So, What Exactly Is ‘Wokefishing’ Anyway?
We've heard of catfishing, blackfishing, and now the new phenomenon in the dating game is wokefishing. As if dating couldn't get any more complicated. With online dating getting a resurgence amid the pandemic, there is a slew of online users who are utilizing an all-new manipulative tactic to reel you in, get a date, and/or try to get you in bed. And it has everything to do with being woke.
No, we aren't talking hoteps. We're specifically talking about baits its unsuspecting daters into thinking that they're aligned with womanist views or that they've read and reread Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot, or that the thoughts they have about the latest in politics directly mirror yours. Also, #BLM isn't just a trend for them, it's a lifestyle. For all intents and purposes, the person that's your 'match' on this app has political views that are so left, they can't even see right, and the depth they portray tap into your deepest sapiosexual fantasies. Well ladies, without even realizing, you might be getting wokefished. And since what you're seeing isn't what you're getting, therein lies the issue.
Before you have a panic attack and throw your phone, let me provide insight into exactly what wokefishing is and how you can avoid being baited into this ever happening to you.
So, what is wokefishing?
Learned about this word today #wokefishing pic.twitter.com/DOr8heeLDH
— Nathalie Martinek PhD (@NatsforDocs) September 2, 2020
Coined by VICE, wokefishing is a dating term that refers to people that portray themselves as being "woke" or having progressive political ideologies and views as a means to lure in partners who have those beliefs. Furthermore, a person wokefishing "may present themselves as a protest-attending, sex-positive, anti-racist, and an intersectional feminist." However, in reality, they use that to waste your time and piss you off. Depending on the climate, they use a moment in time to reel prospects. For example, when the death of Black lives at the police's hands is circulating in the news, those who indulge in wokefishing may lead the conversations about racism and how pro-black or anti-racist they may be to appeal to your interest in social justice issues.
Men stay wokefishing and will be the most abusive and violent.
— glo$$ (@GloryAliu) August 30, 2020
The political landscape is no longer something to veer away from with perfect strangers. In fact, politics tends to spew over into our everyday lives. Whether it be at work, the news, something we see on social media, or life imitating art on movies and shows, we've come to a point where we are forced to think deeper. Our initial conversations in dating apps sometimes reflects this. Ice breakers these days look more like social issues and the unapologetic battle cry of "arrest the cops who killed Breonna Taylor". Wokefishers take advantage of appearing to have a connection with you by capitalizing on a perceived shared interest in social issues.
How do you spot a wokefisher?
Study The Non-Verbal Cues
What a person doesn't say tends to speak louder than what they do say. So, if your date's intentions become called into question, keep an eye on their response to certain scenarios. For example, casually ask them a question about a viral video or a new cause picking up steam, pay attention to what they do. Are they pretending to seem up-to-date on matters, do they look confused or seem unclear on the subject overall? Do they tend to allow you to do more of the talking to seem more engrossed in your opinion? If conversations seem to be one-sided, with no feedback or opinion, that's a red flag.
Speaking of red flags...
If Someone Is Trying Too Hard To Gain Your Trust, It's A Red Flag
I don't know about you but I get turned off by men who try too hard. Persistence I can deal with, but going above and beyond to gas me up and not being authentic in the process is something different. Having someone always saying "amen" to your thoughts and opinions without rarely giving any of their own might seem like a match-made in effortless heaven, but a vibe with no pushback and no offering of a different perspective, does not make for an interesting conversation. What you might be experiencing instead is a lot of love-bombing, which is another manipulative technique daters do in order to leave your mind all twisted up and accelerate the connection in the process.
Indirectly Inquire About Topics That Reveal Their Core Beliefs
The wokefisher will allow you to talk so that they can agree to everything. The hope is that the agreeance will make you feel bonded to them, and rather quickly at that. To test how "woke" the person you're interacting with really is, try asking specific questions regarding whatever topic at hand. If the person you're talking to states that they're a feminist, then ask what it is about feminism that makes them a supporter? Ask about ideals or perspectives that might be rooted in feminism, like inclusion and equal pay in the workplace, and have them expound on those ideals. Likewise, a sex-positive dater should be able to dabble in hot topics like "WAP" with nuance that suggests they are confident in women owning their sexuality unapologetically. If they look at you dazed and confused or state views that are in direct opposition of their "stance", then run sis. They are not the one and should not even be a contender.
There are so many pitfalls that come from online it can be difficult to keep up. With so many rules and regulations that come with another set of rules and regulations, it can be discouraging. But, if we ask the right questions and not ignore the red flags, we will save ourselves so much time. Wokefishing being one of them.
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Writer, Empath, Listener, Self Improver, and a motivational speaker to her homegirls Teisha LeShea currently resides in California who loves to add fifteen million items to her Amazon cart. She is passionate about wellness, spiritual improvement, leveling up, and setting up twice a month therapy appointments. She writes with you in mind. Her listicle and personal stories will inspire you to dig deep within yourself to be a better you. You can follow her on Instagram @teisha.leshea and & @tl_teisha.leshea
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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