How To Survive Social Distancing If You're An Extrovert
I live in Nashville, TN. So, if you are aware of the tornadoes that we had in early March, you already know that those, on top ofthe coronavirus outbreak, have had us a little on edge—and slightly numb (understandably so, I might add). However, I'm pretty much an ambivert (which is kinda like the person folks might assume is an extrovert when they are actually more of an introvert) and an at-home writer. That pretty much boils down to the fact that self-quarantining is a lifestyle for me, even before Nashville's mayor issued a "Safer at Home" order to try and control the pandemic in my county.
The introverts in my world? Although the thought of being at home for weeks on end doesn't have them exactly turning backflips, at the same time, their attitude is more in the lane of "I mean, now is the time to work on a few projects and catch up on some reading." Oh, but the extroverts that I know? Bless their hearts. Literally. Some of them have expressed to me that they are on the verge of losing their minds, all because of how bored they are. I get it. A lot of their energy and inspiration comes directly from interacting with other people. That is being tested to the utmost these days.
It's another article for another time, how much we're going to need to tend to people's mental health once this storm passes because, as they say, no man is an island and human interaction is important. But while officials are trying to make sure that our physical health is the top priority (or at least some of them are; peep "Florida City Official Calls Out Mayor for COVID-19 Response". That commissioner is a hero. Straight up), if you are an extrovert—someone who is outgoing, hates to be alone, thrives in large groups, has lots of friends and is always up for a good party or event, etc.—who is trying your best to practice social distancing, yet, at the same time, you feel like you are low-key going insane without having some physical interaction, here are a few ways to make coping with this interesting time in our world's history a little easier to bear.
Talk Face to Face—Online or on the Phone
Because most of my counseling sessions are via the phone, I have a landline. It's also the number that my friends call me on. Matter of fact, the only time I do any real face to face chatting is when I'm speaking to my goddaughters. But whenever I do (in my case) hop onto Google Hangout, it really does feel almost like I am right there with them. I'm an Android kind of gal but, while I'm sure that most of you iPhone folks FaceTime often anyway, definitely amp the frequency up a bit during this time of social distancing. Also, when you're on your laptop or computer, hit up a platform like Skype (you can speak to up to 10 folks on there). It's not exactly like physical interaction, but in many ways, it's a wonderful alternative.
Use This Time to Host a Webinar
A webinar is basically a virtual event that is held online. A good example of one is the meeting some of the xoTribe recently had through our relatively new app recently. Basically, what happens is a speaker (or small group of speakers) makes a presentation to an online community who can then submit questions, answer surveys or interact with the speakers.
The cool thing about webinars is, not only can you hold events from the convenience of your own home, but it's an effective way to earn a few bucks in the process too.
If you're trying to build up an audience, you might want to do a few free webinars first. Then, once you've created a following, you can offer some exclusive content, some advance trainings or special product offers to those who are willing to pay for future webinars (by the way, you tend to make more money if you present paid webinars as a series and offer a bulk price). Webinars are a great way to "scratch the itch" of interacting with people while building your brand and (eventually) getting paid for it. If you'd like some tips on how to make your webinar one that really appeals to people, I've included some how-to videos here, here and here.
Download Some Extroverted-Friendly Apps
Apps. Lord, what would we do without them? Even if your smartphone is already loaded with a ton, I've got a few recommendations that were created with the extrovert in mind.
Meetup. If you want to use this time to meet new people or make new friends, Meetup may be the app that you've been looking for, perhaps without even knowing it. The features on the app make it possible for you to find local groups who have similar interests to you, whether it's books, yoga or cooking (those are just examples). Meetup makes connecting easier by letting you put in keywords to find exactly what you are looking for. You can use the app for personal or professional reasons—or both.
Tapebook. If you dig podcasts, then you will love Tapebook. It basically makes it possible for you to participate in social podcasting because you can either start of blog or vlog on your own via the app, or you can call up a friend and start recording the conversation that the two of you are having (with their permission, of course). You can then publish your tapes on the platform's Tapefeed for other members to check out. Since over 100 million people listen to at least one podcast a week, by downloading this app, you just might be onto something.
Whisper. Whisper is an interesting kind of app because you can speak as freely as you want with its 30 million members. Why would you take that kind of risk? Well, the true identity of people on the app is hidden. There are no friends or followers on the platform, but there is an open chat (it uses your location to help you bring others into your group). I know a lot of extroverts who like to get all kinds of random stuff off of their chest. If you're one of 'em, now you've got an app that'll let you do it. Anonymously.
