Ever Wonder What The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?
The best lovers know that the best kind of sex incorporates all five of our senses—sight, touch, taste, smell and yes, hearing. And so, on my constant quest to make sure that couples (continue to) have the best sex possible, one day, I found myself wondering why we make some of the "sex sounds" that we do. While that might seem like a bit of an odd question, I was pleasantly surprised to see that there were quite a few published articles on the topic (including one on TIME's website entitled, "What Our Sex Sounds Say About Us").
Sex Sounds: What Do The Sounds You Make During Sex Mean?
While on the surface, it might seem like we're moaning or even screaming, "just because", as with most things that have to do with sex, it actually goes a little bit deeper than that. As someone shared in the TIME piece, "Sound serves as a type of communication". So, if you're curious about what you—or your partner—is actually "saying" during throes of passion, here's a little cheat sheet that could make you see how your sex life is going a little bit differently.
1. Heavy Breathing
Chances are, you've probably heard of the phases of an orgasm before— excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. In order to work up to the orgasm or climax, deep or heavy breathing is required. Is sex good without orgasms? It can be. But let's not act like climaxing ain't our preference. When you make or hear a lot of heavy breathing going on, oftentimes that's an indicator that some plateaus are transitioning over to the orgasms portion of the program. Yeah, heavy breathing is like music to a lover's ears.
2. Moaning
Moaning is an interesting—and very common—sex sound. The reason why I say "interesting" is because the definition of moan is actually about a sound that we make in response to physical or mental suffering. The only real exception is when it comes to sex. In that case, it's typically a response to super intense or inexplicable pleasure. It's when something feels so good and incomparable that there really is nothing else that can be said; all that comes out are random low-pitched hums that translate into being moans.
3. Panting
Out of all of the sounds that can be made during sex, probably my personal favorite is panting. While it does consist of heavy breathing, when you pant, it's more than just a physical response to sexual stimulation.
Panting for your partner means that you deeply desire them; that you yearn for more of…whatever it is they are doing (or are about to do).
I once penned an article for the site entitled, "Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?" I'd venture to say that all of the heavy pant-ers around the world would totally agree.
4. Grunting
If your man ain't doing, at least a little bit of grunting, I'll be blunt—he needs to put in more work. In short, grunting is what we tend to naturally do when we're exerting effort. When it comes to sex, it oftentimes happens while thrusting is going down. If a man never grunts, I've got questions. And a few side-eyes. I'm just sayin'.
5. Screaming
Although screaming is oftentimes incorporated with fear, there tends to be another reason why we do it; it's in order to release any suppressed emotions that we might have. That said, one of the reasons why I encourage the wives that I work with to be cognizant of how they turn down their husband when they aren't in the mood is sex is one space where a lot of women are 100 percent vulnerable. Rejecting the sex sometimes translates as rejecting them and that doesn't just bruise their ego; it can literally hurt their feelings.
But you know what? A lot of us pin up certain thoughts and feelings until coitus is going down. Then we totally let loose. So, if you're a screamer, while it could be that you're in the middle of having a really intense orgasm, what it can also mean is you're a big time suppressor and sex is the only place where you're comfortable "losing it". Definitely something to think about.
6. Laughing
Any die-hard Insecure fan will remember the episode where Issa was having a Tinder date with Luke James's character. As he was trying to seduce her, she started incessantly giggling (bless her heart). It was basically her first time getting back out there since she broke up with Lawrence, so things were a bit awkward. So yeah, sometimes we laugh during sex because we're self-conscious. However, another reason why we do it is because we're actually overjoyed. We either feel so safe or so satisfied in the moment that we don't know what to do but laugh. How precious is that?
7. Dirty Talking
I've got a girlfriend who absolutely hates the word "p—sy". She thinks it sounds gross and is totally degrading. That is, until it's time to have sex. Then she and her husband are suddenly fluent in it. Dirty talking is interesting because it's basically a way for you and your partner to gas each other up, cheer each other on…tap into one another's "nasty" side.
There's a scientific angle to all of this as well.
Did you know that when we dirty talk during sex, it activates the same side of our brain that cussing comes from? They say that folks who cuss are more honest and people who dirty talk during sex are way more open and relaxed.
It's a surefire way to heighten arousal, tap into each other's fantasies, and express yourself in a way that doesn't really "fit" other than when it comes to bedroom action.
