The 70 Sex Position, Vegan Condoms & Other Current Sex Trends
Every few months or so, I'll intentionally peruse through cyberspace to see what's up in the sex trends department. I must say that there has never been one time when at least three things haven't made me respond with either a "For real?" or a "Gee, what is that?" This particular time, what got me was the high praise that the 70 sex position has been getting, the brain orgasms that we can apparently have and oh, yeah, vegan condoms (vegan condoms?!).
Some of my friends are so used to me hitting them up with this kind of random information, that most of them no longer share my inquisitive excitement. Instead, they are usually like, "Really girl? Let me call you back." (Le sigh) So, I decided that this go around, I would share my findings with y'all.
After checking out the 10 current sex trends that piqued my particular interest, feel free to post comments on your thoughts (especially if you've tried any of them), along with some of the other trends that you've been diggin' lately. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who is intrigued by this kind of stuff. Prove me right so that I can tell my peeps that they are the exception, not the rule.
1. 70 Sex Position
Back when I was in high school, I was on what was known as the Acros team. Basically, it was a combination of cheerleading and gymnastics. I joined, hoping that it would help me overcome my fear of heights. It didn't. What it did do was make me mad limber. I thought about that when I turned and twisted my head to figure out if my 45-year-old self could get into the new sex position that half of America is apparently super hyped about right now.
In a nutshell, it's the 2.0 version of the 69 position. The twist to the 70 position is, rather than two people lying down, this time, they are vertical. The man starts out on his knees so that his partner can turn her back to him, kick her legs up and then put her legs over his shoulders. Then he slowly stands up and the woman puts her hands on the floor to help him to support her body weight (basically like she's facing him while doing a handstand).
OK, it seems like some real strong backs and maybe a wall for extra support needs to come into play here, but if you and yours want to be trendy tonight, you'll be doing what all of the limber kids are if you attempt the 70 sex position. Good luck.
2. Vegan Condoms
Although I'm personally not a vegan, I do have mad support for the folks who are. It is admirable how committed they are to the cause. If that's you, you can be vegan-vegan-for-real if you decide to ditch the condoms that you currently have and invest in some vegan condoms instead. If you never considered prophylactics to be a non-vegan ally, many of them aren't due to the casein (a protein that's made from dairy) that's in them. Aside from the fact that vegan condoms contain no animal products, another bonus is they aren't apart of the whole animal testing process.
If reading all of this has piqued your interest, some vegan fan favorites are Glyde's Organic-Flavored condoms, Sustain Natural's Ultra-Thin condoms and Trojan Supra BareSkin Non-Latex Polyurethane condoms. These are just a few that guarantee to be good to you and for the environment.
3. Shower Sex
Another sex trend that's getting lots of buzz are people who want to have sex in bodies of water. If by "body of water", they mean ocean, something that it and pools tend to carry is the kind of bacteria that can disrupt your pH balance and cause a vaginal infection (just something to think about). And, as far as jacuzzis go, it's only as safe as the person who cleaned it before you got into it.
That pretty much leaves us with shower sex. It's fun, it's safer and it's a multi-tasking kind of location because you can get clean, have sex and then get clean again—all in the same spot. Plus, the heat from the water will relax your muscles and joints so that you can be more "bendy", and the water makes the need for (extra) lubricant totally unnecessary. A win/win on every hand.
4. Nude Lingerie
Something else that has its own trends is lingerie. Right now, as far as patterns, florals are big. As far as material, lace stays classic. In the panty department, cheeky briefs are what you should look for. Bra-wise, soft cups are the way to go.
Also, something that I saw quite a bit of was nude lingerie. If you have no idea where to start looking for some, spring of last year, we actually did a feature on Nubian Skin; it carries are nice collection. Enjoy.
5. The Snail Sex Position
I'm not sure how new or inventive this is. I'm also not sure who came up with the name or why. But a sex position that men and women are saying is making them very happy right now is the snail position. It's when the woman gets on her back and pulls her knees back to her chest as her partner kneels down in front of her and penetrates. Then she puts her ankles on his shoulders and—voila! Instant G-spot attention.
For some reason, I feel like this position used to go by a different name (feel free to confirm that in the comment section). Either way, if you want to do what's popular, having snail sex will have in you in the "in" crowd.
6. Airbnbs
Personally, I am a huge bed and breakfast fan. So much in fact, that I'll sometimes come out of nowhere and bless a married couple with a free night (or weekend, if I can find a good deal) at one. But for my friends who are a little on the "sexually loud" side, I'm learning that renting out an Airbnb is probably best. It's like having an entire house—that is not your own—to yourself so that you can scream, roll around and do whatever else without worrying that someone can hear you through the walls.
By the way, if you want to check out some of the country's best Airbnbs, click here. For some of the most unique, click here. Or, if you want to support a site that specifically caters to the African diaspora, click here.
7. Waterproof Vibrators
Something else that I found to be a huge trend are vibrators. But not just any ole' kind. I guess so that they can enjoy all of that shower sex that they're currently having (whether it's with someone or alone), customers want one that is waterproof. Some popular ones include the We-Vibe Tango Lipstick Rechargeable Bullet Vibrator, the VeDO Yumi Finger Vibe and the Womanizer Liberty Clitoral Stimulator.