Vero. If the ads and algorithms of apps like Instagram are driving you up the wall, you might want to give Vero a shot. According to the creators of the app, vero means truth and their app is a place where you can share all of the things that you like without all of the "extras" (like ads and algorithms) so that you can more easily connect to people who share your interests. From what I can see, it is "cleaner" (meaning, it has a lot less clutter) than a lot of social media apps do too. That alone can at least make it worth checking out.
Houseparty. One app that has gained a ton of popularity as of late is Houseparty. It lets up to eight people talk together. When you feel like interacting with people, you simply log on to the app and, if any folks on your list are available, they can join you. Generation Z is all about this app. Oh, if you're concerned about safety, Forbes wrote a piece on that very topic. Check out "Houseparty: Is The Hit Coronavirus Lockdown App Safe?" (from what I read, the answer is "yes").
Thrive As a Remote Worker
Boy, this social distancing/quarantining is having domino effects in ways that truly boggle the mind. For instance, the weekend that my city went into "Safer at Home" status, the adapter to my main laptop went on the fritz. In my mind, I thought to myself, "No problem. I'll just purchase a new one." Five stores later, I still had no luck. Why? Because due to the coronavirus and the need for social distancing, thousands and thousands of more people are working from home which means that thousands and thousands of more people are upgrading their computer equipment.
Anyway, if you happen to fall into the work-from-home category, another way that you can shine as an extrovert is to put your best foot forward on the professional front. See if your company uses sites like Slack and Buckets to stay organized when it comes to communicating with one another. Recommend using Zoom to participate in video conferencing.
Speak with your supervisor or manager about possibly starting a small online group that offers support to other co-workers who are also working from home; maybe the group can meet for an hour after work via a video platform to have a glass of wine and share stories—it can be like getting a drink at work only, everyone's at their own house. Or maybe lead an exercise group where everyone can workout together in the mornings via the same video platform.
The key is to use your extroverted nature to bring more joy and interaction to others—even if, for the time being, you have to rely on technology in order to do it.
Cross Online Dating Off of Your Bucket List
There is a network of Black actors who live in Cali who I dig. One of them goes by Minks and, I promise you that he had me crying recently while checking out his skits "HOOD STUDIO SESSIONS" and "UBER CHRONICLES PT. 5". So, when one of his recent offerings "QUARANTINED", I just knew that I had to check it out. I don't know what was funnier—him getting into a dance battle with the actual movie You Got Served, him throwing dollars at some strippers that he found on a television show somewhere, him playing Twister with himself, or him having a romantic dinner with an "I Love You" balloon (LOL). Anyway, that last one is a reminder that if you are an extroverted and single, another option is to try a little online dating.
The reality is that, these days, three out of 10 people do it and, in America, more than half of all relationships actually start online. If you're a little skeptical, talk to some of your friends who've done it before to get a feel for what they think about you creating a dating profile. Also, check out video features like "Online Dating as a PoC", "Is Online Dating Really THAT BAD For Black Women? Mask & Chat", "How we met on Tinder!" and "ONLINE DATING WORKS! Story of how we met!". If you want to know what apps are people-of-color-friendly, Dating Advice has a list (although again, you might want to confirm it with some friends who have used the sites). I mean, it beats talking to a balloon, right? Chile, here's hoping so.
Do Something Nice for Someone Else
A historian and playwright by the name of Howard Zinn once said, "Small acts, when multiplied by millions of people, can transform the world." Since, as an extrovert, you get a lot of your fuel by others, use this time of crisis to lend a helping hand.
If your city lets you go to the grocery store, offer to purchase something for the person in front of or behind you. If there is a senior on your block, ask them if there is anything that you can get for them while you're out. When you are ordering food for delivery, be intentional about giving a larger than usual tip to the driver who delivered it to you. You already know that the world is wearing the hell outta streaming platforms. Why not get a couple of friends an online gift card to their favorite one? Send someone you care about an email or text about how much you love and appreciate them. Play a few games on Free Rice; when you do, they donate rice to hungry people through the world (the site is free; so are the games that are on it).
Donate some of your time or talents and abilities to help someone get an idea off of the ground. If a customer service person who works for your electricity, cable or water company was especially nice and professional, ask to speak with their supervisor to let them know (because customer service people are hearing A LOT of complaints right about now). If you want to help an entrepreneur out, Kiva lets you give or lend money to ones all throughout the world. These are just some examples that, even if you can't directly interact with others, there are still ways to profoundly touch their lives. Like the rest of us, you'll survive this as an extrovert. It just takes thinking a little outside of the box. That said, please feel free to post comments if you've got other suggestions on how extroverts can survive social distancing as well. We'd love to hear 'em! In the meantime, remain safe, healthy and totally you!
