How 'Hella Opinions' Is Redefining Black Media On Twitter
Sylvia Obell isn't a new name to many in the industry.
The North Carolina A&T and Columbia Journalism School graduate has held multiple stints at some of today's leading media outlets, including her current role as entertainment reporter for BuzzFeed News. While tasked with the constant work of reading, researching, and reporting today's biggest breaking news to the mainstream, Obell also has a responsibility to serve a demographic that is undeniably forgotten about consistently in media: Black people.
That's why Hella Opinions, an unapologetically Black show, initially started to recap the popular HBO show, Insecure, means so much to the journalist. "It provides a safe space for cultural references that don't have to be explained and codes that don't have to be switched," Sylvia told xoNecole. "We can talk freely like we would at a kickback among friends and occasionally break into songs from Sister Act 2 without judgment. That's a real thing that happened last week."
Read on to learn more about Hella Opinions and the dynamic team of Black creatives behind it:
How did you get into journalism and storytelling? Did you always know you wanted to tell other people's stories?
Writing was always my strong point in school, I enjoyed it but knew I didn't have the patience to be an author full-time. My love for pop culture magazines and Black magazines that told our stories led me to journalism. Being able to help someone find their story, and amplify it in a way that could inspire/inform/empower others was definitely the allure to me early on when I was just a local news reporter, and even then I would highlight a real-life Black woman doing something impactful in her community; that was at my first job at Essence in the "10 Things We're Talking About This Month" column.
How did 'Hella Opinions' come to be? What was the original thought process behind the show?
BuzzFeed News had gotten into original programming the year before with AM to DM and was accepting pitches. Our Entertainment News editor, Kovie Biakolo, pitched the idea of an Insecure aftershow for Twitter Live with me tied to it as the host. She felt like both the show and I understood the pulse of Black culture and the conversations Black millennials are having as a result of shows like it.
On my end, I had been guest hosting AM to DM over the past year and it had become clear to me and higher-ups like Shani Hilton and Cindy that I was good on-camera. I had been thinking of the right opportunity to do something outside of the morning show so the pitch from Kovie was perfect, and I jumped on immediately to help her develop the show. The "Men Are Trash" segment was one of my first ideas. The name of the show was actually one of the very first I came up with, but we pitched like 100 others before we ultimately came back around to it.
Now more than ever, we're seeing more Black creators create our own lanes and champion ourselves when mainstream media doesn't do it. How does 'Hella Opinions' add into that celebration and into the larger conversations we're having right now?
My favorite thing about Hella Opinions is that it provides a lane for Black media personalities and experts to come on a platform like BuzzFeed. It opens a lane for them to reach a people they may not have been reaching or flex muscles they hadn't been able to at their current job. There's so many talented black creatives in the city that deserve a chance to be seen on a mainstream platform, I'm happy that Hella is playing a small role in doing that. The result of having an intentionally curated Black-only panel is that the conversations are automatically genuine because we are the ones pushing, leading them on social media.
"The result of having an intentionally curated black-only panel is that the conversations are automatically genuine because we are the ones pushing/leading them on social media."
A lot of people don't know the time and resources it takes to produce and run a show. How do you balance a show and your 9-5, and what type of research and work does it require of you?
Yeah it's definitely a lot, but thankfully I have an amazing team made up entirely of Black women â something I can thank EP's Kovie and Tracey Eyers for because they made the hires and manage the staffing. The show's senior producer Donya Blaze really took the baton and ran with it when she came on for S2. We were working on re-developing the show from an Insecure aftershow to a nightly show with a Black culture lens and she gave it a script format that manages to do just that.
Together, with our new segment producer Diane Oswu (who truly gets my humor), Donya created segments like "Unpack It" where we have a deep conversation about issues pressing the Black community on and offline; "Black AF" trivia; "Preaching or Reaching" where we decide if selected tweets are doing the most or just enough; "First of All" which is basically our version of hot topics.
There is nothing else on Twitter right now like the show. What do you think has added to the show's success and the dialogue that it is having on Black media?
