This Influencer Embraces Her Sexuality While Saving Smart
Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they spend it.
Though social media only sees a sexy influencer when you come across her Instagram page, Tere Tatiana is the definition of beauty and brains, and proof that being sexy and smart can coexist in today's digital world. Born Tereion Tatiana Henry, the self-proclaimed "cornbread-fed Georgia peach" graduated summa cum laude from Claflin University with a degree in Public Relations. In 2009, admittedly thrusted herself into the balancing act of being a single mother and preparing for deployment to Afghanistan as a government contractor.
Her four businesses––Labeled Blu Collections, Labeled Blu Realty, Labeled Blu Transportation, Southern Hospitality Adult Daycare Facility––are a product of her ambition and determination to fulfill her purpose to break the stigma against women in today's society. Though she has not personally experienced it, she recognizes the struggles of social media influencers who embrace their sexuality while being respected as businesswomen and entrepreneurs. Tere told xoNecole that the only negative experience she encounters is upon first impression when people believe her brand is shallow and solely based upon the glitz and glam of the influencer lifestyle. "Once they get to know me or see the informative business information I share with my followers, they message me apologizing for misjudging me and some even want me to mentor them. It's always gratifying when I can change a person's perspective of attractive women in business," she shared.
Courtesy of Tere Tatiana
"I feel society can do more by not shaming women for being human. Being sexy or having sex period shouldn't even be a topic of discussion when involving business. There are so many women who are smart, ambitious, tenacious, and driven, but just so happen to be sexy. Society should celebrate that."
"To me, it's very important for women to capitalize on their own intellectual, their own education, and experience, their own swag. It also gives her a sense of ownership and accomplishment by seeing her baby through," she said referring to a woman's business, brand, or project.
In this installment of "Money Talks", xoNecole spoke with the 34-year-old serial entrepreneur and social media influencer about turning your influence into wealth, increasing your income during the COVID-19 pandemic and her journey to financial stability as a smart, sexy entrepreneur.
On how much she saves and if it’s in a high-yield savings account:
"With my current budget, I have a set $2,000 monthly savings requirement for myself. It's been working pretty good so far. It's in a high-yield savings account."
On her definitions of wealth and success:
"To me, wealth refers to a person's monetary value perceived by others, while having success is how a person perceives themselves. Having self-fulfillment that doesn't necessarily relate to finance."
Courtesy of Tere Tatiana
On the lowest she’s ever felt when it came to her finances and how she overcame it:
"The lowest I've ever felt was when my ex-husband, who is an officer in the military, and I didn't have $13 between the two of us to get our daughter a can of milk in 2009. Yes, we both came from very supportive families but it was the principle for me. It really triggered my mentality towards being financially secure. In my mind, it pushed me into leaving my daughter at four-months-old to go to Afghanistan to make fast money. I vowed I'd never have that feeling again. And thank God, I haven't.
"I channeled that negative feeling of not being able to provide for my child into building a legacy I can one day be able to pass along to her. I have pursued and secured several very lucrative streams of income, that way I'd have a better chance of maintaining financially if anything were to ever happen economically."
On her biggest splurge to date:
"My biggest splurge would be my 2020 Maserati truck. It has always been my dream car and I felt as though I've worked hard enough for long enough to treat myself to something nice."
Courtesy of Tere Tatiana
"I channeled that negative feeling of not being able to provide for my child into building a legacy I can one day be able to pass along to her. I have pursued and secured several very lucrative streams of income, that way I'd have a better chance of maintaining financially if anything were to ever happen economically."
On whether she’s a spender or a saver:
"I am a woman (laughs) so I would consider myself a spender by nature. I had to train myself to become more disciplined, which was extremely hard. Honestly, I could probably do better."
On the importance of investing:
"It's very necessary to invest. My motto in business and life in general: Everything is a flow. Nothing can come in if nothing comes out! You have to sow seeds. If for nothing else, making residual income. A lot of millionaires become millionaires or multi-millionaires from making residual income. I've invested hundreds of thousands in different business ventures, as well as into myself and my brand. I also invest in stock, I purchased some Facebook stock when they first went public, as well as Bitcoin."