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Ways To Overcome Depression As An Extrovert
Make Your Personality Type Work FOR You
How To Build A Personal Brand Based On Your Personality Type
Did You Know Certain Personality Traits Get More Sex Than Others?
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?
German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” At close to two decades of working with married couples, I agree with this man 1000 percent. It’s actually the main motivation for why I once penned, “Are You Sure You're Actually FRIENDS With Your Spouse?” because, the reality is, if you’re not friends with the person who you vowed to share every aspect of your life with, for the rest of your life, it’s going to be very difficult (if not damn near impossible) to honor that level of commitment. Without question, I will now and forever die on the hill that if you like your partner, you can make it through the not-so-in-love-right-now moments. Vice versa? Eh…not so much.
A basis for why I feel this way? Another quote immediately comes to mind. Famed author Jane Austen once wrote: “There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature.” You know, back when I also wrote “10 Things You Should Absolutely Expect From Your Friendships” for the platform, I shared that some of the traits of a friend — a real friend — include loyalty, honesty and compassion. And if you can’t say that your spouse is this way (as they say the same thing about you), chile…what is y’all doin’ over there?
So, why am I talking about marriage when this article is supposed to be about friendship? It’s because, something that life has taught me, kinda sorta the hard way, is we should vet potential friends — especially close friends — almost like we would a spouse.
And if you keep reading, I think you’ll get why I framed the intro in the way that I did.
Why Friendships Are Still Hella Essential
GiphyOkay, so before I get into why it seems that people have fewer friends than they ever had before, let me just say that, even as an ambivert who enjoys my own company and has absolutely no problem with being alone a good amount of the time, every personality type needs friends. That’s not just my opinion;science makes it a fact. Not only do studies support thathealthy friendships help us to feel more satisfied with our lives, but they can also reduce our chances of experiencing depression, stress, and anxiety and they increase longevity overall.
This is why — without going too deep because it’s kind of another topic for another time — it’s important to not allow past hurts and disappointments from former friends (or folks you thought were your friends) to cause you to build up walls as you declare that you don’t need anyone. When you do that, all you’re really doing is working against your own health and well-being. The saying that “no man (or woman) is an island”? It is absolutely true.
That said, even if it’s just a couple of people, make sure that you’ve got individuals in your life who you can call a friend and, in turn, they can say the very same thing about you, okay?
Are All of Those People Your Actual Friends? Or Do You Just Happen to Know a Lot of Folks?
GiphyAight but what if you happen to be someone who swings on the other side of few? Meaning, if someone were to ask you how many friends you had, you’d quickly declare that you’ve got too many to count. Listen, not to patronize or anything yet, but whenever I hear folks (especially if they are over 35) say something along those lines, it takes me back to high school — a time when so many of us thought that so long as we knew a ton of folks and/or we were popular, clearly, we had many friends.
Wisdom and pure ole’ dealing with humans on a consistent basis will teach you that an article that I wrote a few years back for the platform has a title that is spot-on: “According To Experts, We Only Have A Few Friends — Here's Why.” According to it, the average American (based on a survey that was conducted) has somewhere around 16 friends. Oh, but wait. Last fall, I wrote another article for the platform entitled, “What's The 'Five Friendship Theory' All About?” According to it, if you’re someone who takes the word “friend” and the responsibility that comes along with it very seriously and quite literally, as an adult, you can probably only maintain about five close friendships.
Why? Well, that brings in another article that I once wrote: “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient.'” Chile, I don’t know about y’all but my friends know that if I call you that, you can call me in the middle of the night, and you can have money towards your rent (I’m not your mama but we all have hard times sometimes) and I’m gonna have your back in a way where you’ll wonder where you stop and I start — and no, I don’t have a lot of bandwidth for a ton of those people.
Okay, but what if you’re someone who is like, “I know that I have more than 16 and definitely more than five friends, no question”? The next thing that I would encourage you to explore is a theory by Aristotle (check out “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends”). Without even realizing it, many of us have people who we use the word “friend” for when…it’s kind of like how social media apps say “friend”: we’re familiar with one another and enjoy some of the same things, we might even have some of the same goals; at the same time, though, we’re not “all-encompassing friends.” We just get along really well at work (utility friends) or like to go to brunch at the same spots sometimes (pleasure friends).
Taking all of this into account, are you sure that you have a ton of actual friends? Or do you just happen to know a lot of people and you use that word for the lack of having another?
And that brings me to my next point.
