right here complements something that Benjamin Franklin once said—"If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins." Yup.
4. "My darling, everything about you is beautiful, and there is nothing at all wrong with you."---Song of Solomon 4:7 (NCV)
Only an ego-maniac or totally self-delusional individual believes that the person who is meant to be their significant other should never challenge them (that reminds me, when you get a chance, check out the awesome points found in the videos "7 Signs This Man Might Be for You" and "7 Signs This Might Be from the Devil"). If you want to grow, you're gonna need to hear about yourself sometimes, whether you want to, like it or not.
At the same time, this verse right here is a reminder that your man will be your biggest fan. He will not be out here dropping hints about how much prettier you would be if you lost weight, had a bigger butt or changed your hair. He's gonna be like what a husband once said to me about his wife—"I love that when God made her, he had me in mind."
We are all human. This means that we ALL have something to work on and improve upon. But when this man said that there was nothing wrong with this woman he loved, while a good relationship improves us, what he was essentially saying is there was nothing that he wanted to change.
Women deserve to hear this. Men do too. So ladies, if you're currently seeing someone and you're already plottin' and plannin' ways to change him after marriage, I'll just say that if both of you can't say this verse to one another, perhaps you're not meant for one another. At least, not right now.
5. "God will create a new thing in this land: A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!”---Jeremiah 31:22 (Message)
Back when I was going through a bit of a life transition that was wearing me all the way out, God led me to this Scripture right here. Whew. Not only was going through so much because he was doing something new (sometimes, in order to get the right "house", the foundation has to be demolished too), but the transition was all about transformation.
To be transformed is "to undergo a change in form, appearance, or character". This is why I wrote the article "5 Signs That You Really Know A Person". If we're all taking this thing called time seriously, many of us are not the same person we were six months ago, let alone five years ago (so know, everyone should not be able to say that they "know" you). And if we are as "spiritual" as we claim, we definitely should be doing some transforming; we definitely should want God to transform us.
The other thing that I like about this particular verse is it says that while the woman (which is Israel in this case) got to a place of transformation, God was still transforming! It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes by evangelist Oswald Chambers—"Never try to make your experience a principle for others, but allow God to be as creative and original with others as He is with you." Why? Because since God changes his form or appearance (not really his character; Malachi 3:6 [NKJV] says, "For I am the Lord, I do not change"), we should let God come to us (and others) how He chooses. We shouldn't "box Him in" as it relates to how or when He decides to transform us and our lives.
6. "And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words. Therefore do not be like them. For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."---Matthew 6:7-9 (NKJV)
Yeah buddy. A lot of church leaders could stand to read—and reread—those first two sentences, but I digress. The reason why this is so important is because of the last line. Although a lot of life consists of learning the difference between what we want and what we need (especially what we want in correlation to what God says that we need), if we really do believe that our Heavenly Father has our best interest at heart, we've got to trust that He doesn't need us reminding—or worse, instructing—Him about how our lives should go. Although it's truly an epidemic, how many people feel like they can pick or choose what part of the Bible is applicable and right, if you claim to be a follower of the Scriptures, this is not one that can or should be omitted.
Prayer is fine. Biblically-encouraged too. But whatever it is that you are going through right now, no matter how big the need may be, know that you are totally on God's radar. He saw the "requirement" or "urgent want" well before you did.
And, as my favorite quote from Pastor John Piper states, "God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them." Trust and believe that your needs are somewhere on that list ("Are not five sparrows sold for two copper coins? And not one of them is forgotten before God. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."—Luke 12:6-7—NKJV)
7. "There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.' Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never 'become one.'"----I Corinthians 6:16-17 (Message)
I have shared before that I'm a firm believer that we all should be able to explain our purpose in three words or phrases. Mine are centered around sex, marriage and the Sabbath—all of which are biblical covenant principles. Believe you me, it's an odd combo and sometimes I catch heat for it. I mean, how can I profess to be a bible follower and talk about sex as much as I do (gasp!)?
