This Is How You Can Support Your Friends During COVID-19
When Michelle Obama shared that being in quarantine had caused her to experience a low-grade level of depression, I'm pretty sure that a lot of us could totally feel where she was coming from. The reality is, no matter how outgoing or introverted we are, this pandemic has definitely tried us when it comes to not being able to engage others (in the way that we're used to) and not going out on the regular, while also trying to figure out how to manage our job, finances, relationships and children (if we're parents). After a while, trying to balance all of this can take its toll.
That's why, it's so important to make sure that you practice self-care right through here, and that you reach out to your friends, just to make sure that they're good. If, when it comes to the latter, you're all about that, but you're not sure how to do it during this "new normal" of ours, here are 10 tips that can make your homies feel loved, encouraged and totally supported as we all continue to ride COVID-19 out.
1. Start Off the Morning with a Motivational Quote
I'm probably being a little biased when I say this, but since I am such a lover of quotes, I had to make sure this point topped the list. Anyone who's read any of my articles on here knows that I'm not the most succinct person on the planet (don't judge me). Yet that's actually why I dig quotes so much—they're a concise way to motivate, inspire or affirm someone. That's why I say that one way to support your friends is to make it a habit to wake up and text them a great quote; one that will encourage them to start their day off on the right foot. It can make them feel more positive while also making you feel great for being so thoughtful, at the same time.
2. Stay on Top of Their Love Language
As a marriage life coach, I'm a firm believer that one of the biggest struggles in relationships is assuming that the way you want love to be expressed is automatically the way someone else desires for it to be. And you know what? Until a lot of us accept that this way of thinking is more about our ego than anything else, we could get in our own way when it comes to getting closer to those we truly care about.
That's why, not only am I a fan of implementing love languages in romantic relationships, but when it comes to parenting and friendships too. Matter of fact, last year, I wrote an article entitled "This Is How To Apply Love Languages To Your Friendships" to help you better understand how your own friends' love language(s) can be better applied. For instance, while my top one is words of affirmation, a lot of my friends are quality time folks. Since we're not seeing each other right now, they will shoot me a random email or mail me a card and I will set aside an hour to just chat about…shoot, whatever they want to chat about.
Trust me, making the time to even find out what your friend's love language is will make them feel like you are being truly proactive in meeting their relational needs. And proactiveness is a superpower beyond measure in any relationship. It really is.
3. Keep Up with Special Days
I think it's a Gemini thing that we're super over-the-top when it comes to birthdays. Matter of fact, I don't even observe holidays, so my friends know that, come June 17 of every year, I'm like, "What…is…UP?" However, my friends who also remember that I observe Rosh Hashanah (because Christ was a Jew, right?—Mark 15:2) and make sure to send a special shout-out on that day (especially since it changes every year)? That really warms my soul.
Everyone has a birthday. But most of us have special days besides that. Finding out what your friends' are is another way to take real initiative in the friendship. Plus, since the pandemic is causing days, weeks and months to kinda all run in together, reaching out to your friends, on their special days, can help them to feel like 2020 wasn't just one long—Monday (chile…chile).
4. Do Some Group Journaling
Journaling is dope. If you're not someone who does it on the regular, you'd be amazed by how much it can de-stress you and bring clarity to things you may be internalizing. Well, when it comes to group journaling, basically it consists of people getting together to do it. Everyone can offer up writing prompts (like themes or topics) for each session. Then, a time period is set aside to journal. Once everyone is done, they are encouraged to read some of what they shared out loud and expound, if they'd like. Then their audience (or in this case, their friends) can share their thoughts about their thoughts. Not only is group journaling a way to keep your creative juices flowing but it can help you to show real courage when it comes to being vulnerable with others. It can also help you to be more open to hearing other points of view.
When you look at group journaling from this perspective, who better to group journal with than your homies? You can even get each other super hyped up by agreeing to purchase a fresh journal for each other, while letting it be a surprise what the journal looks like until you each receive yours in the mail. (While we still have the mail. Lawd, get Trump outta here!)
5. Schedule Weekly (or Monthly) Face-to-Face Calls
Although a lot of us have the mindset that, so long as we see someone we care about like an IG post or tweet something out into cyberspace, they must be cool, there is nothing like holding an actual conversation with your friends. While you might not have the time (or emotional energy) to reach out on the daily, try and schedule a chat at least once a week or once a month. It's the easiest way to catch up and oftentimes the most effective way for people to feel like they aren't out here dealing, alone.