Courtesy of Tere Tatiana
"Everything is a flow. Nothing can come in if nothing comes out! You have to sow seeds. If for nothing else, making residual income. A lot of millionaires become millionaires or multi-millionaires from making residual income. I've invested hundreds of thousands in different business ventures, as well as into myself and my brand."
On her savings goals and what retirement looks like to her:
"I would like to become even more financially literate in moving and saving money. At this point in my life, it's hard for me to fathom retirement. I feel as though I'm one of those people who always have to have their hands into something."
On her budgeting must-haves:
"My budget must-haves would be cosmetics (hair, makeup, nails), tuitions, paying myself first, and food! (laughs) I'm definitely a foodie."
On her intentions behind multiple streams of revenue:
"My streams of revenue are from my trucking, real estate, and adult daycare facility. I also still make over six figures yearly with my job as a government contractor. I'm also in the works of developing a virtual trucking course for those looking to get into the trucking industry.
"Having multiple streams of income is very necessary! In today's unstable economy, entrepreneurs must remain fluid in order to survive. Plus, it's common knowledge that most millionaires have at least seven streams of income."
Courtesy of Tere Tatiana
"Having multiple streams of income is very necessary! In today's unstable economy, entrepreneurs must remain fluid in order to survive. Plus, it's common knowledge that most millionaires have at least seven streams of income."
On unhealthy money habits and mindsets:
"I had a really big problem with having the attitude of 'I'll make it right back!'. I'm so accustomed to making and being around fast money. Even as a child, my mother was a popular hairdresser from my hometown, so I've seen fast money my entire life. I [overcame it when] I saw [that] I got more accomplished. I actually began to 'see' my money and how it was working for me. I became more financially stable. I was even able to show others how to adopt the same mindset."
On her money mantra:
"I actually have two: 1) 'I am unapologetic about my desire to live a rich life', and 2) 'Money flows to me with ease and grace'."
On the craziest thing she’s ever done for money:
"(Laughs) Looking back at it, I wouldn't necessarily consider it desperate, although I felt like it was at the time, but I was an exotic dancer in college. I wasn't desperate but I've definitely always had money on my mind. I've always wanted to be independent. My intentions were definitely in a good place, just misguided."
On the worst money-related decision she’s ever made:
"I would have to say going into my adult daycare business without a direct plan. It started as a group home, then evolved into a residential, then finally an adult daycare over the course of four years. Although this is a very lucrative industry, the investment and overhead was a bit of a blow to my financial plan––I would do more research next time."
On her budget breakdown:
How much do you spend on rent? $2,500
Eating out/ordering in? $1,000
Gas/car note? $2,000
Personal expenses? $6,000
For more Tere, follow her on Instagram.
Featured image courtesy of Tere Tatiana.
The Reality Of Living With Severe Asthma – As Told by 2 Women On Their Disease Journey
This post is in partnership with Amgen.
The seemingly simple task of taking a breath is something most of us don’t think twice about. But for people who live with severe asthma, breathing does not always come easily. Asthma, a chronic respiratory condition that inflames and narrows the airways in the lungs, affects millions of people worldwide – 5-10% of which live with severe asthma. Severe asthma is a chronic and lifelong condition that is unpredictable and can be difficult to manage. Though often invisible to the rest of the world, severe asthma is a not-so-silent companion for those who live with it, often interrupting schedules and impacting day-to-day life.
Among the many individuals who battle severe asthma, Black women face a unique set of challenges. It's not uncommon for us to go years without a proper diagnosis, and finding the right treatment often requires some trial and error. Thankfully, all hope is not lost for those who may be fighting to get their severe asthma under control. We spoke with Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq. and Jania Watson, two inspiring Black women who have been living with severe asthma and have found strength, resilience, and a sense of purpose in their journeys.
Juanita Brown Ingram, Esq.