You can read articles of mine like "We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'" and "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important" to know that I don't take sex lightly; I find it to be extremely sacred (after all, I'm a marriage life coach not a sex therapist). At the same time, I know that different people come into different insights about sex in their own way and time. I also know that the Church, overall, has done a horrific job addressing sex and sexuality. It's like something I read that a man by the name of Don Schrader once said—"To hear many religious people talk, one would think God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals." Indeed. Indeed.
So yes, sex should be discussed. Not just discussed but celebrated. It's nothing to be hush-hush or ashamed about. At the same time, if you take Scripture seriously, verses like this one shouldn't be overlooked. Sex is about a heck of a lot more than gettin' your rocks off and there are spiritual ramifications that go deep, deep, DEEP. Always keep that in mind with the choices that you make—even as a single woman.
8. "Relax, everything’s going to be all right; rest, everything’s coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!"---Jude 1:2 (Message)
I don't know about you, but I think that sometimes people underestimate what we go through as single women. We're responsible for so much on our own that it can be overwhelming, right? That's why one of my favorite "anchor Scriptures" is this one.
Once upon a time, after a heartbreak that I experienced, someone sent me this. I had never seen it before and it totally blew my mind because I felt like it was customized and heaven sent just for me. Sometimes, all we need to hear in our spirit is, "Relax, my child. It's all going to work out for your good." Plus, the "love is on the way" part speaks to me on two different levels. One, I haven't been brought to my husband-king yet, but another Message Version verse that I totally dig is, "You don't get to know the time. Timing is the Father's business" (Acts 1:7).
This verse reminds me that I can't force the Universe; that I need to let things flow. And two, God is love; the Word tells us that in I John 4:7-16 tells us that. So, in the meantime, while I am awaiting my future beloved, Love is on the way to bring me so many other manifestations of his Love. And really…does it get better than that?
Like I said earlier, Scriptures present themselves differently to us all. But I do hope and, also believe, that if you spend a little time meditating on these eight, they can speak volumes and work miracles in your life, just as they did for me. Be blessed, sis.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
I've Got Some Ways For You To Start Pampering Your Soul
Being A Christian Doesn't Make You Entitled
7 Things I Learned After Becoming a Super Saved, Sanctified, Holy Ghost-Filled Christian
I Became Less Religious But Grew Closer to God When I Left the Church
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How This Creative's Hair Journey Evolved Into A Journey Of Her Return To Self
When it comes to how she wears her natural hair, content creator Ragin "Ray" Al-Nahdy has always seen hairstyles as more than an accentuation of her crown. Ragin has been natural her whole life and has always seen her tresses, no matter their state, as a representation of where she is in her journey of self-discovery and self-exploration. Similar to her journey from childhood to adulthood, her hair would take the shape and form of styling choices that would, in turn, act as the quintessential extension of whatever season of her life she was in at that time, a snapshot, if you will.
"Wearing my natural hair in its many forms, whether that be loose natural or loc’d, has been a big thing for me when it comes to self-expression, self-exploration, and connecting with other people who share similar experiences," Ragin tells xoNecole. "Even in moments where we laugh and joke about the 'struggles' of maintaining natural hair comes with a sense of belonging that I am so proud to be able to relate to."
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Though Ragin has worn her hair in a plethora of ways and was known to switch it up a lot during her 28 years earth side, wearing her hair in locs would prove to be the longest and the most significant time in her journey of becoming. "I think it was necessary because I really needed to have something to help me make sense of what was going on inside of me and ground me in my new reality," she mentions of that time. Ragin was 24 when she started her loc journey, and unfortunately, early on in that journey, her mother passed away.
The way she wore her hair for that season of her life started as a grounding tool for her amid her grief but would eventually evolve into so much more. "I got so many things from the experience I had with grieving my mom, but one of the most special parting gifts that she gave me was a roadmap that helped me 'return to self,'" Ragin explains. "What initially started out as me grounding myself in the connection I started with my mom eventually ended up coming full circle and reminding me that none of the things I was looking for, whether it be the confidence I thought I lost, my connection with my mom or my strength that I felt desperate to hold on to, existed outside of me."