6. Come Up with Your Own Theme Days
Charge it to that Gemini thing if you'd like, but one of my favorite sites is National Day Calendar. You'd be amazed the kind of days of observance are on the books (it's actually where I got the idea to write articles like "Make 'National Bathtub Party Day' Your Favorite Day Of The Year", "'National All Or Nothing Day' Reminds Us That Sometimes It Needs To Be Just That", "Celebrate What Makes You "YOU" On National Inner Beauty Day", "National Girls' Night In Day Is This Sunday. Here's How To Kick It This Weekend." and "Whew, Chile. It's National Orgasm Day!"). Well, who said that you and your friends can't come up with your own theme days? A wine day. A pamper day. A listen to nothing but 90s R&B day. A get-over-our-ex day. The anniversary of your friendship day. The sky is the limit here, but if you add a few theme days to your own calendar, it's something else that can definitely break up the monotony of this pandemic.
7. Send Them Something Thoughtful
Money is tight in the time of COVID-19. Boy, do I know it. But if there was ever a time when "it's the thought that counts" rings true, it would be during this season of life.
Sending something thoughtful to your friends doesn't mean that it has to be expensive. It can be a scented soy candle for their bedroom. A movie stream to add to their collection. Or shoot, a personalized mask.
I've copped a few myself on Etsy that have been quite the conversation piece when I'm out at the grocery store (which is basically the only place I go these days) because I make sure they all have a Black cultural message. There are plenty of merchants that will personalize a mask for you for under 20 bucks. Just go to the site and put "Black culture mask" or "personalized mask" in the search field to see what tickles your fancy.
8. Watch Movies (or Read a Book) Together (by Video or Phone)
I don't know about y'all, but I DEFINITELY did not think that 2020 was gonna be the year of watching more movies (or re-watching more movies) than my mind can comprehend. I also didn't believe that I would be getting back to chain reading like I did when I was a kid. But here we are. I'm personally the kind of person who prefers to watch and read alone (unless I'm boo'ed up which is a totally irrelevant point at this time). But if you're an extrovert or you've simply gotten to the point where cabin fever has you going insane, something else that you can do is have a virtual (or phone) meeting with your friends where y'all can watch movies or even read and/or discuss books together. On the movie tip, if coins are so tight that you had to cut your cable and streaming services, Tubi is a site that shows movies (and even some throwback television series), in all kinds of genres, for free. There are ads that pop up from time to time but again, since it's free, it's basically worth it.
9. Design Electronic Vision Boards Together
While "this too shall" pass isn't exactly Scriptural, that doesn't make it any less true. Besides, Ecclesiastes 3:1(NKJV) assures us that, "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven." So, while it might seem like this pandemic—and all of the fallout from it—is going to last FOR-E-VER, it won't. To make sure that you don't fall into a lethargic way of living your life until you are able to "get back out again", how about doing some electronic vision boards with your friends? It can be a professional one that is focused on careers goals, a personal one that is focused on personal development or even a relational one where you explore what you will do differently once you can actually go on real dates again. The reason why I recommend electronic ones is because they are easy, convenient and a cool way to exchange your visions without having to worry about mailing poster boards back and forth. Plus, doing a project like this can bring in glimmers of hope and excitement on low (or just sheer boredom) days. You can find different apps for this here.
10. Be Their Accountability Partner
An author by the name of Will Craig once said, "Accountability is the glue that bonds commitments to results." While your friends are grown and don't need another mother or proverbial hall monitor for their life, accountability is good in the sense of checking in, encouraging them to keep the goals that they set and yes, even calling them out on their ish when necessary. There are a lot of people out here who are suffering, BIG TIME, during COVID-19. A part of the reason why is because they lack a loving, loyal and compassionate accountability partner. It can never hurt to ask your friends if they feel like they need one. It also can't hurt for you to ask them to be one for you.
Accountability is simply about holding each other responsible. It's an anchor that can keep you and your friends secure until things level back out. Get one. Be one. It'll bless you both.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Exclusive: Kelly Rowland Dishes On The Key To A Healthy Marriage And Her Skincare "Game-Changers"
Kelly Rowland is like a bottle of the Earth’s finest wine; she only gets better with time. Even in her early forties, the Destiny’s Child member and singer has somehow found a way to age backwards, with a level of grace and class that we could only dream of. And she does so while juggling multiple hats and roles at once. In addition to giving us hits like “Motivation,” the multi-hyphenate is also a wife, actress, executive producer, and, her greatest role of all, a mother.
Always proudly doting on her two sons, Titan and Noah, Rowland shares how teaming up with WaterWipes for their Hallowclean campaign and kickoff event in New York City on October 21 was an easy choice for her—as the brand is one that she keeps stocked regularly.
