The $21 Product You Need In Your Beauty Arsenal
Over the past couple of years, the beauty industry has made tremendous strides in becoming inclusive of all shades and I am totally here for it!
For a long time, the beauty industry has failed women of color when it comes to creating products that suit our deep range of shades and varying undertones. It seems like since Fenty Beauty came into the game in 2017, carrying 40 shades of foundation has become an industry standard. Brands have been putting in work to create foundations and other product categories that represent all shades of beauty, particularly the darker end of the spectrum. Though much work is being done, one product that brands have repeatedly missed the mark on is bronzer.
Prime Beauty
I was super excited when I stumbled upon Brownzers by Prime Beauty. These Brownzers are matte (not glittery) bronzers and made with women of color in mind. This is literally a dream come true to women like myself who love the idea of bronzer but struggle to find bronzer shades that are actually deeper than our skin tones. Most popular bronzers on the market don't come in shades that suit Black women and, quite honestly, it's a bit disappointing.
Thanks to these bronzers that make the beauty needs of women of color "primary, not secondary", I'm no longer mixing the brown shadows in my Juvia's Place Warrior palette to create a bronzer that looks good on me. These chocolate girl-friendly bronzers are offered in 3 shades: 'Glow Coast' (light brown), 'Bronzeville' (medium brown) and 'Chocolate Litty' (deep brown) to enhance your melanin. The clever shades names made me even more excited to try them out.
Writer MIKA/xoNecole
Here’s what my makeup looks like before I added bronzer:
Writer MIKA/xoNecole
My makeup looks good, but I know a touch of bronzer would elevate it. Some people may ask why do women of color need bronzer anyway? Bronzer is a great finishing touch to your makeup to give your face a bit of dimension and an overall sun-kissed look.
Over the years, I've become a huge fan of bronzing as opposed to contouring. Think of bronzing as contouring's much more calm "sister". It takes way less effort and precision, yet it gives your face that little extra "life" that it needs.
Here’s what my makeup looked like after applying the 'Bronzeville' bronzer from Prime Beauty:
MIKA/xoNecole
After applying bronzer, my face looks much more complete and warmed up. I actually look and feel like I have a vacation tan. In reality, I'm in 40 degree weather in NYC. 'Bronzeville' is my preferred shade of the three that Prime Beauty offers. However, I can see myself using 'Glow Coast' and 'Chocolate Litty' in the future as well.
Overall, I think the Brownzer's by Prime Beauty are absolutely worth the $21 price tag. Besides the fact that their bronzers come in shades that are flattering on WOC, these bronzers are ideal for any makeup lover; from novice to professional. They apply super smoothly, which makes blending simple. Also, they are buildable, so you can start with a little bit of bronzer on your brush and add more bronzer as needed. FYI: You don't need a lot at all.
Wearing 'Brownsville'; Pictured 'Chocolate Litty'
MIKA/xoNecole
So, if you're in the market for a new bronzer or are looking to try bronzer for the first time, I would highly recommend trying one of the Brownzer's from Prime Beauty. These bronzers will open you up to a makeup category that hasn't met the needs of WOC in the past.
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Featured image by MIKA/xoNecole
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images