"The locs became a huge metaphor for my life, and through embracing the physical aspects of the journey and learning how to accept and love each phase without the suffering that comes from yearning for past versions of myself, I was able to accept all of the other stuff that was happening in my life that were outside of my control and choose to trust the process and love those things too," she adds.
The 28-year-old version of Ragin had come so far in her life from the time she loc'd her hair at 24. She was older, wiser, and more rooted in herself. Late last year, she gave herself permission to exhale, move beyond the season of her life she had been cocooning within, and embrace transformation. She no longer needed them. Being in her fourth year of grief and more firmly rooted in herself as a woman, Ragin knew it was time to release.
Armed with her metal rat tail comb, Ragin would gently and methodically comb out each of her 117 locs over a number of days. "The theme that whole year was very much about shedding my attachments to things I was feeling unnecessarily dependent on and old energy that didn't feel relevant to my current experience or the one I was trying to create," she says. "I felt a really strong desire to release and make room for my new experiences so that I can be fully present and have clarity."
From the coils and curls of her fro to the twists and turns of life, Ragin's hairstyles have all been outward explorations and expressions of her internal reality, with each style bookmarking a moment in her life journey through the years. As she prepares to enter the next chapter as a mother, Ragin takes us through the different seasons of her life and how the way she wore her hair defined where she was in her journey overall.
Childhood Years
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"When I was a little girl, my mom always loved to do cute styles in my older sister and my hair. She was always coming up with something different and accessorizing with fun barrettes that matched our outfits and sometimes even elaborate braid designs. Most of the time, we even had input on what styles we would get for the day or the week, and I recall those times, as early as three years old, as being some of my earliest memories of self-expression and choice when it comes to how I was perceived by the world. We would always get compliments on how nice we looked, which made me feel so beautiful."
My earliest memory associated with my hair is one of the hundreds of times I used to sit in between my mother’s legs and pick through our huge selection of colorful clips and barrettes as she brushed my hair with gel and conditioner that smelled like candy. The smell of that conditioner was so good I can literally smell it now as I’m talking about it. It has definitely become a core memory for me."
Young Adulthood Years
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"[This] picture was taken in 2015 when I was about 20 years old, right after I grew my hair back out from the experimental phase I went through as a teenager. During that phase, I was honestly just happy that my hair grew back after all of the back-to-back coloring and constant straightening I was doing.
"I don’t even have photos of some of the styles I had during that time because of how often I used to switch it up, but I had red, midnight blue, shades of blonde, and even an accidental green. It was a wild time, but I definitely used it to express myself creatively, which was a lot of fun."
Independence
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"The blonde hair has always been one of my favorite looks. There’s an actress named Reagan Preston Gomez that had brown skin and honey-blonde hair, and I vividly remember seeing her on TV and thinking she was one of the prettiest girls in the world, which was so cool to me because we also share a similar name. I always dreamed of pulling off that look and hoped that it would make me feel about myself the way I viewed her.
"The first time I tried the blonde, I was 18, but in this particular photo, I was 24, and in such a beautiful season of my life where I was out of college with my first big girl job finally feeling like an adult. If I had to name that season of life, I would call it my 'Independence Era.' I was literally living the life that I always imagined I would be living as an adult, even down to the way that I always envisioned myself looking, and it made me feel extremely confident."
Restructuring
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"During my early teenage years is when I really started leaning into my own Afrocentricity because of different books and media that my older brother was sharing with me. I also hold very tight to my Jamaican ancestry and identity which made me interested in embracing the style and journey. Despite being able to choose my own styles as a small child, my mom is actually the one who told me to hold off on getting locs because she felt like I would not stick with it because of how adventurous I was with my look and my hair.
"In retrospect, I honestly can’t say that she was wrong, given the fact that shortly after that, I did everything you could imagine to my hair. By 2019, my mom decided to go on a loc journey, so I decided to join her, and that is how I ended up with locs for over four years."
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"I was 24 when I started my locs, and at the time, I had no idea how much that season would change my life. I initially started my locs with my mom, but she passed away two months to the day after we decided to go on the journey together, which not only left me feeling heartbroken, but I also felt like I completely lost my entire sense of self. I would call that season 'the restructuring' because I literally felt like I had to become a whole new version of myself in order to survive what I was going through.