I think it's that there are so many great Black culture podcasts, but not many video shows that have the production quality that a company like BuzzFeed is able to provide. I love seeing our energy play out, the way we laugh, dap each other up, roll our eyes, make faces, sip tea (or in the case liquor) â those are things you miss on a podcast. Black people are also just beautiful AF and I love seeing us on camera every chance I get so I'm just happy to be able to provide one of those chances. There's also the way we incorporate Twitter, we also use tweets to drive the show's conversation because we want it to feel like an extension of the conversations we're all having on the platform.
What is missing in today's media? What is the show adding to our communities?
I'm not sure how many FUBU productions exist with this kind of budget but there's definitely not enough. This show is run by Black women behind the camera and on camera. All the major positions are filled by us. I've never had this much freedom over the kind of content I'm creating, it's something I want as many Black women to feel as possible. Give us all shows! Let us write and produce everything. Sometimes my guests catch themselves mid-conversation like, "Oh can I say that?" or "oh my bad I just said nigga" and I'm constantly reassuring everyone that they can be their unapologetic Black selves.
And these are folks who are not new to this media game. I can't wait 'til experiences like this are more common than not with us. The short of it is, what's missing from today's media is more Black women being given the reins to have fun on the job. I get to have fun with old and new friends week-to-week; that energy translates to those watching. At least that's my hope.
Instagram/ @sylviaobell
"What's missing from today's media is more Black women being given the reins to have fun on the job. I get to have fun with old and new friends week-to-week; that energy translates to those watching."
What's next for you and for Hella Opinions?
We've been really fortunate that BuzzFeed News has decided to continue to invest in this season enough for it to be about twice as long as the first. It would be great if brands could notice what we're doing and see this as a show they'd like to sponsor in some way; to pour back into us as we attempt to pour into our community. I told myself from day one, "This show will do for my career whatever it's supposed to do for my career."
If I put too much expectation or stress on it, I think it would show and also eat at me all the time. Digital media has taught me to only plan about 3-4 months ahead at a time because things change quickly and often. What I do know is that whether this show lasts a long time or not, hosting is something I'm good at and want to continue to do for as long as I can. And that's a sentence I would've been shocked to hear myself say this time last year.
For more Sylvia, follow her on Instagram @sylviaobell.
Originally published on January 9, 2019
Featured image courtesy of Sylvia Obell
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. Thatâs why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who arenât afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, theyâre ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Donât forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Age-Gap Dating Is HUGE Right Now. Still...Read This Before Doing It.
If youâre someone whoâs been reading my content for a while, you know that Iâm pretty big on accountability (with both men and women), and that means sometimes I will call out blatant hypocrisy and double standards. Today? Itâs the fact that I find it to be mighty interesting that when an older woman is dating a younger man, sheâs usually considered to be a âcougarâ yet when an older man dates a younger woman, suddenly heâs a âpervâ (short for pervert).
It's important to bring up that super unfair comparison because, when it comes to a particular dating trend thatâs on the list of being a really big dating trend right now, itâs both men and women who are looking to get in on it â and if itâs good for one gender (within reason), in all fairness, it should be seen the same way for the other (again, within reason).
So, with that said, whatever it is that Iâm about to share on the topic of age-gap dating, just know that I have no bias; I simply think itâs important for men and women, younger and older, to take a very realistic approach to this kind of datingâŚbecause as with pretty much everything in life, it has its pros and some, well, cons too.
Popular Doesnât Automatically Mean Best
GiphySomething that has kind of always fascinated me about our culture is how so many people will abandon all common sense and logic, just to do something that is considered popular. Well, at the end of the day, thatâs pretty much what a trend is: something that is currently done by a lot of people forâŚwhatever the reason. When it comes to dating trends, specifically, oftentimes, they are âbirthedâ out of surveys from dating sites or apps. When the people who conduct them notice that something is overwhelmingly preferred, encouraged, or supported, then it becomes a trend â and thatâs just where age-gap dating came from.