There’s A LOT of Space Between “Friend” and “Enemy”
GiphyIf you read a lot of my friendship content, something that you will notice me saying quite a bit is that there is quite a bit of space between friend and enemy. It needs to be mentioned, as often as possible, because there are some people who get offended if you don’t consider them to be a friend — and that is unfortunate. I say that because the conclusion shouldn’t automatically be that they are your enemy just because “friend” isn’t what immediately comes to your mind.
They can be an acquaintance. They can be “cool people.” There is someone in my life who, while we’re not friends in the traditional sense, we are each other’s confidant; years ago, we agreed that we would be the place to tell each other whatever and it would stay between us — that is the main purpose that we serve in each other’s lives. Some people, you may consider to be spiritual family in the sense that you care for them and have some deeply profound things in common and still, they are not exactly a friend (I mean, a lot of blood relatives aren’t “friends” with each other).
All I’m trying to say here is we’re all too old now to only put folks in two boxes when it comes to this particular relational dynamic: friend or enemy. So, take some time out to seriously reflect on what you consider the various people in your life to be. I can promise you from personal experience that the sooner you know and the clearer you are, the easier it will be on everybody — because needs and expectations will be clear to you (and them once you articulate them) too.
What Got Folks to Having Less Friends? The Pandemic Plays a Significant Part.
GiphySo finally on to what inspired this piece to begin with. A part of it was an article that was published last year by Big Think entitled, “Americans more than ever have no friends. Here are 5 steps to make more friends.” Another was something that The New Yorker published back in 2021; it’s entitled “What COVID did to friendship.” Y’all don’t have enough time and I don’t have enough space to get into the fact that, just because the media may be talking about it less, that doesn’t mean that we’re not still in a pandemic.
In fact,one article stated my thoughts on it quite well when it said, “The real question, then, is not whether COVID is still a pandemic, but how much COVID illness and death are we willing to accept?” SMDH. And one of the things that has come with experiencing COVID is an interesting type of PTSD: detachment. There are plenty of articles out here to support the fact that my saying that is not merely my opinion.
Even according to the American Psychological Association, loneliness damn near skyrocketed, especially during lockdown and, unfortunately, a lot of people have not recovered from it. That’s why it did not surprise me at all when I read that more than ever, many people do not consider anyone to be a best friend; fewer people are relying on friends for any type of real support, and there is a semi-steady decline in people having friends, especially quality friendships, overall.
In fact, as far as close friends go, currently, close to 50 percent of Americans say that they only have three or fewer, and a relevant contributor to that was what the pandemic revealed as far as people’s proactive participation in other individuals’ lives (I actually read that young women were the ones who lost touch with friends during the peak of the pandemic the most). I also thought it was interesting that some studies cite that 12 percent of Americans say that they don’t have any friends at all.
Is the pandemic the only cause? No. So are things like people working more hours and spending more time online than they probably should (which also increased due to the pandemic, though). To that, Teen Vogue once published, “Social Media Is Impacting IRL Friendships” and Healthline once published, “Social Media Is Killing Your Friendships.” Then we also have to factor in having families of our own which can also take up a lot of time, and that sometimes can cause us to forget to nurture our friendships; so, before you know it, they fade to black. Not due to a fallout or anything, just…life.
And all of this? Some people are saying that it has led to what is known as a “friendship recession.” A huge flag about that is there are reports that a drop in close friends can cultivate a type of loneliness that is just as health hazardous as smoking a whopping 15 cigarettes a day. Not good, y’all. Not. Good.
Quality over Quantity Is Key. Just Make Sure That You Have a Friend or Two.
GiphyOkay, so what is my overall point? That’s a fair question. Just like sometimes “life life-ing” can make us forget to tend to our friendships, if you don’t stumble across content like this, you might not even realize that you’re feeling mentally stressed, emotionally strained, or super isolated and it’s all because you need to prioritize your friendships — because your mind, body, and spirit need them. Again, science has proved it.
At the same time, if, like a client of mine, you find yourself getting a little bit paranoid because you have noticed that over the past several years, your close friend count has been far less than what it used to be, this article proves that you are absolutely not (pardon the pun) alone. Honestly, there’s nothing wrong with having a very small circle of friends because quality is gonna beat out quantity every time; you just need to assess when it happened and why so that you can be sure that you are choosing it to play out that way and it’s not due to some underlying cause that you hadn’t taken into consideration — until now.
An Italian priest by the name of Thomas Aquinas once said, “The happy man in this life needs friends.” Even if it’s just one or two people, please make sure that you have folks who aren’t just your friend but your very close friend. You need them. They need you.
Everyone else, figure out where they fall and nurture accordingly. Life is a lot. We all get by with the help of our friends. Real talk, y’all. Thank goodness for them.
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