Juanita Ingram has a resume that would make anyone’s jaw drop. On top of being recently crowned Mrs. Universe, she’s also an accomplished attorney, filmmaker, and philanthropist. From the outside, it seems there’s nothing this talented woman won’t try, and likely succeed at. In her everyday life, however, Juanita exercises a lot more caution. From a young age, Juanita has struggled with severe asthma. Her symptoms were always exacerbated by common illnesses like a cold or flu. “I've heard these stories of my breathing struggles, but I remember distinctly when I was younger not being able to breathe every time I got a virus,” says Ingram. “I remember missing a lot of school and crying a lot because asthma is painful. I [was taken] to see my doctor often if I got sick with anything so I was hypervigilant as a child, and I still am.”
Today, Juanita says her symptoms are best managed when she’s working closely with her care team, avoiding getting sick and staying ahead of any symptoms. Ingram said she’s been blessed with skilled doctors who are just as vigilant of her symptoms as she is. While competing in the Mrs. Universe competition, Juanita took extra care to stay clear of other competitors to ensure she didn’t catch a cold or virus that would trigger her severe asthma. “I would stand off to the side and sometimes that could be taken as ‘oh, she thinks she's better than everybody else.’ But if I get sick during a pageant, I'm done. I had to compete with that in mind because my sickness doesn't look like everybody else's sickness.”
Even when her symptoms are under control, living with severe asthma still presents challenges. Juanita relies on her strong support system to overcome the hurdles caused by a lack of understanding from the public, “I think that there's a lot of lack of awareness about how serious severe asthma is. I would [also] tell women to advocate and to trust their intuition and not to allow someone to dismiss what you're experiencing.”
Jania Watson
Jania, a content creator from Atlanta, Georgia, has been living with severe asthma for many years. Thanks to early testing by asthma specialists, Jania was diagnosed with severe asthma as a child after experiencing frequent flare-ups and challenges in her day-to-day life. “I specifically remember, I was starting school, and we were moving into a new house. One of the triggers for me and my younger sister at the time were certain types of carpets. We had just moved into this new house and within weeks of us being there, my parents literally had to pay for all new carpet in the house.”
As Jania grew older, she was suffering from fewer flare-ups and thought her asthma was well under control. However, a trip back to her doctor during high school revealed that her severe asthma was affecting her more than she realized. “That was the first time in a long time I had to do a breathing test,” she describes. “The doctor had me take a deep breath in and blow into a machine to test my breathing. They told me to blow as hard as I could. And I was doing it. I was giving everything I got. [My dad and the doctor] were looking at me like ‘girl, stop playing.’ And at that point [it confirmed] I still have severe asthma because I've given it all I got. It doesn't really go away, but I just learned how to help manage it better.”
Jania recognizes that people who aren’t living with asthma, may not understand the disease and mistake it for something less serious. Or there could be others who think their symptoms are minor, and not worth bringing up. So, for Jania, communicating with others about her diagnosis is key. “Having severe asthma [flare-ups] in some cases looks very similar to being out of shape,” she said. “But this is a chronic illness that I was born with. This is just something that I live with that I've been dealing with. And I think it's important for people to know because that determines the next steps. [They might ask] ‘Do you need a bottle of water, or do you need an inhaler? Do you need to take a break, or do we need to take you to the hospital?’ So, I think letting the people around you know what's going on, just in case anything were to happen plays a lot into it as well.”
Like Juanita, Jania’s journey has been marked by ups and downs, but she remains an unwavering advocate for asthma awareness and support within the Black community. She hopes that her story can be an inspiration to other women with asthma who may not yet have their symptoms under control. “There's still life to be lived outside of having severe asthma. It is always going to be there, but it's not meant to stop you from living your life. That’s why learning how to manage it and also having that support system around you, is so important.”
By sharing their journeys, Juanita and Jania hope to encourage others to embrace their conditions, obtain a proper management plan from a doctor or asthma specialist like a pulmonologist or allergist, and contribute to the improvement of asthma awareness and support, not only within the Black community, but for all individuals living with severe asthma.
Read more stories from others like Juanita and Jania on Amgen.com, or visit Uncontrolled Asthma In Black Women | BREAK THE CYCLE to find support and resources.
When you’ve been working in the field of relationships for as long as I have, there are certain questions that are bound to come up on a semi-regular basis. When it comes to the world of dating, one of them is women asking me if they should wait for a man to say “I love you” before they decide to do it. It’s kind of wild to see how this sends some ladies into mid-hysterics as they think of all of the hypothetical pros and cons that come with them “making the first move” in this fashion.