Food for thought. I know these type of "accessories" will tempt you to run up your water bill, but just keep in mind that a lot of dermatologists say that washing up in lukewarm water for no more than five or 10 minutes is best. Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just passing the info along.
8. Brain Orgasms
Is it just me or does it seem like every time we turn around, there is a new kind of orgasm? Just a couple of months ago, our managing editor shouted out 12. However, one that wasn't on the list, that is starting to gain more momentum, is what is known as the brain orgasm.
Technically, it's tied into the ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) relaxation phenomenon. If you're not familiar with what that is, an example that comes to mind is the fact that YouTube has an entire demographic of viewers who find people scratching up their dandruff to be calming. No joke! There's a sistah who has a channel that's called Scratching My Scalp Off that consists of 35,000 subscribers; some of her videos have gotten a couple of million views.
Anyway, whether it's listening to someone whisper, tap their nails or turn pages of a book (or scratching dead skin and fungus), it is becoming more and more common for individuals to admit that sound arouses them; sometimes to the point of climaxing. Oh, and before you shrug all of this off as some crazy wypipo stuff, check out "How ASMR Became a Full-On Rap Sensation" and "8 of the Best ASMR Moments in Hip-Hop". "Wait (The Whisper Song)", anyone?
9. Sliquid Silk Hybrid Lube for Women. Slippery Stuff Lubricant for Men.
It doesn't matter what publication or website that I checked out, when it comes to all things sex, "the more lube, the better" is mentioned somewhere in the copy. Honestly, you can pull out some Aloe Vera gel, Vitamin E or coconut oil (although you should avoid oil if you're using a condom; it can break down its effectiveness) and call it a day. But if you'd prefer to purchase some, I did some digging and found two faves—one for women and one for men.
As far as our needs go, a lot of ladies rave about Sliquid Silk Hybrid Lube. It's a purified water and silicone blend, vegan-friendly, works with all condoms, complements your natural lubricant and sits at a pH balance of somewhere between 4.0-4.4 (that's a good thing). Meanwhile, a lot of fellas are feelin' Slippery Stuff Lubricant. For starters, it was developed by the medical community so that men could get, umm, tested easier. It's water-based, non-staining and long-lasting. It's also the type of lube that professes to increase sensations whenever you use it. So yeah, if you've been in the market for lubricant, these two will hold you down pretty well.
10. Bondage for Women. Sex Tapes for Men.
Just one more trend and then I'll let you go so that you can test some of these out. Something else that I read is when it comes to sex bucket lists that both men and women have, what a lot of ladies want to check off of theirs is bondage scenarios (nothing too over the top; just stuff like restraints, blindfolds or handcuffs) and—surprise, surprise—men want to record their romps. If you do decide to oblige your partner and you two decide to record your naughtiness with your phone, make sure that you download an app to hide the evidence. After all, it's one thing to follow a sex trend. It's another thing to have your sex end up trending. Be safe. Have fun. Yes, in that order—y'all.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
We've Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity
Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?
10 Things You Didn't Know About The Male And Female Orgasm
These 69 Positions Are Guaranteed To Get You Off
Feature image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You'd Be Amazed How Much This One Thing Can Keep You Out Of Divorce Court
I truly can’t believe that it was almost five freakin’ years ago that I penned “Why I'll Never Call Someone A 'Boyfriend' Again” for this platform. Now that I’m in the thick of writing my third book (due out later this year) and I’m revisiting this declaration, I am standing firm on it more than ever. There are no boyfriends in the Bible. Your taxes couldn’t care less if you have a boyfriend (some of y’all will catch that later). And acting like you’re married while having a boyfriend when you’re actually not? That is so hella counterproductive — on a myriad of different levels.
Yeah, the longer I live, the more folks I counsel, and the more that I observe humanity; in general, I honestly believe that this culture and how it dates, it teaches people how to divorce, not marry. “Fall in love,” place marriage rules in the dynamic, break up…rinse, and repeat. Then, by the time you actually do say marital vows to someone (which are serious, y’all), you don’t even really mean them or get the weight of them because you’re processing them as barely a step up from whatever you and your last three boyfriends promised to each other.
It's so countercultural to talk about relationships from this angle — and that is why I am hypervigilant about doing all that I can to keep married folks from calling it quits. Because what the Bible does say is covenant-keeping is very serious (Malachi 2:16, Matthew 19:1-12, I Corinthians 7:10-11, Ephesians 5:22-33), the reality is that divorces can be costly on every level, and, reportedly, about half of people who do divorce, on some level, end up regretting it (check out “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce”). So, if we can keep the ending of marriages to a minimum (or at least try), shouldn’t we?
With all of this said, in walks something that I personally found to be pretty interesting. Apparently, after a whopping 40,000 couples were researched, with 94 percent accuracy, there is one thing that could predict if they would divorce. Or not. Are you ready to read what it is?
Did You Know There Is Such a Thing As “The Four Horsemen” in a Marriage?
