I Made Eye Contact With Random Men For 7 Days And This Is What Happened
I've been saying for years that I am ready for a relationship but after listening to an episode on xoNecole's Happy Hour Podcast called "I Met my Husband in an Uber Pool", I had to be completely honest with myself and admit that my behavior would suggest otherwise. In this episode, xoNecole founder Necole Kane talked about how she had to check herself and her energy. She realized that she was not giving off energy that said she was open to meeting someone. Instead she was constantly looking at her phone and often had her headphones on, all of which show that she is closed off and not interested in meeting anyone. Necole then challenged herself and her listeners to do the following:
For 7 days, whenever you encounter somone of the opposite sex, you must make eye contact, smile, and say "hi".
Sounds simple, right? Well, not for me. But that is exactly why I chose to participate in the challenge. I'm going to be moving to a new city in a couple of weeks and figured that this would be good practice for me, so I did it. Here's what happened:
Monday
On the first day of the challenge, I had to work at a clinic for a few hours and encountered only women while there. But after I left the clinic, I stopped by the mall to get lunch and figured that was a great place to start the challenge. I was smiling and saying "hi" to every man I crossed paths with in that mall. Young, old, black, and white. What I immediately noticed was that everyone regardless of race or age spoke back and they spoke back with a smile. I also noticed that everyone seemed pleasantly surprised that I spoke to them first.
Now, I don't mean that in an arrogant way but I think it's because it's uncommon for women to speak first and they were actually genuinely surprised. What I also noticed on that first day was how out of my comfort zone I felt. I honestly felt awkward which is crazy because I speak to women that I don't know all of the time. I am the chick that stays complimenting women on their shoes, hair, outfits, bags, and eyebrows. But initiating any sort of contact with someone of the opposite sex was not natural for me and I had to keep reminding myself to do it throughout the day.
Tuesday
On Tuesday, I had to travel to San Antonio, Texas and, later, Washington, DC for work. I immediately regretted starting the challenge. Do y'all know how many men are at airports? Traveling for work also meant hotels, restaurants, and Ubers. I started to abort mission and postpone the challenge on a less busy week, but that's why it's called a challenge right? It's not supposed to be easy. So, I pushed through. As I walked through the airport, I made eye contact, smiled, and said "hi" to every man that I came in contact with. Again, I was greeted with smiles and they all spoke back. I even struck up a conversation with a guy at a store I stopped in. Homeboy looked like he was about two seconds from asking for my hand in marriage. Also, I encountered a very attractive black man and I smiled and spoke to him as well. He spoke back before heading into the restroom.
When he came out, he sat across from me and every time I looked up, he was looking at me. I smiled again and he smiled back. I immediately checked his left hand for a ring and didn't see one.
Of course, at that moment, I had to pee really bad. *insert eye roll* I went to the restroom and when I came back, I noticed that he was talking to a group of people (co-workers, I'm assuming). Y'all tell me why this mug slid a wedding ring out of his pants pocket and back on that left ring finger? This joker also had the nerve to be wearing a W.W.J.D (What Would Jesus Do) bracelet. I'll tell you what Jesus would not do sir...he would not be taking his wedding ring off at the airport. Anyway, after I landed in San Antonio I talked to my Uber driver that took me to my hotel and also the Uber driver that took me to the restaurant where I had dinner. Usually, I wear headphones in Ubers to discourage conversation but I actually had a great conversation with both drivers. One was an older man. He was a retired Vet and he was so sweet. The other Uber driver was FINE, y'all. He was really nice and gave me some restaurant suggestions after I told him that I would be coming there on a regular basis.