Me? At this stage and season in my life, I just don’t think that loving someone should be so complicated because, contrary to popular belief in this crazy ass culture of ours, love isn’t complicated. People can be…love isn’t.
And so, while I could give a very simple “yes” or “no” answer to this particular dilemma (which really isn’t all that much of one) so that you can see where I’m coming from in my ultimate conclusion, I want to break down the “who should say 'I love you' first?” scruple by presenting a few different points first. Ready?
Who Says "I Love You" First?
Love and Ego Are Not Friends. Let Alone Lovers.
GiphyBeing controlling (which includes always wanting to control a particular outcome). Believing that you are always right. Not willing to let down your guard. Being hypercritical. Choosing to not see things from another person’s perspective. Guess what all of these things have in common? They are also connected to a person who has a serious ego problem.
The problem with that is ego and love don’t get along very well. That’s because, when you love someone, it’s about putting down your walls, being flexible, and 1000 percent wanting to extend as much empathy as possible — and that’s just the very tip of the love iceberg.
So, to be out here refusing to express yourself to someone you truly care about simply because you want to “win” by saying that he expressed himself to you first? Doesn’t that sound egomaniacal just to read and run that back in your mind? Imagine if he did that to you? Wouldn’t it feel like some low-key game that he was trying to play? Who wants love to be a game?
And that brings me to my next point, to be honest.
Game-Playing Is Never the Right Move
GiphyAuthor and motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia once said, “Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” I like the entire quote, yet what stands out to me, as it relates to what we’re tackling today, is not idealizing someone, not playing games, and making sure that you are being a genuine individual. Genuine people are authentic. They are what a lot of us refer to as being a “real one.” Let’s keep building.
There’s a husband I know who says that something that he tells his wife, whenever she says something that he knows is virtually unattainable, is, “You should probably lower your expectations” — crazy as it might sound, he says that it works every time. One example he gave is that she was watching The Bachelor, and she came into the bedroom afterward and asked him, “Why don’t we go on dates like that?” and he immediately was like, “Are you serious? A fake reality show with a high budget? Please lower your expectations.” For her, it was a quick reality check. It’s also a great example of idealizing something that is pretty unrealistic — if not flat-out ridiculous.
Another problem with idealizing is it can lead to playing games. You’ve decided in your mind how something should go, and so you “script the person in” without their knowledge or consent and then have the nerve to be mad when things don’t play out the way you want them to. And then you try to play victim, gaslight, or blame someone on top of it all. Yeah, that’s peak game-playing. It’s also why a lot of people end up sabotaging their relationship, even before it gets off of the ground or before it goes where they want it to.
Thinking that a man should say “I love you first” because “that’s the man’s job”? Who came up with that? And how are so many women on that anyway in the day and age when they claim that a lot of gender roles are antiquated or obsolete (for the record, no, I’m not one of them)? Which team are you on? And if y’all church folks are gonna come with “A man should love the woman more anyway,” if you’re coming from Ephesians 5:33, where it says that a husband is to love his wife, remember that a wife is also to respect her husband (eh hem). Also, that doesn’t mean that a husband is supposed to love more so much as he is to remember that love is how a woman feels loved — just like how a man feels loved by being respected (a lot of women miss that).
Bottom line here, being caught up in not telling a man that you love him first because you think that if he says it first means that he means it more — yes, you’re playing games, and two, that’s not automatically the case. And besides, why should you want to ration or even parse true love with another person? Eww. I mean, “eww” in the biggest way possible, too.
Eve Was Brought to Adam. Here’s What I Mean.
GiphyIt’s hard for me to talk about love, healthy holistic love, without bringing up Scripture because some of my favorite love stories are in the Bible. Even if I wasn’t a disciple of it (John 8:31-32), I would still enjoy reading it. And so, since perfection is only recorded in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 1-2), I like Adam and the Woman’s (Eve’s name prior to sin — Genesis 2:23 & 3:20) journey. For the sake of time and space, I won’t put all of Genesis 2:18-25 here. I will share a particular verse (verse 22), though: “Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”
Adam was not a hunter. He was a gardener.