“WaterWipes has been in my household for I don’t know how long. We don’t just use them for Noah; I keep them in the car and my makeup bag, too,” Rowland shares in an exclusive interview with xoNecole. “I also like the fact that they are natural. I’ll definitely have them in my fanny pack for trick-or-treating. This is Noah’s second Halloween, and I know he’s going to be excited and digging in his pail to try the different candy, and his little fingers will be messy. He’s going to want to get dirty. So, I love that WaterWipes is putting up ten Hallowclean stations across the country for parents to use; it’s such a great idea. I just love Halloween, and I really love Halloween with my kids, so I thought this campaign was a really great idea.”
Kelly Rowland and son Noah at the WaterWipes Hallowclean Machine in Brooklyn, NY.
Photo courtesy of WaterWipes.
She and her youngest son, Noah, attended the event, where the two enjoyed a day of family-friendly activities while he sported the most adorable astronaut costume. But the Spooky Szn fun doesn’t stop there for the Merry Liddle Christmas actress and executive producer.
We recently caught up with Kelly Rowland over Zoom to learn more about her Halloween (and holiday) plans, her keys to a healthy marriage, and she even dropped her go-to cold-weather skin routine—finally.
xoNecole: What are your family’s upcoming trick-or-treat plans? Will you do a fun group costume, or is everyone going to do their own thing this year?
Kelly Rowland: I’m preparing for tour, so I’ve been in rehearsals and pre-production. And my husband's schedule has picked up, too. But the kids are going trick-or-treating; we usually go with people we know, so mommy and daddy will definitely be home to take them. We’re actually letting the kids dress us up this year, which means my costume will be a complete surprise to me. I told Noah he could paint my face or even go to the costume store and pick something out—it’s literally up to them. So, I don’t know what that will be. And, right after, I’ll be back to rehearsals.
xoN: Speaking of holidays, what do you look forward to most during the season?
KR: We love having people over, especially during the holidays. It looks like we will be home this year—thank God— just enjoying each other and spending quality time together. I like to decorate the house and go completely ham; it always looks like Christmas threw up in my house. From the stairwells to the exterior of the house and the lights—everything. We go so crazy. I also love the smells, it’s one of my greatest memories with my mom, God rest her soul. So I love to play all of that up.
I like to bake something every day, I like to make sure there is something for the kids to do or make each day, we watch Christmas movies, and we even do a wine tasting sometimes. It’s just all really sweet and cozy.
Kelly Rowland and son Noah at the WaterWipes Hallowclean Machine in Brooklyn, NY.
Photo courtesy of WaterWipes.
xoN: We love that family is so important to you, and it always shows in your posts, especially those with your husband. What would you say has been that “key” to a healthy marriage as partners and spouses for you two?
KR: I would say, each of us doing the self-work. I have not seen marriages last long in my lifetime. I haven’t been given the tools to “make it last forever.” We just try to do the work on ourselves and not sweat the small stuff.
Communication is key for us, too. We communicate everything. Whether I’m upset or I’m not sure about something, I communicate it. I also just like being around him, he’s fun. He’s a really great person and makes me laugh. We can literally sit together and watch a game and not say anything. We understand what true intimacy is, and now we’re almost ten years into our marriage.
xoN: Now, Kelly, we have to ask. Skincare. What is your cold-weather routine and the products you’re reaching for as temperatures drop?
KR: Right now, I’m all about moisture. I will wash my face morning and night, I do not skip. I’m obsessed with this 111SKIN toner. It smells good, but it also feels good on my skin. There’s also this product from Vanessa Lee of The Things We Do. They are these coconut eye patches with these little beads. I place them under my eyes and around the corners of my mouth—talk about a game changer. I like to put them on at night and then rub in the extra serum all over my face. Between that and this lactic acid by Shani Darden, they are both game-changers for me this season.
xoN: So, since you’ve found the key to aging backwards, should we be on the lookout for the Kelly Rowland skincare line anytime soon?
KR: Honestly, that market is so saturated. I wanted to do it a while back, but I have to really think about what I want to bring to the marketplace to really impact culture. It’s not just about a product for me. I love the way Selena Gomez has created a community. I want to be able to create a community as well. When it’s not just about skincare, it turns into a space for people to be their most authentic selves. And that’s what I love.
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Feature image by Natasha Campos/Getty Images for Tres Generaciones
The Melanin Edit: 'Allure' EIC Jessica Cruel Is Empowering Black Women On A Mainstream Level
Jessica Cruel picked her career path in a way that one might imagine she would if she were a fictional magazine editor: She decided she wanted to be a journalist by taking a quiz.