GiphyIt never fails. Whenever I’m having a conversation with a couple who is seriously contemplating marriage, one thing that they will ask me is if there’s a way to ensure that they won’t get a divorce. I mean, if two people decide to not divorce, they won’t. That’s another message for another time, though. For now, what I will say is when I read about what The Gottman Institute considers to be “The Four Horsemen” of poor communication styles in a marriage, I totally got where they were coming from.
And what are they? According to the institute, it’s criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Although the reality is that pretty much all humans struggle with these on some level, let me briefly explain what it means to be excessive with them.
- An overly critical person gives unsolicited advice that the person on the receiving end either doesn’t want or doesn’t find to be helpful at all. Still, the critical person gives it because they always seem to think that they know best — including when it comes to timing.
- A person who speaks with some level of contempt usually hits below the belt or is super disrespectful in their delivery. They don’t mind being very sarcastic, dismissive, mocking others, or calling them names (bookmark this one).
- A person who is hella defensive usually struggles with not taking what they dish out, they can’t receive advice unless it’s connected to praise, and they absolutely suck at personal accountability, which is why they deflect, make excuses, and justify their actions a lot.
- Stonewallers are individuals who hold grudges, are passive-aggressive, and refuse to communicate. Of the four, this one is typically seen as the most immature course of action.
And when you take all of these in and then factor in that poor communication (because if you argue a lot, your communication skills need work) continues to be one of the leading causes of divorce (although I do find it interesting that, as far as sources of conflict go, career choices then parenting styles and then the divvying up of household chores lead the pack), whether you want to get married, are newly married or have been married for a while now, keeping those four horsemen in mind, along with being real with yourself about where you succumb to communicating that way, all of this is definitely worth taking special note of.
Okay, but those are four things and the title of this article says that ONE thing, in particular, can help you to avoid divorce most of all. What is it? Well, as far as which one of the four is the most damning, many experts say that it’s contempt. I get why. I mean, who wants to be intimate with someone, on any level, if they are mean as hell? After all, no one signs up to be another person’s emotional punching bag. Marriage is supposed to be an emotional safe space; not a battlefield.
However, according to the married couple John Gottman, Ph.D. and Julie Gottman, Ph.D., the greatest predictor of divorce is something else (although the four horsemen are definitely a huge part of what can prevent what I’m about to say next from transpiring).
The One Thing That Just Might “Divorce-Proof” Your Marriage
GiphySo what could actually keep you out of divorce court if you take and then apply it seriously? The Gottmans call it “turning towards” your partner. And just what does that mean? In a nutshell, it’s being intentional about making sure that your partner feels both seen and heard.
Honestly, one of the best ways that you can do that is through your body language (check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”) because it’s already pretty rude for your partner to try and express how they feel and you turn your back towards them or even switch your energy away from them. No one wants to be dismissed like that. However, turning towards your partner means more than just that.
Turning towards your partner is all about fully engaging them. I’ll give you some examples:
When you’re turning towards your partner, you are applying compassion. For instance, if they had a hard day at work and they express to you what’s going on, you’re not so quick to give advice or criticize; instead, you acknowledge what they said and respond with things like, “I can see how that would make you feel. Anything I can do?”
When you’re turning towards your partner, you are open to what they are saying, even about you, that you might not like. For example, if they bring something up that you do that bothers them or hurts their feelings, you don’t get defensive or pull that “You do it too” mess; instead, you take the approach of, “Will you explain to me how that affects you to the point where you are upset by it?” and then you LISTEN FULLY (meaning without interruption) to their response.
When you’re turning towards your partner, you take the stance that Dr. Phil has become well-known for saying: “Do I want to be happy or do I want to be right?” You get that because your marriage isn’t just about you, you are willing to compromise, be flexible, and do what’s ultimately best for the relationship instead of only focusing on things going your way.
These are merely three examples of what it means to “turn towards” your partner, and according to the Gottmans, whenever you do that, you have an 86 percent chance of staying together instead of a 33 percent chance if you don’t.
And just how can you become a master at turning towards your partner if this is a concept that is completely new to you? Good question. When two people make the decision to share their lives, this means that they are choosing to meet each other’s needs. The only way that you can know what those are is by asking — not assuming, not presuming…asking. And then, once you know, discuss with your partner if you are meeting their needs in a way where they feel like their needs are actually being met.
And what does that mean? Listen, I can’t tell you how many times I have been in a session with a spouse who has told me that they are a good husband or wife, and then, when I ask their partner if they agree, all hell breaks loose. Yeah, you can’t be in a relationship with someone and have the only vote on whether you are good for them or not; they definitely get a say. And if you’re serious about “turning towards” your spouse, you’ll want to hear what they have to say about if you are both good to and for them — in both the big and smaller things.
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At the end of the day, if you want to avoid divorcing at all costs (and here’s hoping that you do), turning towards your partner is about expressing empathy. It’s about facing them, figuratively and literally, so that you can better understand them, support them, and share in their needs with them. Because when you sign up for marriage, that’s a huge part of what it means to be a married person.
Marriage: Riding through life together. Avoiding the four horsemen at all costs. Turning towards each other. Daily.
Amen.
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