
Is Dating App Fatigue A Thing? A Dating Expert On How To Avoid Feeling Burned Out

In an attempt to have a hot girl summer, I found my way back to the dating apps. After a bunch of swiping up, down, left, and right, I was left with several “matches” that would eventually need tending to. Sifting through the various profiles and sending screenshots to my friends seemed fun at first but quickly got overwhelming. The matches, the clever one-liners, and the need to keep up conversations with multiple men (especially after a long day at work) —it all became too much. Then once the novelty of messaging strangers wore off (plus one pretty bad Hinge date), I began avoiding the apps like the plague.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I fully believe that online dating can lead to real-life love. I know women who have met their boyfriends and husbands on dating apps and I love that for them. It’s just that when I begin to skim through various half-hearted conversations with men that I’ve only “met” digitally, my eyes instantly start to glaze over. It’s like wanting to watch something really good on Netflix but after scrolling through so many movies, you’re quickly hit with decision fatigue and decide to watch reruns of Living Single instead (or is that just me?).
Whether it happens online or IRL, I do feel that true love exists…however, to help mitigate any potential app burnout, Kiaundra Jackson, licensed marriage and family therapist, shares her expert advice on how to best navigate the world of digital dating.
In your expert opinion, have you ever heard of dating app burnout? If so, what causes it?
“Dating app burnout is definitely a real thing! Honestly, being burned out from dating, in general, is common as well. Dating can be an exhausting task for many. So, when you factor in apps, everything gets heightened,” Kiaundra explains.
"Dating app burnout can be caused by: The overwhelming amount of different dating apps and trying to figure out which is the right one for you, the sheer number of profiles you have to scroll through and read, discerning who gets past the app and gets your personal contact info, figuring out if and who you should go on a date with or follow-up date and safety concerns (catfishing, being taken advantage of, etc.).”
Can you provide 3 to 5 tips on how folks can avoid dating app burnout?
1. Monitor or limit the time you are on the app. For example, “I will only spend 15 minutes creating/editing my profile per day or I will only swipe 25 people per day and then get off.”
2. Know your non-negotiables and stick to them. It is important to know what season you are in and to make sure you are only dating partners who align with that. If you want to just have fun and sleep around, then make that clear. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then do not date someone who is not looking for something serious at this time.
3. Don't compare yourself to others. You can speak with tons of people who have different experiences with dating and dating apps. You might hear horror stories but you might hear stories where folks have found the love of their life. Don't be swayed either way. Just know that your path is your path and your experience is unique to you!
Do you have any other best practices for using dating apps?
1. Don't be afraid to initiate. It is okay to make the first interaction or check-in but just make sure it is then reciprocated.
2. Be safe. Share your dating location with a friend, do not allow them to pick you up from your home.
3. Be honest. If you are not vibing with someone or it seems like it isn't a good fit, it is okay to tell them that so you both can move on.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Drazen_/Getty Images
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Mother's Day is loading and so is our new series. Meet Michelle Ganey, Laurencia Bright, and Joy Ferrell as they each share their motherhood journey and the ups and downs that come along with it. Whether you're in your motherhood era, wanna be one, or just love yours deeply, The Mother Load series will have you laughing, crying, and calling your mom.
Motherhood is one thing, but Black motherhood is its own unique institution. From fears that only Black mothers can understand to the unspoken language that connects them, our series delve into the vulnerable conversations that are often not highlighted in mainstream media.
Laurencia Bright
xoNecole YouTube/ Screenshot
“They are products of their environment, of your parenting, of your personality, things like that. So check yourself,” Laurencia reminds us. Motherhood may come with a whole set of challenges and having to face yourself can be one of them. Laurencia opens up about how motherhood taught her to break generational cycles.
Joy Ferrell
xoNecole YouTube/ Screenshot
Joy, like most mothers, put their kids first. However, the mom of two is now learning that it's okay to put herself first. "It's okay to not fill your life up with your kids," she says. "It's okay to still be an individual and to actually actively and aggressively pursue being an individual versus a mom."
Michelle Ganey
xoNecole YouTube/ Screenshot
When it comes to Black mama rules, Michelle Ganey reflects on a classic one, "Do not embarrass me in public," she says. "I think one of my hardest struggles with kids is not caring about how they look when they leave the house and it feeling like its a direct reflection on me as a mother."
Watch the full The Mother Load series below:
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by xoNecole YouTube/ Screenshot