Quantcast

Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?

"All sex is about energy, and sound brings energy."—Barbara Carrellas

Sex

The best lovers know that the best kind of sex incorporates all five of our senses—sight, touch, taste, smell and yes, hearing. And so, on my constant quest to make sure that couples (continue to) have the best sex possible, one day, I found myself wondering why we make some of the "sex sounds" that we do. While that might seem like a bit of an odd question, I was pleasantly surprised to see that there were quite a few published articles on the topic (including one on TIME's website entitled, "What Our Sex Sounds Say About Us").

While on the surface, it might seem like we're moaning or even screaming, "just because", as with most things that have to do with sex, it actually goes a little bit deeper than that. As someone shared in the TIME piece, "sound serves as a type of communication". So, if you're curious about what you—or your partner—is actually "saying" during throes of passion, here's a little cheat sheet that could make you see how your sex life is going a little bit differently.

1. Heavy Breathing

media.giphy.com

Chances are, you've probably heard of the phases of an orgasm before— excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In order to work up to the orgasm or climax, deep or heavy breathing is required. Is sex good without orgasms? It can be. But let's not act like climaxing ain't our preference. When you make or hear a lot of heavy breathing going on, oftentimes that's an indicator that some plateaus are transitioning over to the orgasms portion of the program. Yeah, heavy breathing is like music to a lover's ears.

2. Moaning

media.giphy.com

Moaning is an interesting—and very common—sex sound. The reason why I say "interesting" is because the definition of moan is actually about a sound that we make in response to physical or mental suffering. The only real exception is when it comes to sex. In that case, it's typically a response to super intense or inexplicable pleasure. It's when something feels so good and incomparable that there really is nothing else that can be said; all that comes out are random low-pitched hums that translate into being moans.

3. Panting

media.giphy.com

Out of all of the sounds that can be made during sex, probably my personal favorite is panting. While it does consist of heavy breathing, when you pant, it's more than just a physical response to sexual stimulation.

Panting for your partner means that you deeply desire them; that you yearn for more of…whatever it is they are doing (or are about to do).

I once penned an article for the site entitled, "Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?" I'd venture to say that all of the heavy pant-ers around the world would totally agree.

4. Grunting

media.giphy.com

If your man ain't doing, at least a little bit of grunting, I'll be blunt—he needs to put in more work. In short, grunting is what we tend to naturally do when we're exerting effort. When it comes to sex, it oftentimes happens while thrusting is going down. If a man never grunts, I've got questions. And a few side-eyes. I'm just sayin'.

5. Screaming

media.giphy.com

Although screaming is oftentimes incorporated with fear, there tends to be another reason why we do it; it's in order to release any suppressed emotions that we might have. That said, one of the reasons why I encourage the wives that I work with to be cognizant of how they turn down their husband when they aren't in the mood is sex is one space where a lot of women are 100 percent vulnerable. Rejecting the sex sometimes translates as rejecting them and that doesn't just bruise their ego; it can literally hurt their feelings.

But you know what? A lot of us pin up certain thoughts and feelings until coitus is going down. Then we totally let loose. So, if you're a screamer, while it could be that you're in the middle of having a really intense orgasm, what it can also mean is you're a big time suppressor and sex is the only place where you're comfortable "losing it". Definitely something to think about.

6. Laughing

media.giphy.com

Any die-hard Insecure fan will remember the episode where Issa was having a Tinder date with Luke James's character. As he was trying to seduce her, she started incessantly giggling (bless her heart). It was basically her first time getting back out there since she broke up with Lawrence, so things were a bit awkward. So yeah, sometimes we laugh during sex because we're self-conscious. However, another reason why we do it is because we're actually overjoyed. We either feel so safe or so satisfied in the moment that we don't know what to do but laugh. How precious is that?

7. Dirty Talking

media.giphy.com

I've got a girlfriend who absolutely hates the word "p—sy". She thinks it sounds gross and is totally degrading. That is, until it's time to have sex. Then she and her husband are suddenly fluent in it. Dirty talking is interesting because it's basically a way for you and your partner to gas each other up, cheer each other on…tap into one another's "nasty" side.

There's a scientific angle to all of this as well.

Did you know that when we dirty talk during sex, it activates the same side of our brain that cussing comes from? They say that folks who cuss are more honest and people who dirty talk during sex are way more open and relaxed.

It's a surefire way to heighten arousal, tap into each other's fantasies, and express yourself in a way that doesn't really "fit" other than when it comes to bedroom action.

8. Words of Affirmation

media.giphy.com

Let's see. When I think of words of affirmation as it relates to sex, Kelly Rowland's song "Motivation" comes to mind. It's not about barking instructions or stressing your partner out with incessant demands (oh, those kinds of partners exist, y'all. I counsel them often); it's about letting your partner know what you adore about them, what turns you on and what they are doing right. It's about esteeming them so much that they want to give you more of what you need to get more of what you want. Words of affirmation definitely has its place in the bedroom. Great sex partners speak it frequently.