The career quiz, which was a part of a class she was taking in high school, intrigued Cruel. Still, she knew if she were to become a reporter, it wouldn’t be for a newspaper. “I had this dream of wearing a really fly suit, living in a big city – because I’m from a small town [in] the south – [and] working in some big, fancy building,” she says. “I landed on fashion magazines.”
For her senior project, Cruel oversaw the publication of a magazine she named Onyx, including facilitating photo shoots and writing an editorial letter. Onyx, she says, was designed to serve Black teens.
Cruel became the editor-in-chief of Allure in 2021, achieving a lifelong goal after amassing the necessary tools to land the job in various roles throughout the media industry. In her current role atop the masthead of Conde Nast’s beauty magazine, she’s worked to bring the publication from “on high” and make it more accessible to readers, including Black women who look like her. She’s also worked to usher the brand into the digital era with last year’s announcement that the Allure would no longer have a print edition.
As a high school and college student, Cruel says she wasn’t ignorant of the fact that magazines weren’t very diverse. Still, she was motivated by the thought that she could contribute to changing the makeup of the industry. An internship at Self introduced her to the idea that this could be done through covering beauty.
“I was so impressed by the science of it all. It felt so accessible,” she says. “I think fashion always felt out of my reach. I’m Black. I got natural hair. I’m curvy as hell. And I’m from Georgia. I never felt like I fit into fashion, but then I got to [Self’s] beauty closet and I was like there are so many things here that I can use and that feel welcome to me. Even the people in Georgia can go to the Walgreens and get the thing that we’re recommending, for a price they can afford.”
"I think fashion always felt out of my reach. I'm Black. I got natural hair. I'm curvy as hell. And I'm from Georgia. I never felt like I fit into fashion."
Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Allure
Being a native Southerner who grew up in Albany, Georgia, informs a lot of Cruel’s perspective as an editor. As a Black woman working in mainstream media, she’s often worked for brands that her friends don’t read because the content feels like it wasn’t created with them in mind.
Cruel is also no stranger to working with writers who have felt their works have to incorporate explanatory commas to educate non-Black readers at the expense of alienating Black audiences. This awareness inspired Cruel to launch the Allure vertical The Melanin Edit when she was still the content director at Allure. “I just thought, my friends don’t read Allure, but they would if they knew there was a vertical just for them,” she says.
The Melanin Edit was inspired by Unbothered, a Refinery29 vertical that was created to cater to Black readers, shortly before Cruel began working at the digital publication as deputy beauty director in 2018.
This year, Cruel oversaw the launch of an inaugural live event for Allure’s signature Best of Beauty tentpole. For 27 years, readers have turned to the magazine to figure out the best beauty products. In 2023, beauty editors tested more than 8,000 products before deciding on the winning 391 items. Cruel, who says she’s been craving an opportunity to have some face-to-face time with Allure readers, sees Best of Beauty: The Live Event as a way to do just that.
Last month, celebrities such as John Legend were on hand for the event, which also featured “master classes” and a chance for readers to visit a Conde Nast magazine’s beauty closet just as Cruel did as an intern for Self.
Eugene Gologursky/Getty Images for Allure
“I believe we are doing a great service by making [Best of Beauty] modern [and] doing it in a way that can keep this legacy alive. The way it was built 27 years ago wouldn't necessarily allow it to survive and thrive in this year so we have to upgrade,” Cruel says of the event.
The beauty editor uses her social media platforms to continue this work of making beauty more accessible, especially to Black women who look like her. Recent Instagram Reels have chronicled her receiving treatments, including Hyperdilute Radiesse filler for necklines, a Pico laser to address dark spots and texture, and a Kobido face massage for an “instant flush.”
“I think every treatment people have been able to get for years, we should also be able to get, and we should be able to get safely and to our desires,” she says. “Unfortunately, the science hasn’t caught up yet to give us everything. It’s really important to me that what we convey is the safety of it all. What’s the safest way for you to get it? I’ve been turned away from treatments before, even as a beauty editor. That was many years ago, but I don’t want anyone to ever feel like that. I want them to be able to come to Allure and be like I read on Allure that this is okay for us.”
Beyond this, she’s also using her social media accounts to make the role of editor-in-chief more accessible and relatable to other thirty-something women who are navigating their own corporate jobs, as well as dating and homeownership. As much as she shows herself attending galas, she also wants to be honest about how she navigates life at the top of the masthead by going to the gym in the mornings, cooking dinner for herself at least once a week, and managing her anxiety with Lexapro.
"I think so many of us are in the same place in corporate America, finding our way, becoming bosses [and] leveling up."
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Featured image by Robin L Marshall/Getty Images for Allure