Long story short, Bumble kinda-sorta-recently did a survey and discovered things like 63 percent of folks donât factor in age when it comes to dating, and 59 percent of women said that they would date a younger man; those are pretty large numbers, and so, there ya have it: a trend.
I will say that although the study wasnât super-duper specific about when an age gap is considered to be too much of one,Glamour published an article a few years back that said, 10-plus years between two people is enough to start causing some issues if one is not careful (more on that in a sec). And so, before you decide to get out here lookinâ for a younginâ or a more â eh hem â mature man, just because it currently seems like everyone else is open to it, consider if 10 years â backward or forwards â is something that you would want to deal with; especially long-term.
If youâre not sure, keep reading. Hopefully, I will provide some things for you to ponder.
Difference in Age Means Differences Everywhere
GiphyIâve got people in my world who have big age gaps in their relationships. Iâm talking about more than just 10 years. One example that immediately comes to mind is a married couple who has 15 years between them; the wife is older. On some levels, everything seems cool and copasetic. Oh, but there are nuances. Like she can be very condescending when it comes to what he finds to be fun and entertaining. Plus, their sex drives are not even close to being compatible now that she is well past menopause. Itâs interesting because, rather than acknowledging that a lot of all of this has to do with their vast age differences, she prefers to see him as being immature. Heâs not immature, sis. Heâs just a lot younger than you are.
So, when it comes to age-gap relationships, thatâs the first thing that you should think about: are you willing to deal with the differences that will probably come about, simply because you are at different stages in your lives due to your different ages?
Example: Because people say that I donât look my age (âpreciate it), itâs not uncommon for folks to try and set me up with someone who is in their early 30s. For the most part, Iâll pass. For one thing, I intentionally decided that I didnât want to have kids a long time ago, and I donât want to have that discussion/debate with someone who may feel otherwise (quite possibly because they donât have kids or want more of them). Also, Iâve worked with people, in the lane of relationships, for quite some time now.
Men before 35? For the most part, I encourage their focus to be on themselves and building their life (because a lot of guys donât hit their professional and financial peak until their late 40s or early 50s). As for myself, Iâm pretty settled, so I donât want to be a hindrance when it comes to them up and moving a few times or switching career paths. Do that babe. You should.
I could go on and on when it comes to this particular point. The bottom line is dating someone who has a semi-significant age difference from you and then having a problem with the differences that come along with it is like really enjoying the summertime and then expecting winter to act like itâŚjust because you do. Feel me?
Age-Gap Dating Requires Being a (Patient) Student. And Teacher.
GiphyWhenever people talk to me about the hours that they spend (or is it waste?) arguing with folks on social media, something that I will oftentimes say (for instance) is, âSome of those folks werenât even born when Freaknik happened. Let them come to the wisdom and insight that you have, due to your age, on their own.â Same thing goes for age-gap dating.
When it comes to these celebrity relationships, so many of them switch up like they change their underwear, so I wonât even give specific examples. If you surf or scroll on a daily basis, though, you know that there are some older women dating younger men and older men who are dating younger women who show all the signs in the world of heading for a real roller coaster ride becauseâŚthey are simply at two totally different points in their life.
For instance, when youâre in your 20s, itâs not automatically a red flag that you want to go to the club often. Oh, but when youâre in your 40s, you can be tempted to tell them that it is â even though you did the same thing when you were their age. You know, just because youâve âbeen there and done thatâ before, that doesnât mean you should look down on them because they havenât (yet).
Yeah, thatâs another challenge about age-gap dating and age-gap relationships: you tend to think that you should be someoneâs parent instead of their partner.
So, do I think that age-gap dating can never work? No, thatâs not the case. What I will say is if youâre not a very flexible person, you are about to be pissed, often. Because when youâre with someone who has a different view of things that you do, and a part of it is because they are a different age than you are, youâve got to be willing to teach some things that could help them to grow and also learn some things that could help you to become a better person â whether they are the older one or not.