The Woman was not prey. She was a blessing.
Adam didn’t pursue his wife. God brought her to him.
The Woman’s job was to let God do that. Adam’s job was to acknowledge God once he did.
Okay, if you get rid of all of that “a man has to chase me down” nonsense, why wouldn’t it be okay to tell a man that you love him? If you know that God wrote your love story and that he brought you to the man whom you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with, why not praise God by declaring that you love your future provider and protector? Or…is it that you’re unsure? And if that’s the case, the issue isn’t really about who should say anything first…more like, you should ponder if you need to be involved with ole’ boy at all (hmm…).
In the Wise Words of the Group Brownstone: “If You Love Me, Say It”
Y’all remember the R&B group Brownstone from back in the day? Actually, while I was in the process of writing this, that’s the song that immediately came to my mind because they’re right: If you love someone, why wouldn’t you say it? Why should it be so hard to say regardless of if he’s said it first or not?
One time, while reading an article on Oprah’s site about the topic of I love you, author Robert Holden shared that when you tell someone that you love them, what you’re essentially declaring is:
“I see you.”
“I accept you.”
“I thank you.”
“I am here for you.”
In that last part, he also stated this:
“Each time you say ‘I love you,’ you are really saying ‘I am here for you.’ ‘Being here’ means being fully present in the relationship—physically, emotionally and spiritually. Saying 'I love you' means 'I am committed to you' and 'I am committed to us.' You are telling that person you are in this relationship. You are not waiting for the relationship to sparkle or to improve before you commit to it. You are not playing it safe. You are not wearing a mask. You are not just trying to get something. You are really here, and this relationship really matters to you.”
He's right. And this can be quite revealing as to why you think a man should say “I love you” before you do. Perhaps you are playing it safe. Maybe you are wearing a bit of a mask. Maybe “I love you” from him is more of a goal than it really is about the two of you growing and evolving together. And you know what? All of those things are relational red flags.
And what if you’re one of those people who thinks that a man saying “I love you” first is the equivalent of him proposing marriage? First, I would say that’s a bit over the top, and secondly, I would say that you could end up waiting for a while, and that could cause you to experience some unnecessary anxiety.
My final point on all of this will hopefully explain why I say that is the case.
What Exactly Are You Waiting For?
GiphyI’m thinking that some of y’all will remember the sitcomGirlfriends fondly. Imma tell y’all what — the older I get and reflect back on that show and its spin-off, The Game, the more it makes sense to me that Joan Clayton and Melanie Barnett-Davis were cousins. Both of them were pretty neurotic if you ask me. All of that drama that they created in their heads when it came to matters of the heart…how were they not exhausted all of the time? SMDH.
Anyway, I’m closing out here because one of Joan’s more memorable relationships was with Sean. Nevermind the fact that he eventually broke up with her because (eh hem) “she was just too much work,” back in the happier times, she was doing all kinds of mess, like saying “olive juice,” hoping that it would make him say, “I love you too” so that, technically, she didn’t say it first — he did.
Now read that back and look at how silly all of that is. And besides, the way it played out is he came and used the bathroom while she was in there, she asked him not to, and he said, “When two people love each other, they should be able to do anything together.” And that’s when she realized that he had been loving her for a while — he was just more focused on actions than words.
Personally, I don’t see a better way to round this all out. If you feel loved — I mean, really and truly loved — by your partner, why not say “I love you”? Because I promise that there are a lot of people out here saying the words without a lot of actions to back it up. For the record, if you happen to be a “words of affirmation person” (like I am), I do get how all of this plays differently for you; still, leading by example can go a long way.
Y’all, after all of this, what I really want to say is life is too short, and time is too precious to be so trivial. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter who says “I love you” first. Again, what matters is if you feel loved, consistently so. And if that’s the case, why not praise your partner for that by verbally saying “I love you” to them? If that means you say it before he does, so be it.
The love is there. And that’s all that really matters. Standing firm on that, too.
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Featured image by Adam and Kev/Getty Images