8. Words of Affirmation
Let's see. When I think of words of affirmation as it relates to sex, Kelly Rowland's song "Motivation" comes to mind. It's not about barking instructions or stressing your partner out with incessant demands (oh, those kinds of partners exist, y'all. I counsel them often); it's about letting your partner know what you adore about them, what turns you on and what they are doing right. It's about esteeming them so much that they want to give you more of what you need to get more of what you want. Words of affirmation definitely has its place in the bedroom. Great sex partners speak it frequently.
9. Silence
There's a guy that I know who actually hates to make any sounds during sex. He grew up believing that sex outside of marriage was wrong (not so "wrong" that he's not doing it, though) and so he has some guilt during the act. Hmph. The interesting thing is that a lot of people who are silent during sex also carry some level of fear, apprehension, self-consciousness or yep—guilt. When sex is good, it's hard to not say anything, so if you are playing the "quiet as a mouse" game (and you don't have kids), chances are that either you're scared to totally let lose or—and this one really sucks—the sex is bad. I mean, really bad.
Just think about it—it's hard to watch a 30-minute sitcom in complete silence. You're gonna laugh, say "hmph" or something. That's because the show entertained or stimulated you in some way. How is it that a program can pull something out of you, but copulation can't? Yeah, exactly.
10. Faking
When it comes to faking orgasms, women do it. Men do it too. And while a lot of people "pride" themselves on how well they are able to pull that off, I personally believe that if a person is truly in tune with their partner, they can tell, even if it's via subtle differences, when something is…off.
And just why do people fake it? The answers vary. Sometimes it's to hurry up and get the act over with. Sometimes it's to avoid hurting their partner's feelings. Sometimes it's because someone would rather act like they are pleased than actually show their partner how to please them. Whatever the reason, at the end of the day, it's pretty counterproductive. Plus, just think about what faking it means. It means that you are being deceptive and fraudulent. Not only that, but a lot of times, folks who fake orgasms are being super over the top, unnecessarily so, too. Out of all of the sounds that I've shared, since sex sounds are a form of communication, why would you want to convey to your spouse that you are being disingenuous? That's not helping your relationship or your sex life. Not one bit.
Like I said at the top of all of this, nothing that we do (or don't do) during sex is for naught. Whether we realize it or not, we've got the reasons for what we do—and how we sound. Think about that the next time you're with your partner and sex sounds start coming out. You both may be communicating some things that you never considered before; some things that, for the sake of your connection—both in and out of the bedroom—you both need to hear.
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Feature image by Giphy
- Why some make so much noise during sex - CNN ›
- 27 things women do wrong during sex according to men | Metro News ›
- How To Make Your Sex Moan Noises Sound Even Sexier ›
- The Hottest Sounds To Make During Sex - CLEO Singapore ›
- Why People Scream and Moan During Sex | Psychology Today ›
- How to Feel Way More Comfortable Making Sex Sounds During, Um ... ›
- What Our Sex Sounds Say About Us | Time ›
- The Sounds Women Should Make During Sex | HuffPost ›
- 17 Sex Noises Guys Make - Common Sex Sounds ›
- These Are The Sexiest Sounds People Make During Sex, Survey ... ›
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl In Motion: Paige Shari Addison Shows Us Why She's The Hostess With The Mostess
Paige Shari Addison is the epitome of an ItGirl, which is why she is one of 100 ladies on xoNecole's inaugural ItGirl 100 list in partnership with Hyundai. Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, Paige started her journey as a host in high school by hosting parties. Since then, she has made a career in hosting, from parties to big-name events, and she launched Strictly RNB, a platform for new artists and R&B lovers. Paige reflects on her creative path in the limited video series "ItGirl in Motion."
“My first curated event at Criminal Records was incredible. It was all for up-and-coming artists,” she says. “I needed a platform for us as a collective to be able to give ourselves the platform instead of asking for it, instead of looking for it. I was like, I want to make sure I let people get this experience that I would give as a performer but enjoy the experience with them. It was a dream come true.”
The Atlanta native also has her own line of acai bowls called Soulfull Bowls. She started it during the pandemic after events and parties shut down. But it was her love for eating acai bowls and the reactions others had to them that made her want to make it her next business move. Being open to creating new ventures in the midst of uncertainty is a bold move and one of the reasons why Paige has the “it” factor.
“Being an ItGirl means you’re just authentic. There’s an air to us. We have confidence that exudes from the way we speak, the way we put our lip gloss on, the way we walk, the way we talk. I show up as myself everytime I walk into a room. I’m hospitable, I make sure everybody’s good,” she says.
Get to know more about the hostess with the mostess in the video above.
See our ItGirl 100 list in full here. Click through the gallery below for some BTS moments of Paige and our partnership with Hyundai.
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