Wednesday
On Wednesday, I worked all day in a clinic in San Antonio so, for the most part of the day, I didn't really encounter any men. From San Antonio, I had to fly to DC and my Uber driver was male. I initiated conversation with him and we had a dope conversation. We talked about choosing to see the positive in the world instead of focusing on the negative. He also said I looked 25 and not 37, so shout out to him. When I got to the airport in San Antonio, I spoke to this guy who looked to be in his twenties. He didn't speak back but made the "ooh you fine" noise. I encountered a lot of white men in the airport and what I noticed was that they were pleasantly surprised that I initiated conversation with them. Some of them gave me "the look". You know the look.
One guy in the San Antonio airport told me that I was a very beautiful woman after I said "hi" to him. The Uber driver that took me to my hotel in DC was a man but he was musty, so I couldn't talk to him. I was too focused on not throwing up in the car, so yeah...sorry Necole. What I found interesting was that a lot of men actually averted eye contact before I could even say "hi" or smile. It made me think of conversations I have had with some of my male friends. They said that approaching or initiating contact with a woman is very intimidating for a lot of men because of fear of rejection.
Thursday
On Thursday, I worked at Georgetown University hospital in DC. I encountered some very attractive doctors who all smiled and spoke back. I will have to work there every couple of months, so I will keep y'all posted on that. I wouldn't be mad if my husband had MD behind his name. I was eventually joined by a sponsor representative that I work with which meant I had to tone down some of my grinning and speaking so that I could talk to him because...you know...work.
Weekend
My weekend was pretty chill so I didn't come into contact with a lot of men. I worked from home all day on Friday. Saturday and Sunday were spent packing for my upcoming move.
My Thoughts
As I'm writing this, it's Monday, the start of a new week and the challenge is officially complete. Thinking back, it was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. I'm not sure why I thought it would be scary in the first place. It did take me out of my comfort zone but, after a couple of days, it started to become a habit. I realized that just like I do with my 9-5 job, and just like I do with my blog, I have to put myself out there if I want certain results. As a result of participating in the challenge, I am more mindful of the energy I put out as it relates to the opposite sex. I was also reminded that men fear rejection just like we do and if you seem a little more welcoming, they just may shoot their shot. I am glad I participated in the challenge and definitely plan to make this a habit. Thanks Necole! Be on the lookout for your wedding invitation!
Are you up for the challenge? Let us know how keeping your eye contact game strong has been affecting your love life in the comments down below.
If you haven't already, give the xoNecole Happy Hour Podcast episode "I Met My Husband In An UberPOOL" by clicking here.
Featured image by Giphy
Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl In Motion: Paige Shari Addison Shows Us Why She's The Hostess With The Mostess
Paige Shari Addison is the epitome of an ItGirl, which is why she is one of 100 ladies on xoNecole's inaugural ItGirl 100 list in partnership with Hyundai. Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, Paige started her journey as a host in high school by hosting parties. Since then, she has made a career in hosting, from parties to big-name events, and she launched Strictly RNB, a platform for new artists and R&B lovers. Paige reflects on her creative path in the limited video series "ItGirl in Motion."
“My first curated event at Criminal Records was incredible. It was all for up-and-coming artists,” she says. “I needed a platform for us as a collective to be able to give ourselves the platform instead of asking for it, instead of looking for it. I was like, I want to make sure I let people get this experience that I would give as a performer but enjoy the experience with them. It was a dream come true.”
The Atlanta native also has her own line of acai bowls called Soulfull Bowls. She started it during the pandemic after events and parties shut down. But it was her love for eating acai bowls and the reactions others had to them that made her want to make it her next business move. Being open to creating new ventures in the midst of uncertainty is a bold move and one of the reasons why Paige has the “it” factor.
“Being an ItGirl means you’re just authentic. There’s an air to us. We have confidence that exudes from the way we speak, the way we put our lip gloss on, the way we walk, the way we talk. I show up as myself everytime I walk into a room. I’m hospitable, I make sure everybody’s good,” she says.
Get to know more about the hostess with the mostess in the video above.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of Paige and our partnership with Hyundai.
Director: Mikkoh @mikkoh
Production company: @polly___studio
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