9. Silence

media.giphy.com

There's a guy that I know who actually hates to make any sounds during sex. He grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong (not so "wrong" that he's not doing it, though) and so he has some guilt during the act. Hmph. The interesting thing is that a lot of people who are silent during sex also carry some level of fear, apprehension, self-consciousness or yep—guilt. When sex is good, it's hard to not say anything, so if you are playing the "quiet as a mouse" game (and you don't have kids), chances are that either you're scared to totally let lose or—and this one really sucks—the sex is bad. I mean, really bad.

Just think about it—it's hard to watch a 30-minute sitcom in complete silence. You're gonna laugh, say "hmph" or something. That's because the show entertained or stimulated you in some way. How is it that a program can pull something out of you, but copulation can't? Yeah, exactly.

10. Faking

media.giphy.com

When it comes to faking orgasms, women do it. Men do it too. And while a lot of people "pride" themselves on how well they are able to pull that off, I personally believe that if a person is truly in tune with their partner, they can tell, even if it's via subtle differences, when something is…off.

And just why do people fake it? The answers vary. Sometimes it's to hurry up and get the act over with. Sometimes it's to avoid hurting their partner's feelings. Sometimes it's because someone would rather act like they are pleased than actually show their partner how to please them. Whatever the reason, at the end of the day, it's pretty counterproductive. Plus, just think about what faking it means. It means that you are being deceptive and fraudulent. Not only that, but a lot of times, folks who fake orgasms are being super over the top, unnecessarily so, too. Out of all of the sounds that I've shared, since sex sounds are a form of communication, why would you want to convey to your spouse that you are being disingenuous? That's not helping your relationship or your sex life. Not one bit.

Like I said at the top of all of this, nothing that we do (or don't do) during sex is for naught. Whether we realize it or not, we've got the reasons for what we do—and how we sound. Think about that the next time you're with your partner and sex sounds start coming out. You both may be communicating some things that you never considered before; some things that, for the sake of your connection—both in and out of the bedroom—you both need to hear.

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

12 Absolutely Bomb Sex Techniques To Try Tonight

Could Your Home Decor Be Totally Wrecking Your Sex Life?

The 70 Sex Position, Vegan Condoms & Other Current Sex Trends

What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?

Feature image by Giphy

'Ready To Love' Is Back! Meet The 20 Eligible Singles Of The Season 6 Cast

OWN'sReady To Love is back for a hot new season in The Magic City! Season 6 of the Will Packer Media-produced hit dating series is coming in hot with the help of 20 sexy singles in their 30s and 40s that are sure to bring the heat to the bright lights and sandy beaches of Miami. After it premieres on Friday, July 29, you'll be able to tune in to the sparks flying, game-changing curveballs, unavoidable love triangles, and all the Black love connections that have promise as the contestants discern whether or not the object of their desire is truly ready to love.

Keep reading...Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.
Why I'll Never Call My Son My 'King' Or 'The Man Of The House'

You know that Caresha TikTok voiceover that goes, “My man, my man, my man,” and so on? Yeah?! Well, I hate to break it to you but that is how some (one too many) parents, particularly mothers, sound in regard to their sons. I’ve always found it to be weird, but I find it even more noticeable since becoming pregnant with a baby boy, likely because people keep projecting that bullshit onto me. Sidenote: I truly believe being pregnant has a way of bringing attention to the weird shit that people say so that you know who you don’t want around your child (at any given stage) or who not to take parenting advice from.

Keep reading...Show less
Tracee Ellis Ross Is All About Self-Care: ‘It’s All About Me'

Tracee Ellis Ross’ timeless beauty isn’t just in her genes, she also takes self-care seriously. If you take one glimpse at her Instagram page, you will see the actress working out, doing beauty treatments, and sharing her hair solutions with her Pattern Beauty line. From drinking lemon water to wearing little to no makeup, the black-ish star unveils all her self-care secrets in an interview with British Vogue.

Keep reading...Show less
What Your Venus Sign Says About How You Love

Your Venus sign in Astrology is your guide to matters of the heart. When it comes to Astrology and love, the first thing you want to look at when determining what is in the stars for you and your love life is your Venus sign. Your Venus sign represents how you love, your taste and aesthetics, how you express yourself when in love, and what you look for in a romantic partner. Understanding your patterns, habits, likes, dislikes, and interests in relationships can help you better align with what resonates and works for you.

Keep reading...Show less
Big Sean Says He ‘Can’t Wait To Be A Dad’ Following News That He And Jhené Aiko Are Expecting

Congratulations are in order for Jhené Aiko and Big Sean! The couple confirmed the news that they are expecting their first child together after photos surfaced of them walking around with the singer’s belly protruding. The “Detroit” rapper took to Instagram to share his excitement about being a dad. “Can’t wait to be a Dad,” he wrote in one of his Instagram Stories. In another post, he shared, “Whole new motivation forreal. Very grateful God continues to bless us, thank you.”

Keep reading...Show less
Exclusive Interviews
A Black woman looks into the camera and gives a closed-mouth smile. She's wearing a black turtleneck

Miss Diddy Kicks Off BET Awards Weekend With 'A Toast To Black Hollywood'

Her annual event to celebrate the culture has a new name and more intention than ever before

Latest Posts