Take two of my clients where, again, the husband is younger (by nine years) and the wife is older. He says all of the time that if he had not come into her life, she wouldâve aged faster because she owns the fact that sheâs not naturally a very adventurous person. At the same time, because of her influence in his life, heâs better with time management, which has helped him professionally, because sheâs a huge planner (something that she learned to become due to âfumbling some ballsâ back when she was younger). See what I mean: the student as well as the teacher.
Does this apply to all relationships? It should. Iâm just saying that when age-gap dating comes into play, lessons tend to pop up often and sometimes, very unexpectedly, simply due to folks being at various places and stages due to their age alone. If you canât fathom dealing with that, age-gap dating is probably not something that you should get involved with.
Casually Doing It Can Tend to Backfire
GiphyOkay, so what if youâre someone who wants to do some age-gap dating on a casual level? What could possibly go wrong there? Well, from reading some of my other articles (check out âWe Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'â), youâll already know that Iâm not big on the meaning of casual: apathetic, careless, off-hand, without serious intention. Me? Especially at this age, I have zero energy or interest to be dealt with on a casual basis (whew, chile). And what if youâre the one who wants to take this approach? I mean, youâre grown, right? Do you.
I will just give the heads up when it comes to, say, wanting to have a casual sexual situationship with a younger man, while there is more content out here that says while 20-somethings may be having more sex, itâs the people in their 40s who are actually enjoying it the most (which means that it shouldnât be assumed that the young guys do it better), science is science â and science says that testosterone levels are at their highest when a man is in his 20s. Meanwhile, for us, we are reportedly able to have the most consistent orgasms while weâre in our 30s. Where am I going with all of this?
I actually didnât become sexually active until college. My first love was younger than I, and goodness, when didnât he want to hump my leg? The college period was like a sea of raging hormone vessels with free rooms in the form of dorms. Chaotic and damn near diabolical in hindsight. LOL. And a big part of that is because guys have testosterone surging, and we as women are hella fertile. Getting off stays at the forefront on some level (at least for most of us).
The challenge with that is a lot of people who are hormone-driven may not necessarily be relationship-minded. And once you hit your late 30s-40s, after a couple of months of mind-blowing sex (perhaps), that could get old, especially if the sweet young thang doesnât have much more to offer than that. And soâŚwhere do things have to go? Thatâs the thing about casualâŚusually nowhere. Again, by definition.
I will say that if you just read all of that and was like, âOkayâŚand still, whatâs the problem?â â hey, do you, sis. I just think it needs to go on record that once you reach a certain point and place in life, casual experiences with younger men can damn near seem brutal â and you canât really blame them if you got turned out, yet they barely respond to any texts that donât have sex on the menu. #justsaying
Make Sure to Be Extremely Honest About Your Needs. And Expectations.
GiphyLetâs swing to the other side of this: you dating an older man. I know someone who is currently doing that as well. Sheâs in her late 30s, and heâs in his early 50s. Heâs stable. Heâs smart. She said the sex is bomb. Dating him is fun, spontaneous, and full of surprises. So, whatâs the problem? Heâs super set in his ways. His values are hella traditional (hers are not).
More than anything, though, she wants to get married, and heâs divorced, so he has more of a âbeen there, done thatâ take on it. Does he have a problem with being exclusive? Absolutely not. However, having another wife or more children? His kids are grown. Heâs mentally and emotionally past that time, too. And so, at a bit of a crossroads, they are â both are invested, and yet, because they are in different seasons of life, they donât want the same things.
Thatâs another thing to consider when it comes to age-gap dating â if you are looking for something serious or substantial, you donât really have time to waste when it comes to getting your needs and expectations out on the table. Thatâs why, past the first date to see if there is potential for a real connection beyond just chemistry, when it comes to age-gap dating, you really need to get your needs and expectations out there (on both sides) as soon as possible because â and pardon the pun â time is definitely of the essence.
___
A lot to think about? Yeah, perhaps. At the same time, is the age-gap something to be leery of? No. Itâs just important to check your motives, be realistic, and not lie to yourself or the person youâre seeing about what you want to get out of it.
Because no matter how hot of a trend age-gap dating may currently be, you need to do whatâs right and best for youâŚnot merely what isâŚpopular.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images