"I love that my mom always made me feel beautiful and confident in myself by connecting with me through my hair journey, but once she was gone physically, I really struggled to feel confident without her being there to hold my hand and remind me of who I was."
"I love that my mom always made me feel beautiful and confident in myself by connecting with me through my hair journey, but once she was gone physically, I really struggled to feel confident without her being there to hold my hand and remind me of who I was. Since it was the last hair experience that we shared together, I grounded myself in my loc journey and used it to help me rebuild my confidence."
Remembering
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"[This] photo will always be very special to me because it represents my first attempt at doing a full cornrow and braid style on myself, which is something I was never able to do growing up despite my countless efforts. It’s like I had a mental block or something preventing me from actually picking it up. I honestly thought that after my loc journey, I would invite my social media community to join me on a 'learning to braid journey' but then I picked it up within five minutes and did this style on myself almost immediately after combing out my locs.
"It was really special to me because learning to braid so easily felt like another parting gift from my mom, and it also made me feel really close to the Ancestors. Now I’m just wondering what other gifts have been passed down to me that I am still unaware of. I can’t wait to discover them and pass them around to others in this season of life that feels like 'remembering.' It’s really reminding me that who I am is who I have always been and that all of my forms exist here and now without me even having to try to hold on to any particular aspects of myself."
Rebirth
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"Combing out my locs made me nervous at first because I was so comfortable with them, but once I realized what a long process it was going to be, I kinda switched into overdrive and just powered through it. It was a really beautiful process because my sister came from out of town to help me, and my husband helped me a lot, and those two were honestly the MVPs when it came to helping me survive my larger journey with grief, too. It all felt really full circle, and it felt really nice to be supported in that way.
"I got emotional throughout the process, but it wasn’t until I got down to the last few locs that everything really came flooding out. I could just feel a huge weight lifted off of me and things were happening around me that I have always viewed as signs of my mom’s presence. Now, as a 28-year-old woman who is in an entirely different phase of my life than I was when I started my loc journey, I feel strong and capable of everything that the future has to offer me. This season of my life would be called 'rebirth' and I am excited to have my antennas out in the world."
Freedom
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"This photo is actually one of my most recent ones taken after my first curly haircut. I was always the type to just trim off my ends as best as I could at home, but without the understanding of my hair density, texture, and how to shape my hair correctly, I pretty much always ended up with bad haircuts that didn’t compliment me well. Getting my hair professionally cut was a game changer because it allowed me to see the beauty that exists in wearing my natural hair out in a fro. It definitely boosted my confidence.
"This phase of life feels like 'freedom' which is so full circle because it carries a lot of the same feelings and emotions that I experienced as a little girl being able to pick what style and color barrettes I would have in my hair on any given day."
Motherhood
"I was actually pregnant when I combed my locs out but I didn’t tell anyone outside of my immediate family and close friends. I look at my loc journey as my interaction with motherhood from a child’s perspective, and this new journey as me experiencing motherhood from a mother’s perspective. I think that the physical change of identity is definitely helping me move into this next phase as the version of myself that feels empowered and confident rather than the version who was battling with grief and sometimes unsure about herself. While I make sure to hold space for and love on that old version of myself often, I no longer have the desire to relate to her so intimately."
"While I make sure to hold space for and love on that old version of myself often, I no longer have the desire to relate to her so intimately."
"The message I want to pass down to my children and really anyone who will listen is that life is full of tools and opportunities that can assist us in experiencing our lives with ease and joy. Hair and anything else, for that matter, can be used as a way to help us understand our experiences, transform how we view ourselves, and help us form meaningful connections with others that last a lifetime. I also want to teach them the importance of listening to their own guidance and to never forsake their authenticity for acceptance from others.
"I would always talk to my mom about using that sacred time of hairstyling to connect with my children just like she did with me and generations of people have done before us. I look forward to those times and I can’t wait to pass down the stories and lessons I learned while sitting in between my mother’s legs and picking out barrettes."
For more of Ray and her next chapter, keep up with her on Instagram @westindieray.
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